If you don't expect too much from me... [entries|friends|calendar] Hannah [ website | My Website ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[08 Dec 2006|10:33am] bullinthehannah.blogspot.com Check that out because I think I might actually on a semi-regular basis. Of course I've had it since October and posted for the first time yesterday I think. Whatever... check it out. 1 want to be so much more than this| |||

[04 Dec 2006|06:12pm] [ music | Jenny Lewis ] I really don't want to be here anymore. I had the chance to not come back next semester and I didn't take it and now I'm stuck here with shitty roommates [except for Cassie who I adore]. All I can do is sit here and cry because my living situation sucks and I want to be home or somewhere far away. Someone please take me home. Oh last night was Converge and London, Jeff, Jubal, Eric, and Ben came. I miss boys from home. I love Converge. |||

[14 Aug 2006|06:07pm] [ music | The Cure | This Is A Lie ] Okay so I'm having an awesome summer and all but I'm getting really sick of how I treat myself. I think I'm deleting this shit, too. Feeling far too narcissistic already. 1 want to be so much more than this| |||

[11 Jun 2006|10:04pm] [ music | Jawbreaker | Lurker II: Dark Son of Night ] I really want to figure out what I want to major in. I'm thinking of transferring but I sorta need to know what I want to do first. Fuck, this is annoying. 5 want to be so much more than this| |||

[30 May 2006|05:39am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Lucinda | Those Three Days ] I'm loved but not desired. I guess I'll have to make peace with that. Pretending to be happy when you're miserable is really getting old. 3 want to be so much more than this| |||

[04 May 2006|09:57pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Lucinda Williams | Car Wheels On A Gravel Road ] I'm leaving 301 tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to deal with life when I don't have Jean across the room. I don't know how I'm going to leave the hotel and everyone here. I'm excited to come home but I'm really really upset at the same time. I'm gonna miss living with Jean so fucking much. 1 want to be so much more than this| |||

[20 Apr 2006|12:44am] [ mood | apathetic ] [ music | Tilly | Lost Girls ] I wish I went to Colby College. Jesus, I had such a good time there. Now I miss Emma super lots. |||

[10 Apr 2006|01:01am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Black Star | Children's Story ] My roommate is one of the best people I've met in my life. In other news. Went to UNH Friday evening. Hung out with Patrick and Kelsey and Paddy. It was lovely. Today I saw my apartment and I'm quite excited. Today I had a great talk with Emma and got really upset over treatment of those I love. I still love everyone, though. For real for real for real. Oh and I'm working hard on not liking him so much. I think I'm getting there! Oh and tonight's West Wing. I loved it. Cried a lot, but loved every moment. 1 want to be so much more than this| |||

[30 Mar 2006|07:43pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | Placebo | Pierrot the Clown ] Pretty fucking low. I have been in the best mood lately. If you want to be happy, I wouldn't recommend watching Yossi And Jagger. I'm really glad Rachael's coming tomorrow because Jean is going home and I don't need to be alone when I feel like this. 2 want to be so much more than this| |||

[26 Mar 2006|10:27am] [ mood | hung over ] [ music | Cry Cry Cry | I Know What Kind of Love This Is ] Scratch the last post, I was wasted when I wrote it. Kelsey, Patrick, and Paddy hung out Friday night. It was so much fucking fun. Kelsey is one of the sweetest girls I've ever met and we enjoy us some ring pops. Last night was fun even if it helped me realize some unpleasant things. He is the nicest fucking kid. Why can't he be an asshole? |||

[24 Mar 2006|11:17am] [ mood | hungry ] [ music | Bikini Kill | Thurston Hearts The Who ] Last night was Maria Taylor/Mates of State. Quite good. Everyone was loud during Maria and I was annoyed. Some kid kept stroking my head, I think he was on shrooms. Right before Mates I ran into Jay and his friend Lauren so I hung out with them. Good times. Ummmm I'm hungry and I have class at noon. There's probably more to say but who cares. Bye. 3 want to be so much more than this| |||

[06 Mar 2006|12:13am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Azure Ray | November ] Just watched the Oscars. I haven't seen Crash but I've heard mixed reviews. Amazing, heavy handed, who's to say? I liked Ang Lee's speech, as well as Reese's and George Clooney's. Plus I got to see Jon on a Sunday night. No complaints. Last night I got too drunk. It was fun but I'm glad I was alone when I got home. Embarassingly obliterated. Today I worked really really hard on my History midterm. If I don't get a good grade I'm going to be really sad because I'm so proud of myself right now. I go back and forth between being really happy and quite miserable. Soon I will be home. Hopefully one of these days I'll feel less alone despite being alone. That's all I hope for. 5 want to be so much more than this| |||

[23 Feb 2006|02:55am] [ mood | fed up ] [ music | Rufus | Imaginary Love ] First and foremost, happy birthday Katey! You are oh so lovely and I hope your day is fabulous ♥ So I'm at the end of my rope. Not with being sick, though that is a pleasure. Just with this stupid situation and feeling like no one in this city really cares about me. People SERIOUSLY need to visit me. I've been saying that forever and pretty much none of you have. I'm not messing around. I need people who actually give two shits about me to come and remind me that I matter. 4 want to be so much more than this| |||

[03 Feb 2006|08:46pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Dresden Dolls | Delilah ] I'm confused about everything and yet it's okay. 2 want to be so much more than this| |||

[31 Jan 2006|05:56pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Sleater-Kinney | My Stuff ] I am sad but Emma's coming tonight. Things will improve. "I don't miss the dead less, I miss them more. I miss the tall pines around Lake Pleasant, I miss the brown-and-gray cobblestones on West Cedar Street, I miss the red-tailed hawks that fly so often in pairs. I miss the cheap red wine in a box and I miss the Rum-and-Coke. I miss Anne's wet gold hair drying as we sat on the fire escape. I miss the hot dog luau and driving to dance lessons after breakfast at Bruegger's Bagels. I miss the cold mornings on the farm, when the handle of the bucket bit into my small hands and my feet slid over the frozen dew. I miss the hot grease spattering around the felafel balls and the urgent clicking of Hebrew. I miss the new green leaves, shaking in the June rain. I miss standing on my father's shiny shoes as we danced to the Tennessee Waltz and my mother made me a paper fan so I could flirt like a Southern belle, tapping my nose with the fan. I miss every piece of my dead. Every piece is stacked high like cordwood within me, and my heart, both sides, and all four parts, is their reliquary." -Amy Bloom, excerpt from "By-and-by" Rancher Croom in handmade boots and filthy hat, that walleyed cattleman, stray hairs like curling fiddle string ends, that warm-handed, quick-foot dancer on splintery boards or down the cellar stairs to a rack of bottles of his own strange beer, yeasty, cloudy, bursting out in garlands of foam, Rancher Croom at night galloping drunk over the dark plain, turning off at a place he knows to arrive at a canyon brink where he dismounts and looks down on tumbled rock, waits, then steps out, parting the air with his last roar, sleeves surging up windmill arms, jeans riding over boot tops, but before he hits he rises again to the top of the cliff like a cork in a bucket of milk. Mrs. Croom on the roof with a saw cutting a hole into the attic where she has not been for twelve years thanks to old Croom's padlocks and warnings, whets to her desire, and the sweat flies as she exchanges the saw for a chisel and hammer until a ragged slab of peak is free and she can see inside: just as she thought: the corpses of Mr. Croom's paramours - she recognizes them from their photographs in the paper: MISSING WOMAN - women desiccated as jerky and much the same color, some moldy from lying beneath roof leaks, and all of them used hard, covered with tarry handprints, the marks of boot heels, some bright blue with the remnants of paint used on the shutters years ago, one wrapped in newspaper nipple to knee. When you live a long way out you make your own fun. -Annie Proulx, "55 Miles to the Gas Pump" That Proulx story is the shortest one I've ever seen. Also one of the best. Rest in peace, Coretta Scott King. 1 want to be so much more than this| |||

[24 Jan 2006|08:07pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Ani | Grey ] Walking around the city listening to A Silver Mount Zion makes everything okay. Even when you're on your way to a meeting that tells you your future at the university is in jeopardy due to your violations. Even when he probably doesn't like you. Even when you're unsure of pretty much of everything. I am a lot happier, though. At least for the moment and that's all I ask for. 4 want to be so much more than this| |||

[11 Jan 2006|02:12am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | My Bloody Valentine | I Only Said ] Today I went to Stoneleigh to hang out with Ashlee and see people. 'Twas good. Saw lots of fine folks. Sam and Amy were especially wonderful. After Stoneleigh I went to the doctor's again. Time for Ritalin. Ridiculous. After that I went to therapy and then hung out with my dear Julia. We hung out at Cafe Koko for a few hours until they closed and then had a good time in a playground. "Your kiss is like a sneeze" The janitor at the school wasn't so fond of us. On the way home I got pulled over for the first time ever. Not as scary as I thought it would be, but not fun either. Got a warning but my car should've been inspected a week ago so... $80. We shall figure that out later. 7 want to be so much more than this| |||

[08 Jan 2006|09:39pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | Desaparecidos | New For Fall ] West Wing was good tonight. They brought the funny. In other news, this time next week I will be surrounded by people who don't really know me and who I am not too thrilled to see. Greatttt. I thank the lord for people named Emma and Ashlee because they talk to me all the time at school and keep me sane. I had tons of fun in Syracuse with little miss Kovac. We explored and stayed up late watching movies [one per night- Heights, The Baxter, and My Summer of Love]. I met her very nice friends and had a grand time. ( Boston sucks, home is good ) I have been so happy since Christmas. The last thing I want to do is go back and be miserable all the time again. 4 want to be so much more than this| |||

[02 Jan 2006|02:18pm] [ mood | my hair is greasy ] [ music | Converge | Black Cloud ] Last night I saw an awesome fight at P Chopps. I spent the night eating chips and watching Sex and the City. I finally saw Harry Potter yesterday, I was unimpressed. This week was good. I saw The Producers with Emma [SO GOOD!], Ashlee drove me to Northampton and we didn't die, went on adventures, hung out with my sister, ate fish... all in all very good. Plus Patrick kissed a random boy in Northampton and cheated his way to victory on our scavenger hunt. Liza and I will reign! Ashlee and Patrick are going down. New Years was nice. Hung out at Meredith's with a bunch of people where I was the only one drinking. Never got drunk. My lightweight title is ebbing away, yay. ( Scavenger hunt! ) ( New Years! ) 10 want to be so much more than this| |||

[25 Dec 2005|05:16pm] [ mood | lost ] [ music | PJ Harvey | One Line ] Home sucks. Boston sucks. What's a girl to do? P.S. I got pearls and they are pretty. 5 want to be so much more than this| |||

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