| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2009|01:02 pm] |
25. Foreigner VERY UNAPPEALING UNAPPEALING APPEALING VERY APPEALING
Came across this while doing a quiz about sexual fantasies. Was able to laugh at it. Kind of. Also, didn't really know what to put. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|07:44 am] |
Apparently there's often a more mature way to look at those little life scenarios that make you want to curl up and die for a few weeks. It's rarely black and white, and even though grey is less conclusive and less concrete, it's probably the truth. And I got shown this by a friend who I always thought had absolutely no maturity at all.
It doesn't make me feel that much better, but it makes me feel a little differently. It's no magical solution, but it's a more dynamic approach.
People aren't always villains. They just view things drastically differently, and they approach life from a different angle. It's what makes people different I suppose, and that difference is what causes these huge clashes, but also what causes attraction and chemistry and bonds.
I need to find another bond. Someday. Maybe a more stable one. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 18th, 2009|07:15 am] |
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I spent St. Patrick's Day, the most Irish day of the year, working and reading He's Just Not That Into You until the early morning hours. So. Fitting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 17th, 2009|07:52 pm] |
My imagination is not active. It's over active.
I have the uncanny and detrimental ability to experience, in condensed form, an entire relationship from life to bitter death before any of it has even come close to happening. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 8th, 2009|10:59 am] |
Kate Havnevik in her new song 'Halo':
"You're not alone, in being alone.
Six billion humans, one of them's right for you."
The Grammy's are on tonight but no one I like is performing. Lame. Well, I like Katy Perry...a lot actually, but I don't like watching her perform. She kind of sucks live. It says Madonna will be there though. Maybe a surprise performance? Maybe she and Kanye will perform a stunning rendition of Beat Goes On mashed up with the Pussycat Dolls all decked out in multi coloured latex doing Bottle Pop with a rave laser show and confetti everywhere. Maybe.
Or Mary J. Blige will sit on a chair and flex her sweating biceps and yell into the mic for five minutes while the crowd gives a standing o. That's more likely.
I should direct these shitting award shows. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 7th, 2009|06:05 pm] |
IAMSOFUCKINGGODDAMNTIREDOFRYERSON.
I had one of the most stressful days of my life on Friday. I still feel like crying. In fact, I have so much anger built up, I just ran up and down my stairs and literally tore at my own face with my fingernails and screamed into my hands.
First we got our reports, which are never very nice documents. One teacher told me I was slow to absorb corrections, and that I "really annoyed" her with my "giving up". Another told me I was a bit too short to be a dancer and had to work on lengthening (ie you're fat).
Then in ballet our teacher threw a fit and told us that none of us were hungry enough or proactive enough to be dancers and that we were lazy and unmotivated. She was irrational and bitter and angry. I don't know why.
TO TOP THIS WONDERFUL DAY OFF, we had a run through of finished pieces for Choreographic Works (for which I'm choreographing a piece), and NOW, THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE SHOW, the panel tells me that my music is too repetitive and boring for a 4 minutes piece (HONESTLY?! 4 MINUTES?! It's not a fucking epic!), and that somehow, I should change the music halfway through the piece, but they had NO suggestions as to how to change the music, or when, or what to change it to. USELESS. MEDDLING. Then some girl in production suggests that we use some heavy metal music in the piece.
DO I LOOK LIKE I WILL USE HEAVY METAL IN MY PIECE?! It's NOT A JOKE. IT'S MY PIECE.
FUCK. YOU.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ALL.
What am I supposed to do?! You can't just stop a song halfway through a piece and start a new one, and expect it to sound good, or for the existing choreo to work.
They make me want to hurt people. With sharp knives. They make me want to FEEL my knuckles cracking skull bones.
End of scary rant. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2009|10:38 pm] |
Ok.
In "What I've Been Looking For (Ryan and Sharpay Version)" from High School Musical, SHARPAY SINGS THE FUCKING HARMONIES DOESN'T SHE?!?!?!?!?! DOESN'T SHE?! SOMEONE WITH MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE TELL ME! Because I have to sing this song and the sheet music has me doing all the harmonies and I CAN'T because I've listened to the song 834098298902850980928904 times THIS WAY.
I. AM. NOT. A. MUSICIAN. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 12th, 2009|06:42 pm] |
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I'm really really incredibly frustrated on a grand scale. This is me re-testing the waters of LJ. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2007|11:47 am] |
Harry Potter is over. Really over.
The Bourne movies are over.
So You Think You Can Dance is over.
High School Musical 2 is amazing (and over).
My summer must be over.
My childhood must be over?
Sigh.
Hopefully something else is starting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 29th, 2007|10:24 pm] |
When the summer gets too hazy and tired, and thoughts have too much time to sink in, nights can really suck.
When you can't get off the couch to stop thinking and start doing.
When you live from shift to shift.
When you realize you'll never meet half the people you should.
When the other half that you did meet migrate away to start new lives without you.
When you give it all and get only indifference back.
When you overplay Michelle Branch.
When you try so hard you feel stupid.
When they'll never take you seriously.
When they look at you like something must be wrong.
When you know it's dead.
When you hear from the person you need to hear from...just so they can get someone else's phone number?
Sigh. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2007|03:05 pm] |
Prom was wierd. It's this night that we're supposed to remember for the rest of our lives, one that marks a transition in our lives. I guess we all go in with these expectations, and expectations are the worst things to have in life. Some of it was really really fun, and some of it was really really not. Overall it left me feeling down...but I'm not sure why.
It might have nothing to do with prom.
I think I've been blocking tension. I need a rush of emotion, a release of psychic pain. |
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| 'Write your opinion of 10 people without using their name' |
[Apr. 24th, 2007|12:25 pm] |
Stolen from Annie...this is kinda wierd but I'm procrastinating. I have to swear to myself right now that I'm going to do homework as soon as this is done.
1. Like most of my really good friends, we only got close recently...and I still wonder if we actually are close. But I feel like I know what you're going through, and I know I can't REALLY help you, but I can be there at least and I can stay friends with you even though you might be really down 100% of the time. You're worth it.
2. Why are you getting back together with him? I can't look at you two without wanting to run the other way, without wanting to rescue you from what is INEVITABLY going to come AGAIN. It makes me sad that you won't fight for me, but I understand, I think. You are absolutely fabulous, and something about you makes me happy, makes me feel better about life. You know people, and you know what's good for them, so I understand if you don't know what's best for you.
3. Why are YOU getting back together with HIM?! Maybe you're not, maybe you're just slutty. Which I love about you. I actually think I love you, like..a lot. You make me laugh more than anyone else I've known, and I want to know you FOREVER. I need to get closer to you...I'm worried I like you more than you like me.
4. I've always struggled to have a best friend, I always wanted one, so badly. When I finally thought I had one it fell apart, and I can't bring myself to NOT blame you for all of it. I don't know if I'll ever understand you...but I honestly think you don't REALLY care about anyone, which is scary. Like most people, I guess I liked you more than you liked me. I'll always always miss you. Yes, I'm so hurt by the way you erased me, but I'll remember you the way you were, before you became a stranger, if you still want to pull away and ignore my existence. If you change your mind, I'm waiting for you. It's your move.
5. You took a lot from me, and you found a way to make me seem like some evil creature. I don't know if you've gotten over it yet...I think you're starting to. The truth is, I will never, EVER admit fault, so if you want to grow up and admit your own shortcomings, please do. Sometimes, I start to worry that you really do have issues, but I think you can redeem yourself. Just be careful.
6. You are amazing. You push me, and we argue, and we disagree, and I've never even really met you, but I feel like you're one of my best friends for some reason. I want to know what your world is like...so much. I miss you!!!
7. Thanks for always listening to my crap...for caring enough to listen to it all and to not just pretend you're listening. I so don't want you to leave Toronto. I want us to keep growing up together, and experience stuff at the same time!!! Sometimes you piss me off, sometimes you make me so happy, you're one of my best friends.
8. You're fun. I worry about you, I worry about the people you hang out with when I'm not there, and I'm worried you're burying your troubles. I love that we spend A LOT of time together, and that we can be so DIRRY together. We ARE going to keep spending so much time together in University I don't care where you go!
9. We've been "friends" for a long long time...I even used to like you (what the hell was I thinking?! hahaha!) We're on good terms right now, which is good, because our time is running out. I tell almost everyone that I won't miss you when you go, but I think I will...a lot. Let's make the most of our time together before it's over.
10. I think I love you. You're funny, and cute, and caring. There's something about you that doesn't make me care that you don't love me...it's just fun flirting with you! Don't go.
I love all the people on this list, even though it might not seem like it. It felt good to get all those out. I'm getting kinda emotional, since everyone's gonna be running off to university soon...oh god I'll miss everyone so much. I'll probably be stuck in the same place forever.
Homework time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2007|08:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Answer by Sarah McLachlan | ] |
This year has been really, really hard. In different ways. Emotionally. I'm sure I've written that before.
Some days I remember how hard it's been. Somedays I forget. Today I remember. Vividly. I've lost people. In different ways. Most of them have been ridiculously heart wrenching. Some of them have been really stupid, but they're still sad. And now everyone else is losing people too.
Maybe it's because we're finally trying to really grow up. Maybe this is the transition...the hard part that I've thought was upon me every single year. Maybe this is really the one...the hard one.
I'm really burnt out. In different ways.
I can't wait for us to get out of this slump. I hope we do. It'll take some real fucking courage, but it'll come someday.
Wait. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 13th, 2007|08:21 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | All Good Things (Come To An End) by Nelly Furtado | ] |
Letely it's hard for me to believe that all intrapersonal relationships (friends, family, enemies, lovers) are anything more than just predetermined sets of lies.
It sounds harsh, but how many of us find a connection with anyone that's actually real? Most people would say many, but lately it seems to me that even what seems real is not. We are taught how to behave with friends, how to behave with family, how to treat our enemies. We "love" our family because that's what families do. We "laugh" with our friends, because they should make us feel better.
Are we maybe just going through the motions? Or is it just me?
Because in my opinion, if things are built on lies, they're just going to crumble and die pretty soon. Things get mixed up, things fade, things explode.
I don't know.
Don't take offense. It's just musing. If it all is just lies, I'll keep on lying with the people I care about...hopefully they will too.
In other news, driving school is horrible. Seven hours a day for four days trapped in a dark TDSB room with hideous drapery and 35 other waste-of-space kids who can't get their fucking heads out of their asses, let alone drive. I shudder to think how safe the roads will be after this class is let loose. This is a waste of the one week of the year where I can relax a bit.
The only positive is that my brother and I are forced to spend time together, and by the time we get out of that hell hole everyday we're pretty giddy. It results in fist fighting, arm breaking, and ice throwing. But the good kind...the old kind. |
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| Betrayed |
[Mar. 2nd, 2007|09:23 am] |
It's been a bad year. It really, really has. I thought it might be starting to get better, but last night it slipped back a bit. A lot.
Fashion Show was cancelled. 3 FUCKING HOURS before showtime. I've never wanted to storm the office and hack up every single one of those slags. I felt so bad for them, that the students were all attacking them when it was the TDSB's decision, but THEY LIED TO OUR FACES. It wasn't the TDSB at all. I feel incredibly betrayed. They say we'll get to reschedule it...but who knows when or in what capacity.
We tried to drink away our problems last night, and it kind of worked, but thanks to Ms. Lee's handy hangover tips, I'm totally fine this morning, totally aware and totally thinking of all the shit.
All my friends feel that it's necessary to lie to us about when they're spending time with their boyfriends. Honestly, two of them in one night. What the fuck.
I just want to go to sleep but I can't. I just lie with my eyes open, because I feel like all my energy for Fashion Show just fizzled out instead of actually being fufilled, and I feel like I can't trust people the way I thought I could.
Emo. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 26th, 2007|06:08 pm] |
My birthday was absolutely not a complete dissapointment.
I've come to think that most things and people in this world, however, are.
That's all. |
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| FUTURESEX / LOVESHOW |
[Jan. 31st, 2007|08:15 am] |
Holy shit.
Yesterday was a fairly special day. It filled me with inspiration and really cemented my life dreams/goals. Other than the math exam, it was concertmania. First, I bought the Confessions Tour DVD/Live CD package by our Queen Madge, and it is, of course, transcendant. But, more importantly, Sara and I saw Justin's FUTURESEX / LOVESHOW!
Allow me to release some emotions....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was amazing! AMAZING. To be honest, my expectations going in weren't as high as they could have been, because its only been recently that I've really gotten into JT, and I thought maybe I was just buying into him because everyone else was. But last night made me realize why millions of people around the world are ridiculously in love with him, even though he'll never once meet them. He is a beacon of showmanship....completely graceful and fun and skilled, and completely into every aspect of the show, and giving love back to the audience.
Naturally, he sung all the classics, which were ridiculous, and he even slipped in a couple of N'SYNC pieces! Timbaland showed up too, which just freaked me out completely, because he's amazing and massive. Pink was also there and she surprised us soooooooo much. She was on fire, and we thought she was a bit of a loser before we saw her. WE WERE SO WRONG! I'M SO SORRY PINK!
Anyways, it made me realize that I desperately want to be a part of concerts like Confessions and Futuresex / Loveshow, and Re-Invention and Stripped and Back to Basics and even the Onyx Hotel. I just LOVE concerts...to me they're are the pinnacle of an artists skills, where everything comes together in an intense jolt of music/dance/acting/lighting/staging/extreme sexcitement. I so want to dance in them, or choreograph them, or direct them. I wish it was possible...maybe...maybe...
Anyways, very happy and on a wave of excitement right now. Am nevous to come back down! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2007|07:19 am] |
I'm really dysfunctional right now.
I can't sit down and do work, or university stuff. I usually end up getting mad at myself and watching TV and wasting my time. I can't handle mu stupid job anymore. The littlest things seem frustrating and everywhere I look, the shift supervisors are out to get me.
I can't be around people at school anymore either. They all piss me off so much. If they all seem to be doing something wrong, it must be me. I get mad at the stupidest things but I can't help it. I basically ran away from school for a while yesterday because it just makes me feel so trapped now.
I feel like I should go into a sensory deprivation tank for a while, maybe some shock therapy too. I just need to be away from everything for a while, or I'm gonna go comatose. |
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