I would like to have my depressing cynicism, hopelessness and paranoia be proven wrong, especially when it comes to the news, politics and world events.

Watching America over the last ten years has driven me to the point where I believe democracy has turned into an elaborate joke designed to give citizens the illusion of choice, the press and media are now propaganda factories and all news and issues are just distractions to keep citizens arguing over petty unimportant bullshit while atrocities are committed under their noses by their own leaders. I'm tired of how exhausting it is to feel that that is reality. Sometimes I even wish I were believing all the lies and bullshit just so I'd be happier.

I'm not American (although my parents are and I might as well be), but the way my life turned out puts me in a no-man's-land culturally where I've been able to see America both from the inside and from the outside, as an almost-immigrant and as a foreigner at the same time. An American friend once described me as "not American, but he might as well be." In art school in NJ my friends said I had a better grasp of their culture than most of them did. Whatever that meant, lol.

When I lived there I remember how exhilirating it felt knowing no one was going to arrest me or lock me up without a lawyer or even a court hearing just because I was a Christian. Now the same thing could happen to me in America for having Arabic in my passport from having lived in the Middle East.

America isn't my country but I can't help but love it and care about it like my own supposed country. Americans aren't my fellow countrymen (yet) but it has been heartwrenching seeing what many of them have been going through the last decade or more. I imagine it must feel like being betrayed by a loved one, or by your own family.

To me, Americans are an amazing, intoxicating, sarcastic, neurotic, psychotic, blunt, fun and slightly insane people that are basically hard to hate and harder to ignore. They're not perfect, but they're often the first people to admit it. I love how you basically can't mock Americans, because no one mocks Americans harder and meaner than they do themselves. Feel free to disagree; that's what it looks like through my eyes.

I think Americans deserve better. I think I'm tired of seeing noble American ideals that its great men and women fought and died for at its birth, get trurned into media buzzwords, cliches, propaganda tools, and ultimately, a giant international joke. It's depressing watching the world slowly hate America more and more everyday, knowing they have good reasons to.

I want an America that I would love to move back and actually live in, not one that I'm afraid of, because for one thing I really miss my family, and for another thing I think I'd make a great adopted citizen given the chance. And ultimately, maybe because it's the one place in the world where I didn't feel like a huge misfit.

Bill Maher once said on his show: "America must stop bragging that it's the greatest country on earth, and start acting like it." That line pretty much sums it up.

Take from this what you will.

Scientists have discovered a tiny 2 cm (1 inch) long shrimp that can snap its claws to create a 210 decibel noise. For reference, a rock concert from the first row measures 110 decibels. The noise this tiny shrimp creates is louder than the sound made by whales, louder than the sonic boom of a concorde breaking the sound barrier, louder than a gunshot, and would most certainly shatter a human eardrum.



Five unique, strangely colored beaches you never knew existed.



Surveillance cameras catch school security employees stealing surveillance cameras. Most meta headline ever?



Ten last pictures ever taken of notable people alive.



Three years after Chevron blew up this man's house, he has yet to receive a penny in compensation. The explosion of the Chevron oil depot was Britain's biggest explosion in peacetime. A documentary is being released to put pressure on the unresponsive oil giants to pay up.


Disgraced Pastor Ted Haggard has revealed that he was sexually abused as a child. Oh, okay then, that explains everything, right? He's not gay, just a victim, etc.


A South Carolina pastor has demanded those in his congregation who voted for Obama to tell God they're sorry for doing so, and that they shouldn't take communion until they do. But the good news at least is that he's officially not the antichrist, according to LaHaye and Jenkins, respected Christian authors of the Left Behind novels. Phew, glad that's cleared up.

Also, priest threatens and attacks reporter who was asking him about an incident where he threw a worshipper out of mass because she had Obama stickers on her car.


Japanese Air Force Major goes to supermarket to shop for women's underwear while wearing nothing but his shoes and carrying his wallet. Apparently, the Major while on his way home from a late night farewell party for a colleague stripped off his clothes behind a convenience store before going in and buying panties and panty-hose. The Major did not appear to be intoxicated and “he had just his wallet and his shoes on him. He thought it would be funny if he went into the store stark naked, that it would surprise people..."

Japan is bored with sex.

200 year old church literally stolen. Quote: The disappearance of the Church of the Resurrection, some 300 km (186 miles) north-east of Moscow, was not immediately noticed. Picture not available.

Houston zoo elephant dies of elephant herpes.

Sex offender found living in University library.

Actual headline: Armless thief steals TV.

Drunk man drives to police station to ask cops if he's too drunk to drive. He was then arrested for drunk driving.

Fearless convenience store clerk to armed gunman with gun pointed at her: "Either shoot me or leave my store."

Psychologist explains that conmen don't con you by getting you to trust them, but by showing that they trust you. Anyone saw Matchstick Men? That movie kind of blew my mind.

Yet another human foot washes ashore, this one being the seventh severed human foot to wash ashore onto the Canadian coastline since August 2007. Still no explanation. This time, however, it's a female foot. The other six have all been male.

German politician shuts down a German Wiki because it links to another wiki article on him that mentions his previous work with the Stasi back in the day.


More tagged, categorized offbeat and abnormal news stories over at fivethreenews or 53news.blogspot.com :D

Obama wins.