follow the path ...

We've got to get back to the garden again...

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 17:35:34 GMT

Vote if you love me

If you haven't read my
entry do so, and vote!!

If you have time, check out some of the other entries. There are some great ones.

Love to all,
B

LJ Idol, Week 3, A Moment of Bliss

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 05:28:52 GMT

I could drink a case of you, darlin'…

Fingers, lips, skin on skin; all walls destroyed, every barrier broken. The only sounds are those of us breathing and icy December rain beating on the window pane. I thought I would push you away; I thought I would look for any opportunity to escape what I've feared most; intimacy. My fear has never been the act of sex, but the surrender of self that comes with it. Yet I surrender now, inhibitions released, breathing you in like a warm summer breeze.
You run your hand over the white jagged lines on my inner thighs'; the scars on my skin which tell stories of past pain. They are imprints of wounds which have healed, but remain in many ways; wounds caused by myself and those who came and left before you. You don't shy away from them. Your hands are different from those I've felt before; hands reaching to take what I didn't want to give. Yours gently push away my trepidation, making room for gifts I have never received; patience, acceptance, love. I let you in, needing to be as close to you as possible, never wanting it to stop. You whisper that you love me, and for the first time I believe you. There is no pain, only a bliss that I have never known, and will never know again.

I could drink a case of you, darlin',
And I would still be on my feet,
O I would still be on my feet.
-Joni Mitchell

Am I losing my touch?

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 19:35:05 GMT

IEdit: I fixed the link. It works now.

f you read and enjoyed my entry, then please go and vote!
If you honestly didn't enjoy it, tell me why here so I can improve for the next round. This 6.7 percent of the vote thing isn't working for me. I mean, I know I'm new and all, but I did reasonably well last week, so the giant drop in comments and votes is weird.

The deadline to vote is tomorrow at 1 EST.

Huggs,
B

It's that time again...

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 14:11:49 GMT

Here is theLJ Idol poll...Please vote!

I'm low in the polls right now, so please vote if you like my entry, and if you want massive amounts of cookies, please vote!

Ok the begging has ended.
Proceed with your normal lives.

PS. Perscriptives has amazing blindo friendly makeup.
Deep love for their jungle eye shadow. I can apply it with my finger. Rock on. Eye makeup is no longer les scary.
Ok seriously.
Ciao.

LJ Idol, Week 2

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:06:47 GMT

"It may well be that our means are fairly limited and our possibilities restricted when it comes to applying pressure on our government. But is this a reason to do nothing? Despair is nor an answer. Neither is resignation. Resignation only leads to indifference, which is not merely a sin but a punishment."
-Elizabeth Kady Stanton

Dan always sits in the third row on Sunday mornings. Sitting in the first or second rows would make people think he was trying too hard to be pious, but sitting too far away from the preacher would be an obvious sign that he was probably fornicating with the nanny, (or some other mortal sin of the upper middle class,) and was avoiding "accountability." The third row was a happy medium between Bible thumper and wretched sinner, so it seemed like the best option.
"Remember to love your neighbor as yourself, church," the preacher calls from behind his pulpit, his starched white dress shirt wrapped tightly around his ample middle. "Remember those less fortunate than yourselves. That's what our Lord would do."
Dan didn't realize he was dosing until his wife poked him in the ribs with the corner of her "World's Best Mom," prayer journal that she had received from her children last Mother's Day. He shifted, trying to pretend he had merely been deep in prayer, knowing she didn't buy it for a minute.
After a few prayers and old hymns played with electric guitars and drums that would make his grandmother blush, Dan's wife stood, walking to the front and taking the microphone from the preacher. She was the head of the church's women's ministry, (along with seven thousand other committees she was a member of, most of which Dan was convinced didn't really exist,) and began giving details about the ladies tea that would be held at Mrs. Murphy's house next Saturday, and the bake sale at the church next month. All proceeds from these events of course going to "assist outreach activities," (also known as the Buy Our Pastor Larger Shirts fund.)
Finally the two hours that Dan is forced to wear a suit and pretend that he doesn't care that he's missing vital ESPN footage are over, and he rises to leave, shaking hands of colleagues and their wives as he exits. He heads out to do what he does every Sunday; pull the car up to the glass front doors while his wife retrieves their very planned, very finished brude of three children.

She sits on the curb across from the bright white church, watching the sea of well dressed white people burst forth from behind their walls of safety. They walk towards their glowing red, blue, black, and silver company Sedans and SUV's, most of them much newer than the BUick she lived in with her mother. She normally might be embarrassed about the stains on her jeans, or the holes in her T-Shirt, but she knows none of them would notice. She sits out here every Sunday, glimpses of the life she will never have passing before her deep brown eyes. She watches him leave, the same tired expression on his face, the same black leather Bible under his arm, just like always. Every week he looks right at her, but he never sees her. It is as if he is looking through her to the high school football field beyond.

"Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me."
-Jesus Christ

I am shameless!

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:32:30 GMT

voting is so easy...all it takes is one click!

If you vote you get a free panda...

Ok so that's probably not completely truthful, but I'll do what I must.
Robbing a zoo might proove difficult.

We shall see.

-B

If you love me you will...

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 18:23:37 GMT

VOTE!

I'm doing ok, (not in danger of elemination I don't think,) but if you've read my entry and you enjoyed it, then take two seconds and vote!
There are some other awesome entries too.
tijuanagringo's entry
is my favorite out of them. It's unique in voice and style, and I think it deserves more attention than it is getting in the polls.
I will post links to more of my favorites later.
The polls close Monday, so vote!

PS. We have this little thing called our presidential election coming up in November, and you all should vote for that too, (if you're a U.S citizen of course.) No matter who you support, it's vital that you make your voice heard. We can't complain about what's wrong in this country if we don't vote.

Ok I'm off my soap box now.

Aren't you all proud of me? I learned how to do nifty links! Huray for people that are smarter than me and hold my hand through the LJ code process.

Please vote!!

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:36:12 GMT

I am here, begging for your votes!
It was really hard for me to write my "Saying good-bye" entry, and I don't want it to be in vain.

Here's the entry if you haven't read it

Vote!

You don't even have to be a member of the community. All you have to do is clicky, and vote.

LJ Idol Week 1, Saying Good-Bye

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:15:55 GMT

It’s midnight, and I sit alone on my apartment steps, the August humidity wrapped around me like a heavy blanket. I feel the judgment of the moon and stars weighing on me as they look down from their heavenly dais, their points of light cutting into me like a thousand silver needles. Two weeks have passed, but I am only now starting to glimpse the gravity of what I’ve done, the summer night sky casting a pale glow onto the ugly truth; I am a murderer.

I remember the physical anguish of that Saturday afternoon, curled up on my bathroom floor, guttural cries of pain reverberating against the white walls. The pain killers they gave me have no affect, and no one is answering the emergency pager number.

Why aren’t they answering?
When will it stop?
So this is what it feels like for something to die?

“Residual pain is normal.”
“Avoid sexual intercourse.”
“You should feel normal again in a few days.”

The dreams keep me from sleeping. Phantom cries slice through the darkness, and endless hallways lead nowhere. I never get any closer to them, but I search anyway, the screams growing louder, and yet no nearer. It is much easier to fuel myself with caffeine pills and bypass the ghosts.

This is what they call normal?

“How are you?”
“Did it hurt?”
“Do you feel different?”

There’s no scar, no mark where they removed it; only a fracture in my soul that I don’t know how to mend. Crickets hum as stale tears fill my eyes, silently falling onto my shaking hands. I realize for the first time the root of it all; I’m alone, more alone than I’ve ever been before. If sixty-seven days wasn’t enough to make it real, then why do I miss it?

I have no name, no face, not even a grave to cling too. Only bright pink and purple instruction sheets, a red stain on white porcelain, and the empty feeling in my stomach, serve as reminders of your existence. I killed a piece of myself with you, and I can never get either back.
Good-bye, little one.

A/N: Please no judgment from pro-lifers, or justification from pro-choice people...It is what it is, and I can't take it back no matter how much I want too. I simply had to post it because I know there's someone out there who has been through this, or is thinking about having an abortion. These are the aftereffects that no one tells you about...do with it what you will.

Topic worries...

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 14:50:09 GMT

I have my entry for LJ Idol week 1 written...but I don't know if I want to post it publically. It's a heavy topic for week 1, or any time really, and posting this particular bit of information publically makes me nervous? What if my family finds it? What if it pops up on Google and people from church find it? Most of all, what will the people think of me that are reading it. I know the drama shouldn't matter, but the blind community is very small, and Idon't really want this to get back to certain people. Ugh. It is too bad too because this is a really well written piece...probably because it is real and honest.
Gah.
Any thoughts?

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 14:44:56 GMT

I want a new shiny LJ layoug. Sadly, I have little to no idea how to achieve this. As it stands now, tags are not shown, so thee's no point in me using them. I also want to figure out how to put cool links at the top, ETC. New splendid icond would be swanky too.

Anyone want to assist in this venture? I'll give you cookies and love.

PS. Why is my life always so complicated?

Week 0 Entry

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 04:23:11 GMT

I always find introductions to be the hardest part of a relationship. I will talk you into a coma once I am well acquainted with you, but initially I can be shy. This hermit tendancy has improved immensely over the past few years, (whether it was born of maturity or an intense dislike of spending weekends alone I fear we will never know,) and I no onger find myself hiding in corners at parties. I now stick to the couch. Trust me, it's an improvement

That being said, welcome to my life. My name is Briley, (no, not like the evil woman from Atonement,) and I have many layers. I am a woman, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a lover, a dog owner, a musician, a student, a blonde, a synic, and a dreamer. I eat far to much chocolate, (in spite of my allergy,) read far too many books that are not school related, and believe myself to be far more wise than I actually am at the age of twenty-two. I live too much in the present, and can barely see beyond colege graduation in May. I am a music major, but wish I could major in everything, (with the exception of science, also known as the enemy of my soul.) I love high heels and Prodda purses, (which I can only oogle at on line due to my present poverty,) but have no qualms about sneaking loads of candy into a movie theater, (the red neck in me emerges.)

I hope this has been informative, and not too dull. I look forward to getting to know you all, and growing as writers together.

-BRizzle

PS. I still want to win. *evil cackle*

LJ Idol!

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:37:44 GMT

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I have decided to toss my hat in the ring. I have been thinking about this for a while now, and would love all of your support. When the time comes, vote for me!

PS. I would really love to hook myself up to an IV of Wild cherry Pepsi...that is all.

Belfast to Boston

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:36:23 GMT

I'm thinking about doing this song at my recital this fall. It came up on my music library this morning, and I realized that I've never really listened to it before. The words speak to me.

Belfast to Boston-James Taylor

There are rifles buried in the countryside for the rising of the moon
May they lie there long forgotten till they rust away into the ground
Who will bend this ancient hatred, will the killing to an end
Who will swallow long injustice, take the devil for a country man
Who will say "this far no further, oh lord, if I die today"

Send no weapons no more money. Send no vengeance across the seas
Just the blessing of forgiveness for my new countryman and me

Missing brothers, martyred fellows, silent children in the ground
Could we but hear them could they not tell us
"Time to lay God's rifle down"

Who will say this far no further, oh Lord, if I die today.

Almost forgot...

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 23:44:45 GMT

A quick question for you all. I need some suggestions.

I'm trying to be better about Scripture memorization. While I know this activity might not be appealing to all of you on my friends list, I'm simply looking for suggestions as to how to do so effectively. Sighted people often use verse cards with the reference on one side and the verse on the other, but when I've tried to do this with index cards and a brailler, the braille doesn't last long. It gets smushed. I guess I could just create a notebook with the reference and then the book, but that doesn't seem too creative. If you all have any ideas, let me know!
Thanks!

Really going now.

Tue, 15 Apr 2008 00:36:49 GMT

Is there any way to reduce the volume on the last.fm webplayer? It starts playing, but I can't hear my computer talking over it...which proves quite useless. Help!

Such a sad life I lead...

Fri, 11 Apr 2008 22:09:19 GMT

Read this article and tell me what you think. I got it from a friend's journal, and it bothers me a little.
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9906E0D91439F936A35756C0A960958260&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=all

I didn't realize my life as a blind person was so lonely and pathetic.

I will address specific issues later.
For now, off to "look" at a house. :-P

-B

Have you read these?

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 05:00:56 GMT

I made a list for some friends of fifty books I think everyone should read before they die. I didn't say these were my fifty favorite books of all time, (and I'm not including obvious ones like The Chronicles of Narnia or Lord of the Rings...I mean duh.) But I'm interested to see who's read what on my FList. They're in no particular order, and I reserve the right to change the list at any time.

1. War and Peace-Leo Tolstoy
2. Ulysses-James Joyce
3. Middlemarch-George Eliot
4. Anna Karenina-Leo Tolstoy
5. One Hundred Years of Solitude-Gabriel Garcia Marquez
6. The Sound and the Fury-William Faulkner
7. Beloved-Toni Morrison
8. Jane Eyre-Charlotte Bronte
9. Things Fall Apart-Chinue Achebe
10. Their Eyes Were Watching God-Zora Neale Hurston
11. On The Road-Jack Kerouac
12. Gone With the Wind-Margaret Mitchell
13. Pride and Prejudice-Jane Austen
14. The Brothers Karamazov- Fyodor Dostoyevsky
15. Absalom, Absalom-William Faulkner
16. Sons and Lovers-DH Lawrence
17. Lolita-Vladimir Nabokov
18. The Book of Disquiet-Fernando Pessoa
19. Leaves of Grass-Walt Whitman
20. Rebecca-Daphne DuMaurier
21. Lucy-Jamaica Kincaid
22. Lives of Girls and Women-Alice Munro
23. The Collected Dorothy Parker-Dorothy Parker
24. The Joy Luck Club-Amy Tan
25. The Picture of Dorian Gray-Oscar Wilde
26. The Things They Carried-Tim O’Brien
27. The Pearl-John Steinbeck
28. The Fountainhead-Ain Rand
29. The Golden Notebook-Doris May Lessing
30. Under the Volcano-Malcolm Lowry
31. Slaughterhouse-Five-Kurt Vonnegut
32. A Passage to India-E.M. Forster
33. The Wings of the Dove-Henry James
34. * The Sun Also Rises-Ernest Hemingway
35. Sophie’s Choice-William Styron
36. Silent Spring-Rachel Carson
37. The Red Queen-Margaret Drabble
38. In The Forest-Edna Obrien
39. Atonement-Ian McEwan
40. The Hunchback of Notre Dame-Victor Hugo
41. Vanity Fair-William Makepeace Thackery
42. The Poisonwood Bible-Barbara Kingsolver
43. Catch 22-Joseph Heller
44. Tender is the Night-F. Scott Fitztgerald
45. Sister Carrie-Theodore Dreiser
46. A Bend in the River-V.S. Naipaul
47. Midnight’s Children-Salman Rushdie
48. The Wind in the Willows-Kenneth Grahame
49. Death Comes for the Archbishop-Willa Cather
50. Birdsong-Sebastian Faulks

After some reflection, I realize that I spent a lot of my teen years reading...not sure if this is a good thing or not.

Hold On

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 05:14:49 GMT

It will find you at the bottom of a bottle
It will find you at the needle's end
It will find you when you beg and steal and borrow
It will follow you into a stranger's bed

It will find you when they serve you with the papers
It will find you when the locks have changed again
It will find you when you've called in all your favors
It will meet you at the bridge's highest ledge

So baby don't look down, it's a long way
The sun will come around to a new day

So hold on
Love will find you
Hold on
He's right behind you now
Just turn around
And love will find you

It will find you when the doctor's head is shaking
It will find you in a boardroom, mostly dead
It will crawl into the foxhole where you're praying
It will curl up in your halfway empty bed

So baby don't believe that it's over
Maybe you can't see 'round the corner?

To hang between two thieves in the darkness
Love must believe you are worth it
-"Hold On" Nichole Nordeman

Christmas happenings.

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 14:26:18 GMT

The Disney entry is still to come.

I just wanted to say that in the midst of the usual stress, family drama, gifts, food, and general bustle that comes around this time of year, remember the center of Christmas celebrations. I know scholars can't agree when exactly Jesus was born, Etc, but that's not the point. Christmas is the time of year that has been set aside to center ourselves on the birth of Christ, the best Christmas gift ever. Read the Christmas story with your family, (or alone.) Find a Christmas Eve service to attend. I pray that Christ would be the focus of all of our Christmases this year.

Merry Christmas to all of you.

-Briley

Jesus musings.

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 06:10:04 GMT

Galatians 5 is a great reminder of what freedom really means. So often in this country we think of freedom as being able to do what we want, "live and let live." But as a Christian, I am not called to that type of freedom. I am free from the law, but under grace, a servant to a Lord who loves, disciplines, directs, and transforms. This is real freedom.

Doggy interview!

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 16:50:23 GMT

Questions brought to you by
pawpower4me

Answers by TJ, (my fabulous yellow lab.)

1. do you like to swim?
Actually no. I think I'm probably the only lab on the planet who hates water and anything associated with it. This is one of my many characteristics that makes my mom think I'm really a shepherd in a lab's body. I don't even like my mom to swim. I stand on the beach and bark at her until she comes in.

2. do you have a favorite doggie friend?
Emery is my bestest friend. He's my mom's roommate's guide puppy. He's only half lab though, but I try not to hold that against him.

3. do
you get to sleep on your person's bed at night?
Mom would let me, but her bed is up high and I don't like to jump up on it. Besides, I like my own bed. I need my own space sometimes.

4. What is your favorite part of guiding?
I love when we go into downtown Nashville or into a new city. I like work that is new and different. I really really like working at night because my mom can't see anything in the dark.

5. what 2 foot, aside from your mom, do you like best
That's a hard one. I think probably Grandma, and Auntie Domonique are my favorites. I really like Mom's friend Carrie though, but she only visits sometimes.

If you want your dog interviewed, comment! He doesn't have to be a guide dog, pet puppies are welcome too.

Immigration worries.

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 01:46:46 GMT

Please, don't let Blessing be unable to come back to school because of stupid paperwork.

I hate I N S with a veament passion. He's been in the country for 13 years, but he can't apply for his greencard or take his citizenship test, even though he was educated in the American school system. His uncle didn't keep up with his I 20s, so he's screwed. If I N S came to campus, they could technically deport him...though they probably wouldn't.

Those of you who will, pray for him. He's worried, and so am I. He loves Belmont, and I love having him here.

Just pray that people will do their jobs and put through the paperwork that needs to be finished very soon. Pray that he can find a good immigration lawyer who will help him out.

Not my words, but good ones.

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 16:56:44 GMT

As of late, I've been adding new people to my friends list, (mostly in an attempt to give myself more things to read to distract me from other things I should be doing.) The following quote is one from the journal of
3kitties
which puts into words very well something which has been on my mind as of late.
Repeat: these are not my words. I am all to often not this well spoken.

---
For most of my life, various people have felt quite free to correct my social skills--everything from addressing the manner in which I eat to pointing out
that I have interrupted someone or imposed on someone else's time. I often wonder why such attention is not paid to the development of sighted people's
social skills. It is stated blatantly in literature that sighted people learn social skills by observing. Perhaps this is true regarding some things; however,
having worked with children of various ages and having spoken with professors at the seminary about social dynamics in various settings, my observation
is that these assumptions are quite faulty. Much more attention needs to be given to the overall development of social skills of people--not only those
with disabilities. It should not be abnormal that I feel upset when my meals and conversations are interrupted because strangers are curious about my personal
life. After all, it would be considered rude for me to engage in the same behavior. Why is it necessary for me to excuse it from someone else when that
same stranger would be perfectly within his/her right to correct me? It is necessary because forgiveness and politeness are preferable; but it is still
not ok for people to do this to one another. At some point, someone needs to begin to educate people that this behavior is impolite. Otherwise, society
degenerates into a free-for-all.
---

I've always wondered why my social skills are analyzed down to the smallest detail, but if someone sits and stares at me while I eat for an hour, and tries to pet my dog without asking, they're just "curious." Or, "they've never seen a blind person before." I can appreciate people wanting to ask questions about the unfamiliar. I'd certainly rather them ask than stare awkwardly, or assume they know everything. But sometimes I just wish people would use their brains and have a little common sense. Would they like to be interupted during a date to be grilled on the performance of their beautiful black sports car? I think not.

That is all for now.

Want to win $10000 in travel? Seriously!

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 17:34:38 GMT

Hey guys!

Two entries in one day! I know, it's a miracle.

Do you want to win $10000 in travel? (This applies to college and grad students only.) I know you do! So do I...so let's help one another out.

Click on this link
http://experience.studentuniverse.com/personal/0LMRLG/

and you'll be entered to win $10000 in travel from a very reputable organization. I've worked with them before, they're not sketchy. I promise. It only takes two seconds to fill out the form, and the more of my friends sign up, the more entries I get. It's brilliant!

If you love me, (or even like me a little,) click the link. You just might win!

-Briley