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[01 Jan 2007|02:04pm] |
its a new year & its time for me to start over. i have a good feeling about this year.
ive decided to stop drinking. ive cut certain people out of my life; more specifically liars & backstabbing slutty girls. i know who cares about me & who doesnt & its funny because dumb bitches still act like everythings chill but it isnt. im getting back in shape & my job will start up soon.. back to havin mad cash instead of being a cheapo. & i failed science but its w/e because when i retake it im getting an A this time. 2006, for the most part sucked ass but i know 2007 will be way better.
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[10 Sep 2006|05:57pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
] |
im not going to new york until june instead of november. you gotta be fucking kidding me.
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[05 Sep 2006|10:54pm] |
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mood |
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 nauseated |
] |
Now, I at least know true feelings. I guess my mind was playing tricks on me.
Always go with your first instinct.
Things are looking up.
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[20 Aug 2006|11:11pm] |
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mood |
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 worried |
] |
i cant sleep. i wish the world would leave me the fuck alone already. ive got 2 jobs now, plus babysitting, plus school, plus doing absolutely nothing. i feel like i dont enjoy life anymore. im either working, sleeping, or stressing myself out over ridiulous things. this year has started off crappy. anything good that ever happens will never last. theres no sense in ever loving anyone or anything, because no matter what it will never last. and i still cant believe it and i still dont know why. i really miss the way things used to be. there actually was a point in time where i was content with my life but now i look back on those days and wish they would come back. it sucks, it sucks horribly. i cannot wait to finish high school & get the fuck out of here. i will miss a few people, but everyone else i could give a rats ass about. honestly. even people that im close with drive me up the wall because theyre so selfish. i feel like i do a lot for people i care about and lately, nobody has done shit for me except for justin spadoni. i just know that the day i move, im gonna say fuck you & i will never come back to this town. i downright refuse to. lithia has done nothing for me, it hasnt taught me anything, except how fucking shitty people are. fuck this town, and fuck everyone in it.
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[31 Jul 2006|01:44am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
Why do i put up with peoples shit? Why?
I never used to. I feel really old.
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| long time no entry |
[14 Jul 2006|06:25pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
] |
well not really that long but it feels like it. summer has been good, not as amazing as last summer but still good. ive been trying to attempt to eat healthy, but those milkshakes at work are killing me. literally. michael is at his dads house, and has been for 2 and a half weeks. lets just say that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. despite all of our madness, i care about him so much & i miss him like crazy. i go on vacay next week, thank the dear lord because being in lithia too long will drive you nuts. i love working & i lovvvvveeee driving, oh fuck yes. i feel like an independant woman hollllaaaa. i wish michelle didnt have to leave yesterday, i miss her terribly already. but in november isnt that far. aka november = home status. well im out, me & kaylea are doin some mad chillage. i love life.
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| old habits die hard. |
[02 Jun 2006|11:07pm] |
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i already fucking told you & you still dont get it. there is definately something fucking wrong with you.
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[22 Apr 2006|12:24pm] |
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im almost positive that there is nothing worse than having a nervous breakdown in the beginning of history class. everything went bad.. fast. its crazy really how life changes on you. Im getting fed up; there has to be some changes. Or else its over. And theres no more room for second chances. I have volleyball for about 6 hours today. I dont feel like going.
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[15 Apr 2006|11:09pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
] |
Why would you act one way around our friends & another way when we're alone? Its tearing me apart really, I dont know how much more I can take. Im supposed to be the one with the commitment problems, remember? Im the one who made you wait 4 months before, and then another month this time. Because i dont like commitment. But now youre the one who is starting to push me away. I dont get it, nor do I like it. This is the last time that Im doing this, because this is the only shot we have. It will either work out, or it will crash and burn and that's that. I care about you so much & I think so highly of you but damn it, I have no idea what goes on in that head of yours. You're destroying our relationship little by little and you dont even seem to care.
Happy Easter Bitches.
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| i love everyone!! |
[01 Mar 2006|10:04pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
] |
Life continues to amaze me.. its lovely.
Everything is good, and has been pretty
consistant. Lovely. Im just myself again.
and its fucking lovely, bitches. My birthday
was sick, better than anything i could have
ever asked for. I wish it wasnt over, and
that Michelle was still here, but she shall
be here in July, and i shall be there in
November. License countdown= 8 weeks and 2 days.
I will be ripping my hair out until then.
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| Wow its been a whole MONTH .. too long not to update |
[15 Feb 2006|08:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 busy |
] |
My other half arrives on Friday, at 430 pm. Lovely !!! and that is when my birthday festivities will take place. And when me and my mother will have a nervous breakdown. But what can I say?
Dont you find it funny when your ex-boyfriend gets wasted and kisses your best friend on the cheek.. who happens to be a guy? My best friend totally FLIPPED OUT and at first it made me pissed cause thats my EX kissing my BEST FRIEND and theyre the SAME SEX! Thats so completely wrong but at the same time hilarious. Macho man aint so macho anymore huh? CHEA
Now im torn between following my heart, and using my head. I got rid of Gist, who was a selfish piece of crap, and now it seems like old feelings are knocking at my door. Best friends urge me to just "go for it", except for one who has no clue. Maybe because she'd be crushed if she knew i still had feelings for him, and so does she. I cant bring myself to do it, so i wont until i know that shes alright with it. Like my mother says, I always have BAD TIMING. Oh well, life goes on.
Im not gonna sit here and stress about old relationships and new feelings. Im gonna live life and have fun, because it could be over before you think.
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[24 Jan 2006|10:06pm] |
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Oh yeah i almost forgot that new york was completely ill and i had so much fun. It made me miss it even more. Lets see umm what like 2 more years? Yeah fuck Florida.
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| nothings every promised tomorrow today |
[24 Jan 2006|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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mellow |
] |
And its as if the burden from my shoulders has been lifted. And i couldn't be happier. Now all i have to do is be patient & hope for the best. Im trying to spare her feelings, the poor thing has no clue, but at the same time im tired of not doing things for myself but in turn for others. Ive come to the conclusion that i can stand up for other people, but not myself, i can help other people and not myself and i can find love for others but not for myself. Its weird. Just when you think the storm will go on forever, it finally passes. I am absolutely 100% done with you, forever. No feelings, no attatchments, no heartache. I can be with somebody who cares about me, and i wont have a care in the world. Which is exactly what i intend on doing. Im really loving life right now. Except for the fact that my knee is completely busted and we ran out of ice cream again.
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| she doesnt love you |
[11 Jan 2006|09:23pm] |
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mood |
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anxious |
] |
And I have this dream where were on hillside ave, stuck in traffic. the colors all around us are bright and swirling together. there is chaos everywhere. were waiting, waiting, and it seems forever, like we arent going to make it. But after waiting and waiting, we finally reach FP. and its the most amazing place to me, and the sun is shining so bright. I look out the window smiling, knowing that im finally home.
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| i dont like liars |
[10 Jan 2006|10:34pm] |
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mood |
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grateful |
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New York in 3 days. This week is dragging by. Its only fucking Tuesday. I cant wait. I really do miss it there, now more than ever. But im really blessed to have a lot of great friends here. Well it's a new year and ive made some new changes. No more sulking, crying, wondering, wishing, waiting, for something that never should have happened, and never will happen again. I feel so grown up, and I really am proud of myself. Im stronger, smarter, and more focused on whats important. Go ahead, try and break me down. Im not afraid anymore, of you or anyone else. I know that God has my side in everything I do, he will take care of me and guide me. So go ahead, try and break me down. I wont shatter into a million pieces like before. Dont test me, you betta move over! <3
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| BLAAAAH. |
[12 Dec 2005|07:21pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
] |
Christmas is almost here. I go to New York in 32 days. Mississippi in 10. Christmas in 13. hmm lovely. well nothing has changed really. im still loving life, yet frustrated with certain people. actually a certain someone. its pretty obvious. im just tired of feeling like im waiting for something to happen. Ive honestly learned that if you want to make things happen, do not depend on/ expect anything from anyone else. Every single person in your life will let you down (maybe not intentionally). God is really the only person you can depend on. Deciding on colleges is also discouraging. My heart belongs in New York, yet my wallet is in Florida. We simply do not have the money, unless i miraculously get a volleyball scholarship (cause academic scholarship is just ridiculous. im not going to kid myself), then im stuck here for another four years of my life. wow. shoot me now. i really cannot stand it here. really. i thank God everyday that i have amazing friends here. I think Christmas break is going to help me a lot. I need some time away from the shallow people at school to focus on MYSELF, to focus on what kind of person i would like to be, what kind of person i would like to be WITH , and whether i should tell the person that i let down the most, that i still love them more than ive ever loved another. This is getting ridiculous, and getting old, fast . I feel ive written this entry a million times. I need some time alone to think. Only 4 days.
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[01 Dec 2005|08:16pm] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
I knew it was too good to be true.
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| ready for a good weekend |
[22 Nov 2005|06:43pm] |
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mood |
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good |
] |
I never will forget those night
I wonder if it was a dream..
Remember how you made me crazy?
Remember how i made you scream?
I dont understand what happened to our love
But baby when i get you back,
Im gonna show you what im made of.
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| no homo |
[20 Nov 2005|08:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 weird |
] |
BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH.
is "blah" even in the dictionary? maaaaaaannnn.. FUCK YOU. and yo couch.
is everyone completely aware that is IMPOSSIBLE to completely clear your head?
i feel like just cursing at everyone who has done wrong to me. damn..
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[13 Nov 2005|06:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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drained |
] |
I had a great weekend. Thursday i went on a date with the one, the only KEYLEE! i miss her so much! gah. friday i went to novemberfest and kaylea & nikkie slept here FOUR FO YOU GLEN COCO, YOU GO GLEN COCO.. LANOLIN? YOU MEAN LIKE WOOL?.. BROWNS FOR EVERYONE! haha.. um on saturday i did nothing and then ate pizza with kay.. and today i went to tarpon spings con mi familia. it was alright. im so exhausted right now though. Things havent gotten any easier, but having such a great weekend brightened my outlook a little.
those are some gangsta ass hoes right there.
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___brownxeyes