Bush Lover Central

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-09-06T17:57:00

2004-09-06T21:57:13Z

we found an apartment and it's already ours after looking at it just this morning. it has four rooms and a bathroom. $425, all utilities included. it has a shower! no more motherfucking baths for me. i can finally be squeaky clean again. life is (semi)good.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-09-06T16:44:00

2004-09-06T20:44:50Z

I awoke this morning to a Hideous surprise! I had no legs! then I remembered that I left them in the bathroom the night before and put them back on, and the world was happy again.

Lemon Tree Very Pretty
And The Lemon Flower Is Sweet
But The Fruit Of The Poor Lemon
Is Impossible To Eat
~Peter, Paul, And Mary

so... a little bit later, but still earli in the mourning, after eating breakfast like a drunken sailor, my own Patron Saint paid me a visit. She was dressed in the traditional garments of a Saint, you know, those glowing and flowing outfits that shoot rainbows of color at you and make you feel fuzzy, and dangling ear ornaments to match.

So I was like Welcome Welcome it is a pleasure to have you in my house but surely you are here to deliver a message from the Goddess are you not?

*nod*

Next I was required to perform the ritual dance that demonstrates my loyalty to the Goddess. I was a bit hesitant towards the end of the ritual, it has been quite some time since I had last performed it, but I recieved the Saint's approval.

You are always pleasing to the Goddess. She asks that you come to see her.

and with that, my Patron Saint vanished in an aromatic puff of pink smoke. *pfOOMPffff*

Well, the Goddess called to me, and I immediately responded. I went for my Goddess walk which I take whenever I am gripped by the faith.

She left me little presents to decorate my path. I passed a dead squirrel, what may have been a dead rat being feasted upon by yellow wasps, and a few dead crows and birds. All of which looked like they were made from beef jerky.

My Goddess spoke to me from out of my footsteps, dancing on the wind, and whispered gently behind my eyes "John Darling you are such the wolf, I am glad that you are pleased today, and as easy to entertain as you were when you were a child.'

so I walked on... The trees dropped their plums on me in a wonderful display of strength and composure. It was Her way of telling me that she is with me, she was there, she knows... plums of course referring to delicious feast of Sunday Prior.

And there, in a ripened clover patch, there it was, it moved and danced. It was a present from my Goddess. It was what she had wanted to show me. It was a gorgeous tree frog stolen from my childhood. It had the fresh orange hide of falling leaves. I fetched it and walked with it singing softly to it while it trembled behind the soft, padded white walls of my clasped hands.

upon my return home, I gently placed the frog in a sanctuary where it would thrive and grow and enjoy life in the shadow of the Goddess. It's almost a shame that a flock of crows were following me intently eyeing my hands and watching eagerly as I set the web-toed beast into a new lair.

Contrary to popular belief, tree frogs CAN be found in the desolate fields of New York's own Long Island. I caught them as a child and delivered them to my disbelieving Aunt. Our turtles loved to feast on the ones we could not even catch. I still remember how turtle always smiled at us with shiny green frog's legs dripping from his beaked mouth.

we also caught toads while they slept in our front yard, my brother and I. We discovered something in our toad hunting days of yore: it is this: with a little bit of magic, a large bucket, and LOTS of solar power it is possible to turn a toad to stone. There were a few occasions back in NY when my brother and I did in fact create our own little toad statues at the cost of their poor lives.

We... or at least I,, tortured the poor little buggers. trying to teach them to swim (the tree frogs performed wonderfully, the toads ... not quite so wonderfully) and keeping them 'safe' in the toad chambre which served as a marvelous little ubliette for amphibians.

And so I leave now to attend a new feast, I send my Goddess my thanks and praise. I give my Patron Saint my endless gratitude. I wish for my frog a long life with the best of children. And I bid you all farewell.

.~**~.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-09-06T15:16:00

2004-09-06T19:16:17Z

So I opened this entry page so that I could tell the world about how much I love my life. How much I love me as a person and the things I do for myself and my impact on other people. I wanted to make it free to the public, or at least friends only, but behind an lj cut, you know, because I wanted the world to know but I wasn't trying to seem lame or as if I'm just another low self esteemed bitch trying to make herself feel better.

I wanted to say how much I love my classes and how excited I am about school. About how everyone thinks I look alot better & how it really feels like everyone loves me, like the whole world is right on my side. About how in love I am with everything, but Caleb and I more so than other things. About how I'd like to walk around with a smile on my face greeting everyone I know. About how great it is to just be.

Then I got interrupted by a few phone calls, Liz M. came over with her friend Austin (a girl) and we talked for about ten minutes about various things. I like her visits, they're unexpected, friendly & short. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather hang out with her longer, but it's nice that she still makes the time to hang out with me even when it's short.

& Brian is too come over soon also, but that's not what I was getting to.

Caleb called.

----edited out so I could make this public, but it said bad things----

!!!!!:D. So, anyways, this further prooves that everything in my life is ending up so great. I really think that karma has just given me the biggest award ever, bnow I'm really starting to cry for other reasons. Earlier today I was listening to my Kanye CD and I just started crying. I don't even know what I was thinking, I think I was just thinking about how great it is that everything is really coming together, I don't even know. I really love Kanye West though. Literally. I've really been listening to the words & they are so fucking powerful, I really think I want to rap. about real shit, like Kanye. You can learn how to rap just like you learn anything, color & gender don't matter, the only reason it seems this way is because it has to do with the culture. All it is is poems. I just think this shit is so beautiful.

Like this shit makes me fucking get away to a whole other world. Like its not even like I'm not loving this world but it's just such real shit man, I can't explain it. I know it's not really that normal to get so emotional about rap but I mean a fucking good song is a good song. I love it when songs just fucking grab you buy your whole soul and take over. When you really lsiten and you get shivers. I'm not even really that into music, I don't get crazy in to music or a scene and jam like that. But this shit is so real to me.

I just want the whole fucking world to know that nothing could get me down at this point. not even Caleb or any other nigga trying to hold me down. Because sometimes the world is just so fucking beautiful that you have to cry. It's not even about the fact that life is gonna stop one day, its just so much. Man you don't even know. Like theres tears pouring down my face, but I'm smiling and I'm getting that feeling when I roll when I wish that I could smile bigger to fully express my emotions.

Like I just used to be so unhappy man. I used to be so fucked up. On the real. I went fucking insane because of drugs before I even got into high school. I fucking had cancer when I was a fucking little girl. I never had a fucking dad. There was so many times where I've wanted to just let go of everything. I used to cut, I used to be so destructive, I used to be so fucking destructive.

God I hope some people are reading this because I just think It's worth reading. If you want to read my journal at all then this is the entry to read because this is me, real. This is with out letting all the fucking petty shit get in my way. This is fucking pure. This is kelsie.

I wonder where the fuck Brian is. He's supposed to come over, god I so badly want to get my ring from Caleb. SO BAD. But it'll happen. It has to, oh please god. If not, That's fine because --edited out to make public--

I just wanna thank god and Karma and everything for this. I'm so comfortable with my life. My probably so much easier when I was younger, but I've been fucking depressed since I was really little. Maybe I was just dramatic, what the fuck ever. Even If this can't last too long (which I doubt. This isn't about what's going on, this is about my fram of mind) I'm just happy I can feel this way with out drugs.

I forgot to thank the most important person. Myself. I hated me for so long. I used to bawl into my mirror and just tell myself I hated myself. I'd cry so hard, I know that it seems like alot of people went through the whole cutting phase, it sure did become trendy, but I used to do that once for every tear I let fall. I hated that I let myself be weak. I stopped being able to cry eventually, and when Caleb taught me how again (Summer '03 sure was great) I would want to teach myself not to again. But I didn't-

I'm just happy. Overall. I wish I had someone to hug and I wish so bad that Caleb was The One for me but it seems now as if he's not(even if it's not true). And thats so sad but it's okay. Because I really deserve someone amazing who's mind and words fucking amaze me and just leave me in astonishment. I've thought other people were beautiful before. Maybe not as beautiful as I think he is but as we age things progress, ect. This may sound cocky, but in all honosty the man who marries me is gonna be really lucky. Caleb has stayed with me for this long because I ride or die, but he doesn't even realize half of how great I am to him. He really doesn't. I don't need that. I don't need games, I don't need drama.

(This is when I left to go hang out with brian. We had interesting conversation {mostly about Caleb})& By the way you won't really get that last paragraph to the full effect because of what I edited out.

Ps:Today, I had the art teacher that I was scared of because of when I had her freshman year for homeroom. When I went up to her desk to get my schedule, she asked if I had been in her class before. I told her that I was in her homerrom two years ago and she replied, "You look so great. That's what it is. You're beautiful".

I think I'm just fucking glowing.

I was gonna make this private, & then I was gonna make it So that the only people who could see it are the people on my friend's list who I don't know. But you know what? I'm gonna be real and just say it for everyone to read. & This is long but it says alot.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-09-06T13:53:00

2004-09-06T17:53:33Z

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-09-06T12:31:00

2004-09-06T16:31:28Z

HOLY SHIT! It was so fucking great! Otep, Lamb of God, Slipknot, Slayer, Dimmu Borgir, Superjoint Ritual, Judas Priest....AND I got assaulted by a security guard and tomorrow I have to call the management of the Ford Amphitheatre so that I can lodge a formal complaint and see if those fuckers are gonna pay for me to go to the doctor. My shoulder is hurting more and more with each passing hour, no shit (is that normal? It didn't really hurt right after my arm was yanked, but as time goes on, it's getting annoyingly sore). It was over the dumbest bullshit too. I got called beautiful by 3 of Andy's friends that he hadn't seen in 10 years or so, and one of the members of Lacuna Coil kissed my hand. *swoon* The singer from Lamb of God was nice enough to give me his bottle of water at the signing table because he was too busy with beer. We had to leave early because Andy's dad called us around 7:30 and told us we had to come home and said the hurricane was coming (even though it's not coming until Saturday night), so we had to leave early and we missed part of Judas Priest's set, Ozzy and Black Sabbath, and I'm not sure, but I think there was another band in there somewhere. I'm burnt to a crisp. I'll write more later. What a FANTASTIC day!

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-09-06T11:17:00

2004-09-06T15:17:52Z

Drove to PA to see Lei. Did stuff. Home again. Bet you really wanted to know that.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-09-06T09:42:00

2004-09-06T13:42:24Z

http://share.shutterfly.com/osi.jsp?i=EeIM2LZi2bNXQw&notag=1
GERMANY PHOTOS FINALLY!!!!!!
and now my back's gonna break sia?!

i survived 2.5hours non stop of mary chua lect today. BLESS MY POOR EARS!!

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-14T15:57:00

2004-03-14T20:57:34Z

The pain get's deeper,
With every passing day.
Who will really know when you're gone?
I can't remember when no weight was on my shoulders,
Release my soul from the dark...

And I don't know what I'm coming to,
The fear it carries on...
And you can't see what's inside of me,
To feel that would be wrong...

No need to carry on,
I like to be alone.
No need to carry on...

Whee. I'm tired as hell. The past few days have been so wonderful but i still have some things troubling my mind, I've been happy most of the time but even then, there's this piece of me that feels...very sad. I don't want to say why at the moment, as it has to do with too many things at this point. Plus I simply don't want to talk about it. :P

I've been laughing so much more, smiling. Even Papa told Aurora (she was sitting in my lap)
"Oh, it's such a sweet widdle puppy, yes it is, and it makes it's Mama so happy and it makes her laugh so much!" while rubbing her little nose. *L*

I mean seriously, everyone has noticed I'm a lot happier... I feel... almost whole in a way. I think I know the piece that's missing now. I know that the love my babygirl gives me is something that's helped me a lot. Nothing can take that place... I feel like i took for granted Pixie's love, her devotion to me... I won't take Aurora's love for granted this time around, she's going to be so spoiled... Pixie was, too, but Aurora will be even more, ;)

Things she loves:
â™¥ Digging in Papa's beard. LMFAO. She doesn't know if she should LICK it, OR DIG IN IT SO SHE DOES BOTH!!! Sometimes she bites it.
â™¥ Giving TONS of kisses...
â™¥ Then giving you a NOSE BITE.
â™¥ Eating...a lot. LMAO
â™¥ Dragging things under Papa's cot. (her food bowl for example.)
â™¥ Zip. Licking Zip, Biting his ears, Getting slapped by Zip, wanting to nurse off of Zip because he's cleaning his stomach, getting Zip's tail, while he PURPOSELY RUBS IT IN HER FACE, Wanting to play with Zip, and Just Zip, period. :D
â™¥ Looking at Josie longingly. And Zip too.
â™¥ Attacking her toys VICIOUSLY.
â™¥ Looking at Mommy's stuffed animals and trying to get to them.
â™¥ Griping at us when we do/say something she dislikes. ("Oh You're such a good girl for peepeeing, does it need to poopoo?"
"GrumpgrumpgrumpgrumpGRUMPGRUMPGRUMP!!!!!!!!") lmao.
â™¥ Following us around, she doesn't walk, she BOUNCES, just like her Mommy. *lmao* I knew Nicky would love this one. :-=
â™¥ Attacking hair.
â™¥ Digging in general.
â™¥ Hot food.
â™¥ Trying to eat anything she's offered.
â™¥ Bringing sticks inside the house, but leaving them when she finds something else that looks more fun.
â™¥ Attacking that other dog in the mirror
â™¥ She uses her paws like hands, she SLAPS US ALL THE TIME!!!
â™¥ She loves her Papa, and if he doesn't talk to her, she get's grumpy until I take her to see him. LMAO.
â™¥ BELLY RUBS!!!!! :-=

Later on I'll add onto it in future posts, and I'll add one of what all she does that Pixie used to do. Gina and I are already pretty sure she IS Pixie reincarnated lmao. Seriously, You'd have to see the shit she does and what Pixie did to understand this.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-13T14:09:00

2004-03-13T19:09:06Z

Hung "Bangs" With Record Deal
Who says you can only have 15 minutes of fame? American Idol reject William Hung, known for his own special rendition of Ricky Martin's "She Bangs," has certainly proven that point, snagging a record deal with music label Koch Records, Reuters reports. Koch said Hung's album, tentatively titled The True Idol, will be released April 6, and cable channel Fuse Music Network said it would air Hung's "She Bangs" music video.

Can you Believe it?

Great job LJ

2004-03-13T16:11:57Z

There is now a "mark a comment as SPAM" feature built into LJ. Thanks to it, I was able to quickly and easily report dianak 's spamming of my journal to the staff.

Go LJ!

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-13T09:52:00

2004-03-13T14:52:26Z

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-12T22:55:00

2004-03-13T03:54:23Z

http://www.thepoorman.net/archives/002403.html#002403

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-12T20:43:00

2004-03-13T01:43:48Z

I laugh every time I look at this journal. None of my friends know I have this journal and they never will. They don't know how obsessed I am with Harry Potter, and I don't want to tell them, hee! Well, they know I'm really into the stories, they just don't know that I've gone into the world of Harry Potter fanfiction and can't get out! I love it!! :D

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-10T08:34:00

2004-03-10T13:35:47Z

I have reported thadd to lj_abuse for spamming my journal. That's just not nice. :(

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T22:01:00

2004-03-10T03:01:53Z

I HATE COPYCATS. I HATE COPYCATS. I HATE COPYCATS.

if you feel a sense of fear, or your heart just started beating twice as fast, i'm talking about YOU. stop copying the way i do shit. or i'm gonna make your life a living hell.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T20:53:00

2004-03-10T01:53:13Z

A janitor, security guard, and I all had an intriguing discussion on melodramatic teenagers. I think all the university staff needs to get together and write a book of all these great stories. See? Insomnia has its good points!

Mmmmmmm. Breakfast now! *waves*

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T19:44:00

2004-03-10T00:45:00Z

woo hoo, no sleep tonight. today is going to be just wonderful huh? so much to do tonight too! oh this week is starting off terrific!

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T18:15:00

2004-03-09T23:15:39Z

Meg, we got the same thing...

Introverted (I) 65.71% Extroverted (E) 34.29%
Imaginative (N) 62.16% Realistic (S) 37.84%
Emotional (F) 70.59% Intellectual (T) 29.41%
Easygoing (P) 64.71% Organized (J) 35.29%

Your type is: INFP

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<td [...] left">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Meg, we got the same thing...<br /><br /><div align="center"> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Introverted (I) 65.71% Extroverted (E) 34.29%<br> Imaginative (N) 62.16% Realistic (S) 37.84%<br> Emotional (F) 70.59% Intellectual (T) 29.41%<br> Easygoing (P) 64.71% Organized (J) 35.29%<br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #eeeeee" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0"> <tr> <td> <div align="center"> Your type is: <b><font size="+3">INFP</font></b><br> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <table style="color: black; background: #dddddd" border="0" cellpadding="4" cellspacing="0" width="100%"> <tr> <td width="280quot;&gt;&gt; &lt;div align=" left"="left&quot;"> You are an Idealist, possible professions include - information-graphics designer, college professor, researcher, legal mediator, social worker, holistic health practitioner, occupational therapist, diversity manager, human resource development specialist, employment development specialist, minister/priest/rabbi, missionary, psychologist, writer</div> </td> </tr> </table> </div> </td> </tr> </table> <a href="http://similarminds.com/career.html">Take Free Career Inventory Personality Test</a><a href="http://similarminds.com">.</a></div>

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T17:11:00

2004-03-09T22:11:34Z

The musical will end this week once we play the 4 remaining shows and I have a few tests in the next two day so I shall study for those for sure tonight. My psychologist is having me write daily journal entries of whenever I have negative thoughts. He wants to read them whatever they maybe and then we can discuss their meaning or relevance. It's part of his strategy to change my habitual "way of thinking that doesn't allow me to be happy." Anyway to anyone reads this I hope they had a great day and I wish them an equally great day tomorrow. Just for optimism and not being a downer everyday so everyone have a great day tomorrow.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T16:02:00

2004-03-09T21:02:31Z

Well, I passed. Not just passed but obtained a perfect 150 out of 150 points. I'm trying to get some other documentation to be included in my overall promotion packet. March cutoff score is 567 for MAR. May is when my points will take effect, so hopefully I'll make cutoff then.

Just found out that my former First Sergeant is now Command Sergeant Major Linda Korbel, the new CSM of HHC 40th Infantry Divison, based out of Long Beach, CA. That is so cool, she's worked her butt off for quite awhile. Also found out that a warrant officer I worked in my former National Guard unit (who also served with me on Operation Noble Eagle as the S-4) is here in Afganistan. I'm hoping she's in Khandahar, so I can check up on her and play catch-up before I redeploy back to the States.

Cam news: well, not really, but i've been thinking alot about how I can participate in the club somehow. Based out of Fort Drum/Watertown will probably make personal gaming a little difficult. Hopefully, I'll meet a few more folks and maybe make a Drum chapter (hehe). I expected to join the Four Winds chapter.

Anybody check out Orpheus? I kinda like the corebook, but haven't been able to buy the rest of the line (five supplements), and I might end up missing my chance when White Wolf stops selling their modern WoD stock (frowns). If someone decides to hook me up, I will definately make it worth your while and reimburse right away.

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T14:59:00

2004-03-09T19:59:16Z

I know you feel it to
the overwhelming force
the strength but inablility to express
a binding a tightening
without a way to unwind
the eternal universal
inside us all that
feeling the need to connect
with itself in another

owned

2004-03-09T18:58:01Z

Kerry's Cash Connection

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T13:54:00

2004-03-09T18:54:18Z

What would possess someone to bring back the Jelly shoes?!? They were horrible back then and they're horrible now. I was just a little kid. I didn't know I was committing a shoe crime!?! $18. I could have bought 4 pairs, in different colors, out of a bin for $18.
Clicky Clicky to see Jellies

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T11:13:00

2004-03-09T16:13:32Z

Ok, so I figure if I'm going to look at this from a self help perspective, I might as well do so in here as well, instead of just citing problems without any solutions.

First I'm going to do with my focus, inspiration, and self image.

Dealing with my focus/inspiration, we have to look at the different things that are going on in my life.

First off is school. I really have been letting everything else in my life get in the way of school...which leads me to believe that I am underestimating its value again.

Why am I in school? (brainstorm)

1.) My Folks: No one in my immediate family (and many of my extended relations that I know as well) have graduated from College. My best example and inspirations are my Aunt Sandy and Uncle Karl, who both have graduated from college. While they are not living perfect lives, they do a lot of things that I myself would love to do and attain. They travel often, visiting relatives, vacationing, etc. They have jobs that they enjoy (or at least they find fulfilling) and they have a large range of experiences from their past which they can relate and cherish. I would also like to get through college so that one day I can hear how proud my parents are of me, since it would be a surpassment of them, and words of encouragement are few and far between in my family.

2.) For the knowledge: College gives you knowledge, from class, to student interaction, to your environment and experiences which will ultimately determine who you become and what you do in your life. I myself have learned a great deal from both my peers and my teachers about both the subjects I've been taken as well as the life that is out there for me. That knowledge is so valuable for me to accomplish my goals and dreams.

3.) For a brighter future: College is a necessity nowadays. The piece of paper that is a degree seems so minor to everyone, but in truth it shows you toiled, you struggled, and you learned...and in doing so you have an advantage over those people who left high school for the harshness of a "real world" education. Earning my degree will be a major accomplishment for myself, for it truly will be proof of my intelligence and my capabilities.

4.) For Insight and Direction: Being in college is a way to find yourself and to find out where you are going. Classes, teachers, peers-they are all sources for information that I feel will be absorbed like a sponge...the more I'm here, the more I will gather and the better my life will be in the future.

Hmmm...maybe I have been looking at a lot of this wrong after all...
Alright...how about these responsibilities and duties?

1.) They teach me how to be an adult...how to take care of myself for when I am on my own and on my own two feet. When I get out of college its all up to me...As such, I have to do all the things that I have had done for me-cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, working, basic maintenance.

2.) Responsibilities and duties provide purpose and goals...the more things you accomplish, the more you feel useful and the more influence you feel you have. Uniqueness and remembrance comes from the responsibilities and duties you perform when it is supposed to be done, not from the remarkable things you think up in the process.

3.) Responsibilities and duties keep us modest and humble...we are who we are because we work and achieve, not because anything and everything is handed to us. I want to know at the end of my life that everything I gained and lived was because of actions that I did, not because it was given to me on a silver platter.

Relationships...well, that's another matter, but still something to brainstorm...

1.) Everything that has happened to me-the good, the bad, the terrible-is a part of life, and thus is a part of me. I value it all, because it made me who I am. As much as the rejections hurt, the break ups hurt, the loneliness sucked, it still makes me who I am and who I will become.

2.) All those experiences will help me with my next experiences...because I will repeat the good, avoid (hopefully) the bad. Knowing how to be, who to be, and what to be is so helpful, especially in the most awkward moments of life...;)

3.) Relationships have sentimental value, feelings, emotions, bonds...which even if they are broken are still existentant in memory. I still smile at the thought of watching a movie with my first girlfriend...or gym classes in high school with my second. The many events of my ex-fiance will always be there...both fond and horrid alike, to serve as reminder that life is here. And last of all, all the different things that Deanna reminded me of, of the steps that I had forgotten with Ashley.

Lastly, I suppose we should talk about me...the guy in the mirror.

My self image is my lowest point in my life. I don't think there is a single thing about myself that I am comfortable with, from the hair on top of my head to the abnormalities of my toes.

My hair doesn't do what I want it to, so I'm constantly worrying about what its doing and what I can do with it. My face is a constant concern, from worrying about zits, unibrows and my glasses, to wondering about how my facial hair should be (to shave or not to shave).
My body is slim, seemingly weak...wiry, without weight. I constantly wish for my metabolism to die a horrible death so that I can put on some weight and look like I won't blow away in the wind.
I could go into more private details, but I'll leave them to myself and the thoughts that haunt me.
I do have a lot of body hair, and I debate shaving it constantly...but I have reached a decision on that. The hair that I have will stay and continue to grow...and then, on my wedding night (much like a female with her cherry) I will lose that hair to the girl that will become my wife. (I will shave it myself...not them, that's just sick and wrong) That is, if she wants me to.
My toes...well, they are long and gapped and with practice can pinch and pick up things...which is very odd to me...which is why I'm somewhat hesitant about them.
I have become more comfortable since high school...but I still have frequent moments of paranoia, and I seem to have more issues when I'm single than with someone (maybe its cuz I'm with someone and they are giving me positive attention, who knows?)
I would like to get to a point where I look in the mirror and see someone that I can say is nice and pleasant looking, instead of a paranoid wreck. I don't think I will ever think myself a Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt, simply because that's not the truth...there's nothing "handsome" or "studly" about me, but we are who we are.

Well, that's about all I can say in this therapy session...accept that I kinda wish I had a better smile too...my teeth aren't exactly great for open mouthed smiling, so I avoid them...but that's fixable, right? Get a job with a good dental plan and I'm set.
I dunno, I guess I really don't need to worry about it...

That's all I got

_0_i_love_bush @ 2004-03-09T09:40:00

2004-03-09T14:40:36Z

FUCK IT ALL! FUCK THIS WORLD!
FUCK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR!
DON'T BELONG! DON'T EXIST!
DON'T GIVE ME A SHIT!
DON'T EVER JUDGE ME!

I have come to realize the phrase "Nice Guys Finish Last" could not be more true. If you don't want people to walk all over you, if you want to get the girl, if you want to keep your job, etc. You need to be an asshole. And thats the only way it can be...