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Sometimes

Things are so crazy, that the easiest thing to do is just enjoy the moment.

What just happened?

What a whirl wind of a month, week, weekend, day? My last final of Spring 2010 was 4 days ago. I actually had two finals, psychology of personality and before that one, evolution. I ended up with a C- in psych of personality and I have no idea what I got in evolution (which counts toward my degree). Surprisingly enough, I am okay with this. I just feel like essentially none of this really matters right now. It just seems like the things that do matter are out of my control, and the fact that I lost control of the little things that I could control doesn't surprise me. I feel like I've been in an ocean this whole time of my undergraduate trying to keep my head above water for the day that I can see land and swim towards it (pharmacy school), not realizing that I've exhausted myself in the mean time, making swimming nearly impossible right now. So I'm going to do what I am good at, which is keeping my head above water for the time being, hoping I can inch myself slowly towards my goal.
As for my relationships and the people that have impacted me, I know that I have guarded myself this whole time because I wasn't sure how long it was going to take me. I made it all superficial, to no benefit of anyone. I wish I could go back and just open up more, and let people see me and maybe I would have a more positive experience from some. I only have myself to blame, but at least I maintained a few good friends, and it's never too late to build on that. This feeling of lack of control is unnerving and ultimately I've been ripped from the water and am now suspended in mid air not going in one direction or another. So many things can happen at this point that could send me off careening towards my fate. I could be accepted into Palm Beach Atlantic or Nova Southeastern. I still have my Mercer interview and I could end up there. I still haven't heard from UF, for all I know I'll be back here in the fall beginning another 4 years. I could be called up by Buffalo and asked for an interview there and be moving to New York this Summer if I'm accepted. I could be rejected by all of my schools and be living at home, or going to Gainesville again to finish up the last class of my degree. I could move in with Adam and work as a Pharmacy Technician for a year in Tampa. We even talked about convincing Jordan to come back and split a two bedroom apartment with Jordan and Colleen in Orlando, which would make things really cheap. I guess right now there is no sense in worrying about anything, and to make the most of my time with the family and friends I do have around me. I can at least make this the best summer ever. It's the first one in a long time that I haven't had to take any classes. Though so far, those have been the best classes I've ever taken. It also saddens me that there are a lot of my friends staying up here for the Summer that I would love to spend more time with.
I guess I just wanted to get my thoughts out, and I'm going to try and hold onto my optimism for as long as I can. At least for now, I know that everything is going to work out in the best way that it can.

In the LJ mood I guess

I hate updating like b-loggie like. Well, at least it's more fun than studying.

Don't get me wrong, German is a lot of fun... in class. When it comes to going home however, I just want to sleep. Especially on days that it's raining. Especially on days that I had to work in the rain.

I need to remember to bring my camera the next time I go to work. I want pictures of the horses there and the new rambunctious foal. Lemme tell ya she is adorable :)

I'm pretty much in love with Tiger. He is going to be an awesome horse, just lovable and kind-natured. He's calmed down soooo much too. He follows me around the stall and gives kisses. He's got to be only a couple of months old and he's already huge. I guess he's a Hanoverian like Lauren, except he's nicer :)

Okay enough about the horses lol. So I get to see Adam this weekend :D It's a 3 day weekend :D
I won't have to study too much :D I definitely can't wait.

I feel like I've been so antisocial lately. I don't think there is a particular reason why, it's just that I haven't seen anyone. I barely even see my roommate. It kinda feels like last Summer, but I'm okay with that. I guess I need to make myself get out there more lol.

Pathetic

I know I'm pathetic, I knew when she said it
A loser, a bum's what she called me when I drove her home
There's no more waiting and sure no more wasting
I've done all I can but she still wants to be left alone

You got, you got, you got to help me out
And I'll try not to argue
No one, no one, no one likes a drop-out
Mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong
Don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong

I think it's disgusting, believing and trusting
If I gave a fuck there would be nothing for me to prove
Although it's amusing, it's slightly confusing
I've done all I can but her ego is still hard to move

You got, you got, you got to help me out
And I'll try not to argue
No one, no one, no one likes a drop-out
Mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong
Don't pull me down, this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong

Don't pull me down, this is where I belong

Whoa

Two people that you knew a long time ago. You know that they didn't know each other when you knew them. They end up married.

Happening A LOT lately.

Is it because my town is really really small (I never thought it was THAT small). Or coincidence? 0.o

It's that wonderful time again

It's time to get my act together, to get motivated, to prepare to have the best summer ever! I'm going to do it this time. Yes, I will. I need this. I need to get straight A's. To get my application rolling. To be happier. To feel in control of things, and not let myself get too down about stuff. The biggest change I want to see in myself is to be more positive about everything and everyone. I think my problem last semester was that I let things get to me, and I brought myself down. I make it too easy to be unhappy,and I'm not going to let myself waste my energy on unhappiness. No matter what I'm feeling or dealing with, I'm going focus on feeling good until it becomes my natural state of being. :) Then everything else will be easier and fall into place. At least that's my theory. It's when I'm down on myself that even the smallest things feel like the weight of the world. Yep this is now the time that I'm going to make the change and keep it. And it will be to the point that others will notice a change, finally.

How To Be

So Brittany and I went to see the screening of How To Be in DeLand. It was amazing!

THE TRIP THERE: We had to drive through the middle of No Where to get to this place. I was like "MapQuest where are you sending me????". We went through Palatka, where I read recently that two inmates got out and killed an old woman in her house and stole 2 cars. Brittany and I decided that if we encountered these "zombies" we would have the advantage and just run them over, we could confuse them with the radar detector noises, and we would have no fear of zombies with guns because that defies the rules of zombies :)
We also saw signs for polar bear crossing. The only bear we saw was Smokey the bear warning us about the level of risk for fire. I believe it was 'moderate'.
The radar detector kept going off to automatic doors which was okay going through town, however if it went off during our drive through the woods, I think I would have been a little worried.

WHEN WE GOT THERE: I found out where Stetson University is, and it's a very pretty campus. Anyway, we found parking and what do you know. I ended up parking behind someone who had a sticker on their window that said "I drive like a Cullen", and a bumper sticker that said "I <3 Boys that sparkle". Oh JEEZ. I figured there would be people like this there, but I had no idea the extent of obsession these people would have. Well it ranged from moderate (us) to frightening (them). There were also a lot of 'older' women there. CREEPY.

WAITING FOR THE MOVIE TO START:The place that we watched the movie in was a really cool renovated theater that was originally built in the 1920's, and had balconies and cool sculptures of dancing women on the ceiling. Brittany and I found good seats (we should have sat in the very front though, then we could have gotten our pictures and gtfo'd), we took turns getting snacks/drinks, and then people-watched. When Brittany was getting her snack, I saw some girl in front of me pull out an Edward Cullen figurine and hold it up so that the dancing ladies were in the background and snap a picture of him. Wow. Then when Brittany got back, one of the cougars pulled out black book and opened it up. What was inside disturbed me. It was a scrap book of Robert Pattinson. The first picture was a manipulation of a naked picture of him. Enough said. Then before the actors came out, the awkward host said that a raffle was going to be held after the movie and the winner was going to get a How To Be poster signed by Robert. There was literally a collective gasp of the entire theater. It was pretty hilarious. I thought scrap-book lady was going to have a heart attack. I figured she would buy 20 of the $5 tickets, but turns out some emo 13 year old won.
The actors came out and introduced the movie (YAY).

MOVIE: It was hilarious. However, it seemed like every with every word that Rob said was accompanied by overly zealous laughter (especially from some lady behind me). Part of the time you couldn't hear what was being said because she was laughing so loud. But yeah, the movie was great :) Definitely worth the trip.

AFTER THE MOVIE: The guys came out and did a Q&A. The first question was asked to the director by some blonde, slightly intoxicated, 40 something yo. She asked: "How much like them are you?" And Oliver (The director) was like... I wasn't in the movie hahaha. But the rest of the guys (Mike=Nikki Fierce, Johhny=Ronny, and Joe=Score writer/cameo) answered the question. It turns out that Oliver had already cast them, and pretty much wrote the parts for the actors. Johnny was like "Hey!" (He was cast as the weird agoraphobe). I loved how awkward he was on the stage :), and Mike was just really funny.

After the Q&A they moved us around like 3 times when we were trying to get signatures/pictures. I only got a sig/pic with Johnny, and Brittany got one with him and a sig from Joe. Our picture with Johhny was perfect. I also got a good picture of all of them together. I really wanted to meet Mike, but pushy people were all over him. Oh Well :( We so wanted to have a little dance party right there. That would have been epic. Oh and some little girl sang... hahaha

DRIVE HOME: After leaving (a little disappointed that I didn't get to meet Mike, this might be an understatement) we decided to go to Sonic. YUM. They didn't have eggs, and when Brittany tried to order some onion rings they were out of that too. She said "No freaking way!" then he goes "Yes way". Brittany was like "Thank you for replying to that" and he was like "your welcome". It was pretty awesome. So we ate (om nom nom), and then drove back via the scaryish road. We "jammed" out to Katy Perry. It was fun.

So yeah all in all it was pretty awesome.

The End.

Not good, not good at all

Yep, I have been skipping classes lately. And this is sooooo not good. I've been sooo tired though, I'm not sure why. I think I might be fighting something off though, but who knows. I'm sure it's just because I'm lazy.

I love my cat. Yep that's why. I love him so much that I don't want to leave him for any amount of time, not even to go to class.

There now that is resolved.

Now to fix it, and go to class...

Therefore

I am crazy