the underscores are silent

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:00:24 GMT

days after the failure to give justice to the jena six, the fiftieth anniversary of the little rock nine's success is celebrated.

the optimistic point of view is that this country is on its way.

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 05:20:07 GMT

well today sure was utter shit.
tomorrow will be better.

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 23:57:45 GMT

if there is one thing i hate, it's people that lie right to my face.

day in

and day out.

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 05:27:27 GMT

poor show of affection: here, i plucked these roses from their home in the earth for you to watch shrivel and die in a vase. they're symbolic of my love for you.

excellent show of affection: come smell and feel roses with me in their natural habitat. the smile on my face while i am with you is symbolic of my love for you.

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 04:52:34 GMT

next piercing:

septum or nostril?

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 03:34:49 GMT

ooh this is ridiculous. the good kind of ridiculous, though.

my latin notes today consisted of dozens of tiny little hearts and sketches of people holding hands. gaudium habeo. take that, i totally speak latin.

the keys to the welch benz are mine. i'm working on finding a good sound system, but that's unimportant right now. an ipod transmitter is all i need for the time being. thirteen days and i'm legal.

ew, picture day was today! ew, it rained this afternoon so no lax practice! ew, school sucks!

seriously though, on the grand scale of things, life is beautiful and sparkling and the possibilities are endless.

i think i've developed an addiction to caffeine, in both pill and liquid form.

if you've never heard the song in my music section, you really should.

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 22:42:27 GMT

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
any experience,your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully,mysteriously)her first rose

or if your wish be to close me,i and
my life will shut very beautifully,suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility:whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what is is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands

e.e. cummings is amazing.

Fri, 31 Aug 2007 05:14:51 GMT

i really wish i had something coherent to say. being a lover of expression by writing, it's a tad scary when words can't describe how i feel.

things i would like to do right now:
-lay in snow
-go swimming
-scream at the top of my lungs
-hear absolute silence (with the exception of the inconceivably quiet sound of my blood circulating and my heart beating and my breathing and all of that)
-not stay here tonight
-grasp the significance of mathematical principles
-smell a completely unfamiliar smell

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 04:31:55 GMT

man, what a good night. it's so crazy how hanging out with my senior friends is different than my junior friends. also, i'm really glad that things aren't awkward between joshua and i, because he is seriously one of my best friends.

middle names are so strange. i guess because i've never been addressed as "marissa leigh" i don't feel familiar with mine.

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 04:09:39 GMT

dear teeth,
thank you so much for magically straightening on your own. seriously, thank you. from what i hear, braces are a bitch and a half.
love, mari

my biggest goal right now is to run across a frozen lake.

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 01:25:53 GMT

i could really go for some cuddling right now.

my drawings don't suck lately. this is good.
i can't see brains for dinner's last show tonight because i haven't been home for four days. this is bad.

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 06:41:12 GMT

why don't people dance at shows? i saw i miss being a kid (SO SO SO GOOD) tonight and with the exception of two ladies, everyone was just standing around being hip or cool or whatever. avery and i rocked that place with our smooth moves, no matter what you think. i also saw earnie banks for the first time and they were fantastic. mantis was good too, very eclectic sounding music. we didn't stay for the riff tiffs, but i did meet their singer. crazy crazy night. we got lost everywhere, i think i am going to start carrying a map.

"you need to get over one lane to the right"
"OR WE COULD STAY IN THIS LANE AND GO TO AUSTIN"

Mon, 06 Aug 2007 16:08:52 GMT

i was at the intersection of beechnut and south rice today and i saw a cop behind a lexus rx at the left-turn lane across the way. say the cop saw a crime occurring and needed to turn left. once it put its lights on, the lexus would have to turn left to get out of the way, even if the light was red. with these new cameras, a picture would be taken of the lexus and the driver would get a ticket. to my knowledge, the camera only captures the license plate and windshield. there would be no proof that a cop was behind them with its lights on. there's no way the police officer could record the license plate number of ALL the cars in front of them at a light who have to run it and there's no way the lexus could have written down the cop car number. and i know tickets don't get issued to police cars, so the timing couldn't be compared for evidence. that would seriously suck for the person driving the lexus. anybody know about this?

also, if i'm right, you could probably get out of a ticket for running a red light by saying a cop or ambulance or something was behind you. not that i advocate being a dick like that or anything, just saying.

also, my mom got a job offer from halliburton. livejournal's spelling suggestion for "halliburton" is "Excalibur's." also of interest is that if you type "Livejournal" into this, it's listed as incorrectly spelled. life is good.

edit: k, so i did a little research in the traffic situation. that's a "necessity defense" and it usually doesn't work because there's little if any evidence. of interest, however, was a case in which a woman had been drinking heavily at her summer cabin in california. her disabled daughter was with her. they soon noticed a former acquaintance of theirs with whom they had a bad history. basically, the guy was dangerous. he started walking around the house suspiciously. obviously, since this was their summer house, the guy was there to interact with them. they were scared and called 911, but if you've ever dealt with emergency services, you know that unless someone is dying, nothing happens for a long time. after about 20 minutes, they begin to suspect the guy is trying to break in and decide they need to leave. the woman drove them into town. she was pulled over for erratic driving and immediately arrested. i don't know what to think about this. the erratic driving was probably a mixture of her intoxication and nerves, but nonetheless, she was drunk. the reason a necessity defense did not apply was because one of the stipulations of it is being in "immediate danger." because there was no evidence of attempted forced entry or attack. i definitely feel for the woman, she was just trying to protect her child, but at the same time, it's irresponsible to be that intoxicated while you are the only adult around a child, especially a disabled one. but which was the best protection: avoiding attack or risking drunk driving? the description of the case as to what the nature of the relationship between the guy and the two women was was pretty vague, so i guess i can't make a solid judgement, but i know she lost in the end. quite interesting.

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 16:03:24 GMT

my cousin (but in my family, if your cousin is older than you, you refer to them as an aunt/uncle; i always called her aunt janis so whatever) died. well, she killed herself by overdosing on vicodin. she was fucked up, i'm not gonna lie. this family is not lacking in people like that. months later, i'm sitting here listening to my mom talk to her ex-husband (who is the one actually related to janis, my mother was related by marriage- it's faux incest) about how it's such a shame that she died. yeah, sucks that she had that problem, but she had an addiction. i view addiction as a voluntary thing and i feel little remorse for those that "struggle" with it. i wonder if i would hold the same beliefs if i hadn't personally dealt with it. either i have significant insight or i'm severely jaded.

yesterday at breakfast i sat six inches from marvin zindler's widow. she had no shame discussing her upcoming trip to las vegas and "all of this money to blow."

Thu, 02 Aug 2007 13:25:22 GMT

i can't believe i was that stupid. everyone said you were bad news. your best friend (my old best friend) said you were a sociopath, and i ignored all negativity because you were so smart! mysterious! interesting!

you aren't smart, you just know a lot about shit that i don't know about because it's disturbing.
you aren't mysterious, you are mentally deranged.
and you're not by any measure interesting, as i have come to find out.

two weeks after spending two entire months with her you call me up and say you want to see me. something happened- of course something happened. that's the way things work between us. a no-strings-attached exchange and everything was cool, both with a little more than a few hours before. you showed me your new song and i dug it (because i dig all of your music), so i checked out the site again today, only to find your girlfriend. pictures of your vacation with your girlfriend. you got me to do this to someone i loved and you're doing it to someone who loves you.

maybe you two have something "worked out," where you get to play around and still have her as a backup, but that's not for me and i don't appreciate being lied to. you've deliberately side-stepped the question a few times and knowing full well that i would react very adversely, you continued to deceive me. certain people reading this will say i deserve this, and yeah, it was definitely a slap in the face, but i'm pissed off, not hurt.

so no more of that business. this will probably be the first in a series of "i hate everyone," seeing as how i'm feeling rather misanthropic lately.

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 11:01:21 GMT

gathered around the star pizza box at avery's (the usual as of late) tonight, her godmother was giving us the "down low" on college, since she is totally in the know having graduated nearly 40 years ago. i had met the woman 30 minutes prior, and introduced myself as "mari," like i always do, because that is in fact my name. this is how it usually goes when i tell people my name:

"hi, i'm mari. nice to meet you."
"marie! hi!"
"mari.. MAHR-ee."
"oh! i'm so sorry, mary."
"it's okay, no one gets it the first time. mari, it rhymes with safari and ferrari and kalahari and calamari."
*laughter* "alright, got it now. paulianna, right?"

or some variation. tonight was no different except that this woman's name was marianne ("mary"), so whenever someone said her name i had to look up and make sure it wasn't her mispronouncing my name. okay, so back to the story. avery had just told a tale of one of our adventures and she made sure to very audibly enunciate every sound in my name. when she was done, her godmother turned to me and said "so, maura, you should really look at suchandsuch university.."

listen woman, i definitely appreciate your suggestion and all, but learn my name before you give me life-changing advice.

i think i'm going to write philosophy in the form of children's books.

saw the simpsons movie, HILARIOUS.

i had a dream earlier about a giant crab, it was friendly..

so avery and i have been making slipnslides in her backyard a lot lately. i have a weird tan and grass burns in obscure places.

i finished grapes of wrath this morning. holy cow, great book. if i have nothing else in my future home, it will be a big hammock in the sun in which i will read, because my porch just doesn't cut it.

guys suck, they're all manipulative douchebags. prove me wrong.

Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:32:51 GMT

have you ever planned your mistakes in advance?

i feel like i'm catching up to myself.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 19:19:52 GMT

i hate my mother

i asked her if i could go to germany this summer to work on a conservation project and she said no because "it might not be able to happen."

so this is what it comes to: the possibility of failure ruining an amazing opportunity?

your life is a sad one, woman

(i have written in my journal three times today)

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 15:21:13 GMT

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you irony

my so-called invincible bicycle has a flat. what the shit.

i knew it was a bad idea to get it fixed yards away from where it was destroyed.

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 10:30:30 GMT

there's nothing wrong with painting your face every day and there's nothing wrong with swimming naked and there's nothing wrong with covering your walls in playing cards and there's nothing wrong with ending early and starting late or starting early and ending late and there's nothing wrong with eating sand and there's nothing wrong with hugging an octopus

that's my theory and i'm sticking to it

i really hope "graduation" is better than "stronger." i expect more from you, kanye west.

i got my bike back from the shop a few days ago (!!!!!!!!) now with a stronger frame (backstory: around stella link after i took too sharp of a turn, i fell and something bent, breaking something else, which tore up basically the entire back half of my bike). new wheel, tire, inner tube, etc back there and i got the whole frame reinforced. it's not as aerodynamic now, but i don't ride for speed anyway. i tested it out by riding to memorial park on thursday, which was hell, but thankfully i got there before the rain. the trees acted as a canopy and i made use of my mountain bike-style tires. the trip back was excruciating, but worth it, although i did miss jenny on her last day here.

summer! bittersweet.

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 18:16:56 GMT

liberation!

not from oppressive government or anything, but it's a step. i cut all my hair off. i shouldn't say "all," but most. it's very cute and indie, but i got shorter top layers so a punkrawkfauxhawk is an option. not sure if i like it more than flowy hippie hair. if nothing else, all the fried hair is gone, so i have a fresh start. i think i might dye this dark brown.

or just shave it. not sure yet.

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 16:57:23 GMT

funniest experience of my life

so jenny made me go see rise over suck last night (and yes, they were fucking terrible), but in the middle of it she realized she had to take her medicine. we went outside to do this because it would be super awkward to start throwing down pills in the middle of a big crowd. she looked pretty bad already, what with the bruising and all, and us hunched together in the rain shaking probably didn't help us not look like addicts. she took the pill, and when she lowered her water cup, the air was cut with a shrill "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT MY NOSE IS BLEEDING." i guess it's only funny if you know what happened to her and were there and had seen me totally wipe out on the porch a few minutes previous. ohh dear. but the rest of the night was quite fun!

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 04:27:32 GMT

and now,
an evening with sam

thai tea tapiocas purchased: two
attempts at getting dinner failed: two
amazing features found on his car: a million and twelve
jennys visited: one
2008 SCION TCS OWNED BY SAM RIDDEN IN: six, well, one

so we're walking to jason's deli and this truck dies a few feet away from us. we walked towards it and the sound just became more pathetic. we walked away and the truck began to run. we walked in the direction of the truck again and a kersplunk came from the engine. we decided the free ice cream just wasn't worth it.

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 23:22:17 GMT

a day with avery

ducks seen: eight
security guards chasing us: two
quinceneras gawked at: thirteen
models seen: one
cars washed: one

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 02:45:56 GMT

steve, anna, and i had a grand time perusing a used bookstore by my house today. i picked up some seriously amazing (and cheap) books, including the first volume of freud's lectures on psychoanalysis! one is a historical fiction about the soviet union and another is an acid trip of a read about subcultures ruling the universe. i need to go back for another round in a month or so, and i definitely need to go to more used bookstores that have a cat running around. oh, and i got two new dresses, which is not really useful to know. they are really cute though, and that's what matters.

earlier we (the aforementioned clan + avery + eric lew + tim) had bagels and, in steve's case, many types of bagels with assorted coffee creamers in his water. once we finished our business in the adjacent russian shop (which is, by the way, the best-kept secret of this nook of the city), we lost avery eric and tim.

somehow i ended up asleep in my bed at 830.

this was so out of order.