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Susan ♥

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well [17 Aug 2005|01:44pm]
well i havent been on here in a while but i have a lot of shit on my chest and well... this is my journal. hmm let me guess... mrs. samantha malone will read this and she will be the only one. but anyways... i don't know what to do with my current situation. i love frank and he always tells me he loves me but he still has sex with other people. i don't get it. he has all these girls that are obsessed with him and stuff anf he tells me that none of them mean anything... he said he gets caught up in the moment. but then again i dont know the things he tells them. maybe he tells them that i don't matter to. but i hope thats not true. he tells me that he loves me and that right now he doesn't want a girlfriend but when he does i'll be the one. and i believe him because everytime he said it before it happened. he told me he owes me his life and i hope he means it cause he already has mine. when he comes over he's only here for an hour or 2 at the most and i dont know if its so he can hang out with other bitches or what. i know he calls that andrea girl at night and that hurts me... i also know they have sex... he told mr... but he says it doesnt mean anything. he said none of the girls he talks to mean anything. and i know thats true because i know frank. so once again i'm here... waiting. i wonder if i'm making the right decision? today he kept saying that he thinks i hooked up with other people cause theres no way i couldnt have cause girls get horny... i swear i haven't. he knows that i kissed one boy but i dont kiss anymore cause when it's not him it doesn't feel right. it makes me sad when he thinks that kind of like he thinks i'm a slut. but maybe he says it so he doesn't feel so bad about what he does. like if we're both guilty all the shit wont be on him and he can be like well you do too. but i'm guilty because i do hang out with guys... my 2 best friends are guys. but neither of them would try to hook up with me... i know it. and well... they haven't yet. so anyways... ashley is moving to bakersfield. i'll miss her even though we barely hang out. i think me martin and vincent are going ice skating tomorrow but who knows. if not i'm just going to hang out with my mom cause we are both off tomorrow. i ran a red light in bakersfield the other night too... vincent told me there was a camera but it was one of those things on the top of the street lamp.. i dont think those are cameras... at least i hope not. eekk. my mother would kill me. well anyways school is starting monday... i should kill myself sunday. probably not going to happen. but i surely don't want to go back. i have this thing where i think if i see riana i'll puke... when i think of what happened i throw up sometimes... hopefully i don't it would be embarassing to throw up at school. and besides i dont miss any of the people there. i swear i'd make the best recluse.
break my heart

i am heavent sent. don't you dare forget. [22 Dec 2004|02:34pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i'm just ranting so don't read unless you like to hear ranting lol.
hi this is susan in case you guys forgot. umm... i am having the worst day of my life and i'm frustrated with everything. and i hate christmas. every little thing is pissing me off. i could use a hug. oh yes i could. and the stupid VCR wont work and i want to watch my nike commercial i was in in 2nd grade but it wont fucking let me. and umm i spent 2 hours looking for a fuckign belt. my gay ass mom woke me up at 6:00 this morning and i couldnt go back to sleep. and i can hear my heart beating in my ear and that scares me. and my boyfriend is being a butthead today because he hasnt called me yet and his sister doesnt know how to get off the phone when shes already been on it for 4 hours. and we're out of ice and i want ice water. i cant find any matching socks. my room is never clean no matter how much time i spend cleaning it. oh yea and yesterday i got my bottom brackets repositioned and 3 of them broke off yesterday and another one broke this morning when i brushed my teeth. oh yea and i've brushed my teeth 3 times already today and my mouth still tastes like pizza or something thats not minty fresh. ahhh! and my mom is stupid. i bought myself 3 shirts off the internet and payed for them myself and guess what they came in but the stupid bitch wrapped them and put them under the christmas tree. you cant give someone something they bought themselves for christmas. gosh she makes me mad. my eyes look ugly and small today. i look half asian (not the cute kind) and half indian cause i have a big ugly face with stupid looking cheek bones and no lips. umm... my computer is fucking slow as hell. my house is freezing. i'm out of chapstick and i dont really like lipgloss. all my pants are dirty so i have to wear skanky ugly ones. my mom ruined my new shirt because she doesn't know how to do laundry. i'm getting fat and it's ugly. my sisters beautiful and i'm not and it's not fair. i have a million split ends when i just got 6 inches cut off last week. i probably smell bad. i fell down my stairs twice today. no one ever calls me. no one ever wants to hang out with me. my back hurts a lot. and ok i think i'm done. i need a nap before i kill someone. opps maybe i shouldnt say that wouldnt want anyone to say i have a hit list again. fuckkkk.

14 heart breaks break my heart

[10 Aug 2004|11:38am]
i love YOU
8 heart breaks break my heart

[27 Jul 2004|02:14am]
_youmakemehot this_dancehall
2 heart breaks break my heart

[26 Jul 2004|05:10pm]
5 heart breaks break my heart

join join join. [26 Jul 2004|03:28pm]

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break my heart

[18 Jul 2004|04:18pm]
break my heart

[13 Jul 2004|10:35am]
[ mood | tired ]

last night i went to frank's. haha ... i bet you could have never guessed. lol i didn't tell him i was coming over though. i said that i couldn't. and only robert knew i was coming over. haha me jeremy and some other guy drank franks 3 32's. lol. then we strted watching don't be a menace and i fell asleep on the love seat waiting for frank to get home. but then i woke up lol. and frank got more 32s lol so i drank some more. then little robert went to bed and that made jeremy go to bed and then me and frank went to bed. haha... kinda contageous... like a yawn. well... frank got the job with his dad and he has to go to work at 5 in the AM. it was crazy. when i woke up at 7:30 for drivers training he wasn't there and i missed him. well... i got up and went on my way. i was walking to school for drivers training and this ugly little dog was right on my heels barking like crazy. it scared me. i thought it was going to bite me. ahh! then this big ol' monster dog comes running at me full speed and rams into my leg like a bull or something. man i hate dogs! wo drivers training is so much fun. we learned how to back up, paralell park, and do 3 point turns. it was dumb. but i got to drive myself home tee hee. rawr! yesterday stephanie cane over and she just started cutting her hair in my room... she fucked it up. and now i have hair everywhere in here. ahh shit today i have practice. i really don't want to go. i hate it. but i guess it's not too bad. brylin will be there. i love that girl. ok well... i had a long night and had to get up terribly early so i'm going to take my nap now. <3

1 heart break break my heart

[12 Jul 2004|01:21am]
♥FRIENDS ONLY ♥
1 heart break break my heart

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