||[18 Apr 2004|11:55am]
Ask me 3 questions, no more no less. Ask me anything you want. Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.
||[17 Apr 2004|11:28am]
Honestly i dont know where to begin.
* i like being sober and i dont care any more who knows it
* i have 5 months and 10 days sober
* my cuts were all superficial and only for attention purposes
* im not depressed
* im codependant and always want to please every one
* i am high risk anorexia but i am not currently anorexic or bulemic
* i used to wish for more problems than i had so people would pity me and in a twisted way i still kinda do.
* i lie so fucking much, i dont even lie to cover up any thing any more i just fucking lie, i cant even catch it before it comes out of my mouth. i lie.
* i cry for attention
* i crave attention whether its posative or negative ive stopped caring
* i hate screaming music
* i used to lie about wwhat bands i knew so id have something in common with others
* i actually like britney spears music, i dont like her but damn she can dance.
* i crave acceptance and lying will never get me there
* i hate people who wear pounds of make up, i think if you find your self beautifull than you are fucking beautifull no matter what any one says to you
* i need to stop pitying my self, alot of people have it alot worse than me i need to be fucking gratefull for what i have
* im never my self just a reflection of other people
* i like to prove people wrong by my actions, everything of my horrible fake self started out when every one called me a good girl. i wanted to rebel, i wanted to be unpredictable, but its not fucking me.
* i befriend the wrong people on purpose
*i try to find and make my own problems so i can go wallow in self pity
* i have no respect for people who cut and refuse to even try to stop cutting, their dependant on thats as their way to vent, there are better ways
* i spend every tuesday wednesday thursday and saturday and rehab and i like it
* i hate most of the clothes in my closet they all look like something hookers would wear
Im sorry for everyone that ive hurt or annoyed or pissed off by trying to be some one besides my self, thank you for confronting me about it.
||[16 Apr 2004|07:19pm]
im in love
the heartbreaker is falling hard, will he be there to catch me. oh im in a state of euphoria.
|Stolen Quiz from Nikki
||[14 Apr 2004|09:48am]
1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"Despite the layers of dust she couls see the exoctic curve of it's belly and the underlying gleam."
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Power Puff Girls
4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is:
5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
9:50 WOW IM GOOD
6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
the TV in the livingroom
7: When were you last outside? What were you doing?
30 min ago going to Randalls to get ciggz
8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
my journal and nikkis journal
9: what are you wearing?
a lacy black skirt a black shirt fishnet and strappy black sandals
10: Did you dream last night? What about?
i dunno i rarely ever dream
11: When did you last laugh?
when my brother and his friend made some weird sound when me and my mom were talking
12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
pictures an incense burner fairty wings calander
13: Seen anything weird lately?
14: What do you think of this quiz?
15: What is the last film you saw? In theatres?
Clockstoppers. in theatres Butterfly Effect
16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
a new paint shop pro
17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
ive been sober for 5 months and 6 days
18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics,
that you can be 16 and buy ciggz
19: Do you like to dance?
20: George w. Bush:
like father like son ONE TERM
21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
22: Would you ever consider living abroad?
i have no idea
23. a penny for your thoughts.
i miss Daniel
||[13 Apr 2004|02:39pm]
SO i got in a car accident, in the hospital they tried to give me morphine but mommi stopped them cuz im a 'recovering addict'. but im in no pain now so its all good. i apparently passed out in the middle of the street and no one got out to help they just honked at me untill i woke up. so yah thats society for yah~! so today i cleaned out my closet i wann gunna go to daniels but my mom said no. which sucks. i get to see him tomorrow and monday tho. thats all for now
||[13 Apr 2004|02:37pm]
i say things that i dont mean to. i tell the bitter truth, though it might not be to my benifit. i have to see things in ways that i dont think anyone understands, or i will fall. i have to seethings the way i want to, not necisarily the way they are. playing pretend is how i survive. getting all dressed up, then going to places where the hugs, and the hello's are nameless, and the smiles are meaningless is how i get away. dancing and dreaming are how i forget my troubles for a few moments, untill one of them bumps right into me. then i go sit and smoke my lonely cigarette, hoping that they will play another good song.
*do you think it better to obsess and not to feel?*
||[12 Apr 2004|07:52pm]
im never gunna know you now but im going to love you any how
||[04 Apr 2004|05:35pm]
Light that smoke for giving up on me
And one just cause they'll kill you sooner than my expectations
To my favorite liar, to my favorite scar:
"I could have died with you"
I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle- I confess
Now ash yourself out on the insides, when I said I loved you I swear I lied
Let's play this game called "when you catch fire"
I wouldn't piss to put you out
Stop burning bridges and drive off of them
So I can forget about you
So bury me in memory
Her smile's your rope
Wrap it tight around your throat
On the drive home
Joke about the girl you used to see
And her jealousy
Breaking hearts has never looked so cool
As when you wrap your car around a tree
Her makeup looks great next to your teeth