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|Monday, February 20th, 2006|
haven't been on in forever...
will update tomorrow
just letting you guys no I didn't forget you:)
|Tuesday, February 7th, 2006|
| Just a simple girl in a crazy world
"I'm just a girl in this world."
First off my dog Precious is in my lap licking the shit out of me:P. I heart her mucho. She's a French Teacup Poodle. Okay, scre wall the people who think Poodles are for fags. THEY'RE NOT!!
ANd if you still insist, then I AM A BIG POODLE HEARTING FAGGOT
. Fifth period me and Nancy and Nicole were just talking. It was really fun actually. Like Nancy and I have a lot more in common than I used to think. We share the same favorite color, likes and stuff like that. We had a lot of fun walking like asses after. Nicole told me that when I drew a picture on Alex Foley's hand, people asked him about it before the final two weeks ago, and when he said it was me people wer elike who's that? And then one girl told Mike Beltrani "the drug addict one". Okay. I'm sorry. But I missd the part where I became an addict to drugs. I screw around sometimes, but nothing at all serious. I haven't even done a total of three illegal drugs, no less am I addicted to any of them. Where do you get drug addict from the girl that walks with noone in the halls, is really quiet until she shocks you when she's around her friends going a tad crazy. Where do you get drug addict from the girl who raises her hand in class, and studies for quizzes, and actually -for the most part-pays attention in class. Yeah I fucked up last year. I took the lighter and sprayed perfume on it to make a combustion. That isn't arson. That isn't trying to light a building on fire. I honestly don't get why that will have to be on my record forever. I never tried lighting the building so it would incinerate.No. In my opinion, that was completely unfair. Okay, one OSS, and two days of ISS. WOow, that doesn't make me a druggy. I fucking run track.Yes, all druggies just love love love to run track. Unless I misinterpreted my Health teachers, a lot of the people who do pot don't want to do anything at all, let alone run for two hours. I rest my case. Back to my day. n Sanish I got caught giving answers to Sal. One zero on a mini-quiz. Definitely not doing that again. Let's see, that was the first time we got caught. LOL, he's nice to me, so what the hell. And this is going to sound like I really want to fit in, but trust me when I say "I don't give two shits and a turd", but I just don't want to be on the bad side of people anymore. I'm pretty much sick of it.
I was thinking again. I've been pretty pensive lately on society. WHy is it that there are like groups of people in school? And like when you walk alone through the hallways and see the same people in the same spots? I don't stand in a certain spot, I get jostled by everyone, and I don't really have a group of friends. If I sound like a whiney whore, sorry, but like sometimes you just think. I notice no matter how hard I try, I'll never be nothing to 99 percent of these people. It's even worse when you drop your books and they sit there and laugh. No one ever comes over to help, they just laugh. I always always pick up someones book if it drops, but I never get a thanks. I try hard to make friends so that my High School social life won't revolve around a total of like 9 people. IOn which 9 of them you secretly think annoying or leech-like, or just someone your kind to. Why is it that my only close friend is a senior in another school. Why is it that it's my cousin. I have nothing wrong with my cousin as my best friend. I love her. TO pieces. But why is it that I'm afraid to move to another school because I wouldn't fit in with anyone there because they are all packed with their "groups".
What's worse is being made fun of. I would never mind not having friends, but why do people make you sink lower by making fun of you. I read in ElleGirl that there's a school called Alliance, for kids who have been bullied or tormented. I haven't been bullied as bad as some, but I have been bullied and made fun of my whole life pretty much. At least since fifth grade. You can't really count name calling any grades below, but if you do, then I have. Let's break it down:
Fifth Grade: Iwas made fun of for not being Spanish because pretty much everyone in my Brentwood was Spanish. I'd be calle Whitey, and other stupid shit like that. I'll admit this because I know some girls have this to. I have a "chickstache". Okay. There. I have natural black hair, so pretty much every hair on my body is black. My "chockstache" wasn't like a man man mustache, but it was dark enough for me to be called Missy Maaaannnnfredo.
Sixth:I was the new kid in Hauppauge so theres pointer one. Not fitting in because you didn't know anyone. ANd my "chickstache".I wasn't made fun of by girls...try guys. SOme even that I didn't knw like in the mall.
I started to bleach it that summer.
Seventh: Varieties of whore, slut, prostitute to be.
Eighth:Goth whore, demon worshipper, and random things like that.
And you know my ninth.
I'm but a girl, that's just quiet for the most part of the school day. Few people see the real me. Fewer to none in my school. So where do these sterotypes come from? Anyone?
If this sounded liek a majorly whiney entry, I'm sorry, but this journal is also my real journal because I can't trust anyone with my old written one. ANd it's also nice to get feed back, and it's sort of cool giving people a window to my life and thoughts and things like that.
♥ Current Mood: pensive
|Sunday, February 5th, 2006|
|Waste of Time
Some things aren't as great as they are said to be.
This morning I slept until about nine. I had a joint, and I said what the hell. It was my second time and definitly last. It is not fun at all. And when some people get amotivational syndrome...I really want to be Valedictorian. And seriously, why waste your money on stuff like that. Just to waste your life away? I mean if your reading this and you like the effects, I'm not trying to stop you. But what is so great about having slower reactions and bad coordination. I guess everyone needs experiences in life, and I had mine. It's wierd. I'm not exactly a straight-edge kid, but I'm not completely spiteful or rebellious. I'm a little bit of both actually. I want to lean more to the straight edge area. I don't want to fuck up so early in life. I am completely serious about my goal of being Valedictorian. It's a motivation, adn I don't need weed to fuck that up for me.
LOL, miniature rant. And please if anyone is opposed to that, please don't scold me, because I give you my Scout's Honor, I'm not willing to do it again. It's just boring and I could be reading a book, or playing video games or studying. Something useful. But I learned from experience.
I didn't eat at all really yesterday. For the whole day I ate a bag of colored Goldfish♥ Then today just and egg sandwhich with one slice of bread. So I'm like pretty damn hungry. Dinner isn't until forever. Oh well. I started the book A College of Magics
, and so far it's proving to be a semi absorbing read. Can't wait to see Jackie and Granny and everyone next weekend. My Dad and Grandma have the same birthday, so we'll be eating cake. I'm so jealous. I wish I had a birthday on the thirteenth...
♥ Current Mood: bored
|Friday, February 3rd, 2006|
Well, let' just say I'm "interested" in a boy...
Today was pretty full of mood swings on my part. I made a paper rainbow by coloring it with crayons so the whole paper was like...a rainbow!♥ Third we watched the The Princess Bride
, and it makes me very tempted to read the book. I had my feet on the desk, and Dan Rothman bumped into one of my feet, hesitated a second, looked at my foot, turned around and smiled. I said sorry, and he's like oh it's okay, and still had his gorgeous smile on his face. Well in my head, I can say I was interested in him for a few weeks. And like we used to not be friends in seventh grade, and well for me, this is a start. I really like his smile, eyes, and personality. He's like serious/smart/with a sense of humor. In Interior Design Nancy and I were attacked with Glitter. Like Nancy had it a lot worse. So Mrs. Syska let us spend half the period in the bathroom getting it off. In Art I fell off my chair, and so did Jou. It was awesome!! And Jou went into the cutest mood swin I ever saw him get into, when Zack broke his stick. Lately, Zack has started to piss me off. I just want to throw his glasses out of the windpow or something. In English we did scheduling. I put out for Criminal Justice, Everyday Law, Mythology and Magic in the Modern World, and Murder Most Foul. SO I have four electives, two in Social Studies, and two in English. Sick! In Spanish Sal was making a fohawk with my hair ties, and I was doing work when he shot one at me and hit me in the eye. I like jerked back, adn then it took a moment to sink in. Sal busts out laughing, I'm trying so hard not to laugh...loudly, and then so does Jessica Sherrow. It was so damn funny, but I'd say Sal and I laughed more than Jessica did. It like completed my life when he hit Kathy.
After school Kathy like pushed me out of the way to be next to Kelly and I unleashed my Bitchyness on her. Here's the dialogue::
"What did I do?"
Um, you just fucking pushed me out of the way.Next time you do it I'll push you down the fucking stairs."
And she walked away. Many of you will think that it was harsh, but she's a liar, and so many other things that I don't feel like mentioning,and I'm sick of her being a bad friend to Kelly and I. I wasn't really going to push her, but I know she would back out.LOL, in my opinion she got what she deserved. I played NHL 2K6 and one three games in a row bitches! My best score was 12-0 against the Red Wings. GO Islanders! You suck at life right now, but in my game you rock ass!
Then Ifelt bad when we got to Sue's and just cried. Then after a while I felt better. We have to get the Six Flags Great Adventure permission slip in by the Fifteenth! I really hope my Daddy let's me go. We have to be there before 6:45. I seriously want to go. Well that's really all for now. Possibility of going shopping on tax free weekend finally
getting my Neon Green Nail Polish!!!
♥ Current Mood: Moody
|Thursday, February 2nd, 2006|
|High School Drama
Oh, the drama. Even if it isn't my situation, I'm still a part of it.
Well in Bio, Kayla wrote me a note that Celia told Francis what Kelly did. I couldn't believe it. Like always it spread around Hauppauge like a wildfire. And Francis was confused. But we'll get to the rest of that later. In Gym, we had like a free type period, and I talked to ANdrew Dunn the whole time, and he told me that it was obvious that I was bi. I was like oh, really? Wow. In Art I snacked on two packets of cheese crackers and peanut butter. Those are like heaven. So good. We read more in Romeo and Juliet
, and again I was literally entranced by his poetic way of writing things, and the rhythim of stressing the tenth syllable. Truly great literature.
After school Kelly and I were supposed to chill in the Secret Spot, but she was in tears when I saw her. I never saw her like that, and I've seen her cry times before. It hurt to see her that upset. I actually talked to Francis when we were discussing this. It was the three of us in the Theatre hallway. And we actually had a bit of a conversation, and it seemed like at the moment he forgot that he hate me and I orgot that I hate him because he hates me. He hates me because I'm a bitch, and I can't help that. I talked to him, becaue Kelly didn't want the relationship to end. SHe was literally hanging off of him, and I felt so bad. And the way he looked at ehr--oh the way he looked at her. It was a look of pity. And it didn't suit the situation, especially as he was breaking up with her. It's all very sad. Maybe we'll be friends again. It was fun eing his friend while it lasted, and it was a lot my fault that we are not friends currently. I really hope she gets out of this emottionally stable.
Brian and I were talking and we're not so rocky like we were for a while. I was like I'm not part of drama like this. He's like neither am I because I'm a nerd and I don't have that many friends. I was like neither do I. We are nerd buddies!!&hearts'
I remember I used to be jealous of Kelly and Francis because they had a strong relationship. I had one, once upon a time. With Anthony. We went out for like four months. They were some of the greatest of my life. We never fought. And we were tight. We were like each others best friends. Maybe I'll have something like that again...
♥ Current Mood: stuck in the drama
|Wednesday, February 1st, 2006|
|Vampiric Turn Ons
Blood lust is one of the best types of sins.
Well today started off with major tiredness. Then I got really hyper. I wrote on Kevin's binder, but I speeled his name Keven, so I decided to write penis, but spell it like I used to. I used to think it was spelled penus. LMA0, I'm a dum dum. I finally finished my pastel project for art, and now we start on a miniature cartooning unit. Sickk! In Interior Design, Justine bit my neck, and it was pretty hot. Like turn on hot. Like vampiric hot. LOL, it's obvious why biting isn't exactly encouraged in school...you can't have horny kids all over.LMAO. I'm so easily amused. We started "Romeo and Juliet" today in English, and I was enraptured. I've never experienced Shakespeare until today, and it was incredible. We got to like two pages, but the way he words thing is amazing. I am now in love with him and I can't wait to read more by him. It's just so..I don't know how to put it, but it's just simply superb. In Spanish I felt really smart and it was odd.
I was thinking about society a lot today. Why is it that there are the girls considered "babes" or "hot" or anything liek that. I mean I was looking around, and there are so many girls that are really pretty and have so much to offer, but aren't really in that "popular type" croud. I mean who even invented stereotypes. It's ridiculous.Some girls have so much to offer, an get lost in the fact that next to some people, they would be ignored. I disliek sterotyping. I take that back, I hate it. But Let's just say I was one to sterotype. I wouldn't fit in anywhere. I'm shy and outgoing on occasion, I have good grades, but I'm not exactly straight-edge, I'm not straight, I dress how I like, sometiems revealing, sometimes a comfortable hoody. I have like no "close" friends, because it seems like even me and Kelly are "drifting" apart. I can't keep friends, but that doesn't worry me, because I really am getting into my school work. I'm setting my sights pretty high, but I think it would be incredible to be named Valedictorian. I'd make my Dad proud and that would make me happy. It would make Frankie be ecstatic, and he'd forget the mistakes I ade in my past, and it would make Mikey feel preoud that I'm his little sister. WHen it comes down to it, I start thinking, do I have what it takes? I don't know. I want to try. But there are so many other smart people. Can I make it? Who knows?*sigh*
I seriously don't mind not being close with too many people, but one thought has actually been nagging at me lately. Will I ever get another girlfriend/boyfriend. I mean it would be awesome. But it seems everyone's hitched these days, and seeing that sort of makes you long for it. Like, I don't really think anyone would like want me, and it doesn't bother me. I mean we're just in high school. But what if I never get someone that truly lieks me for me. I hate the fact that I am always what if what if what if...
♥ Current Mood: curious
|Tuesday, January 31st, 2006|
|Bunny's go BOOM!
Really random subject, but it sounded really cute...If you call sadistry involving animals cute...
Today started with Bio midterms coming back. I got an 87, which was the highest out of all of his classes. Steve Marro, and Teresa McHale got an 87 also. These are the best grades I got in my life.Phew! It was wierd because a visitor for Global kept like eying/ staring at me, and it made me feel uncomfortable. On top of that I got a cushion...again, so I gave it to Kim, because people were liek "She always
gets the cusion.." LOL, it's not like it's my fault. I just raise my hand quick enough. Corinne was in Interior Design, and like we talked for a little bit, which was wierd because she hates/hated me...I think. Oh well, maybe it was just Kathy she hated. I got a 103 on my research paper. And Miss Sidden said she'll recommend
me for Mythology and Magic in the moder World! YES!!! And in Spanish, I made Miss Moser squeal because I sort of understood what we were doing, and like I'm trying really hard in that class to stay in my position for honors. Before Spanish though, I walked past a classroom with Kelly, and she said that the boy in there was new, so I waved to him. Then I went to my locker, and he still wasn't out, so I waited for him. Then when he did, I was like:
"Are you new?"
"Can I have a hug?"
"Thanks...see I'm nice(to kelly..lol)"
"What's your name?"
And Kelly asked for one too, and she was like bright red/pink. The perks of that were that he was extremely adorable!
Anyway I was walking with Pat to my locker, and he gave me my owed hug, and like, it was just as good as Chris's hug..LOL.
I haven't like flirted flirted
in a long time, but I think either the hormones, or a flame combusted up because I might be starting that habit again..oi..this is just the beginning...Maybe it had to do something with my outfit that made me start. It was like a zip up shirt, I zipped it up enought o be cute not slutty, and the way it zipped up made it look "S&M" to Jou. I don't know what that is though.But I'm letting him borrow it:). That's what friends are for. Let your gay friend that can fit into the majority of your clothes look good:P
Kathy says she's going to icon. I doubt it because her parents don't really let her out, unless she's going to Carvel. If she does go, I don't want to bump into her there, she's getting on my nerves. Can I spell it out any more clearly? I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND!!
Lol, I try not to associate with hypocrites or liars or people that cause me to lose friends.Meaning Kathy. That's really it for today.
♥ Current Mood: tired
|Monday, January 30th, 2006|
|And you never would have thought in the end...
Today was full of endless surprises!
First of all, I'd like to say sorry for not being a comment whore or being on in a long long time:( Living with dad has it's really good perks, but it's hard to get to a computer.
Today was scheduling day and let's just say it makes me want to be in school a lot more. Gawsh I've been a nerd lately. I got placed into chem, so I totally skipped Earth Science, and if I want I get to go to Honors! Then I got a 99 in Global. Only one Multiple Choice wrong:] I have a possibility to be in Criminal Justice and Everyday Crime, and I get to take College Psych in Junior year to get my college credit. I also got a 99 in English. I made it to Honors, and she's going to try to get me into Mythology and Magic in modern times, which is a senior class!! Crazy right? Damn, I was like hoping for at least an 80. I got into Spanish Honors too. If that didn't shock me then my matgh grade did, because I was expecting to get like mid seventies. I got an 85 withouth the curb, and 90 with. I made it to math B because I raised my second quarter grade by six points. It's crazy. I honestly didn't expect that, I like almost cried for some strange reason, because it wasn't sad.
My dad pet me on the head when he heard, that happens rarely so I was definitely happy. When I was looking at my mail, I got a letter from Rosa. I'm going to Icon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm thinking Envy, Wrath,Winry, Faye, Ed, Lust, Sango, Ryuk, Koga, Vash, and Wolfwood. All I know is I'm making my costume..Anyone want to help me choose. I mean I can't really pull off someone blonde...lol. I mean I have friggen raven black hair, the spray blondes barely work on me. Lol, I'm never ever dying my ahir again, I'm like so afraid it will turn brown:(. Because I have nightmares of being brunette.Lol saw that on a shirt.
Today was like the happiest day this week.
I love Jackie. She's my best friend, and I'd most deff take a bullet from a sniper for her. I mean, come one, we amused ourselves with Doritos. I was like, I can't hear when I chew. lol. ANd then we we like crunching in our ears, and watched the Wedding Crashers simultaneously. Anyone think Todd from the Wedding Crashers was hot? lol I did. DEATH IS MY BITCH LOVER!lmao.mOM!wHERES THE MEATLOAF! We asid that to Granny. Next week will be fun, but I seriously need to figure out a character!
♥ Current Mood: Smart
|Saturday, January 21st, 2006|
This is day 2 so to speak of another sleepover Granny's.
well I've been sucked back into soap operas again:]. I watched 2 hours of Beverly Hills 90210, and 2 hours of Melrose Place. Melrose Place is like my favorite soap opera since i was like 5. My dad watched it and I was always obsessed. I loved the way Amanda looked, she's so pretty. Then after that, Jackie and I like prank called Madonna Heights saying it was Rachel and that I( Rachel) had an obsession with Jackie. lol. Than we went to shoprite looking like fools. We both had pigtails half up high, the other one really low. And Jackie kept flirting with the Pharmacist as a joke. She was like Edwin, oh that's your name? That's hot. lol. We went home and I studied some for English. This year I really started to go all out.
I'm studying and what not. Stuff I never did until this year. And my grades are actually not too bad. Like yeah. So like later I'm watching my Fullmetal Alchemist. I've been deprived of my nighttime anime since I started to live with my dad, and oh well. I'll have to start buying and downloading. Alls I know is that, I'm not going to know anything reccommended, so I'm just going to start getting things that look good.
I got into a wax fight with Aunt Li today. It was in fucking credible. SOmetimes, not to be mean, but sometimes, I really wish she
was my Godmother. I connect with her way more than I do with AUnt Janet. Well here's how it went. She put some candle wax on my arm. Then I did it to her. That sort of exchange went on like three times. Than she like did my cheek. Then I was all " Oh no you didn't" and I got her neck. Then she got my hair. SO I got hers and ran away. Than she glomped my hair, and I smeared it in hers. lmao. amazing. Then she smashed it in mine. And than I had to shower it out.
Today I read that Harry Potter might die in theseventh. I started to cry. Ireally don't want him to duy. He doesn't deserve it. Niether did Dustfingert in Inkspell. I really hate when characters Ilike die. When Sirius died, I like was depressed for a week. Same with Dumbledore. ALright, alright, I got into it a lot. What can I say?
My Aunt just straightened my hair in like 15 minutes. It's like pretty straight. I take like 1 hour. Uncool. That's really it. Later after FMA, Jackie and I, and maybe Joey are watching 2003 wARPED tOUR. lol caps.
♥ Current Mood: amused
|Wednesday, January 18th, 2006|
|Today I fell and Felt better
Well, really, I did fall.
SO today started with being in school at like 7:00. I went to Math extra help, and i kept on stuttering. I'm too shy for my own good sometimes. I hate it. I wish I could just be like outgoing all the time. Then I took my bio test in the bio room. That old lady with the dyed red hair is so loud, and so damn annoying. She sounds like that imaginary bird from Foster's house of imaginary friends. wannh. ew. Any way Christian Helck got my attention by throwing something at me. Lol, he said what's up and we like talked quickly. I didn't really think he wanted to be friends with me or something or other. I'm too paranoid with people. But that's cool. Then it seems like every one of my teachers has a high opinion of me today. Plouffe graded my test and was like I knew I could have just given you a 96. Then he gave me answers to the lab I missed, and was like you don't need to "do" the lab because you're just good like that. lol. Mr DeFellipe was like you're doing so much better, and that's why I give you crackers and don't yell at you. Not encouraging but nonetheless sort of funny. Than in Spanish Moser was like all about how I was doing good although I was not in for the lesson. Math was blah.
After school we watched Go Ask Alice in Book Club. I said a lot of things about the drugs so now that club thinks I am a druggy. lol. It makes me laugh. Miss Sidden told another teacher that so many of the kids were confused on what to do, but not Missy, she's so smart. Oh well, Praise is nice. Than I finished my 2 to 3 page essay, I wrote 6 to 7 pages. Amazingly a lot. lol. And now I pretty much have to go, because I have to go to Sue's.
Kori, my brother's fiancee' saw your Myzpace and said you were adorable:]
♥ Current Mood: over achieving:]
|Friday, January 13th, 2006|
|brr it's cold in here
Let's see. I left school early on Wednesday because I had a 100 degree fever.
Yesterday I had one, too, and I'm not sure about today, but I stood home because I still cough a lot, and I couldn't walk straight for an hour. lol. It was like being wasted naturally. Amazing!! SO yesterday I cleaned up my room a bit and what not, and it's still a mess. My mom did give me stuff...like stuffed animals, shirts, and belts. Nothing useful like underwear, or socks or anything of the sort. Oh well she's a spiteful skanker. I got my hair trimmed by Danielle yesterday, and when she was blowdrying it, it was pushed foward, so I looked boyish. I seriously should become assertive. I should have told her I liked it flatter. It's better I start with family and friends than wait until I'm in the real world and get stomped on by strangers. Well it's a bit shorter than I expected, But I lub it<33. It's like thinner, and layered and angled. My bangs are still allover my face. I remember last year, when I tried to get it to do that. But it doesn't not do it now. Gosh. So like I was coughing at 12:00 this morning and Sue helped me with some water, and an extra pillow. LOL, she was like your Dad can't come in right now he's in his Birthday Suit. LMAO x 587859738957439857+6!! God, if that wasn't funny, than you people are strange. No I'm just kidding, I have an effed up sense of humor. Fo' Sho' Biznatchh!
SO plan for today, was to get sleep. Because I averaged out about a half an hour's sleep for last night. I had a ten minute nap,but that's it. I might have a fever because my ody is like frozen right now and it's like 7o degrees in here. That usually makes me sweat, and Dad said that when your body like gets cold, it tries fighting off the virus. Happy Happy Joy Joy. I'm home alone right now, and I'm actually not scared. I mean it is Brentwood, and I usually I am scared. My feet are numb, I have to pee, and My back is killing me. I hate being sick.
I was supposed to sleep over Granny's for three days, but it is most defiitely being cut short, or not happening at all. My dad and Grandma's Birthday's are coming up. They're both born on February Thirteenth!! Yum.He get's a Friday the thirteenth Birthday eventually♥. Current Mood: polar bear
|Tuesday, January 10th, 2006|
|If the sun isn't out...
Today was emotional.
Today I was a moody little fuck. I don't know why. I almost broke down crying four times. Third period Stephanie Pizza took stupidity to the farthest level I've ever seen. She asked " How do you know when the sun isn't out?" lol. 6th period I actually did cry a bit. But I stopped. I don't like crying in public, so I tried to make it stop.
I was supposed to get the rest of my stuff, but she changed her mind. So I was like really frustrated so I ate a pork chop and hot dog. And two granola bars, and a berry yogurt. That was all i ate the whole entire day. lol. ANd now I'mon here. I wish I had a more eventful day to tell you guys, but that's all that really happened today. I got my digital camera, and I took a cool picture of my shit brown eyes. lol. I love my camera. I was like so frustrated the whole day and it made me feel better.
I'm on the phone with Kelly right now and it's making me feel a lot better. So thanks Kelly
♥ Current Mood: pissed
|Wednesday, January 4th, 2006|
|Killing Time...With the Sourpatch
Today was quite boring.
Nothing eventful happened at all today. During lunch, I was with the Library crew and we decided( we = nicole and jou) that looking at an OCD book to see if I have it would be fun. Turns out, a lot of the symptoms, I have. Oh joyy. I ish still not going to see a psychologist. My family wants me too. Oh boo. Then when Miss Moser decided to rave about Kathy's work out loud and how it got extra credit, Jess Sherrow was like yeah, suck up. I laughed. It was a spanish food circular, and she also wrote in Chinese. I mean yeah you're Chinese, but that's not an accident. Fucking obvious sucking up. Yeah I'm so glad I'm not friends with her, I mean she's sooo annoying.
After school I taught Kelly, Greg, and Foley how to like eat matches. Or the flame. lol. Then me and kelly ate sourpatch, while I waited for my dad. They were delicious. mm mm good<3
Now I'm at Sue's house. My dad said I might have to move to Commack or even North Carolina!! Totaly not wanting to do that. It's like 75% not going to happen. So I'll cross my finger.
Reccomended song: Fuck Frankie by Marilyn Manson
♥ Current Mood: clean
|Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006|
I left you guys on the day that Joey and I pulled All nighter number 1 off of energy drinks.funfun.
I can't really remember much after that.
The allnighter number two was a butt load of fun though. Jackie was with us. One night we talked outside for three hours, even though it was cold. I ♥ her a lot. She told me I was like a sister to her, and we're rally close. It made me really happy. She's getting out of her place soon. I can't wait. She' detemined to make it big, an ih he dramatic, she probably will.But lik I said befoe I love her like a pervert loves sex. But not in that intimat way. lol. haha, She said she would totally want to date me if I were a guy and no her cousin.<33. She's the only person who's ever een me go all out on being immature, outgoing, and obnoxious. Well back to the story. We prank called so many people during 3:00 A.M to 4:50A.M
On New Years Eve we were incredible. We scremed metal style the countdown, and then ten minutes after the ball dropped we screamed again and said things like " If you did not know, it's the new year!" Or 2-0-0-6! 2-0-0-6!
We went to the mall on monday and I bought lighters that I want to sex. Three people that I showed them too want to sex them too! manage a trois!! yum. lol
Today I was bit moody. Then I had to call my brother to tell him he's going to take me to school Tomorrow. Then sweet old mum came on. And we argued for about 45 minutes.She gets me so annoyed/frustrated/annoyed. I'm really beginning te dislike her a lot. Oh well, 'm stating to get back on track. lol, I might break my new habit of going commando. lol. It's fun maybe a quarter of the week. But due to recent events I'm glad I wear underwear sometimes. lol.
♥ Current Mood: moody
|Wednesday, December 28th, 2005|
|I know it must be late because it's yesterday..
wow, Haven't been on in a while.
First of all thanks to everyone who commented helping me out. I feel better, and it was really sweet that you all cared♥
Christmas was awesome:]
I got cool stuff including an iPod as you know, and a harry Potter wand.
I've slept over my Grandmothers house since Christmas Eve, so that's always the shit.
went to themall with Jackie&hearts<33 on the 26th, and it was fucking great. I love herlike whozles! We have a lot in common compared to the normal cousins, which is really cool. We've been there with each other to like the end, and we never fight. We're that damn tight. We now have Best Friend rings<33. I have best!!! And yeah, like we have a lot of fun.
Today we made videos for Taste of Ink and Fat Lip. We also made pictures that like are trying to get a girl jealous. This girl is in love with her, and Jackie's straight. Lol. We have a picture of us biting the same chocolate donut and it l;ooks like we're giving the same guy head. lol. haha.
Right now it's 3;37 am and me and Joey are on our second energy drink. Bitch.
yummay. the stuff we're drinking is 59 cents, and way better than red bull. Red bull is for pussays!
Well trying for custody soon, can't wait:0
My Uncle just sleep talked and said 47 dollars.
I ♥ you guys a lot<33
oh and sorry that I can't comment lately, being I 'm on my cousins puter for 2 hours now because I've bbeen checking mail, and haven't been on for 2 weeks.
♥ Current Mood: happyassfucker..and Joey'shrny
|Wednesday, December 21st, 2005|
|you never would have thought in the end, how amazing it feels just to live again
Things can change at anytime, in a quick succesion.
Well, like I said I felt guilty. Really guilty. And I was just in the worst mood all day that day. And then I just couldn't stand it anymore. I broke, and melted down. I wqas sick of the fact that I have to carry around a fucking suitcase to every whre I go between my parents. In the end I ran out of the house for a while. And I came back and it turned out the police were called. I was pissed. I couldn't stand it. I threw shit and what not. Now It's amazing. The next morning I felt like"Fuck School". That was most of the reason. I had lack of sleep by a lot and my eyes were puffy from crying. I looked bad. I woke up at 7;02. So I called my Dad and made the decision. One I should have made a while back. I am now living with my father. It's for the best. I still have to get the majority of my stuff from her house, but yeah. I mean I love her. I tried to get her to love me like she loves other things/people. It never does work. I mean I picked up my grades for her. But this is for the best. I mean My father loves me a lot. Oh yeah...HE'S GETTING MARRIED WITH SUE! And I don't like Ian anymore. I'm afraid he hates me, because I sounded weird on the phone if he heard me. oh well. I like a girl who knows, and I like a boy who doesn't. He's the first guy I liked this year for over a week and a half. lol. Fuck I even had a dream about him and I. But anyway I might have to move next year:[. I don't want to. I probably won't. I really can't make friends too well. And I have all the friends I need in Kelly♥, Livejournal♥, and my dad's family. I feel a bit better.
But when my Mom was like are you sure and I was yes, I cry. Like when I think about that time. I don't know if I could do this. It's final though, I'm telling court I want to stay with my father. But seriously, I can't think about it. I know she honestly loves me, but love for me and my brothers aren't her first priority. I have more freedom now. I can be me. Hell my dad accepts my bisexuality, and my mistakes. This is going to take a long time to get over. But I will honestly try.
I didn't go to school yesterday. I didn't want to today.
And I don't want to tomorrow. I'm not in the fucking mood. And I'm not hungry as usual anymore. I think this is like the after effects. I was stressed out on Monday, and the tension is probably not going to go just soon. But Christmas is coming. I don't like Christmas. I feel so bad when people spen money on me. oh well.
When I had that dream about Mike, I was like really happy sleeping. I really wish that happened. It wasn't anything dirty so yeah. He probably wouldn't like me because like we're not friends, but we're like acquaintances. Oh well, maybe I'll get some balls and talk to him, like get to know him.
Too much food in book club. I feel like a brontosaurus with nasal drip:[
♥ Current Mood: fatty fatty boom boom batty!!
|Monday, December 19th, 2005|
|The definition of Hate
I hate everything about you, why do I love you?
My Grandma went to the hopital for Bronchitis, pneumonia, dehydration and angina combined. I visited her, and Uncle Joe was there. He's awesome because he makes comments for everything. He calls me skinny ass. And I'm like yes, I know I don't have one. And my little cousin Patrick(one year younger:))was like yeah, and you have a giant stomach. And then they got into a wit contest. I love that boy. He's definitely one of my cousins I actually get a long with the most. And he's my BFFL.
Last night was a get together for the Manfredo's at Sue's. Ian came back from work and stood out in the living room, which is not somehing he usually does. We actually had conversations over the weekend. My summerlong lust after him has declined. So no worries there. He's still fun to look at though. But that just sounds weird." Yes, I am IN LOVE with My Dad's girlfriend's Son!!" No. Not for me. But he's funny and when he does talk his voice sounds like he lost it from not ever talking. Last night I left, I never said bye to him. I felt so bad all day and all night. I gave everyone their gifts except for Jackie and Kelly. I have to get Nicole something because she got me something. fuckedy fuck. I'll get her a wrist band with Playboy bunny on it. Well I got two gifts early. I got a bag shaped like a guitar. It's adorable. I got an iPod mini. I thought I'd hate it, but I love it. In one night there is now 720 songs on it. Yay, it holds like 1000. Which sucks. lol. I'm using my CD player and my iPod. Joy! I named it. A sucky name, but it sounds like a good name. Gonnorea the iPod. Nice ring to it. No joke that's it's name.
Well for breakfast I had a healthy and nutritious meal of two mellowcreme pumpkins. They've been serving smiles since 1904, that brand has. Knowing my Dad, he gave them to me because
they're from 1904. He's an obsessive compulsive cleaner.And a packrat. It doesn't add up. But nothing in this world does. So this whole entire day passed without food which actually wasn't as bad as usual. I was extremely hyper, instead of like dead. Lack of normal sleeping time + lack of normal meals = a dead tired Missy. Today I was hyper and violent like shit. I really don't like the fact that I've been getting extremely violent. Well, for my standards. I got all pissed because Joe laughed when I said my Granny was in the hospital, so I grabbed his glassed and bent them into a right angle.And in art I broke a plastic ruler over him. I really hate that I'm like that. Because afterward, I have no breath, for the fact that I'm like laughing my ass off. He doesn't mind it, mostly because I let him throw shit back at me, but his aim is like a sleeping fucker. Which means bad. My day was increasingly getiing worse, especially because I'm still feeling extremely guilty about Ian. So today I was just feeling disgusting. Kelly couldn't stay after, so that completed a week of not staying after.
When I was at the Office, I was waiting for Mother to finish up like she said she was 15 minutes before. So I was like can we hurry it up a bit please, I still have some homeowrk to do. And then she shot me down. "Remember last time you rushed me, you got us into a car accident!" I cried. A lot. It brought me down past the last step and I was now in hell. I felt like a complete shitface. I still do. Because a week and a half after the accident I felt that it was my fault because of the fact that I needed to rush them so I could go home and complete the rest of my Homework. And then the car accident happened. The only thing I could do was repeat in my mind that it wouldn't have happened if she wasn't to much of a lazy mother fucker to cook something. But the more it resounded in my head, the feeble the will it gave me to not cry. I really hate feeling like this because now I have like a lot of guilty feelings. I hate guilt. I try not to be guilty. I mean I can lie about stealing money from Mother, but I mean this is way bigger than a buck or five hundred. Like this is lives. I don't want the feeling of two lives besides my own being hurt because I was rushing home to do homework. She makes me extremely angry and hateful. I want to fucking punch a whole in the wall, her face, and a lot of other things right now.
oh yeah. The new My Chamical Romance song is great. It's called Astro Zombies. It's sexy. Like a bag of skittles.
♥ Current Mood: shit-licious
|Friday, December 16th, 2005|
|God damn the black night, and all it's foul temptations<3
Dad let me on the computer.
No afterschool activities.
Today was gay.
This week was gay.
Next week's probably going to be better.
The Easter Bunny's coming!!!
In like a lot of months.fuck.
Easter is Missy's favorite holiday.
Because it's where tiny, furry mammals lay eggs!
um yeah, this is a pointless entry.
But you guys are going to read it because you ♥ me.
no need to deny it.
lol, you can if you want to.
But I know in my heart..
haha just kidding.
I met a kid on the internet last night.
He was sad and I chhered him up:)
Not in a sexual way.
God you guys are fucking pervs.
Sorry I can't comment on anyone's LJ because I have one more minut:(
*mwah mwah mwah*
big sloppy kisses for you all!!
♥ Current Mood: cheerful
|Thursday, December 15th, 2005|
|Gay Day part II
Seriously, this needs to fucking stop.
Okay, I'm fucking sick of Jared touching me. It's not like he's harrassing me, but I am not even friends with him. To me a friend actually has to be like someone you like talking to, and have things in common, and can have fun with. I don't
talk to him about anything really. I don't
have a thing in common with him. I don't
have fun with him, nor do I want to. This is coming out bitchy, but I don't care. I met him a month ago,(when he threw food at Kelly and I at International night doesn't count) and he acts like we've been friends for a while. I don't appreciate people touching me, when we're not that friendly. Don't dry hump me, don't put you're arms around me, and don't try to console me. Like I said in the past Jared is not one of the people allowed to touch me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm being a bitch. But if there's one thing that irks me is that some guys just think they can put their hands on you. I might have actually considered being his friend if it weren't for the fact I feel uncomfortable around him. Like the fact that he looks like someone who'd try to rape you tyoe if uncomfortable. I don't mind getting hugs from guys, but I actually have to feel comfortable with them. Like, I practically hug all of my guy friends, but the ones I feel uncomfortable hugging I don't. Like Zack. We're pretty good friends, and he's awesome to the core, but I'm not going to hug him because it would feel awkward and uncomfortable. All I'm trying to say is that I see him around school and we say hi to each other, and that's it, you don't have the right to fucking touch me..especially the way Jared does.Or walk me to my class. So when this morning he put his arms around me, I pushed him off and said " Get the fuck off of me" And that was the most assertive I have ever been to someone in my life. It's a hard thing for me to make decisions, or tell a person "no" so I become passive. Assertiveness is a resolution I will try to hold up. In art, Joe said I'm more annoying than Kathy. That made me think. I told myself I'd never change for anyone, but I really am sick of people hating me. Maybe I could be a little less immature, and a little less hyperactive..but that wouldn't be me. For the most part, I'm probably going to stay the same, because I love to laugh, and when I amuse myself, it makes me happy. While I was at my locker, Marcus hugged me from behind and like kissed my head. Completely unexpected. Completely. lmao...really really really unexpected. It made me start to laugh hysterically. Like for some wierd reason, Marcus doesn't make me feel uncomfortable...anymore. He never really hugs me, actually that was his first time. Like maybe I'm not uncomfortable because I knew him since seventh grade. But still, to every single on of my guy friends, there is always always always a limit. And if the limit is crossed, I will single handedly(or footedly) castrate you.
After school I went to my Mom's work, because Kelly had to go Christmas Shopping. Haha, she doesn't know what I want, and I really hope she get's me nothing. I feel so bad when people spend their money on me. They could totally use it for something better. I'm honestly not extremely materialistic. I am, but to an extent. But really, I don't need Gucci, or like umm, fuck...Coach!!, or Sephora or whatever. I'm good with Target!!, and like Clearance rack at JC Penney! I mean sometimes people tell me they love my top or soemthing, and they can't believe I got it for like 5 dollars. Because it's like that Y'all. lmao funny song.
It's so annoying how Kathy is trying to be Kelly and I's friend again. She obvously doesn't realize we have nothing in common. Not anymore. It's so easy to see on my face that I don't want her around me anymore. It's actually funny, she looks at me smiling, and I give her the why the fuck are you looking at me stare. Her smile is off, then turns to Kelly and smiles again. lol, yeah I guess I was a big old bitch today..But It needed to come out..and so it did♥
That was really it for today, except for the fact that I could not
get "What would You do?" by City High out of my head. I hadn't heard that song/group since like, the third grade o_o ( Read more...Collapse ) Current Mood: bitchalodeon
|Wednesday, December 14th, 2005|
|what rhymes with today??...anybody...!? GAY!
Windbreakers don't make winter any less colder.
Well this morning was a bit of a wreck. My mother reminded me of how obsessive compulsive/neurotic I get. Okay let's explain: I have to do everything in order. I wear a different pear of shoes each week. And when I get to a certain pair again, I let myself-only for a week-match my shoes to my outfit. I wear every thing I own i order. My jackets/hoodies/blazers, my tops, and my pants/skorts(not allowed
to wear skirts. No matter what the temperature is outside. Mother was mad that I was wearing a windbreaker. She basically got me down to tears, because she wouldn't/couldn't understand my explanation that I really need to wear them in order. I don't know why, but I've done this for a year. I have my clothes set up for the week. My mom once rearranged my drawers, and I sat on the floor, every drawer on the floor, and put back my clothes in the order they were in before, while I was hysterically crying. I remember telling this to Kelly, and she said she wants to mess up my drawers now. But that was last year. I have a list even, of things I do, and in what order I must do them in. Right now I'm up to work around the house. I really don't know. And when I shop for things..like tampons for example, I get the box to the right of the one I got before. Same thing with hair gel, shampoo, and things like that. I don't know why, but I need
everything in order. It has to be my way, and my way only. I can't stand it when other people touch my stuff. This is why I figure I'm a messy neatfreak. Like I know at least one of my outfits for next week. I know the exact order of my CDs..or most of them. My memory sucks in my old age of 14. haha.
In Bio I was like Fuck! when James got a question partially wrong in Jeopardy. Mr Plouffe goes Missy... And I looked at him and I said, Oh shit I'm sorry. Then My team(Team Nosehairs) was laughing. Super Size me is most definitely turning me off of fast food. Actually it's turning me off of everything. I can't stand eating. A quarter of a way through my breakfast of a bag of skittles, I couldn't eat anymore. I felt sick. This sucks. Now everything I eat will reming me of Fast food.*sigh* In art DeFellipe made fun of me, like how my hair is in my face, and it's curly so it looks like it was never combed, and I threw peanuts at him. It was fun. I used to hate him, but I don't anymore.
After school was a bust. Kelly was supposed to go to Angelina's for a project, and no one that I was friends with was anywhere close, so I couldn't ask anyone to go somewhere with me. So I went to my Mother's office. Mikey picked me up. I don't mind going there. It's not too bad. On the way to Mikey's and Mother's work(obviously they work together) Kelly called me and said she misse dthe bus she was supposed to take.
In guitar, Harry told me I'm one of the funniest kids he had the priviledge to meet. I was like "Wow!" in my head, because I never really found myself funny. It was all because Jaime(who looks like Frodo) was there. He didn't work there anymore and I asked why. Then I like answered my own question because I was like "Ohh! Lord of the Rings must have called." And everyone in Guitar Asylum exploded with laughter.
During the day, I found myself envious. Of who? Dina Gallo. She's so skinny. She's really nice, and she has a lot of friends, adn she's really pretty. Some might go as far as saying she's hot. Like she has pretty hair, pretty eyes, a pencil thin frame, and just like intelligence too. I mean like she's so nice too. So nice. And it's just like wow. Like, how some girls have the best genes, and that they could like have anything they want. But it doesn't bother me too much that I could never be like her. It's just crazy how some people get like looks, a body, and a great personality, and still be so self conscious. Because she is.
♥ Current Mood: fat..haha