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Elizabeth on the Bathroom Floor.

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[07 May 2007|12:41am]
New journal.

www.livejournal.com/users/steam_engenius
but life's no story book

[28 Mar 2007|11:48am]
Every day we starve while we eat white bread
And beer, instead of a handshake or hug.
We spill the pills and sweep them
Under the rug.

My little sister is a zombie in a body
With no soul or role, she has learned to play
In a world today where nothing else matters.
But it matters, we gotta start feeding our souls.

Hey little sister I heard you went to Mr. So and So's
Knockin' on his door again last night
Said you needed more....
2 wrote such pretty words | but life's no story book

[27 Mar 2007|02:34pm]
I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost, in the sounds

I hear in my mind
All of these voices
I hear in my mind
All of these words
I hear in my mind
All of this music
And it breaks my heart

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[18 Mar 2007|02:19am]
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Elizabeth dreams of the day when the way
that I looked at her made her feel she was real.
Elizabeth dreams of the time she was mine,
when she didn't need any more, she was sure
she was sure
.

Out of sight, by candlelight
and sea green, and see green horses.
I said she's out of sight by candlelight
and fairy, fairy stories.
Elizabeth is not what she seems
Elizabeth dreams, Elizabeth dreams


Elizabeth dreams, holding fast through the past
when a morning was something new, flowers grew.
Elizabeth dreams but it's late and she's waited too long
and tomorrow goes, now she knows
now she knows.


Out of sight by candlelight
and sea green, and sea green horses.
I said she's out of sight, by candlelight
and fairy, fairy stories.
Elizabeth is not what she seems
Elizabeth dreams, Elizabeth dreams

Elizabeth dreams.

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[17 Mar 2007|02:17pm]
But if you love him
You'll forgive him
Even though he's hard to understand


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[15 Mar 2007|01:00am]
You're my favourite friend
but I'm older now.
I can't pretend.
I can't see you anymore.

[03 Mar 2007|12:21am]
I used to make my parents proud
I was the glue that kept my friends together
now they don't talk and we don't go out
I used to know the name of every person I kissed


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[22 Feb 2007|12:28am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

Joel: [In the house on the beach] I really should go! I've gotta catch my ride.
Clementine: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut... but you were exciting.
Clementine: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I had stayed too. NOW I wish I had stayed. I wish I had done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I had stayed. I do.
Clementine: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out, I walked out the door!
Clementine: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, I was like... it was above my head, I don't know.
Clementine: You were scared?
Joel: Yeah. I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire, trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clementine: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clementine: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
[Walking Out]
Clementine: Joely? What if you stayed this time?
Joel: I walked out the door. There's no memory left.
Clementine: Come back and make up a good-bye at least. Let's pretend we had one.
[Joel comes back]
Clementine: Bye Joel.
Joel: I love you...
Clementine: Meet me... in Montauk...

[09 Jan 2007|02:28pm]
"I have finally made my peace as far as you and me go."

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but life's no story book

[06 Jun 2006|07:25pm]
"...I felt sad, because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something that nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened."

Dana-Christene Umanetz
3 wrote such pretty words | but life's no story book

[26 Sep 2005|09:54pm]
friends only.

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comment to be added.
25 wrote such pretty words | but life's no story book

love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt. [21 Aug 2005|08:23pm]
memo time: fifteen messages to fifteen anonymous lj friends

stolen from: kat

1. you left me when you said you never would. a boy seemed more appealing and so i was forgotten on all those breezy summer nights for a human being with a penis and more witt. all those unreturned telephone calls and ring tones. i wanted to hate him because it hurt to hear about 4am adventures that i was missing out on but i couldn't because his charm was too radient and he made you smile more then anyone, including me. i haven't really come to terms with what has actually happened between the two of us because no words have really been spoken about it and so it has become silently obvious and painfully delicate. i've wanted to call you but it just hasn't felt right. it hasn't felt the same....not since he came around. i miss you more then you'll ever know but i know you've found someone who can give you more then i could ever offer and so there isn't really much i can do but push you out of my head, my mind...for now.

2. i don't know how you can continuously read my entries, day in and day out, do absolutly nothing and still look at yourself in the mirror. after all we've been through, the fact that you can ignore my very existance makes me exceptionally sick to my stomach.

3. your so fake its disgusting.

4. sometimes you make me want to beat my head against the wall because of your stubborness and unwillingness to accept reality but that doesn't lessen the imense amount of love i feel for you. through thick and thin you've proved yourself loyal and that is something i respect more then anything. you are my sun, you are my moon and yes, you are my universe whether i make myself clear or not, it's you. there is nothing i could give that would amount to all you've done for me. i love you forever and for always.

5. you don't give yourself enough credit. you are way too good for him and i wish you could see and understand that. you are also incredibly adorable and way too damn sweet.

6. you think your so origional but your just as commercial and naive as them all. shame on you for thinking other wise and trying so damn hard to prove a point that is non existant.

7. your motives are exceptionally selfish.

8. you make me feel like no one on this earth can. i hate myself for feeling the way i do about you because i shouldn't but i can't help myself. im so obviously desperate, so desperately obvious it's sickening. you make me laugh until i can't think straight. you make me feel alive but i could never admit this to your face because i have too much to risk. you are absolutly incredible and i wish you could see and understand that you deserve so much more. so so much more. i lie to you every day and supress my feelings because it is not worth loosing what i have gained by keeping my mouth shut. i love you. i absolutly, truly do.

9. i understand every line you write because we are one.

10. your silly which i like but too eager which i dislike. you have two completely different sides to you which often confuses me because i fall head over heels for your online personality but tend to get frightened of your actual self.

11. i really miss your laugh and completely random, incoherent rambles which i use to mimick and repeat over and over again.

12. you try way too hard. it is sad and so unnecessary.

13. you make me just as sick as she does with your wandering eyes and silent mouth. how can you sleep at night?

14. your so unamusing and incredibly juvinille. it's really not very funny at all.

15. your a snake and a fast talker. i feel an imense amount of sorrow for you because i know it must be difficult, however, i'd rather you be out of my life then steal certain aspects of it with your malicious intent. you are a self centered individual who is completely arrogant in every aspect. you think you know everything when you know absolutly nothing. i don't know what will come of you but honestly....that's not something i am overly concerned about. you will learn one day. you will.
16 wrote such pretty words | but life's no story book

[25 Jul 2005|10:00pm]
i don't feel much of anything for you anymore
it's so hard to give a fuck
after such a long silence
i hear of your doings
from people who pretend to know you
and it brings a smile to my face
to hear that you are struggling
it's ironic to think of what you gave up
and what you gained instead
or lack there-of
there is no other way to describe my feelings for you but...
stale fire.
it used to burn so bright
and so fast
but now it is smothered
and sitting stale
i could lie and say that i wish you the best
but neither of us are dumb
and you always did see straight through my lies
i could lie and say that i think you care
and think of me
but i don't have the time to fool myself any longer
and to be honest,
i hope that you don't think of me.
because that way my suspecions of you will be confirmed
and i will know for sure that i am not missing much.
you think you are so cool
getting drunk with your college friends
but, lets be honest sweetheart,
they are all going to leave you.
i wonder if you even thought of that.
sometimes i try and fathom what it is about you that makes you care so much what these high school gossips think
and i wonder what is behind your thirst to prove yourself to people unworthy
you try so hard to make it look easy
being cool
but i always could see straight through your lies
and now,
now you are so cool.
with your witty banter
your cruel jests at the weak
your empty lonly nights of stale fun
and friends that never loved you nearly as much as i did.
your empty eyes
void of all compassion
if thats what being cool is
then i'll stay the loner
you're so god damn fucking dramatic
grow up
you're so focused on yourself and your problems
you don't have time for anyone who doesn't care
for you pathetic excuses
and tiring melodramas
6 wrote such pretty words | but life's no story book

[20 Jul 2005|12:09pm]
"we accept that we-human beings-are the center of the universe. talk about hubris. but when someone says, 'i love you,' that won't go through our skulls."
breathing underwater-alex flinn.
2 wrote such pretty words | but life's no story book

[13 Jul 2005|03:11pm]
and even though the moment passed me by
i still can't turn away
'cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
got tossed along the way
and letters that you ne ver meant to send
get lost or thrown away

and now we're grown up orphans
that never knew their names
we don't belong to no one
that's a shame

but if you could hide beside me
maybe for a while
and i won't tell no one your name
and i won't tell 'em your name

scars are souvenirs you never lose
the past is never far
did you lose yourself somewhere out there
did you get to be a star
and don't it make you sad to know that life
is more than who we are

you grew up way too fast
and now there's nothing to believe
and reruns all become our history
a tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
and i won't tell no one your name
and i won't tell 'em your name
i won't tell 'em your name

i think about you all the time
but i don't need the same
it's lonely where you are come back down
and i won't tell 'em your name
4 wrote such pretty words | but life's no story book

[08 Jul 2005|10:21pm]
im scared. im weak. im angry. im missing. im lonely. im confused.

talking to alice made my heart flutter. to hear a voice other than my own made everything okay for just a little while.

florida is in a state of emergency.
there is a tornado warning (on top of the hurricane) in effect until 5 am this morning.
people are freaking out and terrifying me.
hundreds of people have evacuated and yet i sit here in this little bungalow with the thunder cracking and booming and the wind sending sheets of rain against the windows.

im absolutly terrified. i had two anxiety attacks this evening. i am sick with a head and chest cold and so so frail from stress and undereating.

i cant do it.
i hate it.


god, i just want to come home.
but life's no story book

love is a battlefield. [07 Jul 2005|09:38pm]
there are children standing here,
arms outstretched into the sky,
tears drying on their face.

and i see no bravery,
no bravery in your eyes anymore.
only sadness.

it hurts to think about it every second of every moment. it stings and im not sure why. i was asked today why it bothers me so much. maybe its due to how overly hypersensitive i've become in this past year. i just...their people. fucking people and we number them off like objects. 33 at last count. yes 33 mothers and fathers, sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, friends...not just sums...people. we've lost our sense of humanity. our sense of compassion and our sense of fucking respect. its become so common that although the signs may flash late breaking news its drawn out in a matter of hours and on to bigger better things. and we speak of them so casually. "how many?" "oh, 33" "how awful" "yea" "so where would you like to go for lunch?". im confused. im lost and so, so upset. im disapointed in mankind and disrupted by the tone of the world. im sickened and shocked at our lack of morale. i can't stop thinking about it and just how horrific it all is. terrorists set up bombs ladies and gentlemen. people fucking blew other people up. and in a week from now it'll be yesterday's news. a conversation starter. ice breaker.

it makes me ill and unable to comprehend. especially when my thoughts end up at her and how silly it all is to fight. even if it is solely with words used as arrows and bullets. you hurt me, i hurt you...the cycle fucking continues and nothing gets fixed.

im tired of it all. really. i am. life's too fucking short. get over yourselves.
but life's no story book

[07 Jul 2005|04:19pm]
london-the smiths.

smoke
lingers 'round your fingers
train
heave on - to euston
do you think you've made
the right decision this time ?
you left
your tired family grieving
and you think they're sad because you're leaving
but didn't you see the jealousy in the eyes
of the ones who had to stay behind ?
and do you think you've made
the right decision this time ?
you left
your girlfriend on the platform
with this really ragged notion that you'll return
but she knows
that when he goes
he really goes
so do you think you've made
the right decision this time ?
but life's no story book

on sleepless roads, the sleepless go. [07 Jul 2005|12:59pm]
[ mood | sad ]

how many roads must a man walk down
before you call him a man?
yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
before she sleeps in the sand?
yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
before they're forever banned?
the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
the answer is blowin' in the wind.
how many times must a man look up
before he can see the sky?
yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
before he can hear people cry?
yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
that too many people have died?
the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
the answer is blowin' in the wind.
how many years can a mountain exist
before it's washed to the sea?
yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
before they're allowed to be free?
yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
pretending he just doesn't see?
the answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
the answer is blowin' in the wind..


it...it just makes me sick. it makes me sick and sad and angry and helpless. why do we keep doing this to one another? why must i always see blodied bodies and raptured hearts every time i turn on the television? why must i hold my breath every time i turn on the radio?

i just dont get it. i dont fucking understand.

but life's no story book

[06 Jul 2005|05:05pm]
but now i'm sunny with a high of seventy-five
since you took my heavy heart and made it light
and it's funny how you find you enjoy your life
when you're happy to be alive
but life's no story book

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