|shorty do you like my grill (dont ask)
||[28 Dec 2005|02:53am]
||tired ish idk ahh
word so christmas was amazing. and it wasnt amazing just because of my totally amazing presents, but because i actually have people that care about me, all around me, and there wasnt that much fighting and it was good. So Christmas eve i didnt have to volunteer so i got up, and sewed the rest of my duckys boyscout badge i made him. and then yah. he came over around 2 and we exchanged gifts. and he got me the most beautiful most wonderful Tiffanys necklace i'll post pictures of it later. We're also going to go to build a bear and i get to build one and weee! i never got to do that is a child! oh and he made me a specacula macaroni necklace. which i wanted :)Then he had to leave around 3 to go visit his grandfather and such. Umm yah Christmas day was cool. i got a bunch of earings and clothes and an ipod mini silver with a radio thingy to plug it into and stuff. it was cool. and an itrip to play it on the radio. X-mas night i went over my rissas, her and josh are so cute, i really like him, i think they're good for each other. mike came over too. and we all played clue. i lost, joshie beat me. grrr.
Monday i hung out with kevin. We went to our restaurant "the bertuch" and caused the biggest of scenes, and we kept the people next to us entertained. Then we went to see Dick and Jane, which was interesting. Word. Then later i went out with dan, we saw memores of a geisha (spelling) which Was actually good. just a little. idk weird. makes me really want to read the book though.
which brings me to a point, i cant ever read books anymore, i have no time. Bushka is keeping me too busy in school with assigned reading. and i wanted to read during break but im either working, with family, college friends, or well dan. im never home. ever. and i never sleep.
Anyways tonight or well today since its almost three. im at my nonies in wolcott hanging out with my cousins from virgina and alan and such. Always a good time. Tomorrow i guess me Meredith, Alan, Caroline, and kayte (alans g/f) we're going out to eat and possibly a movie. and then later dans going to come over and meet the rest of my family (2 aunts and four cousins) oh boy. im kind of nervous. idk my family kind of upsets me though. like my aunts all like "why bother he'll be gone when you go to college" and i know thats far away but i'm still already scared of that. Because, i just. idk. I hate the idea of losing him. :( but w/e. So he's comming. and then i'll go home and work thursday.. ugh.
Hopefully Saturday im going to go over Brendans house for New Years Eve. that'll be fun since i havent seen kait or matt or even eric in awhile. word. so since its now after 3.. idk im just kind of rambling.
well okay since this is probably the only time i'll get to write for awhile. so tonight we all opened gifts and my dad had told my mom that he wanted to get me something. and we figured since he likes to cause a scene he would give it to us at nonies instead of mailing it. The thing that pisses me off is not that he's trying now, but that he only tries on holidays or when nonies around and he needs to impress them and make them seem like im the bad one. but i dont really care what they think. ever since i was six i've delt with him not being around, not showing up, not calling. and i've created such a wall. that now. well i think thats why i had such relationship issues. i had this wall where although the majority of my friends are male. when it came to dating them i started to not trust them. but thats another story in itself. well anyways, i decided (although i do need the cash) i wouldnt take the card/money.. didnt even open it.. he isnt a father to me by any means. He doesnt know anything about my life, besides whatever my aunt or nonie slips in and tells him. the big days like Christmas dont matter to me, its all those days inbetween that constantly hurt me and nag at me. And i see my uncle steve with My little cousins and i just know that hell never leave them or abandon them. and thats what i feel, is abandoned. so thats why i didnt want the money, im not trying to make some big statement, i wasnt trying to hurt my nonie, i just didnt feel right to take it. i'd rather be in debt to my mom and earn the money myself. he means nothing to me. and even if by some small stroke of luck i decide to let him try to be in my life again. there will always be this wall. i'll never trust him ever. i'll just hang with him for like a few months and then 5 months later he wont be around. so why set myself up for that pain of being abandoned again. and okay yah so what if he's changed. but honestly its not worth it to me. i've lived this much of my life without him, why do i need to throw everything off now. i guess how i look at it, is my cousin steven and my uncle bob have been more of a father to me than anyone else. and when i get married one day in the future, one of them would be the ones to walk me down the aisle.
||[15 Dec 2005|10:26pm]
RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.
(WARNING A LOT OF SWARING WILL BE FOUND IN THIS)
so basically this is the last week of school so of course it had to go out with a bang, right? i haven't experienced much drama in my life lately, after i made the smart move and defriended melissa pretty much all the drama was gone, my friends are amazing and of course pretty much dont have a need for drama. but well. that had to end sooner or later. and these two certain dramas, well they dont involve me directly, but basically. well here let me put it this way:
1) My friends are my life. done. thats it. they're basically my everything, so if you fuck with them, espically one of my best friends, you're not going to exactly be on my good side
2) i dont get along with my family, if you've been reading about my life well duhh you know that, but what you may not know is i have some of the most amazing cousins in the world, so basically you fuck with one of them, you're gunna hear it from me.
i'm not a tough person, i probably have more bark then bite, well not probably i know i do. but the fact is im not going to stand around and let bullshit hurt my friends.
Im sick of hearing about people cheating on their god dam boyfriend/girlfriends. you know, you tell someone you love them, and then next minute behind their back you're with someone else, and besides being with someone else, you're hiding another person from the guy you're already cheating on your b/f with. to make this clear, i know someone who is basically not cheating on her b/f with one guy, but two. ha doesnt matter she dumped him i guess. and yet she says he was in the wrong for calling her a whore. god i wonder. i just cant ever see my self cheating on some one i love, like dan, like how could you do that to a person..
and then you have another one. that i cant talk about since i havent gotten all the details. im just so upset right now. I hate standing by and watching my friends get hurt, espically when they're the ones letting it happen because they want to be a better friend. No this shouldnt even be happening. idk im rambling. and im sure im going to get some bullshit i.ms later "you dont even know whats going on so shut up" yadda yadda. yah i dont need to know the whole thing. she cheated on her boyfriend and is trying to justify it and you're just a little rebound she'll have for awhile, that made a move on a taken girl. wow that makes you an awesome guy.
theres just so much drama that doesnt need to be there. You're her friend, her good friend, you should know better not to go after someone she likes. And you're a guy, who fucking hates it when his girlfriends even talk to another guy, yet you're man enough to actually let her cheat on her boyfriend, way to be a hypocrit.
wow. i needed to get that all out. i wish i could just use names. but i'll spare them the embarrassment. even though they dont even deserve that much of respect from anyone.
on a happier note, i got the most gorgeous scarfs from Tine and Lynds for x-mas, and Ashley gave me such a pretty bohemian necklace with matching earings, and well eric got me the rent tickets. You know its not even about the gifts, although i love them all its the fact that i have such amazing friends that are always there for me. i could never hurt them intentionally. even if i tried.
tomorrows the last day of school,
|i'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
||[04 Dec 2005|05:49pm]
this month isnt going to be so bad after all
or well atleast this week of it wont be.
Monday, idk is whatever, possibly snowday?
Tuesday, another potential snowday,
also my four month anniversary.
hold it wait, i lauren ashley carlotto,
am still in a relationship?
well the answer is yes! and i'm happy and in love!
then then then WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!!!
IM GOING TO SEE WICKED (again) THIS TIME THOUGH
AT THE BUSHNELL AND AHHHHHHHH!
okay so it wont be the same as when i saw it on broadway
with Idina Menzel and everything.
and eric wont be there sadly
but tine will and other awesome people.
weee and okay so those two days are really the only major
like, actual huge days, but idk this week will rock.
as for this weekend,
friday i christmas shoped.
i somewhat basically finished dan.
got eric all of his stuff done.
finsihed my wifeys.
family is partially there.
and yah i still have a long ways to go.
Saturday i volunteered. whoopie
Then later i went over dans house for the first time!
ahh! i was so nervous.
i like imagined the worse thing that could happen,
like me breaking something or idk
but it was cool.
we watched ski patrol, which was interesting
went out to eat
and then later met up with my rissa
at cafe napoli, which was so crowded
we watched two bands,
later we ended up playing scene it with max
and our team kicked butt
then there was this incident
where max scared me
lol but i forgive him!
and then dan took me home.
today i slept until forever
now im doing homework
my cell died :(
i forgot to charge it
and my computer keeps turning off
because we keep losing power.
yah so wee,
|viva la vie boheme
||[27 Nov 2005|01:26pm]
this weekend was amazing, everything about it.
I cant wait until christmas break.
its holiday season,
and i am actually a happy camper :D
*knocks on wood*
|i'll never leave you behind or treat you unkind
||[20 Nov 2005|03:22pm]
so friday night was cool, i went to the watertown high talent/variety show thing with dan and we met up with vic and jen and stuff. it was crazy i saw nate cyrus (sp) like seriously though i cant believe it, i havent seen him since 6th grade, he got so tall, and he was tall to begin with, and he has long hair and he's a singer/guitarest in a band. Fucking weird, and aaron was there too another old st. johny and that was cool. We went to tequilas with a bunch of dans watertown friends after and then back to my house.
Saturday i had volunteer and then volunteer at the school. ugh then i finished my northeastern app. and then went out with stace, rissa, and andy and some other people. we went to cafe nappoli, and then to see harry potter at like 10:35 i didnt get home til almost 2 bc the movie was so long, but sooo good. :) i was very pleased usually they have to leave so much out, and because it was a long book i got nervous, but it was good. Some stuff was different though, idk i cant explain it. I wanted to go with Steph and Tiff to see it friday, but they were going to the 5:15 and i was still in work. hmph.
on a much sader note its holiday season again. I hate much much i am anti-christmas and stuff. I know i should enjoy it but i think i'd sadly rather be in school with people i care about then home with my family, all gathered together, killing each other and killing me. Last year i ended up hiding in a shower crying because i got told so many times "wow you've gotten bigger" or other random things my family says to put me down. I hate it, it sucks. This is why my favorite holidays are ground hogs day and halloween. The most un-family orientated holiday ever. oh well.
okay this entry is done,
i need food
|i die without you
||[06 Nov 2005|09:55pm]
||mixed bag of emotions
i cant stop crying
such a big part of my life
just came to a close
no more highschool theater
such a big chapter in my life is being closed
a door that has been open to so much
is now closed
now its just a memory
its amazing how this has gone by so fast
it feels like just yesterday
i was just movin
or i was a SPED
and singing along to green acres
or when i decided to do holy cross theater
the only person i knew at tryouts was eric
and he took me under his wing
or i was sing men of fenwick
young and "horny"
or i was working as chris' secretary
or i was married to chris
and i had the cutest child in the whole world
and so much more
i met so many amazing people
i become close to some of the most spectacular people in the world
Eric, Tine, Dan, Kait, Chris, Matt, Frank, Scott
and all the other seniors i cant believe its over
to all the McTernan seniors
Goodluck with your show
i know you'll do great
To everyone who came to see the show
Alyssa, Lauren, Lorna, Marissa, Allie, Ashley, Katie etc
it meant so much to me <333
To all my college friends
who were unable to come
i'll be making you watch the DVD
and thank you for wishing me luck
i still cant stop crying
i cant imagine not having anymore rehersals
i'm actually going to go home from work
and not have to attempt to cram 4 hrs of homework
into a 30 min period time
i will not be home and later than 5:15
I wont see my little tiny tim anymore
unless i do devise a plan to steal him
anyone who saw the show
knows how cute he is
his mother bought me and chris and brett
a little christmas orniment (sp)
that has scrooge and tiny tim
i sware that boy is going to be a player
hey gave all the girls his phone number
ahh and the cast party last night
i cant really explain in detail
but i love cuddling<3333333333
and i love my boyfriend<3333333
and i love all my theater people<333
and this is getting repetative
but its so much a part of me
and its starting to hit me
that this is it
next thing it'll be christmas
then it'll be 2006
I'll be 18
and then senior lock in
and my last summer
and im going to love every minute of it
every single last god damn minute of it
on a sadder note
mama (princess mother) was put down :( R.i.P<33
marissa came to my show saturday
i guess she saw my dad
after i said goodbye to her
i ran down the hall way and grabbed Tine and eric
and just started crying
i called my mom to tell her
thinking she would be surprised
but she knew, everyone did
its a fucking conspiracy
honestly, what is he trying to prove
that he wants to be in my life?
where has he been for a year?
scratch that where has he been since i've been 6
oh thats right with that whore
and with that whores fucked up son
I'm sorry i can't just ignore how he is
like the rest of my family
i'm sorry i cant forget how much he sucks at life
because he does
i spent to much time trying to lie to myself about him
so i havent talked to my mom
i called my gram yesterday to tell her about dad
to see if she saw him
thinking she didnt know either
and i dont think she knew before
but she found out at some point
idk i'll get into it more later
but again i love my daniel
and my theater people
and my rissa and lyssa and heff
|girls become lovers that turn into mothers
||[18 Oct 2005|11:17pm]
||Better then yesterday
Operation Crusader was far from a success
on monday holy cross high school was asked to participate in a staged "terror" attack to test waterburys emergency response units. I was so excited to find out they wanted the theater department to participate in the acting out of injured dieing patients, it seemed like it was going to be so much fun, but it was far from it. So when 8:10 came around Monday morning, after we were briefed and had pictures taken, etc ( i was playing the role of a kid who had 2nd degree burns on my arms, leg, face, chest, and neck, along with respiratory problems, meaning i was considered a code red) So anyways 8:10 the fire alarm went off, the school was evacuted, finally at 8:20 the school was put into lockdown while the auditorim where the 23 theater kids and 3 selected homerooms of about 70 kids started evacuating onto the front walk way. Of course being the dramatic ones we are (duhh thats why they picked theater) we really got into it; crying, screaming for help "i dont want to die" and "helllp me please someone", basically the whole shabang. So im laying down next to eric, and chris when all of a sudden the firemen come at us, stop and then proceed to spray us with a very powerful and very strong and very large amount of water. I've never been more cold in my life. Finally after what felt like a lifetime of being sprayed a fireman finally came up to me to take me to what i thought would be an ambulance, so i acted like i probably would due to my fear of fire man "no no please dont hurt me dont take me" then to my shock the guy doesnt try to calm me down but proceeds to drop me and say "fine walk yourself" an hour later after sitting on the grass outside the auditorim and after screaming for help we all just start screaming "waterbury sucks" i couldnt believe that no one was even comming to help us. it took the emergency emts 25 minutes to get on scene and when they did they helped the people with small things like a cough or a small cut before they even came to find the code reds and the code blaks (which was needing help immediatly and near death). Finally an hour and a half after this whole thing started (keep in mind im still in wet clothes and its freezing) the EMTS put me on a back bord. I ask them if they can tighten it bc i felt as if i was going to fall they said "hang on" i said (keeping in character) "i cant my hands are burning please help me" the guy laughs finally i say "what if this was your daughter" and he said "well if this was my daughter i might care, but you're not so i dont" CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT! after that infact i was not going to the hospital but going to another grass area where they roughly droped me down into the shade and left me FREEZING for another hour, this time without a blanket. Even though all the blankets where wet and didnt help anyways. FInally after now two and a half hours since this bullshit waist of time thing happened i was taken into an ambulance and "rushed" to the hospital, well of course i get the sketcy 40 year old man that never probably got any in his life without rapping someone, the way he talked to me, and acted towards me made me feel very uncomfortable. Finaly i reached St. Marys, Which is the one hospital i DIDNT want to go too. And it was worse there, i had to wait for 30 minutes before anyone even came in to look at me. And the doctor that did "work" on me had been working since 5 in the morning the previous day, meaning she had way over 24 hours of no sleep. When they were going to move me to a stretcher to bring me to catskan they droped me!!!! from the hospital bed to the floor, which isnt a very low fall, 7 people lifting me and they drop me, fucking morons, i sware to god. AND IM STILL AT MY WET CLOTHES! finally at the end a nurse gave me some random sweater and johny pants to wear and i went to the briefing room with 43 other kids and we had the worst pizza of our life. and got lectured on how today was such a success!!!! BULLSHIT, seriously
okay i understand that this wasnt going to be taken completely seriously, and that wasnt what bothered me what bothered me was just how rude and obnoxiously these people treated me! and not just me! almost everyone came back with some form of story. You know what if these people cant appretiate us trying to help them learn just incase a situation like this happened, then they dont deserve to be doing their job at all. I plan on writing a letter to the mayor along with other people telling him how appalled i was with how everything was handled. It was a big joke, i was treated as if i was some kind of monkeys ass, and now im sick and have a slight fever and cough for sitting outside with freezing clothes in the freezing weather. Success? MY ASSSSSS!!!!
on a brighter note i got a pay increase!
comment on what you think of the whole situation
||[16 Oct 2005|11:44pm]
life lately is amazing
more amazing than anytime before
i thought this weekend would suck
because i couldnt hang out with dan
but it was really perfect
friday i did nothing really,
or atleast i dont think i did
no i didn't
but then saturday was like non stop
i volunteerd until 1, ugh so tired
came home showered
sent out my first application for college
then went to starbucks in watertown with marissa
i love her, i missed her so much
my left felt so randomly empty
it sounds so weird
we just talked
and laughed and it was wonderful
we hung with her friend tom later
and went to this kid steves party
it was cool
i saw chris there
then i went home
sunday i woke up
memorized my lines that i put off until last min
went to play for 3
it was so fun though
i love theater people so much
like not to sound all high and mighty
but theater people are better than you
haha i love us so much
[lauren story time]
so me kait and frank went to McD's for dinner break
and i ordered a mc chicken, small fry, med. coke
when i pulled off my monopoly playing pieces
i ended up winning a large sandwich
so i got a free large sandwich! yes!
then the lady didnt realize
that she gave me the mc-chicken
so i got a free second mc-chicken!
all that for the price of 3.71!
in the end i sold my free sandwich
for two bucks at play!
haha "i'm lovin it"
[/lauren story time]
so on the ride home me and eric were talking
he ended up comming in,
and we just talked for like an hour
i love talking to him
like i can just tell him everything
he's such a snuggle bunny
i cant explain it, he's just awesome.
late heff called me,
and i got excited bc she sent me
jon michauds s/n
and i dont know why
but i've just really wanted to be his friend
so i talked to him.
and then i realized
that i was talking to
jon, rob, mike, & chris
all at the same time and i was like
"lauren im talking to 4 of my ex's right now"
weird? yah i know.
and i love justine
i miss her
im so busy i dont get to talk to her anymore
but we had a good talk tonight
and hopefully friday we're going to
catch up with ben n jerrys
and sex pot love!
then heff and me might do something sunday
bc she doesnt want to see her dad
and i want to see her.
oh and Wed. i got to go up to see Stace
really i went to see the school
she was an amazing bonus
i only got like 30 mins with her
i miss her soo much
i love rodger williams too
well its 11:56 and i need to wake up early
for something i cant talk about until tomorrow
"operation crusader" BITCHES
i love being a senior, i love having marissa back, i love my friends, i love my boyfriend so much, i love how all the drama is just gone, i love how i'm happy. i love theater, i love the idea of college, i love my sex pot, i love princess who is curled up in a ball on my lap right now.
||[07 Oct 2005|09:37am]
so i really dont update anymore. i lots happened since like the 27th. first of all i got into a fight with a librarian at the waterbury library. it all started when i decided i wanted to procrastinate my 10 page paper until the day before. so me and matt decided we're going to go to the library and research and shit like that, so of course i dont have my library card, i have my grams bc mines in NY with my mom. we get there and this horrible fat librarian just starts arguing with me, i never thought i would get yelled at, at a library for actually doing work. me and matt werent be loud we were just doing our paper, and yah so anyways finally me and matt left as i said "we're going to a less rude library" and some other things and left. then the watertown library, well so we kinda took the wrong highway, got run off the road by not one but two tractor trailors, and kinda sorta a dump trunk. we get to the waterbury library, eventually after missing the exit and getting lost again. Where we find a man, who wants to become a dentist because of my beautiful smile, yah best pick up line fucking EVER! lol finally, im home. haha that was idk what day.
hmm more recently, yesterday was me and dans two month, it feels so much longer, i guess because of the summer and stuff. so it kinda sucked bc i wanted to just spend the whole day with him after work but i had play practice so he came to play! and then we left. he got me the cutest card with a duck on it and even though it was for a new baby it still had meaning. lol. he also got me this friggin awesome thing from brookstone, its like a heating/massager. because i have all of those back problems and shit. its fucking amazing. umm lets see we went to barnes and noble, and then we went to quassy, except i got scared bc it was so dark and shit that we left and drove around. and we drove by his house, which is REALLLLLYYY nice. and then we came home and laid on my bed and i used my massager and it was the best thing ever. and i love him <3333 very very much.
Today i didnt have school. i have to work. but thats okay. i'm going to see if alyssa can sleep over tonight. since we both have sat's tomorrow, then i have to volunteer for like an hour after that. then im doing nothing. i dont know when i'm going out with mike or kevin because they're comming home this weekend and im friggin excited!!!!!! Sunday is tines halloween party, i dont know what im going to be exactly yet. and monday i have no school again. then tuesday i might just skip, because wed. we have a day off too. and im going up to rodger williams.
la la la me and chris started talking again. which is cool. i missed talking to him. i needed someone to rag on the red sox too!! i im'd marissa as kind of my last attempt to salvage anything. i didnt get a response, *shrugs*.
Hefferon got her damn license, that slut, she drove up to play practice the other day so i could see her. omg its so weird seeing her drive. dear lord. well now hopefully i can see her more? yesss
anyways i need to go get ready for work. bum around and shit. you know the deal. catch you later fools
|suicide, its a suicide
||[27 Sep 2005|06:04pm]
||better than ever
so i have to finish a ten page paper, my college essay, and study for to tests, bust besides that im off to play practice untile ten, yah senior year! *sigh*
i wont update about this weekend bc i dont feel like being depressed, short readers digest version, im never going to be as beautiful as allison or as smart as steve (according to parents) i need to lose weight, i saw marissa, i wanted to talk to her, but i've made an effort for over 4 months to talk to her, its her choice if she wants to talk to me or not, my mom was freaking out, me and allie were laughing at her. sunday i didnt get to see the wife. and thats all
now reasons why i have an amazing boyfriend
well today he opened his trunk and he had a bag of lindt chocolates for me, a bag of milky ways, and those stars you stick up on your ceiling, bc i told him how i cant ever find them and i love then. then he printed out what the stars and constalations were aligned like when we first started dating in august. how cute is that :) i have the best boyfriend. he makes me so happy. :)
i love you
|you make me happy .. the end
||[22 Sep 2005|09:01pm]
COLLEGE FAIR WOOT!
okay so colleges in order of importance
1) Western New England
3) Roger Williams
4) Boston University
5) Quinnipiac University
6) Fairfield University
haha but okay seriously, community college all the way ;D
oh god please
i dont even know if i could do that to myself
i wish justine didnt have to possibly go there
shes probably smarter then about 40 of them combined
she deserves to be in a good school
this seems to bother me a lot for somereason
i mean, i hate the idea that because her dads like my stupid dad
she has to lose a chance to go to a good school :-/
ugh she gets to stay with the scum of the earth
in waterbury community college
who dont want to amount to anything
i mean i know that doesnt go for everyone
a lot of people just cant afford school
but still its waterbury, and they're scum
anyways so yah im excited, i want to go now
i talked to the guy from BU for a long time,
they dont have criminal justice
but they have a lot of really other good schools
the lady from marist stoped me
and i couldnt help but laugh and walk away
well okay i didnt really do that
but i seriously wanted to
and then the rep from WNEC was there
he was cool i talked to him for awhile about wicked
i was like you're amazing
the others i just kind of casually chated
about their law programs and location and stuff
i get to see stace on sunday! i missed her
so so so so much, i dont know how long
i'll be able to see her for,
but atleast i get to see her
anyways, i start volunteer at YMCA with the 4-7 year olds sat>!
im excited!! im gunna go though
i've got serious political science to work on
||[15 Sep 2005|06:48pm]
well i havent updated in awhile so why the fuck not kids
things have been absolutely splendid
i'm loving senior year
i wish every school year was like this
all my classes are awesome,
but even that is somewhat enjoyable
the stupid sophmore boys make me laugh
My political science class is hysterical
its one big debate
and since i cant do debate because of work
its a good sub.
i have a meeting tomorrow with the YMCA
im going to be volunteering every sat. from 10-12
with little 4-7 year olds, teaching them
how to play basketball. :)
i also told work im not working every day
so i took off wed.
only to find out i got selected to do yearbook
try outs for the play where the other day
i got call backs which were last night
and today i found out i got the role of Mrs. Cratchit
Tiny tims mother, duhh the christmas carol
im all a "party guest" and a "Londoner"
the whole cast gets to be trained
how to have a british accent too!!! YESSS
let me explain my schedule to you
i go to school mon-fri
i work every mon, tues, thurs, fri.
i have yearbook every Wed. after school
now i have volunteer on sat's
and then play from 6-10 a lot of nights
oh so back to call backs!
this stupid little freshman girl comes up to me
and shes like "OMG YOUR DATING DAN KIERNAN RIGHT?"
and im like "Uhh yah *curious smile*"
and she replay "OHHHMYYYGOD HE'S SOOO CUTE,
IM IN LOVE WITH HIM"
and i just glared at her, like with the WTF? face
and shes like "NO NO YOU DONT GET IT, I
REALLLLLY AM IN LOVE WITH HIM" and smirks and walks away
pooor girl, and then then then!!! I FIND OUT!
shes going to be martha, i think? one of my other
daughters in this play, ughh bitch.
it wasnt even that i was jealous, bc that would be dumb
i just kinda felt pitty for her, poor poor freshman
hahahahaha i mean come on, why in your right mind
would you go up to someones girlfriend and say that?
well anyways on this topic of dan
everything is going splendid,
even better then the last time i wrote in here.
he's writing me a poem!
yes yes yes!
anyways, im a little pissed about the casting,
i think people deserved completely different roles
it bothers me how he does this crap, but oh well
this weekend dans going to the cape with boy scouts
but on a better note!
MIKE IS COMMING HOME!!!!!!
yes yes yes, finally i can eat wendys again!
and kevins going to be comming home too!
my two bestest guy friends wont be
over an hour away from me!!! yes yes yes!!!!
the weird thing is this week was shitty,
it feels like its so long
but its the best shitty week every?
does this makes sense?
i need to go eat food and start mass homework
and college essay,
i love bragging about myself?
haha peace up a town down. ;)
|i want to fall in love
||[06 Sep 2005|05:18pm]
The first day back was incredible, i love being a senior. Dan picked me up for 7:30-ish and we headed off for our first day. it kinda sucks that we had school on our one month bc we cant really do anything with school and me working. so yah bummer but we'll celebrate saturday :D. anyways we get to school i talk to random few people, did that thing yadda yadda. homeroom was okay, although idk. Then first period. Psychology. i can tell im going to love A day mornings with ms. Johns. Shes such an awesome and fun teacher, even better i have tine and eric in my class so really it would be a party even if i had a bad teacher. We already have two assignments, one is to observe someone walking for ten minutes (which i'll make dan do tomorrow heehee) and the other is too observe an animal for 30 minutes in a certain area (which means locking princess in the kitchen for thirty minutes) Next i had english with Buska, i can tell shes going to be a hard ass but oh well, rob sits behind me! woooo! we got a crap load of homework in english but it wont take that long, i have to find two riddles and i write out some vocab and get a paper signed. Then was french 2 with all my sophmores, all those kids are nuts, mikes funny, i sit next time. the only bad thing is i dont remember ANY french one, like right after the final it seemed like everything just cambusted from memory, oh well so i fail. Then i have lunch. i have the most amazing lunch 4th block, everyone and i mean everyone is in it! For starters dan tine and kate and chris and eric and everyone else they try to give seniors last lunch so that if they have early realse they can just leave, but bc i have a class every other a day last period im just going to stay. Then last period, christian service, i dont talk to really anyone in that class, but franks there and reshma so i'll be okay. we break up into smaller groups later, i was thinking for my comunity service that i have to do everyweek for two hours that i would see if there was any openings at the YMCA for weekend basketball, like little kids on sports teams or somethings, because since i've gotten this job i havent been able to really do anything i like, like basketball, tennis, debate, stuff like that.
anyways after school i talked to a few ppl and stuff but i had to go to work. work sucks, but it went by really fast, i really hope jenna can get rides so that she can work with me because i really need to find someone asap.
anyways i need to go do some psych. reading. and english. tomorrow all i have is neuro science and politcal science, and then im done for the day! yes im out for 12:40 party!
||[05 Sep 2005|07:13pm]
||happiest i've ever felt
well its 10:12 which means in less then ten hours i will offically be starting my first day of senior year. which means a lovely entry that will attempt to recap as much of the summer in a short readers digest way as i can.
Six flags the first day of summer with the girls
work constantly with stace
going to the movies numerous times with matt and kevin
bowling with the gang
me and kevin are pretty much still tied i think
spending the day in staces pool with that shark
random nights of wendys
and friendlys with mike
mike turning 18
partying over shans house
going to a wedding
meeting james and justin
going to the harry potter midnite party
in the dress i wore to the wedding
and high heals
staying over hefferons
her italian alcohol
making smoothies with her
swimming in that gross lake
talking to dan on the phone
for the first time on july 27th
then our first date on the 29th
(yah im a nerd and remember this shit)
playing mini golf
and just talking in the train toy thing
walking with him around mcternan
our first kiss on the swings.. *AWWWWWW* lol
and him giving me a box of chocolates!
going to beths party
being completely horrible at pool
dan asking me out
Going to the ponte club last minute with mike
all the game nights with Risk, Kevin, & Mike
going out to dinner with mike, kevin, risk and shan
seeing crash and all the other movies
having my first college tour/interview on the 11th of august
seeing dan after a week of him being at boy scout camp
singing along with tine and the boyscouts at the camp fire
me and tine buying a crap load of airheads
(that i still havent finished)
block island with my family
and all those crazy times with my cousin and her friend
buying dan his lobster
that me and jess named "senetor sexton"
visiting fairfield university
which i hated
random parties at tines
seeing march of the penguins with dan
which was an awesome movie
going for my sterling photo shoot which rocked
sleeping over ashleys
prank calling boys
rob figured out it was me
that baby shower i went too
going to see grease with tine dan and matt
finding ducky <3
having a game night with tine, dan, kevin, risk and mike
that group together in my house was insane
going to wendys with mike for the last time
going to bertuccis with kevin for the last time
going to the movies with stace for the last time
going to barned and noble with casey for the last time
and having him rent a scary movie
and us watching it with my mom
last pool party at tines the other night
and the realization that this was the best summer anyone could possibly have thank you to everyone and anyone that was involved in making this summer so amazing. this entry doesnt even scratch the surface of how perfect this summer was. it really made me realize who was worth being friends with, who i could trust and who i could care about. at this point if marissa doesnt want to even sit down and talk to me about what happened between us then thats fine, i made the effort, on more then one occasion, thats all i could do. i also realized its not worth having melissa around, it only creates drama, and i never really trusted her anyways. and this summer got me closer to my friends, like kevin, and mike, and matt, and tine. and this summer i got to become good friends with dan, and yah it turned into a relationship and im happy because he makes me happy, but the fact that i was able to get close to open and feel so comfortable with him was cool. And justine is amazing and i dont know what i would do without her at all. I was able to become so close to my wife stace, i love her, shes so amazing and i miss her. and hefferon i wish i could see more. and i miss lauren hartnett i lot too, i was looking through all my St. Thomas photos the other day and yah she was a good friend. and thats about it. i love you all <3 Summer o5! so long! seniors o6! party!
tomorrow (as in the 6th) is my one month with dan. awwwww [/edit]
||[31 Aug 2005|07:34pm]
aside from saying goodbye to Mike and Kevin and Stace and Mike
I've been really happy,
more happy then ever.
im like a crazy happy duck!
okay i've been feeling a little sick,
and work is getting progressively worse.
and me and my mom hate each other.
and me and dan are perfect.
and in the end for some reason,
the me and dan being perfect balances all the bad out.
I dont let things bother me that much anymore,
because i know that in the end im going to be happy,
and i am happy,
because dan (and well my not-so-secret lover tine)
are making me really happy.
and i like being happy,
and i like feeling protected,
and like i can depend on someone,
and they can depend on me.
its a nice feeling.
im in a stable relationship!
me, lauren ashley elisabeth carlotto
(i spell elisabeth with an 's' by the way)
i am in a stable, no arguments, healthy relationship,
and i like this feeling,
its a good change.
anyways, tomorrow is orientation.
dans picking me up, we go and orientate until 12
then im probably going out with him later
this is the end of summer
hope everyone had fun
i'll make an entry about summer later
but just to say this has been the best one ever
||[20 Aug 2005|11:55am]
okay so i havent updated in like two weeks. WNEC was amazing, i really loved the campus, and everything else about it. i could really see myself going there. they dont have any acting classes, but since i have no plan to be on broadway the rest of my life, i guess thats not a big thing.
Last saturday me and tine went up to see mike casey and dan at camp. that was fun. i missed mike casey. and i missed dan a real lot. we walked around with mike. and dan and vic found us later. dan looked so cute in his boyscout uniform. i took a picture, i need to get that developed soon. umm the bonfire was cool and everything else.
last sunday i went out with dan bc i was leaving for BI monday and i didnt want to go another long time withouth seeing him. so we went to see march of the penguins! which was so cute! haha it was actually a really good movie. then i brought him home and we "watched" dirty dancing. haha.
Then monday i left for BI. can i tell you how dumb dunkin donuts workers are (except for hefferon of course) so like i order 4 muffins and give this guy a dollar off coupon. he looks at me like im an alien, charges me for one muffin instead of 4, and still gives me the dollar off, i got 4 muffins for 47 cents. haha did i tell him he made a mistake? no he's the dumbass.
umm yah. im only going to explain some details of BI because let it be told "what happens in BI stays in BI" its like the vegas of family orientated islands. i did shoping, beaching, running, yes i actually ran. I slept in a bed with my lovely cousin merdith and her cool friend jess. and yah three of us in a full bed, thats hot. i finished digital fortress which is amazing. We made 9 oclock phone calls, because thats when our minutes were free. we walked on the breakers during high tide and a storm, me and jess got SOAKED. or well i did. we hung out with our cousin matt, got in trouble for not telling the parents where we were. we met two guys, matt and kenny. we bonfired it for ten minutes and sat in the car for 2 hours because of all the bugs. we ran into town, ate breakfast with the guys, walked on the breakers, illegally climbed that light ladder thing. Got yelled at for not reading signs. took pictures with bubbles, and bought my boyfriend a lobster!. came home, and i got hit on by one of the dock boys. :D i love block island. so much!
So i got home, and that was that day, talked to kevin for a long time. then called dan. who i wasnt able to talk to all week again bc he was in gettysburg.
yesterday me and him went to see red eye when he got out of work. so we get to the movie and who's there, kevin and risk and andy. haha it was fucking awesome. the movie kinda sucked. idk it was weird. but ehh i enjoyed it, and i didnt? later me and dan went to wendys, and who was there again, the three of them. so we sat and hung out with them for a little bit and then me and dan had time to kill so we went to mcternan to play on the swingset. heehee and yah. he drove me home, and we hung in his car a little bit bc he had to leave and yah. i missed him. he liked his lobster heehee.
in sadder news all my friends leave this week, except kevin who leaves in 11 days. but like. idk what im going to do. i mean i still have a lot of friends here, but my core friends that i've had forever are leaving. matt left today and i didnt get to say goodbye. mike leaves tuesday and im hanging with him tonight. stace and shan leave friday. dabbo and brandon leave saturday, and kevin leaves the 31st. kevin keeps making me cry, so does mike. idk im going to be a wreck. im not going to be able to go out in public with them the last time i hang out with them because im going to be crying so much, im crying now just thinking about it. i think its because like, idk. they've helped me through so much. and now. they're just gone. i dont know what im going to do, im going to be an absolute basketcase. i think i'll break and end up taking buses to see them all within like the first two weeks. i love you guys with all my heart i dont know where i'd be without you. you mean so much to me! i'll miss you all. okay i need to go before i like short out my keyboard from getting tears in it.
|you're the habit i crave...
||[10 Aug 2005|09:57am]
things with my mother are getting progressivly worse. all we do is argue and when we're not we're just pretending to be happy so as to not piss off the other person to the point of hysteria. I'm at a constant reminder that i have no father and i hate that; cant she use some kind of other tactic instead of "your father doesnt want you" "your father never pays" "your father was never here, ever". Dont you think i think about it mentally everyday as it is, without being reminded by it verbally. i should have stayed with that therapist. Then maybe i could have made sense out of all of this.
Anyways, this week is kind of a blur. Sunday i went with Stace to Monroe or some town way out there to see her friend heather in annie. it was good, i have to say. but the whole time i was just comparing everything to when brandon lorusso did it back when he was a freshman. but the dog was so cute!. So that was cool. Later that night i went to the movies with Kevin and his friend dan? i thought i was going to die in that car, dear lord. we went to see "the dukes of hazzard" it was a joke, in all honesty. Jessica simpson was tehre for her boobs, and nothing else, her acting abilities were like that of a dieing hippo, well you know what i mean. Johnny Knoxville was gorgeous. i concentrated on him the whole time. But yah the movie was horrible.
Monday i had work, and my mom left for New York. Kevin and Risk came over and we played monopoly and Poker. Risk won monopoly, he's a sneaky player. And kevin won poker, he put me all in, and i had a good hand, but again he had a slightly better one. oh well. im ten dollars down.
Yesterday i had work again, which is getting to the point where i'd rather be killing myself and rotting in prision under a life sentence then be there. Heather is nice, so if holly leaves i guess i'll have her. but im offically not working with stace anymore mondays and that freaks me out. After work. i called kevin but he was sleeping. he called me back a little later, we went to play tennis up at mcternan. and although i am improving, my game was soo off. Then we came home and dabbo came over and we drove to southington to meet up with shan and eat at friendlys. i had a three course meal i was so hungry, so did kevin. Then later Mike, Kevin, & Risk came over and we played trival persuit. i think im going to by the 90s addition because the old one is the 70's and a little outdated. Then that was that.
Today i want to do something with alyssa bc i havent seen her, but hopefully something that doesnt require money, oh like tennis! i need to make up for my game the other day. lol. so yah.
dans at camp until saturday? but the cool thing is mike casey told me and justine and idk who else to come up for his end of camp ceremony thing on saturday, because he works there and what not. Then he told me that dan goes to the same camp. So i guess i'll get to see him Saturday. :( only 3 days? bah.
Tomorrow I'm going to visit WNEC. i have a tour and an interview. i forget who my mom said is interviewing me, someone from admissions, and then someone from the 3+3 program, because that is what im probably interested in. anyways. im going to go attempt to find food now on this massive entry.
|& i had a feeling that i belonged
||[06 Aug 2005|03:31pm]
||Never been better
*clears throat* well then. thursday night was a little nuts. i was sapossed to go to hooters with kevin, risk, & Matt, but matt decided to become big bad loser man and not go, therefore leaving kevin risk and i with nothing to do. so we went to bertuchis, but i didnt feel like staying out crazy late so i told them to come over and we played poker. Risky was out first. and it was heads on me and kevin. kevin won but i went all in a good hand, he just had a better one.
Friday, can i tell you how long work was? ugh it felt like i was there from 7-5. i dont like the new girl krista that much, i mean, i know her from somewhere, and its going to kill me i know it is. But i really like the other new girl Heather, shes good people. Shes really like in your face "shut the fuck up". Which is always nice to have. So mom picks me up and shes like "get in the car we're going shoping" i was like oh well umm kay. lol so i ended up getting like 300 dollars worth of clothes for school. the deal is that my mom buys clothes for school but i decided since i have a job and my dad is an ass that i would split it with her. i got so much from old navy i got like 6 sweaters and two button down shirts and two belts for under 100! wee! and then some shit for filense. im waiting until american eagle goes on sale, before i decide to pay 45 dollars for one shirt. ugh. so i get home, shower, get ready, get nervous, drink tea, and yah.
Dan picked me up a little after 8:30. tine couldnt come, i was very upset. but oh well. so we get to beths CHRIS WAS THERE!! woot so was umm obv beth, frank, vic, chris sister umm etc. we chilled. played pool badly, played ddr. omg max 300. lol. chris let their dog loose, haha. umm we walked around thomaston, umm yah. people started to leave. me and dan hung around a little bit. we left. he told his mom he would be late. so i told him he could come inside. woot. we chilled with princess. which was very interesting since when we kissed princess would like pounce and start licking dan. awwww. it was so cute. i didnt want him to leave :( i wont get to see him for two weeks. he has camp, and then he comes back and i go to BI/NY. but yah. I have a good feeling about this one, a different feeling then i've had in the past. Idk. like. before he came over to pick me up me and my mom were just screaming at each ohter, she was yelling at me saying that i looked like shit as always, and i told her to go jump off a bridge, you know the usual. but he came and i saw him at the door and i felt calm and better. So like i said i have a good feeling about him. So i guess we're dating now too. i think? lol it was weird like it just kinda happened. he was like "aww my lauren" and i said something like "oh your lauren" and he said "yes if thats alright" and i said that it was. and so i called justine later, as i told her i would, and she started going "AWWW YOU AND DAN ARE DATING" and i was like "we are?" lol but yah vic said we were too! so wahoo! i have a boyfriend! and its dan! so im happy, very happy, i havent been this happy in a really long time. So im going to do my best not to run, i deserve to be happy and stay happy, goodbye fear of attachment. well not exactly, ugh stupid horrible childhood. why do i have to base my life off what i've witnessed with my parents? stupid stupid divorce. well not this time. woot. okay im done.
|sparks flying in the dark
||[04 Aug 2005|12:27pm]
well okay i havent updated in awhile. my computer next door is a goner. there was so much crap that this morning i riped it out of my wall and told gram that we were bringing it to get fixed. so now i wont have a computer next door until next week. and since im going to BI after that i wont have it for two weeks. oh well. maybe not having non stop internet access will be good for me? eh.
so last saturday i woke up crazy early. HEfferon and her mom and sister and sisters friend picked me up and we headed to Rhode Island. i had to sit in back with emily and her friend. but ehh. i just listened to john mayer and fell asleep. we got there. umm went straight to the beach. it was nice out. not to hot not to cold. but overcast. the lifeguards provided me with a good view! [side note.] what is with my constant attraction to swimers/lifeguards? lol[/side note.] so we went in the water but it was freezing. played paddle ball! let me tell you if paddle ball was an olympic sport me and lauren would so be there. umm went swiming a lot. it wasnt cold after you played paddle ball for like an hour. i kinda dove right in. my bathing suit top and bottoms kept falling off.. oh what a view! lol. i got so burnt on the back of my legs. but now its not bad. we went to our hotel aroudn 4-5. showered. then went to see must love dogs at some movie theater. the movie wasnt horrible. it was good. enjoyable i would say. um then we went for pizza hut! woot! later we got home and me and lauren chilled on the deck thingy. and called dan :D. i talked to him for grr idk an hour or so. he had to go away for three days to mass so i havent talked to him :( . stupid red sox games. bah! lol. but yah i guess im doing something with him tomororw? okay that was off track so anyways. next day we slept crazy late. then went off to the beach again. same deal. we walked and saw jeff maque. which was interesting. and then there was a group of boys that was waving and got up and such. they were attractive.. i guess? one had a trucker hat which is just the dumbest things. and dans better so we walked away. haha im dumb. so yah. then we drove home. me and lauren sang rent pretty much most of the way [side note.] RENT IS IN THEATERS NOVEMBER 11TH AND LOOKS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING [/side note.] so that was that.
Sunday night i wated a move with my friend the movie was dumb. lol. monday ummm i worked. and umm i dont remember? oh i went to see stealth with kevin and matt. yah as i figured dumb movie. it wasnt original. i mean the action was good. i guess. then Tuesday i went out with mike to see the island. another not so great but better then stealth movie. it was a good story line. but a little strange i guess. Yesterday kevin, matt, mike, risky, some kid brad, and i. drove up to litchfiled and hit up senor panchos. we visited my bestest friend lauren! MUAH. she had the cute mexicans sing to us. oh boy!. then later kevin, mike, and risk came over and we played trival persuit! lol we kinda sucked ass.
Now tonight im going to hooters with kevin, and matt and risk. its going to be nuts. but i love hooters. woot. !!!
||most recent entries