| changes. |
[16 Apr 2010|10:26pm] |
i've dug myself into quite the financial hole.
basically, i don't make enough to cover my expenses. thank you, retail.
my solution?
my dad offered to let me move to puerto rico with him for at least 6 months.
i think i'm going to do it.
i would get a job at a hotel or restaurant at the resort he lives on, and save as much money as possible.
i would miss everyone here, but it's only 6 months. and what else do i really have to lose at this point?
|
(2 worship | tribute)
|
| i'm shrinking. |
[24 Feb 2009|06:47pm] |
something glorious has happened.
i lost a pant size.
i know what you're thinking. it's one stupid size. HOWEVER. i was a size 16 about a year ago. i then dropped to a steady 14. lately all of my pants have been lose, which is strange. i didn't realize i had even lost any weight until about 4 people told me i had in a week span. so today i tried on jeans at kohl's of all places. and fucking a, i'm now a 12. it was exhilarating, i'm not even going to lie. this has encouraged me to attempt to make it to a size 10. i haven't been a size 10 since i was about 18.
the funniest part of this story is that i have been busting my ass for the past year trying to find jeans that fit. i've tried on every expensive jean there is. i've contemplated ordering various expensive brands online. my skinny jeans are always baggy. my baggy jeans are always too long. i've spent the past winter in tights and skirts due to frustration. today i bought some kohl's brand cheap jeans and they fit better than any expensive brand i've tried. haha. ridiculous.
|
(4 worship | tribute)
|
|
[05 Feb 2009|12:06am] |
i've been breaking out in hives randomly all over my arms, chest, and face for almost a week now. they come and go. logic says i should probably get this checked out, but i seriously cannot deal with one more stupid medical drama, so the hives will just have to stay until they decide to leave on their own. that is a really long, run on sentence. having to literally claw at your collarbone to get it to stop itching all day gets to be super annoying. i've avoided showing the little red bumps off at work by wearing decorative scarves with all of my outfits. no one is the wiser.
perhaps they're stress related.
things are the same otherwise.
|
(tribute)
|
| i laughed out loud. |
[24 Dec 2008|04:19pm] |
OPEN THREAD: The Childhood Gift Pain Of December And January Birthdays [24 Dec 2008|04:00pm]
bestweekever
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008/12/24/open-thread-the-childhood-gift-pain-of-december-and-january-birthdays/
Coal
I have very few complaints about my childhood -- I owned every video game system (including Sega CD), I commanded a small army of action figures ranging from Napoleon Bonafrog to Super Fright Winston Zeddemore, and yes, I even had my fair share of adorable teenage romances (if ones with Serra Angels count).
As a kid, however, I was also an unfortunate annual victim of the most unfair, random, arbitrary curse that exists in the realm of childhood birthdays -- because my birthday is in early January, every damn holiday gift I received growing up turned into a combined "Christmas and Birthday" gift, a term nearly unheard of for anyone whose birthday falls on any of the other 10 months during the year, but one which somehow passed as an acceptable parental cop-out for those of us who had the audacity to be born vaguely around the time of Christ.
My mother, conversely, has her own birthday, Mother's Day, and the holidays all exactly four months apart, so any of my past attempts to count one expensive gift towards two holidays was received with a sarcastic "nice try, glad to see you're still milking that." I have both Jewish and Catholic family too, but instead of reaping the triple childhood gift bonanza that I deserved, I would frequently receive one gift counting towards Christmas, Hanukkah, and my birthday, and though they were often great gifts, if my birthday then occurred in April instead of January, I'd have received another great gift instead of a lame excuse. Damn, I would probably own two Sega CDs by now... man, my life was tough...
Any other December/January birthday people out there know the feeling? Stories, examples, lame parental excuses -- leave 'em in the comments!
story of my life!
|
(tribute)
|
|
[20 Dec 2008|01:04am] |
i'm pretty sure that there is something wrong with me.
i can't keep my eyes open. i've been sleeping for 12 hours a night. i feel so tired mid day, and if i eat, it's worse.
i get home from work and i feel like i can't even move.
i have no other symptoms, but this has been going on for awhile now.
i think it may be chronic fatigue? i don't know. i just know that i'm beyond frustrated.
|
(tribute)
|
|
[15 Dec 2008|01:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 distressed |
] |
i'm sick of being the stupidest person i know.
|
(2 worship | tribute)
|
|
[27 Aug 2008|12:48pm] |
|
i seem to get myself into the stupidest situations with the stupidest people over and over again. and another ones bites the dust.
|
(tribute)
|
| life. |
[28 Jul 2008|12:46am] |
i like my house.
i adopted a cat with a sinus problem and a love of stealing bottle caps and pennies.
i'm still making stupid choices regarding my personal life, but i'm having fun while doing so.
things are looking up?
|
(tribute)
|
|
[06 Jul 2008|12:51am] |
i'm alive.
i moved in, i'm adjusting. i love it here. the town is quiet and i have a porch.
i'm stressed about money though. i'm pretty sure i always will be though from this point on. i opened up a capital one card this week for emergencies. we'll see how that goes. i refuse to use credit cards unless it's absolutely necessary. i don't believe in spending money you don't have, but at the same time, i'd like to build credit.
besides that, jess and i have just been hanging out in the apartment, trying to jazz it up. we have a hello kitty bathroom and comfy furniture.
it's weird being an adult.
|
(tribute)
|
|
[02 Jul 2008|01:39am] |
everything is moved in.
i'm exhausted.
it's 1:40 am but i'm still awake.
it feels weird but exciting but stressful.
|
(3 worship | tribute)
|
| nerves. |
[27 Jun 2008|12:49am] |
so 1/4 of my belongings are in boxes. 1/4 is an estimate, seeing as i'm fairly sure most of everything i own is under my bed. i'm terrified of going under there for fear of finding a living colony of things. i'm gross.
i feel like everything is moving along faster than i thought it would. this time next week i'll be living on my own, and that terrifies me. i didn't go to college, so i never moved away. i've lived in the same house for 20 years now, and i'm not used to not being here. as much as i bitch about my parents, and as much as i bitch about having no space of my own, i'll miss living here. i like my room. i like that things magically appear when i run out of them. i've never had to buy things that weren't necessary before. i've never really had to cook for myself. this whole thing is very overwhelming for me, and i know i'm 23 and should be totally living by myself by now anyways, but still.
i'm not good with change even when i know i should do it. i'm hoping i can do this and not fuck it up like i generally do.
|
(2 worship | tribute)
|
|
[19 Jun 2008|04:58pm] |
i am very overwhelmed.
today i started cleaning out my bedroom. i'm basically the most vile disgusting human being ever, and i have learned that while cleaning out my room today. i didn't even crack the surface, and now i'm starting to panic. i'm afraid to clean out the closet. there's just too much stuff. and i can't really understand how i have so many articles of clothing, seeing as i gave away about 4 bags of clothes and shoes to good will about two months ago. i feel like i need professional help with this. i'm totally serious.
i move in like two weeks and have nothing accomplished. go figure. i'm infamous for this kind of shit. i'll probably be racing around next week trying to do things to move in by july 1.
i've been so out of it for the past month. i haven't really gone out or talked to anyone. people keep telling me that i seem off. it's strange. no one ever noticed before, unless this time around i'm just completely losing my mind, and people are finally noticing.
i am exhausted.
|
(4 worship | tribute)
|
|
[02 Jun 2008|11:31pm] |
i'm moving. i'm terrified, and i'm broke. i know i need to do this growing up thing, but now that it's becoming real, i'm panicking. go figure.
i have about a month to get my life together, and packed, and unpacked, and i have no idea where to even begin. or where to get the time to do it. ugh.
besides that, nothing else is going on. i'm still spending weekends at home with my cat and paula deen on food network. i feel like i'm in a rut. maybe things will change when i move. hopefully they will, at least.
|
(3 worship | tribute)
|
|
[12 May 2008|12:50am] |
IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, if you're more of a lurker, or if we already know everything about each other.
BE HONEST! Answer the questions in a comment, then repost on your own journal!
1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.
2) What was your dream growing up?
A.
3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.
5) Favorite vegetable?
A.
6) What was the last book you read?
A.
7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.
8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.
9) Worst Habit?
A.
10) If you saw me walking down the street, would you offer me a ride?
A.
11) What is your favorite sport?
A.
12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.
16) Do you have any pets?
A.
17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.
18) What was your first impression of me?
A.
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.
22) What color eyes do you have?
A.
23) Ever been arrested?
A.
24) Bottle or can soda?
A.
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.
27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
A.
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
A.
30) Do you swear a lot?
A.
31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.
35) Do you believe in God?
A.
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.
|
(2 worship | tribute)
|
|
[12 Feb 2008|02:03pm] |
i need to start being selfish.
i always let other people's problems consume me, and i'm more focused on helping them than i am myself.
i need to learn how to help myself. and i need to learn how to put myself first.
|
(1 worship | tribute)
|
| more incessant rambling about things you probably do not care about. |
[02 Feb 2008|12:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
Last week I went to the city with Carolyn and her cousin Diane. We went to this bar that I'd only been to once before, but it was something different to do. We got there and it was packed. Diane's 'boyfriend' bought us our first beers, so I didn't need to fight my way to the bar, which was nice. I drank that terribly fast and needed another beer within five minutes of getting the first one. So I told Carolyn that I was going to the bar. I got up there and there was this drunk, mildly attractive guy next to me. He tapped me, asked what I was drinking, and we ended up talking for about two hours. There were no redeeming qualities about him beyond his awkwardly drunk charm. I have no idea WHY I talked to him for as long as I did. We didn't really talk about much, and he doesn't seem to really do much with life, but I don't either, so who am I to judge. After exchanging numbers, and texting various times since this incident, I truly realized that I have a TERRIBLE track record with guys, and this is exactly why.
It hit me that I go after the same type of guys I went after when I was 16.
I also go after any guy that basically swings me any compliment of any type.
Every guy I've met in the past few months has been a total loser that I have this fantasy of changing into someone awesome. Which is really funny, because I can't even change myself, let alone some loser with no job and a drug habit.
I need to break this pattern, but I'm not even sure how to go about doing it. The type of guys I should be attempting to be with want nothing to do with me. I settle for losers because I can. It's easier.
I guess I figured that since there was never emotional attachment to these guys that it didn't matter that their lives were ridiculous. I'm realizing that it does matter.
I can't keep settling for these people. It's ridiculous.
On the other end of this spectrum, I'm attracted to people that are basically assholes to me. I have no idea where that comes from.
What I need to start doing is stop attempting to make things out of nothing, stop socializing with people that are totally bad for me, and start adhering to these standards that I apparently hold myself up to.
I think I'm just going to start to patiently wait for something to come along. Obviously I'm not capable of finding people.
In other news, I have today off and I have no idea what normal people even do on Saturdays. I decided to watch Food Network until around 4 or 5, and then go participate in retail therapy with Christine.
|
(tribute)
|
|
[31 Jan 2008|12:48am] |
i've come to a few realizations the past few days.
my life is weird, but interesting i suppose.
|
(tribute)
|
|
[17 Jan 2008|06:00pm] |
i've had a bad week.
nothing major has even happened, but i feel like i want to crawl out of my skin. i'm so antsy and irritable that i don't know what to even do with myself. now it's snowing and i hate snow. i hate the feeling of being trapped, and that's basically all snow does. it makes everything cold and it traps you into your house. ugh.
i'm also in one of those 'absolutely nothing satisfies me' moods, and i hate those. i'm hungry but i don't know what i want to eat. everything i can choose from i hate or don't want to eat or i'm not in the mood to eat. if it wasn't snowing, i could at least get some food, but i can't. there's a shitload of things i could do to occupy my time but i don't want to do any of them. i'm just...i don't even know. nothing appeals to me. i could probably just sit here and stare at my laptop screen for another 6 hours until i'm ready for bed, to be perfectly honest.
|
(tribute)
|
| basic complaining. |
[13 Jan 2008|11:31pm] |
i am CONSTANTLY tired. endlessly. always exhausted. i really have no idea why. lately i've been terribly achy and tired. last week i was mostly closing, so i would fall asleep by 1, sleep until 11, and take a nap before going into work. i could hardly keep my eyes open. i still feel this way. i did the same thing today. i feel like i can't physically get out of my bed, or physically keep my eyes open. i'm falling asleep as i'm typing this. i don't really know why though. nothing else is wrong, beyond my general congestion that i deal with every day. i just feel so terrible lately. physically.
my ipod is broken. well, the itunes is broken and it won't let me upload any songs onto my ipod. every time i go to it tells me that my usb doesn't exist. either ones. funny, seeing as everything else i plug in there works fine. fucking apple.
things have been weird. everything.
|
(2 worship | tribute)
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
___ashley_