roll them up in coffee cake

___status @ 2008-04-28T02:43:00

2008-04-28T09:43:59Z

I want to feel.

___status @ 2008-01-23T01:21:00

2008-01-23T09:22:59Z

I'm waiting for this whole phase to end. I'm all over the map. Why do I have to always feel like this?

___status @ 2007-04-30T21:46:00

2007-05-01T05:01:38Z

There is nothing I miss more than this shit right here.
I'm a lifetime away from where I was when I was here last.
Yah, so, I said 'fuck the valley' so I left.
I live in West Los Angeles now.
It's okay. But I do like it cause it's a change.
I finish my first year at Otis in four days.
& it feels fucking good.
I have a job that was my life in the beginning. A lot has happened there in the six months I've been there but all in all, I do like it I guess.
I am still with Jamison. He's amazing. We are a year & eight months & going strong. That guy is my world.

I have a best friend (Yah, I really do). It's the best feeling in the world. I really was missing out on a lot without one for years.

She's beautiful, isn't she?
eee, I fucking love her.
Please don't leave next year :'(

___status @ 2006-06-22T12:12:00

2006-06-22T19:12:46Z

I'm running away.

___status @ 2006-06-06T00:39:00

2006-06-06T07:41:25Z

It seems that wrong
really loves my company.

" S he said forget me,
But I can't."

Fuck I'm panicking.
Pray it's over soon.

___status @ 2006-03-27T18:33:00

2006-03-28T02:37:17Z

My goal for these next two months, six days, & twenty five minutes (but who's counting) is to just suck it up, stop complaining, accept that these people will never change, & think that after that two months, I will never have to see any of them if I don't want to.
ever.

I like that feeling.

___status @ 2006-03-25T15:23:00

2006-03-25T23:27:02Z

Uh yah I couldn't be happier. I have the most amazing summer to look forward to.
-Early June: Possible roadtrip with Fags, Steph, Megan, etc.
-July 3-28L: OTIS summer program where I'll be living for that month.
-July 31-August-something: Hawaii with my extended family!
-August: Apartment hunting :D
-August 26-September 3: The fucking Carribean with Jamie & his family.

eeeeeeee. :)
[ps]happy birthday Mags ♥

___status @ 2006-03-24T14:46:00

2006-03-24T22:48:38Z

Yesterday I got hit on by Spliff Star (Busta Rhymes' "right hand man") & his friend at Subway & he asked for my number.
That's fucking tiiight.

It's the guy that's, uh, not Busta Rhymes & facing the picture.

___status @ 2006-03-14T23:34:00

2006-03-15T07:42:14Z

I reek of cigarette smoke & lack the feeling of a compliment.
I want to feel good again.

[ps] I have the two best friends in the world.
But I have the worst situation that will last the next 3 months.
After that, consider me out of your lives.

Happy Birthday to my best friend.
Edwin Unzueta, you're an angel.

___status @ 2006-03-06T21:41:00

2006-03-07T05:58:46Z

No matter how hard I try, I can't get over this feeling. I hate treating myself the way I do & I especially hate the way most people treat me.
But when I'm with you I don't really care what they all want me to be. I just want you beside me.
I don't believe you've thrown me away, but I do blame you for every lie.
Sooo, now what?

___status @ 2006-01-26T22:13:00

2006-01-27T06:36:41Z

Hi,remember me?
‘cause I remember when I was your everything.

[ps] Yah, wow, that fucker really must be lagging.
[pss] I wish I still looked like that... 'cause now I see disappointment in my reflection.

___status @ 2006-01-15T15:20:00

2006-01-15T23:24:09Z

This whole change is destroying my life in every way. & I lied. I can't stand him.

[ps] "Not your thing?"
OHHH good god you're sad. Look in the mirror. You live the life you claim to hate.

___status @ 2006-01-08T01:13:00

2006-01-08T09:27:45Z

I'm too busy doubting myself all the time. & I'm too busy doubting everyone else too. All I've done lately is question everything I've never wanted to. I spend my life watching my back.
How can you really miss something when you can't feel time? I've dug myself so deep that the surface isn't even attainable. I'm stuck & no one gets it.
I'm still thrown around; but I still take it.

___status @ 2005-12-28T00:46:00

2005-12-28T08:49:07Z

It's when a plant comes before me.

[ps] I said it once, you said it again.
I have no worth.

boosterr

2005-12-23T08:02:03Z

I'm waiting for the day that I am even remotely considered to you people. I've spent about 85% of this Christmas break home alone. Just don't bother promising me anything anymore because I already assume that it will fall through, just like every other time. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm so caught up in stupid shit & I'm in so much pain from my back that I can't even see straight. Sadly, I feel like the only thing I look forward to is physical therapy because I know that I won't be in so much pain for much longer. Other than that,
I'm blank.
So here I go, to do what I've done all this time.. Go play with my growling & squeaking fiend of a dog.

& watch more episodes of Next, quite possibly the worst show on television. All day already I've watched probably every episode. Yah, that show is really bad. I don't know how I did that.
[ps] Good God, I'm broke.

___status @ 2005-12-18T00:33:00

2005-12-18T08:34:37Z

My trust for you is officially now shot.

Please please let this work out for me. I need this more than ever.

___status @ 2005-12-07T23:28:00

2005-12-08T07:46:36Z

I'm scared out of my mind because it isn't just one of those "I know it's coming" type of ideas that easily gets blown off. I'm scared because it has become reality. Yes, I've dreamed of getting out of this place. & No, I didn't think once of that old, shitty saying, "Be careful what you wish for."
Yes, I'm getting out of here.
But it's quicker than I wanted (6 months to be precise).
& I wanted far, but not too far.
It is too fucking far (approximately 2 hours too far).
It's going to be a lonely summer. I know that no one will really go all the way out there just for me. I'm not worth it.

[ps] It's my best friend's birthday in a half an hour.

I love you & congradulations on finishing college today.
You deserve the world.

___status @ 2005-11-27T22:42:00

2005-11-28T07:06:34Z

It's always nice to reconnect, but it's never easy... & it's always healthy to disconnect, but it's never ending. All of this really scares me: Change, judgment, betrayal, & desire. I'm afraid that I'm losing my most promising relationship, I'm annoyed because I'm being judged for being poetic, I'm scared to try something new, I am incapable of moving on, I am too bitter to let go, & I'm sick of hearing from you.

___status @ 2005-11-24T14:10:00

2005-11-24T22:18:30Z

Good God in heaven, here's what you asked for:
Who am I to say this situation isn't great? It's my time to make the most of it. Of course I didn't know that it would happen to me. Not that easy.
If all along the fault is up for grabs, why can't you have it? If it's for sale what is your offer? I'll sell it for no less than what I bought it for; Pay no more than absolutely zero.
Well neither one of us deserves the blame because opportunities moved us away.
& it's not an easy thing to learn to play: a game that's made for two (that's you & me). The rules remain a mystery.
See, it can be easy.

k, now get off my back.

___status @ 2005-11-23T01:48:00

2005-11-23T10:00:18Z

I'm trying really hard to get my life back. I'm just sick of being so angry. Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. So, I've sucked it up & stepped up. I'm so happy I did. I never saw how much I missed about him. I can't believe all that I was trying to forget...& I hate myself for trying so hard. I don't give a shit about anything that has happened this year. I love this guy & I always will. I'm so incredibly happy that I can say that I have him back in my life, even if not as strong as before. I seriously can't stop crying, which sucks, but it feels really good. I actually feel myself getting lighter. I actually feel all of the anger escaping. I'm so sorry for all that happened. I can't wait to be in your life again, no matter how much... just as long as I'm in.

___status @ 2005-11-21T18:39:00

2005-11-22T02:42:59Z

I've never been so incredibly lonely in my life. I hate that I still haven't done my homework, only because I can't stop staring out my window. I need to stop having such high expectations. I knew no one would come.

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas is a friend.
(& I know I'm a jew...let's just look past that)

-A

___status @ 2005-10-28T09:02:00

2005-10-28T16:23:13Z

You promised you would never do it again; & you did. You promised that you would listen to me because you told me to speak up; & you didn't. You promised this wouldn't get in the way of us; why look at that, we're restricted. Every little thing you pull, I'm right behind you; & everytime you get caught I'm busted right there with you.

thank you amber--

2005-10-22T02:31:32Z

WOW, I'm in complete shock right now.

___status @ 2005-10-19T20:32:00

2005-10-20T04:03:10Z

It's one thing to say something, it's another to mean it, & most importantly, it's the ultimate to do it, or show it.

I don't feel like I deserve you when we are together & I don't feel like you deserve me when we aren't.

But you make me perfect.
Help me become somebody else.

I made this almost one year ago, ironically, on the day of my sixteenth birthday.

___status @ 2005-09-26T23:42:00

2005-09-27T06:43:06Z

Before I go insane, I never want to walk into my school again, I want my best friend to get out of the hospital cause I miss her too much & it scares me, I want Steph to not be grounded cause I'm bored without her & hate that she is always in trouble for nothing, I want to see Z & Nico everyday, I want people to leave me alone for once, I want attention, I want a job, I want you to miss me, & I want to throw my ipod out the window for randomly erasing a shitload of songs that I no longer have.

Please get better & come home soon.