I fasted today.
I still feel insanely fat, ugh.
I love feeling empty though, i think its the best feeling in the world
to have nothing in your stomach, hunger on the other hand i despise because it leaves you vunerable. i will not give in to hunger, i will be light and feel empty.
Tuesday, January 3rd 2006
4:00 PM FAST STARTS
One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure, clean shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.
When I wake, I'm empty, light, light-headed. I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist, each time achieving another small victory of the will.
You can learn to love anything, I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed or have a hunger headache, or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner, so it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.
I want to be so thin, light, airy, that ...
when the light hits me, I don't leave a shadow behind.
when I walk across the snow I will not leave so much as one footprint to mar its virgin purity.
I can dance between the raindrops in a downpour.
Make me happy. Make me thin. Make me beautiful within.
| "Starvation is fulfilling. Colors become brighter, sounds sharper, odors so much more savory and penetrating that inhalation fills every fiber and pore of the body. The greatest enjoyment of food is actually found when never a morsel passes the lips."
day2 of my fast in an hour
MOST OF MY ENTRIES ARE
MY LIFE PT2 STARTED AT 5PM ON THE 25RD OF OCTOBER