You're unimportant...

____starscream @ 2006-07-24T00:43:00

2006-07-24T07:45:01Z

It's time to move on.

The subjects discussed in this journal are everything but memorable, and so I have decided to get rid of it.

humble_heartshumble_heartshumble_hearts

because rory would want you to.

He's the man you don't see in the mirror.

2006-07-13T08:05:04Z

And what he said to me was this:
"Just love the world that won't love you back."

Old man take a look at my life, I'm nothing like you are.
Take a look at my life, I'm so very fucking far
From the person I aspire to be:
unbreakable.

____starscream @ 2006-07-10T00:42:00

2006-07-10T08:12:54Z

I can't sleep.

My brain just won't shut up. I figure I can quell it by writing everything I'm thinking.

This will be quite possibly the longest post ever posted, or maybe not, I might stop caring in the middle. I might offend some of you, and if so, I'm sorry.

My first problem, and this is recurring, is that everybody has skeletons in their closets. While that thought doesn't bother me, reminders of others' is what does. Being bored and peeking around on the internet can really ruin one's day. I believe in everything you say, and I trust you, but that doesn't mean I have to like thinking about it.

Secondly, I've got to say that being in a relationship is an amazing thing. It's nice a feeling when you recieve by giving. I've found a new side of me that I'd like to keep around. Not the bitter cold Wes that I once was, but the Wes that goes to the end of the world and back to make her happy and would do it a thousand times over if that's what she wanted. Everybody I talk to says I've gone too fast, and sometimes a little voice in my head tells me to chill out, because now my life is so completely structured around her that if it's gone, rebuilding will be one of the most difficult tasks ever attempted by man, but I just can't help it. I want everything to be perfect and the only way that will happen is by making them perfect.

Friends can really break your heart. I've got (had?) one that has decided that they basically need no one and nothing and that they're the best thing they'll ever find. The only thing I can do is wait until they've realized that we're all walking on crutches made of friends and family and love and memories and when they're gone we're nothing. Will i take them back then? I don't know, I really don't.

Not having a job is nice, and not relying so heavily on moeny is also nice. My mother keeps harassing me to get a job, but I really don't want to. I'm enjoying doing whatever I want, whenever I want and not having to schedule things around work.

The reasons I was looking forward to Diego breaking up certainly are nice, but I need something musical again. I have a lot of ideas and have worked on a lot of things, but I really don't know just what the hell I'm doing.

When it comes to moving, especially after today (we found THE PERFECT HOUSE), I don't know how to feel. Our house is beautiful, the area is nice and I get to be close to the school I ultimately intend on attending. My friends will all be over 40 miles away from me, and while I know that I'm the last person that has to worry about making new friends or not, I can't help but feel that the friends I have are my friends for a reason, and that replacing them isn't the smartest option. I try not to think about the distance, and I just focus on the fact that Diana and I will be super close to each other.

Speaking of friends, I really feel "out of the loop." Maybe it's just some stupid lack of self esteem caused by some 7th grade locker room scene or something, but I can't help but notice that the friends of mine that I think (thought?) are truly closest to me don't really try to include me in their lives. I mean sure, we hang out and talk all the time, but I have to find out through other people what's really going on with them. Only after I try to talk to them about those things do they decide to talk about it. Maybe I'm doing something wrong?

A lot of things from my own past have been resurfacing and I feel trapped. I feel like I'm fighting off all these horrible things and I have no one to turn to because all the friends I have now I have not let into my past because it's difficult for me to talk about. There's a lot of things I tell, but a lot of things I don't, and for good reason.

I'm really tired of manipulators. People who decide that they like or don't like something for some reason and then get all of their friends to feel taht way too. Being treated poorly because of some outside, third party, not-very-important-to-this-situation thing's influence is fucking killing me. Because they don't like it, must you not too? This leads me to another subject:

I really wish that people could juist be okay with themselves, but, more importantly, okay with the fact taht other people are different. I have chosen a path, I know waht I want and I know how and when and why I'll get it. I know I won't fail because I've set things up so I will not fail. I don't see why my own non-selfish, non-offensive, non-anything plans are such a big deal to everybody. Just fucking let me do what I fucking want to do okay? If you don't agree, don't be a part of it. Unless I am being unbelievably stupid or self-destructive, LEAVE ME ALONE!!

"No matter where I am in this world, I know exactly where I'll stand." -Ray Cappo

Lastly, if something's bothering you to the point where you're going to make a secret but not so secret internet post about it, talk about it to the people who should be talked to about it, and solve it. Don't act like it's nothing when it's something and don't make your posts to make yourself seem like some weak victim when we're all here trying to help and you just don't accept it. It's one thing to have nobody and feel that way, but when somebody who loves you is sitting here begging you to let them help you, what are you doing? Begging for attention on the internet is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.

I am very confused.

If I'm being an asshole, if you agree, or if you don't care about any of this, please, let me know.

I just need some people's feedback to see just what the hell I'm doing.

Deliver me in a black winged bird.

2006-07-09T17:56:41Z

Today, it is real.

All the actions that had to have been taken in order for us to want to move have been completed and now we're going ot buy a house.

Promise me we'll all still hang out and it will be the same when im 50 or so miles away.

____starscream @ 2006-07-08T14:27:00

2006-07-08T21:30:02Z

hug_harderhug_harderhug_harderHug_Harder

Diana and I decided that I should keep track of my dreams somehow.

If you've ever heard me talk about my dreams and were amused, add that journal, and you can read about them!</span>

____starscream @ 2006-07-01T20:55:00

2006-07-02T03:58:04Z

It's not like me to focus on the negative BUT:

Monday Volkswagen destroys my stereo.
Tuesday I ruin everybody's plans that we had on wednesday.
Thursday my wallet gets stolen.
Friday my iPod breaks.
Today I get pulled over for doing 102 even though I was doing only 90 on my way home from Courtney's. If my dad wasn't a cop I'd have lost my license, my car, and have to pay 1800+ dollars.

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

God. Fuck.

HEEEEEEEEEEEERE I COME!

2006-06-29T04:24:41Z

See you Saturday!

____starscream @ 2006-06-19T10:21:00

2006-06-19T17:22:57Z

Sometimes, songs just really get to you. This song really hit home to me because it's howI feel about hardcore, edge, being a good person, and basically how I feel about my life. I never needed anyone to help me before and I sure as hell don't now.

the times have changed and so have they
these changing times won't change me
cast aside, lost all my friends
more important to me, than it ever was to them.
their beliefs were ran down, but mine stood so tall
so many close friends i've said goodbye to them all
lost all support, but the fires still in my heart
to stand alone is to stand fucking hard
backs are turned, faces look away
but convictions grow stronger every day

if it means i'll stand on my own
thats the price i'll pay, and i'll pay it alone
if only i'll stand, then alone i will strive
remain, sustain

And I'll be in the arms of the only thing I'm keeping here with me

2006-06-14T06:10:38Z

Today I unwillingly took a walk down memory lane. I felt like driving my car on the wrong side of the freeway. I don't like being a secret keeper, and I wish I could talk about somethings that have happened, but whenever I think about them I just feel so week and small and can't help but think that the person I am now came from such an enervated mass of cells.

Even though now I am a completely different person than I was before, I still have a lot of work to do. I understand that the goals I have would seem impossible if written out, but that a goal easily accomplished soon becomes forgotten as the race to reach the next overpowers the glory of reaching the first. I like having goals that are seemingly unobtainable because I love stasis and I believe in the value of work and dedication and I can't help but think that people are too easy on themselves.

Giving up is a concept that is finally not making sense to me. I have plans and I have dreams and becoming disillusioned by the pathways only makes the destinations unreachable.

I will do what I want and I will get to where I want to be.

I will not let the past or some unforseen obstacles in the future bring me down.

xkillxsrhx: thief?

2006-06-08T04:39:55Z

Man, I've grown so much!

Anyways,

My Front door.

Backyard.

Another View.

View of my house from backyard.

View of my city from my backyard.

My neighbors' dog that i want so badly.

My cousin, Daniel, fighting my sister, Cassie.

A new family in my backyard. :D

My Bedroom.

Window View.

Have to show off my dual monitors.

What I see when I look out the window.

Nike Love?

Wall art.

Sister's Car.

My Car. :D

Mom's Car #1.

Mom's Car #2.

No pictures of my dad's car because it isn't german. D:

My sister, her boyfriend, Piotr, my dad, and my cousin.

My mom, Michelle, talking to her mom, Penny.

My mom and her dad, Mike.

Grandparents and my dog, Ferris.

Kitchen chat?

My Grandpa.

My dad, doing laundry.

I guess I should throw in a picture of me while I'm at this.

____starscream @ 2006-06-04T22:56:00

2006-06-05T05:57:37Z

Whoa hao ai zhang tai ti!

____starscream @ 2006-06-03T08:28:00

2006-06-03T15:30:04Z

A lot of things have been happening lately that are beyond my comprehension.

I guess all I can do is stand up, wipe the dust off, shave my head and move on.

____starscream @ 2006-05-24T14:34:00

2006-05-24T21:38:15Z

Being a sucker for tradition, I never thought I'd welcome change with such open arms.

I can't wait.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same. They both make me feel a little less insane.

2006-04-03T22:09:35Z

So I had written a long long post, but I deleted it.

All I have to say to the past is: "hey fuck you" and all I have to say to the present and future is: "I've been waiting for you."

I am so in love with her, and them, and life.

Truthfully, every night before I go to sleep, I ask myself this question:

"If i didn't wake up tomorrow morning, would I reflect on my life and be happy?"

and I always fall asleep smiling.

There's two quotes I've been living my life by lately:

"You must be the change you want to see in the world."
-Ghandi

and

"Today's your day. Do something impossible. We are the ones that we've been waiting for."
-Final Fight

My ideal world is a place where people don't give up on each other. A place where people aspire to better not only themselves, but those around them. Where money never controls fun. Where money never controls love.

The only thing I ask for from everybody is sincerity.

The changes I'm making aren't much in the grand scheme of things, but they're the absolute most I can give.

If I get killed today on my way to work, I will have died a completed person.

Thank you to:
Matthew Boothe
Michelle Boothe
Diana Chang
Ryan Tiet
Philip Kupferschmidt
Cassie Rene Boothe
Grady Ng
David Trautz
Ryan Trautz
Chri5topher Chang

I am nothing without all of you.

Life is what you make it. Make it something worth living.

HANDBALLLL

2006-03-27T15:01:07Z

So, forgive me for the fact that all my posts are basically this:

my life > your life

BUT

this one is another one of those.

My parents are buying me new drums for graduation, and also a laptop before i start school. Now all I need to do is get my MPC1000 and I can quit my job :DDDD

I have never been this happy on such a holistic scale.

friends, family, band, work, school, life; it's all jsut so good.

Things to do on Spring Break:
-PJ Party
-Ninja Mission w/ Daveo and Ray
-Road Trip to Bakersfield
-Play Shows.

KEWL

I hope you know we always loved you.

2006-03-14T00:03:23Z

It's gotten to the point where when I think about the past, it feels as though it's a movie I watched or a book I read.

It doesn't seem like me.

But then, I think about the things I did when I was younger, and I love the feeling.

I'm not saying I regret anything I've ever done, it takes mistakes to not make mistakes, and I know that I wouldn't be anything with out my past, it's just that I feel that now I am making the right choices.

This quote really hits home for me:

"With determination, we all must live on.
We've all learned things from those days;
I know that we all have grown.
Even I now feel a calm like I have never known."

Misery Signals is just amazing. :D

In summary, happy Wes is happy that he is no longer unhappy Wes.

K L8 uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

____starscream @ 2006-03-09T14:57:00

2006-03-09T22:57:18Z

I miss bob.

minus the bear tonight.

One day it will come together.

2006-02-25T03:34:52Z

Positivity and optimism certainly paid off.

I realized now that I shot myself in the foot or so to speak last year over schooling and such, but I plan on going to Citrus college and doing just fine.

I got food poisoning last night and I've been puking my guts out all night / day. Fun.

COURTNEY ANGELA CRENSHAW I AM VISITING YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.

And there will be nothing left of you.

2006-02-13T22:37:26Z

EDIT: Sometimes you have to realize when you're being dumb and just get it out.

life

owns.

(goes rafting. comes home.)

2006-02-09T05:50:53Z

Honestly, I couldn't dream about living a life that's this great.

I have amazing friends, two great bands, a family that would do anything for me, and nothing pressing me to do anything i don't want to do.

This week, however, I finally felt for the first time, that maybe it's good I'm graduating soon. Maybe it's good that I'm moving pn, going to college, growing up. Myabe I'm just being stupid.

I think it's nice to be 16 years old when i graduate. After getting some good advice from some even better people, I have decided that after my bachelor's degree, I shall continue schooling to get my master's and then teach at a community college. Basically, I'm posting this so that whenever I get off work one day, I'll pass through here and think "why the heck did I want to teach."

What I'm trying to say is that even the best laid plans often go astray, but all I can do is continue forward and embrace what crosses my path.

Bob's tattoo is tight, I love thursdays, and I'm mad that Euclid's CD player stopped working. The end.

____starscream @ 2006-01-27T14:06:00

2006-01-27T22:08:19Z

I am probably the only person who CAN wait for school to end, and I bet I'll be the only person not crying.

Also, I like to rap about how much better I am than everyone else, and then write raps about how life is shit cause all anyone wants to do is kill each other.

Basically, I'm just saying that I'm sick of bullshit. Understand when you're being hypocritical.

Anyways, I'm fucken neat :D

THIS IS MY POKER FACE: MR. FEEL NOTHING

2006-01-14T19:22:28Z

I'm sick and tired of people blowing up things to something they're not.

Besides that, life is great.

I'm making an effort to spend more time with friends I realy should spend more time with, and it has been amazing. I'm going to great scott tonight with Sam, Jimmy, Matt, Daveo, and Joey.I'm not sure if Josh is going, but I hope he does. After the show, I'm spending the night with Nickckckckckckckckcicicieieieiee; I am so excited.

That's all I've got to say; I'm happy.

I'm not going to lie to you, I love you all.

____starscream @ 2006-01-01T00:02:00

2006-01-01T08:02:34Z

My new year's resolution is to become the friend i always dreamed about having.

If i can't have it, I'll be it.

____starscream @ 2005-12-27T04:41:00

2005-12-27T12:41:26Z

i got arrested.

____starscream @ 2005-12-21T11:54:00

2005-12-21T19:56:51Z

This Winter Break has been excellent so far.

I drove up to Azusa canyon the other day and got some really good pictures.

I've played two AMAZING shows and met a lot of great people in the process.

I got to see quarter nickel penny and i swear evertime i see her i fall more in love.

I'm driving my sister to Arizona tomorrow, that'll be a fun "roadtrip"

AND TODAY I GET TO WATCH SIX HOURS OF ZAOOOOOOOO

:DDD

I love you all.

<3