from · the · aeroplane · over · the · sea

I had a pretty bad morning. It was either turned on by PMS or just maybe I was ultra emotional for some other reason (seems like it'd be the former).

I started thinking about dying, how afraid I am, how much I hate growing up and getting older. I started thinking about my grandpa, how much I miss him, how sad I am that I didn't get to see him much before he passed away. How scary it would be to have your heart just stop, what the last breath would feel like, I shouldn't get much into it or I might start crying again. I thought about how lonely I've been and how much I need friends on campus. I don't have any, not a single friendly face, and I just keep to myself. It's hard for me to do.
Stephan came over and I was crying. We hugged, I cried, and cried.

Then we went to his house. Their garden is covered in weeds and it made me worked up enough to just start weeding like a mad woman. I weeded and weeded, took out the one that was taking over my rose bush, chopped, pulled, dug. I did it until I felt sick (literally), layed down, weeded again, felt sick, weeded. Then Stephan got done mowing so we played basketball for like 10 minutes and we realized we needed food.
We went to Watercourse, where our energy level continued dropping. I think we ate too much, I know I ate way more than I should've based on the fact that we ate dinner at 3:30pm and I'm still too full at 9:00pm. Then we went to his house and I felt very drained and we slept with Panda by our side.

Stephan adopted a siamese cat named Panda. We were slightly iffy about her at first, but she is the sweetest cat ever. I love her very much.

Now I still feel pretty drained and tired. I should probably sleep.

Tomorrow is the last day of school then we're off for a week for the Democratic National Convention. The school is in the heart of downtown so I guess the secret service will own the campus. Nice. Goodnight #2.

I'm on my period.
I just made some really good vegan cookies, and I just want to eat them and lay in my bed and watch The Birdcage because it's on TV.

But I should do other things like read for school. Ugh. Ugh.

I just drank two glasses of water before my coffee to make sure I pee before I leave. But, uh, now I feel a little sick to my stomach. Ha. I just hate feeling like I have to pee on the lightrail and not being able to.

And I need to brush my teeth.

My classes are going well. Next semester I will do it much differently but it'll work. I'm not even a full time student after dropping two classes and not being able to find replacements.
I'm learning a lot for once. All of my classes are interesting, I love it.

Time to go.

My fish died last night :(  RIP Sondheim.  You were a good little fishy. You jumped at my finger when I fed you.

I'm a little bummed, but its okay.  I gave him a good little life. I will have to buy a new fish when I get up to school next week.  And name him Fosse.  Bob Fosse.

Anyways.  I'm outta here for the weekend.

Ive been feeling very out of order lately becasue im living at home for the next three days but all my stuff is packed up and im in limbo 3000. I need to make a list!

things that are so sexy to me...
swan necks
sweaters/shirts with good things on them
circles
drawn lines that show how your hand moves
perfect drawings with every line where it should be
french artists
minty smelling things
lemon flavor
picking
how it rains everyday
how when your in the dark and the light of the laptop screen lights up the tops of your fingers and makes the backs of your hands black and it looks like im putting on a little tap dancing puppet show and theres french lullaby music playing when i press the keys
not losing a pen in a week
having dark hair with that one long strand in your eyes
thick eyebrows with the ones towards the middle sticking straight up like grass
soft mushy fabric that you can bunch up and wrap your legs and face in
dreams by the cranberries
my new ukulele bag my mom sewed me
tiptoeing around and making little click steps
mushing up your skin and stretching it out
getting sweaty in your bed and tasting salty
addressing envelopes so beautifully that you dont even want to put anything inside becasue anything you put inside cant compare to how pretty you made the front
admiring someones soft glowy/milky skin
glimmering glitz glassy eyeballs

ok i dont know how this is supposed to make me feel more at ease. but it makes me feel good
byee

I hope when I get married- someone plans something like this for me

I think I need to post about my college experience this far.

My psychology professor is a funny lady. She seems nice, but also a little uptight with a strange sense of humor.
My history professor has a Waterboy accent and has a really hard time completing his sentences/thoughts. "Um, um, um..."
My geography professor is awesome. There are only 18-20 kids in the class, and she seems like she really wants to get to know everyone. Her indian accent is beautiful, so when I'm bored I can just focus on it and how cute it is when she says certain words.

I got my lip pierced since I quit Whole Foods. I'm supposed to work tomorrow as my last day but I so am not going. That's the immature side of me.
I'm getting really used to being alone. And it seems as though it's going to be super hard to make friends. There's a potential friend in my geography class named Bri, and another girl that sat next to me. We'll see where this goes.
I feel like this relates to when I saw Taylor L. before sixth grade started and knew we'd be friends.

Uh. College is weird. I'm adding an art class, and I dropped Oceanography.

I finally read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It made me cry. It took me four days (obviously off and on) to read it, but it was hard to put down.

I can't wait to read the next one- I might buy that tomorrow.

And also school starts Monday- wtf? Ugh.