"I'm very definitely a woman and I enjoy it." -Marilyn Monroe

hi guys

2007-08-05T00:25:55Z

I forgot I was on this shit kinda recently. I can't believe it's already August, this summer has flown by. I'm big ol 17 now :) I was working two jobs up until last Tuesday which is probably why. I got surgery on Wednesday so I haven't worked since then and it's great. And Julio bought me roses :) No one has ever bought me roses before, it was cute. I'm so fucking bored right now, I woke up at 9 today and cuz Marlena had to work and I haven't done a damn thing since then. Like seriously. I dyed my hair and took my bandages off and ate food and that's it ahhh I'm so bored.

Hmm, what else. I'm still with Julio, obviously, I don't think he'd buy me roses otherwise. We've been together for FOREVER (lol forever for me, I don't play) like since the middle of May. EEEK. Like together together though, not just talking. We have a really good relationship, we've never gotten into a fight. I mean I'm sure we will eventually, it's just cool we haven't yet. But yea, he's really cool, I'm happy :)

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2007-06-11T12:23:00

2007-06-11T16:35:15Z

Hi guys! I haven't been on this on so long. I stayed home from school today and Marlena won't pick up her phone and the sun is hiding and I don't have to work til 2:30 so I figured maybe I'd give this a whirl for old times sake.

I've been really good lately. Busy, but good. I'm doin pretty good in school, I get out on Friday. Thank God. And I work allll the time, but it's okay cuz I work with my special friend. Hulas goin really good too, we had our first performance of the year last Saturday and it was hot.

Hmm, what else. I gotta new man, his name is Julio and I like him a lot. He moved here a year ago from the Dominican Republic and he's helllla sexy. He's really hard to explain, he's very different. I've never met anyone like him before. But I've never been this happy with anyone before and I plan on keepin him around for a while :)

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-08-22T14:43:00

2006-08-22T19:05:05Z

This summer has FLOWN by, all things considered. It's been ridiculous. I probably jinxed myself at the end of the year with all that "I can't go back to Montville talk"...because now with everything that has happened, I REALLY can't go back. I was looking into other shit before, but not as seriously as I should have. Now it's like...less than a week before these other schools start, and I'm still sitting on my ass.

So, here are my options, from best case scenario to worst...

1. Grasso Tech. I'd graduate on time, but I'd have to go in for shop (which would be 8 days straight, then I'd have 8 days off) for 1 to 2 semesters to get my hairdressing license. Then, I could be a hairdresser all through college, make a ton of money, and open up my tanning salon (or hair salon, whichever) way sooner than I could have any other way. Yea, Grasso is supposed to be all bitches and haters, but that's not what I'm there for...it's whatever. I'm not going to get into a fight whenever Jacky tries putting Cholesterol on my mannequin head or whatever, haha. Plus I got Allie and Kaylee, and a couple other girls I knew from way back, so it's going to be fine. Only problem is...they're not trying to let me go. They don't have enough spots or something. Whatever, it's fucking hairdressing, I buy the kit. I'll get in, just gotta work it. They start next Monday.

2. Norwich Tech. SUCKS. It's all nasty white girls who think they're punk, or hood, or both...but once again, not what I'm there for. I'm there to better my future and to salvage my grades (and my sanity haha). I'm grown, I'm not worrying about the people, thats little kid shit.

3. Three Rivers. I could try to get in for this year and get a GED in hairdressing. Eh. Or, suck it up and wait til my senior year, and get a diploma, but get my hairdressing license way later.

4. Night school. Not so wonderful, but better than Montville.

5. Actually finishing at Montville...which really isn't even an option right now haha. I'm not going back, I'm way too stubborn.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-08-08T16:16:00

2006-08-08T20:12:00Z

Today is the first day I've actually felt good. I had hula yesterday and today, and everyone there is just so amazing and supportive and wonderful, that's my family right there. I called everyone today, everyone who thought I like died haha. A lot of my really tight friends have not heard from me in like two weeks, cuz I've been in Texas and then all that shit happened. So it was good to just let them know I'm alright, it made me feel better.

I kinda left everybody hangin with what was going on in my life, so I'll talk about that for a little bit. I went to Texas a week ago. It was pretty fun. I got a lot of nice clothes and a lot of free food with no effort at all, hehe. I like Texas.

Andres and I are done, again. That little tiff made him a lot more angry than I thought it would, he didn't talk to me the whole time I was in Texas. I guess he's talking to this girl Julissa now, she's Dominican and very pretty. She's kinda like...boring ghetto girl though, like airforces, jeans, white t. Nothin on me ;) Haha I say that jokingly, but everytime, without fail, he always comes crawling back to me, and this time is no different. Although he's going about it differently, he's only tried to talk to me like twice, but he's bugging Rachael and Andrew about it. Whatever, I have way too much shit going on right now to deal with his little kid shit.

SARGAENT MARTINEZ IS BACK. Kid has been BLOWIN MY SHIT UP, let me tell you. At first I was like, yea okay, I haven't chilled with Nate in forever, I'll hang out with him. But then I think about all that trash he spit about Julio, the stuff that made me dislike Julio without reason, and I just don't want anything to do with him. Like that's lying just to lie, there's no need for that shit. And that's grimy too, Julio is his boy. That makes me lose a lot of respect for him.

But yea, what else? This is my last week of camp. I'm all sad about it :( It's weird, I haven't talked about camp much at all on here this summer. There's this new counselor named Gaby that I've been hanging out with, she's really cool. She's really into cultural dance like me, and she does this Bolivian dance called Caporales that I'm going to start taking. They have a performance at this big festival on August 12 in Providence. I can't wait, it's going to be so much fun. And of course the bangin Bolivian boys aren't going to hurt me either, hehe ;) Oh you know it.

I have three hula performances in August, one on the 5th, 19th, and 24th. I've been working like a dog, I love it :)

So yea since then has been pretty much the same. I hung out with Nate a couple of days and he was blowing my phone up for like a week straight but now he doesn't know how to call anyone, and I sure as hell don't either.

About that though, I did change my number so all you hatin motherfuckers (more like STALKIN motherfuckers) are just gonna have to try to dig that up haha. Nah I'm just playin if I haven't called you about the new number then I will this weekend, I'm tight on minutes. Speaking of TIGHT...my new phone is the definition of. It's one of those LG the V phones, shit was discontinued like yesterday so we had to go all the way to Manchester to get it. But at $100 rather than $430 that's definitely worth it.

And about the whole Andres drama...we were kinda back to where we were, then he was having "little girl issues" which was perfect because I was having grown man issues haha. Then the other day I SAW that little girl issue at the casino and at the same time he texted me talking about "hey gorgeous I miss you" and I was like I JUST SAW YOUR GIRL haha and he called me. He wants to hang out again, but GUESS WHAT we didn't talk yesterday. I so just want to be DONE with all this.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-20T17:24:00

2006-07-20T21:46:24Z

My Grandma died the same day that shit happened with Danny, just thought I'd mention that. Lovely.

I'm starting to begin to feel a little more stable. Today after work I took a shower and washed my face and brushed my teeth--I haven't done any of that since Saturday. I only cried for about 10 minutes at work today, which is a huge improvement on the other days. Before this there have only been 3 or 4 people besides my family that have seen me cry, now I don't even care, I'm not ashamed to be emotional over this. I've never cried like this before either, I'm hysterical and shaking and it just drains me of all my energy. The first night I was vomitting. It feels good when I'm all done though, like I just feel calm. But then it all builds up again and I do the same thing in an hour. What makes it so bad is the fact that no matter how torn up I am over this, I can't even imagine what he's going through. Today I was talking with this really awesome boy I work with, someone he became friends with recently, and he asked me "Do you think you'll marry him when all this shit is over?" and that really made me think. It didn't upset me but I couldn't shake that last part, about when it would be over...when will it be over? I would honstly give everything I own just to be able to see him and touch him right now.

Please don't forget about this.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-12T03:55:00

2006-07-12T04:13:50Z

Today at camp (still not trying to call it work haha) this little boy comes up to me all distraught, and says "Victor touched my nudie".

Whaaaaat?

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-11T17:12:00

2006-07-11T21:08:21Z

My couple's horoscope for today:

The true test of a couple is seeing how they argue -- and when the two of you have to tussle, you both fight fair. What's more important, you're willing to learn from the confrontation -- and from each other.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-10T17:07:00

2006-07-10T21:12:03Z

I'm probably going to Grasso for hairdressing next year.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-09T12:18:00

2006-07-09T16:34:06Z

So our little fight did NOT end the way I thought it would. I figured we would just get all our shit out then make up and our relationship would be better than ever.

WRONG. I was left with "Well the truth of the matter is that I did like you a whole lot Lyndsay, and we may have had something really good here, but I guess it's too late now". NOT what I wanted to hear.

He told me SO MUCH last night though, things I knew he was holding back but things he never even hinted to. That's how well I know him. We were talking about whose fault it is that our plans always fall through (he says mine, I say his...it's both I'll admit it), and he asked "Tell me this...did you even have feelings for me?". I said yes, why would you ask something like that. And then calm compliant Andres says "Well then why the fuck have we not been together all this time? I waited and waited and you never came through".

That's all true. It is. So this whole time I've been sitting here calling Andres a deadbeat, he's been saying the same thing about me.

I've never pushed for anything like this before, but I feel like I have no choice. I can't see myself with anyone else. Sure, there have been times, many times, where I've been attracted to someone and forgot about Andres for a few weeks...but we've always gone back to each other. I've never been like this with anyone, I've never CARED for anyone like I do for Andres. I can honestly say I don't give a shit about anyone I've been with in the past. I don't have love for them on any level, it's not like I have hard feelings, I just don't have any emotion for them.

I don't know. He's going to see Andrew in Florida for three weeks on Wednesday, and I probably won't see him before then. I think it will be good for us. We'll both get some time to chill out and collect ourselves. He'll get to talk to Andrew to get some perspective about the situation.

I don't know, I have faith in our relationship, I really do. So whatever happens happens I guess.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-09T01:41:00

2006-07-09T05:45:00Z

Andres and I are FIGHTING. It's SO THRILLING. This is our first real fight. Like before I'd just be like UGH LEAVE ME ALONE and he'd be like okay baby whatever you want.

I KNEW he was holding something back, I KNEW IT I KNEW IT. I KNEW there were things about me that drove him crazy and I knew he wasn't as chill as he tried to be and I knew he was never saying all he wanted to. And now he's ACCUSING ME OF THINGS LEFT AND RIGHT, saying he doesn't believe I was at Hariye's on Monday, saying I don't have any time for him because I'm always with my "friends", saying I'm always having boys over (I think he's talking about you, Wyatt...hehe), saying he doesn't know me anymore...

YES YES YES! It's finally out!

But where will things go from here?

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-08T23:52:00

2006-07-09T03:47:53Z

Oh burrrrrrn Andres took me off his top 8.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-08T23:44:00

2006-07-09T03:41:02Z

I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever want to go back to school.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-08T00:39:00

2006-07-08T04:39:12Z

The other day Richardo and I were talking about how my taste in men has changed over the past year. I went from being attracted to like everyone, to being attracted to mostly only Black, Hispanic, Filipino etc guys, and now how I'm really only attracted to Hispanic guys.

Richardo says "It's okay, Latino men are just a lot spicier that's all".

God I love the kid, he's exactly right haha.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-08T00:09:00

2006-07-08T04:05:51Z

I think I'm going to get one of those 3-way phones or whatever they're called.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-07T00:24:00

2006-07-07T04:22:23Z

;AKLDF;AKLSDJF;ASLGH;AG;ALSHKG;ASKLGH;ASLGHA;KLGNA;SNAW;RGHA;SGKLH;AVNJAPERUAENJPAEOUBNAEJL.

GAH I'm so AGGRAVATED RIGHT NOW. Everyone and everything is driving me CRAZY today.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-07-03T16:56:00

2006-07-03T20:51:49Z

I saw this keychair today that said "Jay Hernandez is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy".

Amen.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-06-30T21:45:00

2006-07-01T01:41:34Z

My luau is tomorrow I'm so nervous.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-06-30T17:16:00

2006-06-30T21:12:48Z

So...Andres might be my boyfriend?

When was the last time I had a boyfriend?

Oh, the irony

2006-06-27T19:04:47Z

I really need to stop making stupid vague and ambiguous lj posts because when I want to write about something I have to go back and explain everything else.

So Andres and I made plans for Saturday, like I wrote about, and he doesn't call me. So I say fuck it and go out with Richardo. Andres doesn't call me til 1:30, and when I ask what he did that day he says "watched the world cup with Mario". At least lie, tell me you were doing something a little more interesting.

I talked to Ruth about it last night and she said to talk to him about it, which surprised me. When it comes to him she always tells me it's not going anywhere. But she said this time around she thinks it MIGHT be different...she said she's not clear on it, that it could go either way. She said that after I talked to him and cleared the air I need to make a list of what I want in a boyfriend--then today my horoscope said the same EXACT thing. WEIRD.

So after I left work early because I almost went blind (LONG STORY haha) I sign online and when my email is loading I got butterflies in my stomach. I had a really weird feeling that I had something from Andres, which is weird because the only time he ever emails me is when we aren't talking...and I DID. Weird.

I was even MORE surprised to see what it said. I'm not going to copy and paste it because Andres speak is kind of hard to understand sometimes. But essentially, he said that it's hard for him to be with me because hes always felt like he wants to spend every second of his life with me and I always just want something light and casual. HMPH. Maybe you should TALK to me about that then homeboy.

But I'm really happy that he said something, even if it was like...5 months late. I'll try to keep everyone updated though.

Same old same old

2006-06-24T21:39:17Z

Once again Andres is proving to be more trouble than he is worth. So, I'm blowing him off today because I feel like he's blowing me off, and going out with Richardo and Little Ricky.

Too many goodbyes

2006-06-22T05:29:19Z

I had to say goodbye to Bri for the summer yesterday. It was awful.

And just a minute ago I had to say goodbye to Andrew until November. He, Rachael, and Andrew came over at 11 and we had a campfire in the backyard. We just sat on the swing and talked the whole time, nothing big at all, just little stuff. I'm going to miss that kid so much. I can't believe I'm not going to see him until November.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-06-21T14:02:00

2006-06-21T18:10:19Z

This is my horoscope for today.

Obstacles that might stop a lesser love-seeker in their tracks are no match for your perseverance -- and quick thinking, and ability to see the humor in it all. Keep on keepin' on, baby.

This means don't let the Kayleigh thing bother you.

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-06-20T23:59:00

2006-06-21T04:45:16Z

So. My phone breaks, and from 2 until 11 I am not able to be reached. I get "BABY OH MY GOD I WAS SO UPSET I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU WERE I WANTED TO SEE YOU SO BAD I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU SINCE YOU LEFT LAST NIGHT OH NOOOOOO". Haha.

I have this shit in the bag. Imagine what he'll be like when I take his virginity.

On another note. We got into a little argument (argument=me yelling) about this girl Jordan today. I guess she really likes him (go friggen figure) and he forgot her birthday today, and she was really upset. He was real dumb about it too, she was like "SO WHAT'S TODAY?" and he said "Uh...Tuesday". He told her that he thought her birthday was this Friday because that's when her party is. He stopped when he was telling me this and asked me if he should go to the party. I said it would probably be a good idea, considering the fact that he forgot her birthday in the first place and made it seem as if he was going to show up. It's the least he can do. So then he pulls a "dur I'm not going unless you go" to which I was just like WHATEVER ANDRES. At first I thought it would be really mean, but then I thought about it and changed my mind. I'm not going to shove it in her face or anything. So we went over that whole thing, what he will and will not do around this girl (assuming that she's nice like I think she is...if she gives me attitude we're TOTALLY having buttsex in front of her haha), which was painfully hard to relay to him. Then all of a sudden "Whatever we're not going, I don't want to go, she's not even really my friend". GAHHHHHHH.

I love arguing haha :)

_7_year_bitch_ @ 2006-06-20T11:51:00

2006-06-20T16:17:36Z

Last ten people you talked to on the phone:
Crystal
Maeve
Mom
Andres
Andrew
Shaena
Andres again
You Ling!
Patty
Andres haha (this was "serious relationship talk" day haha)

Last ten people you fought with:
I don't know, the only people I really fight with EVER are my family and Marlena...I don't make having problems with people a priority
So...
My Mom in Eblens the other day
My Mom and Dad on my birthday
Vernell and I argued last week
Marlena and I got into a fight in March
I can't think of anymore

Last ten people you hung out with:
Rachael
Andrew
Andres
John
Kaylee
The four I mentioned above again
Maeve
Armando
Richardo
Crystal

Last ten people who did something to irritate you:
Glorimar for saying I never call her but when I do she never answers
Bri for her phone dying
Rachael for not telling me we were playing football so I wore a dress and flip flops
Marlena for not talking to me for two days practically
My Mom for not answering her phone EVER
Richardo for not calling me back
Crystal for showing up to graduation when it was over, that only kinda bothered me though
Vernell for being dumb
MY SPANISH TEACHER FOR TELLING ME I HAD TO COME IN FRIDAY OR SHE'D FAIL ME
Blah ten is too many people don't really get me mad

Last ten people you said "I love you" to:
Crystal
My Mom
Marlena
Alina
Meme
My Pops
My Grandpa
My Grandma
Megan
Those are pretty much the only people I say "I love you" to...

Last ten people you missed:
In no particular order...
I ALREADY miss Bri...
Crystal, haven't seen her in a few days
Marlena
Katie
Allison, I haven't seen her in a while
My Mom, I always miss her when she's not here
All my family
Mel
Joe :( haven't seen him since 8th grade
I'm going to miss Andrew like crazy when he leaves

Last ten people you slept with:
I haven't slept with ten people!

Last ten people you kissed:
Andres
Armando
Andres again
Steve
Gordon
Steve (shhhhhhh)
Gordon
Steve
I'm not going any further haha the ones before this are badddddd

Blah I'm done with this it's boring, I already did the good parts hehe

Shit just doesn't change

2006-06-20T04:47:03Z

I'm confused.