____________________elee penis.

___htebazile @ 2008-07-22T20:25:00

2008-07-23T00:26:02Z

interests:

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change.

2007-10-09T18:32:15Z

i'm forever changing. i can't want something or someone for too long because i'm scared it will end in disappointment. i wish i could just live in the woods, alone, and live off nuts and berries. but that would be a life without meaning, without goals, without love. and that's silly because that's not a life at all.

i just want to be myself.

stupid.

welll..

2007-06-17T20:48:26Z

i never update this junk anymore..

more things have happened to me this year...than i could have ever imagined.
tripp keeps screwing me over.
i keep screwing other people over.
i get punched in the face.
people don't like me.

but i'm actually kind of happy with where i am. being completely single for the first time in 2 years is relaxing.

but i just keep asking myself...is this what i really want?
and is he worth my forgivness..
or should i just forget about it all..and start over with someone else.

it's too hard. i just think things would be so much easier if i could just go back and been okay with being put second to everything.

it's better than nothing.

___htebazile @ 2007-05-26T16:24:00

2007-05-26T20:25:42Z

i can not believe the things that are happening to me right now.

the only one that could make me happy is the one that is causing it.

i get awfully bored.

2007-01-31T04:40:10Z

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

All American Kid

Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain.

You were well rounded and well liked in high school.

Who Were You In High School?

You Are Surrealism

Dreamy and idealistic, you've created a world that is all your own.
It's very likely that you've either dabbled in drugs or are naturally trippy.
You are always trying to push beyond the boundaries of your culture and society.
You believe that art, love, and freedom can change the world.

What Art Movement Are You?

You Are 69% Ready for Marriage

You are almost ready for marriage, and you could be ready to be engaged.
You're still figuring out the details of your ideal relationship!

Are You Ready for Marriage?

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do.

You spend a lot on clothes, and you tend to be a very dresser. However, it's hard for you to throw away trendy clothes when they go out of style.

You are a little shy and easily embarrassed. You often wonder if you are normal.

In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

i'm impressed.

___htebazile @ 2007-01-01T10:19:00

2007-01-01T15:19:58Z

happy lame new year dfkjghdsfkjlgh.

tripp's not here.

dream.

2006-12-20T16:05:04Z

i had to work at a different andy's and we had cookies..and they were delicious. then tia was staying the night with me and we were going to a christmas party at Hogwarts and everyone found out that Lord Voldemort was back. Everyone was freaking out and running around. i remember tripp being somewhere in this part..but i dont remember what happened. So we found these people that were liek "okay follow us to safety" so we're in this house and theres tia me and like 3 other older people. then there is a knock on the door..everyone looks at each other and a woman goes to open the door with her wand and tia stands behind her. i ran to the bathroom and left the door cracked. so the woman shoots her wand at the door to open it..and just like that she gets the avada kedava spell..then tia. and then one of the older men was like "avada kedava?" and he killed himself, appearently. so then he's like "come out, elizabeth and come see lord voldemort." sooo i find out we were just filming for the next movie..and i was like "wait do i die in this scene?" and he was like "yeah.." and i was like "but that means i can't become a bigger character..ughh" so of course i run away..and it's still reality though and not a movie[even though i just found out it was a movie] so then i'm walking down the beach at night with addison and kristen cavilleri from laguna beach..and the waves are intense..and they keep knocking us down..and i was like.."guys maybe we should get farther away" and they're like "nah" so then this huge tsunami like comes and wipes everybody out..and i'm runnning away..and i get into the building where theres a ton of shelves and i keep climbing above the water. and then i see addison on one the shelves and i'm like "you should call kristen and tell her it's safe here" and he's like "nah" so then we're hanging out with all these people on different shelves waiting for the water to go away. and then tia calls me and i find her and my aunt picks us up in a space ship and all of a sudden we're in star wars or something..and then me and tia finally arrive safely back at my house in the morning. Tia's mom calls my house and my brother answers and decides to tell tia's mom that we had a wild night of partying. So i lean to tia and i say "you should probably call your mom and tell her the truth." and she says "she'll never believe any of it" and i go "shes gonna be pissed that you went to a christmas party.." we laugh. end scene and i wake up..

intense? i know right.

okay i have to brush my teeth and go to work now.

ugh

2006-12-13T20:12:42Z

my life is over.
andys christmas party tonight.

christmas wishlist.

2006-12-12T04:32:57Z

1. pajamas from charollete russe
2. plaid jacket with a fur hood from forever 21
3. anything hello kitty
4. a paint set[please]
5. make-up[and lots of it.]
6. bows and head bands from forever 21
7. cheap necklaces and rings from claires, forever 21 and charolette russe
8. victoria's secret gift card
9. target gift card =]
10. pretty perfume

that's all i got for now.

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for eleepea

get your stocking

lkdfghsflkhj

2006-12-11T03:50:43Z

i'm broke, still. christmas is soon. andy's christmas party wednesday, i have to buy my secret santa a present. i havn't gotten anything for anybody yet b/c i'm such a horrible shopper.
party was friday. went lovely.
this week was a good week.
i need to go to bed. im sleep deprived.

okay so the years almost over.
i start cosmotology in january.

___htebazile @ 2006-12-10T22:47:00

2006-12-11T03:47:10Z

hey i dont add people. sorrrrrrrrrrry.

i have too many private entries.

___htebazile @ 2006-12-01T21:34:00

2006-12-02T02:34:51Z

and now i don't know why, but i still try to smile
when they talk at me like i'm just a child.
well, i'm not a child.
no, i am much younger than that.

silence is golden.

stop the games.

2006-11-29T04:15:59Z

let the dysfunction begin...again.

class

2006-11-07T15:07:23Z

things are a bit rocky in my life.
i'm in class. there's only 4 people here.
thats about all.

goooo!

2006-10-29T18:54:02Z

alright. <3

___htebazile @ 2006-10-17T15:03:00

2006-10-17T19:06:59Z

lots of fighting.slamming doors.doing nothing.wasting my life.skipping school.waaaaaaaaaastttteeeddddd.

sounds like a plan to me.
work monday wednesday friday[11-8] satuday. of course.
homecoming game friday.

tripps parents are going out of town. which means....absolutely NOTHING. because life hates me..and wants me to be miserable. no fun.

end of the month caaaann suuccckk it..and i have a 10 page paper due in 10 days that i have yet to begin.

___htebazile @ 2006-10-03T23:24:00

2006-10-04T03:37:44Z

my stomach hurts.
im scared. anxious.
tired. sad.
i want more time.
but i also want to speed up time.
so indecisive.
i wish i knew if i spelled that right.

aggghhh school today. work and church tomorrow.

school thursday. soapbox.
stomach growling.
and again.

ordered some american apparel.
tube sox. =]

work friday and saturday[lunch]. no tripp[open to close].
ugh. i cant sleep.

i love school. but i hate how badly i'm doing. i'm always late. and always turning things in late. why am i so incapable of doing something so simple?
pardon this journal entry, i'm just rolling around in my own self pity.

i'm scared for my kitty. we need to take her to the vet to get shots. hopefully, thursday. i want to actually keep a pet alive for longer than a week. shes special to me because tripp gave her to me and shes our baby.

um what else. i hate not knowing.

stomach is still growling.
i'm putting the laptop on the table now and closing my eyes.
goodnight.

___htebazile @ 2006-09-22T09:32:00

2006-09-22T13:36:18Z

i've never been lied to before. it's redic. worked all day wednesday for lindsay annnnd tanya. work 11:15-8 today. should be lame. better keep that boy on lock today. no more "golfing by yourself" and just mysteriously not answering the phone. maybe seeing jackass 2 tonight after work. areeeeeet. laptop yesterday. fast. expensive. i'm broke. i love it.

___htebazile @ 2006-09-17T10:15:00

2006-09-17T14:21:30Z

I never update this thing.
summary of my life.
school tuesday and thursdays.
work monday wednesday friday[11-8] blech.
photoshoots.
last night was tias birthday. mayfair. 17. kissing boys with tounge infront of me. she's grown. stealing from the mall.
20% off forever 21. friends and family day.

and thats all.
another downtown photoshoot with tia for her photography class.

reminder.
essay rough draft due tuesday. gr.

okay hey.

2006-08-17T03:25:54Z

cfcc. worked tonight. washed dishes. friends needed. photoshoot soon.

new comm.

2006-08-17T03:24:17Z

i love communities.

join hottie.

___htebazile @ 2006-08-06T20:56:00

2006-08-07T00:59:46Z

i have so much to look forward to this week.

but i'm missing something.

___htebazile @ 2006-07-17T17:36:00

2006-07-17T21:45:49Z

premenstrual syndrome is a bitch.
so is everything else.

yesterday was my birthday.
zero presents.
got some money though.

worked this AM. made some good tips.
not shopping. even though i should be.
looked at cars. drove around castle hayne. DMV tomorrow for the written and eye tests.
ordering pizza and hanging out with myself tonight. oh you're so jealous.

.

i had one of my reaccuring dreams last night. i'm in this crazy world(it's kind of like dr. seuss) and everytime i try to leave...i have to cross this lake by stepping on rocks. but i always drown before i can leave. but in this one. i found a back door..and liza minelli helped me escape because the creatures from this world don't want you to leave. the back door led to the laney track and thats all i can remember. my dreams never make any sence.

___htebazile @ 2006-07-13T21:47:00

2006-07-14T01:48:32Z

well i worked from till 5 today..
and now i don't have to work tomorrow night. so i hope to spend time with tripp as soon as he gets home.
=].

♥

not much else.

tripp and work. it's kind of my life.

p.s. i'm hoping to buy a car and a new cell phone as soon as i turn 18.

___htebazile @ 2006-07-11T15:13:00

2006-07-11T19:23:48Z

i seriously have horrible "best friends".
they're kind of fake.

anyway. im basically alone this week. no boyfriend. no friends.
but the no tripp is the worst. i talk to him once in the morning and once at night and the reception is horrible.

todays kind of like my only day off and im chilling by myself.
work in the morning. i guess church.
work thursday morning.
work friday night. tripp comes home.
work saturday till 5. hanging out with tripp most likely.
sunday..my 18th birthday..church? i dont know yet. maybe getting my license instead. hanging out with tripp for my birthday. bible study? birthday dinner?