[28 Jul 2004|09:51pm] ____destruction ____destruction ____destruction ____destruction ____destruction 'TIS MY NEW JOURNAL. ADD IT. if i haven't already added you, don't be offended. ('cause that's just lame) uh, just ask or whatever. 7 // we express ourselves in loud & fashionable ways

[27 Jul 2004|03:50am] um, hi. just one thing. AWESOME PEOPLE OF AUSTRALIA PLEASE MOVE HERE. or. make me move there. okaythankyou. /end. 15 // we express ourselves in loud & fashionable ways

[26 Jul 2004|01:42am] my camera sucks today. i just realised i have been posting an awful lot of pictures of myself just lately. i'll stop that. today was ...odd. i've been in this odd way for a few days now, and i've felt like it before. i can't really explain it, but it's not pleasant, and it's so confusing. i never know how to get out of it, so i try to just let it pass. sometimes the fucker stays for ages. in the past few days i've been feeling really homesick. the closest place i ever felt was "home" was when i lived in south england, and i've not been there for ages now.i really fucking miss it. i either need to go back there at sometime in my life, or find (or let it find me) my proper place of home. i have no idea where that is. I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS SHITTY RUT AND CHEER THE FUCK UP. i have been a right moody bitch in the past month or so. i know why. it feels like constant pms and that FUCKING SUCKS. i need someone/thing to be here and make me happy. now would be nice. but that's not happening. (andidontthinkitwilleverrr) 15 // we express ourselves in loud & fashionable ways

[25 Jul 2004|02:07am] [ music | refused; pump the brakes ] shot #1. note the flowers by my eye. haha.that's the right side. yeah, no difference, i know. &the other side. SERIOUSLY. it looks no different. ah, oh well. it's a lot freer on the neck. uh, ..yeah. i have lots to say. i just don't feel like saying it. ciao. 19 // we express ourselves in loud & fashionable ways

[23 Jul 2004|12:52am] [ music | sunny day real estate;tearing in my heart ] just lately i feel a almost constant need for attention. i just want to be noticed and to be known, but i don't want to feel pressured or uncomfortable. i know why i feel like this, i do. and i wish it would just go away. i don't want to have to go through these thoughts everyday, using up my time trying to fight them away. i just want to be whoever the fuck i am, and get somewhere in life. i don't feel pressured by society, the only person i feel that's doing that is me. i need to fucking let go of myself and stop being this person that i don't want to be. at the moment it's stronger than me, and if i'm not careful it will totally control me and fuck up my life more than i feel it already is. you know what? i'm scared of myself. i'm scared that one day i'll lose control and go totally "over the edge" .. i nearly did once before. it wasn't nice. I WON'T LET IT WIN, THOUGH. i won't. it'll take time, but eventually i will win and i will be free of this fucker. so. today i got my hair cut. it looks somewhat the same, but just layered and shorter. i can never really be bothered with my hair, though. the reason i always have that "bed-head" look is because i don't brush my hair. people at school always asked me, and that's what i told them, and they didn't believe me. silly fuckers. since i moved here, i've been to the hairdressers, say, four times, and every single one of those times it's rained when i came out and it fucked up my hair. asshole. .......okay. i just called the rain an asshole. so i got all that scary-arse deja-vu shit again today. since i've moved here it's been way more frequent and about a million times as scary. it never used to be scary before, it never "bothered" me in anyway. but i tell you people, it's fucking with me. obviously it's "telling" me something, but i wish i could figure it out, so that it will go away. if you don't know what this is like, then fuck off if you're gonna say anything that won't help. yeah, yet another day of shit for me. today it was all self induced, and not "everything else" as well. I FUCKING WISH I WOULD STOP DOING THIS TO MYSELF. UGH FUCK I AM SO PISSED OFF AND ANGRY AND SAD AND ABOUT A THOUSAND OTHER EMOTIONS THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW. i don't know what to do. i need help. I FUCKING NEED HELP. why the fuck do i bother updating this? i say the same shit over and over and it makes no fucking difference to how i feel. yes, writing helps, it always has, but i just don't know why i do this? if none of you knew me, you wouldnt care at all, you wouldn't give a motherfuckin' shit. actually, i don't know why you do. why do you care? just fucking forget about me, i'm not worth anyone's fucking bother. YEAH I'M SELFISH. even more so than i make out to be here. 10 // we express ourselves in loud & fashionable ways

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]