i am just that cold churchyard shadow

sufjan stevens

2005-05-03T09:25:13Z

Golden rod and the four edged stone. the things i brought you when you found out you had cancer of the bone. Your father cried on the telephone and drove his car into the navy yard just to prove that he was sorry. In the morning through the window shade, when the light pressed up against your shoulder blade i could see what you were reading. All the glory that the lord has madeand the complications you could do without, when i kissed you on the mouth. Tuesday night at the bible study we raise our hand and pray over your body but nothing ever happens. I remember at Micheals house, in the living room when you kissed my mouth and i almost touched your blouse. In the morning at the top of the stairs when your father found out what we did that night and you told me that you were scared. All the glory when you ran outside with your shirt tucked in and your shoes untied. Sunday night when i clean the house I see a card where you wrote it out with pictures of your mother. On the floor at the great divide, with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied. I am crying in the bathroom. In the morning when you finally go and the nurse runs in with her head held low and the carpet matched the windows. In the morning in the winter shade, on the first of march, on the holiday, I thought i saw you breathing. All the glory that the lord has made and the complications when i see his face in the morning in the window. All the glory when you took our place
but he took my shoulders
and he shook my face
and he takes and he takes and he takes

Bret Easton Ellis is God

2005-04-01T07:02:17Z

"Trent, wake up, asshole," I say loudly over the music.
"I'm up, dude, I'm up. Eyes are just tired."
"Open them," I tell him
He opens them and looks around the car. "Hair looks good," he tells Ronnette.
"Did it myself. I had this dream, see, where I saw the whole world melt. I was standing on La Cienega and from there I could see the whole world melting and it was just so strong and realistic like. And so I thought, Well, if this dream comes true, how can I stop it, you know?"
I'm nodding my head.
"How can I change things, you know? So I thought if I, like pierced my ear or something, like alter my physical image, dye my hair, the world wouldn't melt. So I dyed my hair and this pink lasts. I like it. It lasts. I don'th think the world is gonna melt anymore."
I'm not to reassured by her tone and I can't believe I'm actually nodding my head, but I pull up to Danny's Okie Dog on Santa Monica and she trips as she climbs out of the small back seat of the Mercedes and lies on the sidewalk and laughs as I drive away. I ask Trent where he met her. We pass the billboard on Sunset. Disappear Here. Wonder if he's for sale.
"Just around," he says. "Wanna joint?"

___killbabies @ 2005-02-24T00:18:00

2005-02-24T07:19:04Z

___killbabies @ 2005-02-16T19:38:00

2005-02-17T02:39:45Z

___killbabies @ 2005-02-14T18:32:00

2005-02-15T01:33:02Z

these past couple weeks have probably been the fucking worst weeks of my life

___killbabies @ 2005-02-14T01:11:00

2005-02-14T08:12:21Z

if anyone has hairclippers with a gaurd size 6-8 please let me know i have to cut my hair tomorrow and i dont want to pay to do it.

___killbabies @ 2005-02-10T19:05:00

2005-02-11T02:06:20Z

Who else is looking forward to another shitty valentines day?

___killbabies @ 2005-01-03T03:52:00

2005-01-03T10:57:39Z

"The most basic question is not what is best but who shall decide what is best."

-Thomas Sowell

"Some see private enterprise as a predatory target to be shot, others as a cow to be milked, but few are those who see it as a sturdy horse pulling the wagon."

-Winston Churchill

"The worst crime against working people is a company which fails to operate at a profit."

-Samuel Gompers

"In economic terms, pleading national interest is the declining cottage industry of those who have been bypassed by the global economy. "

-Kenichi Ohmae

"Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself."

- Milton Friedman

___killbabies @ 2004-12-26T20:03:00

2004-12-27T03:14:44Z

01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses (sometimes)
07. I love to play video games.
08. I’ve tried drugs.
09. I’ve watched porn movies
10. I have been in a three-some
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton.
15. I curse frequently.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I’ve been told I have an applebottom
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
20. I’m really, really smart
21. I’ve broken someone’s bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I love the rain
24. I’m paranoid at times
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
26. I need money right now!
27. I love Sushi
28. I talk really, really fast
29. I have fresh breath in the morning
30. I have semi-long hair
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I know how to cornrow
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I think that I have a lot of friends.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone
53. I love to shop
54. I would rather shop than eat
55. I would classify myself as ghetto
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I’m obsessed with my XANGA or Livejournal
58. I don’t hate anyone.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother PFFFT, I LOVE MY MOM.
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real relationship before
68. I’ve rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
71. I want to have children in the future
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before
74. I bite my nails
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I’m not allergic to anything
77. I have a learning disability
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger. I will next year.
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie. I AM OBSESSED.
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried cigarrettes before (bitch i smoke that shit all the time)
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past
85. I own the "South Park" movie
86. I have avoided assignments at school to be on Xanga or blogdrive or Livejournal
88. I enjoy some country music
89. I would die for my best friend
87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
95. I am a virgin
96. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story"
97. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
98. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
99. I have dated a close friend’s ex
100. I have cut myself before. Unfortunately.
101. I am happy at this moment.

___killbabies @ 2004-12-12T14:19:00

2004-12-12T21:20:47Z

this shit is crazy beans

http://www.crush007.com/love.cgi?id=1102882300ftc

___killbabies @ 2004-11-28T18:31:00

2004-11-29T01:38:10Z

You need a big wide space
You need life, you need grace
Disapointment in your skin
I'll always let you in
Pull a feather from the nest
Fasten it to your chest
Shoot yourself up to me
Cut through the gravity
You dont have to be scared
You hold yourself down there
You would like it here i know
You were meant to let it go
I am the Sun
I'm the only one
I'll pull you to me
The moon and the sea
When the oxygen come and blows it all clean
Remember to breath
We are the ones with the hearts and the motion
We fill up the sky and we burn with devotion
When our bodies are done and hard times are over
Remember to breath

___killbabies @ 2004-11-23T01:01:00

2004-11-23T08:02:38Z

Who is John Galt?

___killbabies @ 2004-11-20T16:23:00

2004-11-20T23:25:17Z

___killbabies @ 2004-11-20T16:15:00

2004-11-20T23:16:23Z

Who knows how to make love stay?

2004-11-19T23:46:35Z

1. Tell love you are going to the Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.
2. Tell love you want a momento of it and obtain a lock of its hair. Burn the hair in a dime-store incense burner with yin/yang symbols on three sides. Face southwest. Talk fast over the burning hair in a convincingly exotic language. Remove the ashes of the burnt hair and use them to paint a mustache on your face. Find love. Tell it you are someone new. It will stay.
3. Wake love up in the middle of the night. Tell it the world is on fire. Dash to the bedroom window and pee out of it. Casually return to the bed an assure your love that everything is going to be all right. Fall asleep. Love will be there in the morning.

-Tom Robbins

___killbabies @ 2004-11-14T17:59:00

2004-11-15T01:01:38Z

despair.com
best idea for a company i have ever seen.

___killbabies @ 2004-11-08T01:06:00

2004-11-08T08:09:24Z

___killbabies @ 2004-11-04T02:54:00

2004-11-04T17:03:24Z

Rush Limbagh today said that the young voter turnout for the election was the same amount as in 2000 Bush-Gore race. That makes me kindof sad.

___killbabies @ 2004-10-28T14:42:00

2004-10-28T21:48:01Z

why is it a neccessity for every girl to be a "slutty" something for halloween. i hear people say that they will be something completely rediculous that is completely unoriginal and then throw slutty in front and then its cool again. i.e. i have a friend who will remain unamed who decided to be a "slutty" ninja turtle......WHAT>!>~!>@@!>#~!@ does that make sense. when did halloween become the one day out of the year where it is acceptable for girls to dress like prostitutes? not that its a bad thing it just boggles my mind.

___killbabies @ 2004-10-28T00:59:00

2004-10-28T08:08:53Z

when you turned and blew a kiss to me the candles all went out
everyone had knowing looks but you still had you still had your doubts
so i spit into and open palm and ran it through you hair
and the birds, well they just wouldnt dare
and so the moment is wasted on you
and now the moments gone
and so the moments wasted on you
and now the moments gone
well you timing was impecible, you wispered in my ear
and the sound of your teeth grinding was the only sound i could hear
so i gaze into an open palm and suddenly felt shy
cause the secrets it revealed were that someday you would die
and so the moment is wasted on you
and now the moment is gone
and so the moments wasted on you
and now the moments gone
and now the moments gone
well so you longed for an epiphany but all your talk was small
so the costume parties ending and the ghost returned to its call
and so the moment is wasted on you

--clem snide
and now the moments gone
and so the moments wasted on you
and now the moments gone
and now the moments gone
and now the moments gone
and now the moments gone

___killbabies @ 2004-10-25T13:51:00

2004-10-25T20:52:53Z

Ok im gonna lay it flat...if i hear another word about how outsourcing jobs is ruining our economy im going to have to shit in some peoples mouths. heres a concept for you: INSOURCING. fine outsourcing is ruining your life because the career you want is expendable to go into can be done faster and cheaper in a third world country. i (somewhat) agree. But if i hear another lameass talk about how detrimental outsourcing is on our economy i want them to stop and think about what they are saying for a second. Think Honda, Nissan, Tobisha, Samsung and every other U.S. subsidiary of Japan.

THE FACTS ABOUT INSOURCING

-U.S. subsidiaries employ 5.4 million Americans.

-U.S. subsidiaries support an annual payroll of $307 billion and pay, on average, 31% more than all U.S. companies.

-U.S. subsidiaries heavily invest in the American manufacturing sector. 34% of the jobs at U.S. subsidiaries are in manufacturing -- more than double the proportion of manufacturing at all U.S. companies.

-U.S. subsidiaries manufacture in America to export goods around the world -- accounting for over 20% of all U.S. exports.

-New foreign direct investment (FDI) in the U.S. totaled $39.9 billion in 2003.

-In 2003, U.S. subsidiaries reinvested $38.6 billion in their U.S. operations.

-U.S. Subsidiaries have spent $27.5 billion on U.S. research and development activities.

___killbabies @ 2004-10-24T18:29:00

2004-10-25T01:47:15Z

He asked: "What do you want?"
She answered: "You know what I want," her voice heavy and flat.
"Yes. But I want to hear you say it. All of it."
"If you wish." Her voice had the sound of efficiency, obeying an order with metallic precision. "I want to sleep with you. Now, tonight, and at any time you may care to call me. I want your naked body, your skin, your mouth, your hands. I want you--like this--not hysterical with desire--but coldly and conciously--without dignity and without regrets--I want you--I have no self-respect to bargain with me and divide me--I want you--I want you like an animal, or a cat on a fence, or a whore."
She spoke on a single, level tone, as if she were reciting an austere catechism of faith. She stood without moving, her feet in flat shoes planted apart, her shoulders thrown back, her arms hanging straight at her sides. She looked impersonal, untouched by the words she pronounced, chaste like a young boy.
"You know I hate you, ______. I hate you for what you are, for wanting you, for having to want you. I'm going to fight you--and I'm going to destroy you--and I tell you this as calmly as I told you that I'm a begging animal. I'm going to pray that you can't be destroyed--I tell you this, too--even though I believe in nothing an have nothing to pray to. But I will fight to block every step you take. I will fight to tear every chance you want away from you. I will hurt you through the only thing that can hurt you--through your work. I will fight to starve you, to stragle you on the things you won't be able to reach. I have done it to you today--and that is why I shall sleep with you tonight."
He sat deep in his chair, stretched out, his body relaxed, and taut in relaxation, a stillness being filled slowly with the violence of future motion.
"I have hurt you today. I'll do it again. I'll come to you whenever I have between you--whenever I know that I have hurt you--and I'll let you own me. I want to be owned, not by a lover, but an adversary who will destroy my victory over him, not with honorable blows, but with the touch of his body on mine. That is what I want of you, _____. That is what I am. You wanted to hear it all. You've heard it. What do you wish to say now?"
"Take your clothes off."

Ayn Rand
The Fountainhead

___killbabies @ 2004-10-13T13:18:00

2004-10-13T20:20:49Z

i love how political activism is the like the new von dutch trucker hat of the university campus. its so awesome finally a trend that actually matters. i walk around campus all day smiling. end of story. debates are going to be insane. domestic policy. wow. im going to go to the debate event naked in a trenchcoat and mastrabate the whole time. nothing gets me off like politics.

___killbabies @ 2004-10-11T08:00:00

2004-10-12T08:01:47Z

i drove to tucson to see micheal moore. not because i like moore by anymeans. i was excited to see so much political activism it was amazing and intense. i agreed with about maybe 5% of what moore said. its funny how alot of liberals have a double standard for free speach. not to generalize but alot of liberals think micheal moore is the best thing to happen to the democratic party but when republicans come to voice their oppinion at the rally moore deems it neccessary to insult them and associate their behaivor with the republican party as a whole. the reason i didn't yell out my disagreement with his statements was because i personally didnt feel like it was my place to voice my oppinions at a liberal rally. moore acted in an extremely unprofessional manner and i really look down on him for that...instead of being the bigger man and just ignoring the rediculous behaivor the protesters were displaying he instigated then and eventually told them to "shut the fuck up" i mean come on. its funny he preached the predictable viewpoints like free healthcare and unrestricted immigrant policy and anti large corperations. he told us that all these things need to be changed and he is so quick to form these conclutions however i have never heard a plausable solution for any of these things from his mouth. free healthcare for instance. yeah canada has if for free but its shitty and slow and thats why the canadian prime minister gets treated in america because its the best healthcare money can buy. if you're sick and you need medical attention we have county hospitals. dont get me wrong i think it would be great to give everyone free healthcare and i also think it would be more appropriate to use hugs and kisses as our new form of currency. the poor are just going to get over run with taxes anyways if we provide healthcare for everyone. what about big business guys. does anyone stop to think of the jobs large corp. provide. all the immigrants you let in need jobs and the unskilled labor market is where they go. thare extremely large contributers to our nations GDP. with out business there are no jobs with out jobs there is poverty. Socialism man what a great concept. everyone has free healthcare but they may not live to recieve it because they have to wait extended periods of time to recieve it. im not over generalizing liberals. i know alot of democrats that make extremely valid points. but its the ones that listen to micheal moore who worry me. because i critize radical librals doesnt mean im voting for bush or that im telling you john kerry is evil so dont pitch me shit about that. but when you think about the issues remember that you can't pick a stance on somehting because it sounds nice. of course republicans would want to let everyone in to the country or provide free healthcare but the reason alot of them are opposed is because there is logical basis behind it and they realize that fact that they sound good coming out of someones mouths but in practice its just not in the cards.

___killbabies @ 2004-10-07T01:49:00

2004-10-07T08:51:42Z

Hearnedog (1:46:18 AM): women should be mens property and i stand strong by that.

if you disagree with this statement please feel free to IM Hearnedog and voice your oppinion. his name is Sean Reitmeyer and i live with him so if you need directions to our house so you can verbaly badger him on his beliefs i would be more than happy to disclose this information.