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[Monday, May 26th, 2008 @ 7:59pm] |
i move into my apartment in one week.
crazy crazy crazy.
i love my new job.
i'm back to being sort of blonde.
it's not terribly enjoyable.
i want to dye it very, very badly.
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| the further i get out. |
[Tuesday, January 1st, 2008 @ 7:14pm] |
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recap of 2007:
-meeting ivan and completely falling in love with him: his sarcasm, his ability to understand me when no one else can, his unlimited supply of random topics and conversation, his composure and confidence. simply him. things were amazing in the beginning but it would only last for a month or two.
-going snowboarding for the first time with ivan and durk and durk's girlfriend and not wanting to do it again for a couple more years
-john being relentless about wanting to get back with me and trying to convince me to break up with ivan, only for me going directly back to him after ivan and i break up and sketching out big time and trying to get as far away from him as i could.
-spending a ridiculous amount of time on micheles porch with ricky, angie, bk, and chris ross doing nothing but drinking and smoking my lungs away; then spending another ridiculous amount of time at jeff&tims smoking my lungs completely away and making my liver want to fall out of my body
-turning ninteen and spending it with all of my dear friends (who all in retrospect i don't talk to anymore, save dmitri and ben and ricky); ivan made me cry on my own birthday and it was not right; and i got drunk every night of my birthday week.
-the month i spent in complete purgatory waiting for my relationship with ivan to get better only to noseslide far too quickly. i finally walked out on him and didn't look back in april. i only slightly regret it, since it put a damper on us talking again for an entire summer. but i think i gained more confidence because of it.
-getting suprisingly really close to gabby for a couple months until she moved to rochester for the summer.
-getting the ohm tattoo on my foot. it was completely spontaneous but completely necessary.
-andrew and i getting far too close even though i did not want anything more than a friendship in him (despite misplaced kisses) and finding out he had lied about ivan hating me the entire summer in an effort to keep me to himself. therefore, i never want to see him ever again.
-adopting zelda and ratcat!
-getting severely close to cassie barnes and spending basically every second with her this summer. literally. it was amazing. i don't know how i would have survived this summer if she wasn't there to entertain and listen to my constant stream of babble.
-going to long island to visit marybeth for her birthday with angie, josh, and maggie. it was an interesting weekend. basically, i don't think i'll be back to long island any time soon.
-going to nyc to see wicked with mommabear and connie.
-the hookups: josh curtin, adam verone, scott, john.
-i incidently quit smoking cigarettes. but it didn't last terribly long.
-campfests with cassie, tom and alex.
-alex. oh what to say about alex. he was exactly what i needed at the very exact moment i needed it. however, i also needed more than he was willing to give and i ended up giving my heart to someone who couldn't accept it. in conclusion, my love life's story. he also knew me better than i knew myself and i ended up falling for him.
-cassie and i were suppose to go to westchester to visit josh but ended up cancelling and going to the beach because of the alex situation. i don't regret it.
-water safari!
-the concerts: seeing incubus, oar, brand new, and augustana.
-meeting jarrod during the ending phases of the alex situation and consequently throwing myself into a relationship far too quickly, as i always do. everytime i think about the months i spent with jarrod, i just feel like i wasted time. i don't think i ever felt anything real for him. as horrible as it sounds, i really think he might have just been a transfer relationship to help me get back to myself. i really did waste so much time. i did have fun with him, however. and i did go to temple for the first time because of him. however, despite all this, there are simply too many negatives about this relationship. i am really glad our relationship ended like it did, although i wish it had happened a lot earlier. i just cannot believe he thought i was cheating on him, but what do i really expect.
-finally saying goodbye to ivan as he moved to california sometime in july. this is terribly inconvienent because we had just connected and starting being back on okay terms.
-going back to my sophmore year of college and really liking my roommates, although i was really scared about moving in with strangers for the entire summer. i met so many people because of them and i am really glad i took the chance and moved in. case and point, zac. zac, who i will forever be indebted to considering he listen to all of my stupid rambles and never judges.
-pledging and rushing pi delta chi. something i only slightly regret, considering the pi chi girls i could do without, save a couple. however, it introduced me to the itk boys and phi psi; as well as realizing that you can only really take someone at surface level and don't expect any more.
-pi chi formal was so very nice. i'm so glad mary was my date.
-the disappointment which followed meeting and confessing my crush on jake. as well as the awkwardness which follwed meeting ryan and him wanting to "talk to me."
-getting two flat tires in the span of a month.
-the past few weeks have been spent with mike, but i don't think it will carry to much of anything else. he's so cute, but i think he's far too sketchy to expect more than just a hookup from. even though we've had many conversations and i can hope against all facts, i don't think that we're going to be more than what we were before i sketched out.
-i signed the lease to my apartment with mary. i'm really excited but not at the same time. i'm going to be lonely, i can feel it already.
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[Saturday, November 24th, 2007 @ 9:48pm] |
i've decided i'm going to try to be a good little updater and update on a more regular basis. however, i've tried this technique in the past and it has failed miserably. hopefully try number three will work out better.
to start:
the past couple days i've spent with my grandma and uncle frank and such family in rochester celebrating thanksgiving. instead of being family friendly, i ended up reading three books and watching the america's next top model marathon. i'm such a good niece/grandchild/daughter, i know, i'm aware. but the plus was that mom sprained her ankle on monday so it was really fun watching her hop along grandma's house to get anywhere. and i got to go shopping, even though they didn't really have much of anything at greece ridge mall. oh, and zac cried. that was interesting to say the least.
jarrod and i have talked basically every night since we broke up but it's not really going anywhere. basically, i try to start a conversation to see how he's doing, considering he's still someone i consider one of my best friends, and he ends up asking me twenty questions about why i don't or can't be with him. it's a big game of ring around the why did you break up with me rosie. lovely. i don't know how much more of it i can take; but suprisingly i've been patient with it so far.
i don't know if i want to hook up with scott. we haven't talked since our awkward buzz kill last thursday before the break. he still hasn't responded to my text i sent on monday. that boy is no good, i tell you. very, very attractive, but no good. i suppose we'll see what happens when school starts again in t-minus two days.
i bought tickets to go see brand new / thrice / me without you in december with murrbeth. it is going to be such an amazing show. i cannot, cannot wait. this will be my fourth time seeing brand new and i've always wanted to see thrice. best yet, it's at washington avenue armory so i can sit and enjoy the show if i cared to (and i care to).
i miss my friends. i cannot wait to go to college on monday. miss miss miss.
oh, and i got my second flat tire in a month last monday. i think i have an unrecognized enemy.
x o
ps. i'm starting a strict financial schedule on thursday. wish me luck or threaten me into financial submission; either will do.
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[Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 @ 12:31am] |
it's been so long i don't know where to start.
my last update was the first of october.
it is now the fourteenth of november.
i'll start with this:
mary and i signed the lease to our apartment on spring street. it's a gorgeous place. i get the big bedroom. and i cannot wait until june so i can move in and have all my summer girls over for wine nights and they can sleep in my big bed and we can cook breakfast in the morning and then go do a double at brooks. i don't really want to have big parties though, since too many things could get broken or stolen, and i don't really want the cops to come. i talked to mary about it, but she still wants a good amount of people to come over (like 15). i don't know. we'll talk about it. but i cannot wait. cannot cannot cannot wait. this means i'm really going to have to save money this summer so i can afford to stay there since it's so expensive. so....i'm really going to have to NOT spend extra money. i don't know how i'm going to do it.
jarrod and i broke up last thursday. well, actually, we broke up the thursday prior, or "went on a break" to be technically correct. he accused me of cheating on him and I told him that until he came to his senses, we weren't together. and a week later, after much debate (and accidently making out with scott at spike's halloween party), i came to the decision that i don't want to be in a really serious relationship right now when i didn't give myself the time to get over ivan, or alex, for that matter. so..it's over. i know he's upset. he texts constantly and tries to get me to see him...but i don't know if that's the right thing to do right now. the worst part is that even though i know i love him, i'm not feeling the way i usually do when relationships fail. i know he's in a lot of pain and misses me, and i miss him too, but definitely not to the same extent...nor do i feel like i did when ivan and i broke up, or alex and i stopped seeing eachother. i'm scared of what this means. i saw him on monday night because he brought over my previously broken buddha keychain and we talked awkwardly outside of mills for a couple minutes. but..i don't know. he still texts me that he loves me and i don't know if it's right for me to respond.
one of the downsides of breaking up with jarrod is that i feel like i've lost who was my best friend. i still have mary, yes, but she's not as reliable in being unbiased as jarrod was. and i feel lonelier now too. but i think that's more because i'm used to having him around constantly and going to sleep with him next to me at night. but, i'm glad i have kaitlyn still to sleep in the same proximity as. but the fact that i don't like the thought of sleeping alone scares me. i want to be able to sleep alone and not think about it twice.
another thought that scares me is the scott situation. after we made out on saturday night at spikes, he asked me to come over, i declined and we made plans for the next day. of course, i cancelled, and we made plans to meet on thursday for dinner. and thursday, i brought mary along with the semi-not-date-date and scott brought his roommate. and we went to a really run-down chinese restaurant in oneonta and it was kind of awkward. i mean, i've never, NEVER, talked to scott sober before. let's say awkward. and afterwards, he came over and watched me play zelda for an hour, and then we watched tv, and then a movie. and the entire time, i felt SO awkward. and i know he felt the same way. but he's so cute. so cute. and then he left and kissed me and told me to call him the next day. so i did. and he wanted to me to come over but i fell asleep. and i haven't really heard from him since monday night. so...i don't know. i mean, i'm not going to be in a relationship with him but i would like to hear from my crush a little more than every couple days. whatev. i need to learn how to play hard to get some day.
zelda has once again overtaken my life. luckily, jake and zac put up with this and will come down spontaneously and watch me play for a couple minutes, mock my skills, and leave me to sulk.
i need to stop skipping classes. especially critical thinking and progressive rock. i seriously hope i get the schedule i created for next semester. if so, i would start classes everyday at noon; with them ending at eight thirty on monday, wednesday, and friday; and three fifteen on tuesday and thursday.
alex is coming home this week and said he'd call so we can hang out. i'm trying to convince myself that he won't call so i won't be disappointed when he doesn't. this plan is failing miserably.
( let's see if we can construct a mini-recap: )
life is too short to be anything but happy.
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| oh, it's what you do to me. |
[Monday, April 2nd, 2007 @ 10:09pm] |
i miss;
the beach.
brett.
old friends.
bffs.
loverface, also known as bronchitisface right now.
ciggarettes.
angie not being sketchy.
mary slutbeth.
playing pong with people older than 14.
dmitri aka gandhi and benjamin.
terri.
cassie barnes&noble and the summer girls.
jessie & the random, random nights and adventures in his car with panther.
new york city.
shopping adventures [notice the remarkably happy face]; if only i could save money...
life is pretty lovely;
ivan and i have something of a loose relationship where i simply show up whenever i feel like it but we don't bother calling each other everyday or a plethora of other normal relationship characteristics; i'm not going to lie, it's not what i expected our relationship part two to be like, but things are amazing most days.
i am currently on spring break so i've been spending the past three days catching up with my family.
i'm getting particularily close to gabby; i'm pretty sure she calls me once every twelve hours and i'm constantly at her house with sean.
angie has been acting pretty sketchy lately which is noticeably unpleasing; but if she wants to lose her best friend and gain a fraud twin, that's her unwise decision.
i have so many boxes of unwanted clothing to give to the salvation army; i wish cassie was home so i could let her sort through all items i wasted money on.
work is officially going to take over my life this week starting tomorrow; doubles, doubles, doubles.
i'm in dire need to go to a concert since i got screwed out of taking back sunday and who knows if i will see fall out boy; and yes, although i've been to many small shows around oneonta [including spike's house show which was pleasing] they don't compare to real shows.
i love my roommates, crilley, josh curtain, adam verone, and all the wonderful people at college and cannot wait to see them all again in less than a week.
i wish i could get myself to call jessie because i miss him terribly; however, i cannot seem to ever get myself to pick up the phone and call the people i miss the most.
i wish gabby and phyllicia would stop fighting and call a truce for once instead of putting me in the middle [although i am officially neutral and should be referred to as switzerland by now]
and i absolutely cannot wait to get three more tattoos [hip, ankle, back]; i need to start a financial schedule.
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