Ever had your heart played with?
i bet you have. i know i have.
i thought once would be the end of it i thought i could pick the peices up and start over but i guess everyones an asshole. they take your heart, give false hope and crush you.
i swear to god i feel like the stupist fuck on earth i really do.
and even with all the pain and hate going through my body right now i still talk like nothings wrong. like nothing even happened.
this is the post where i vent all its about time i take someones advice instead of ignoring it everytime she goes outta her way to calm me down. its time i let everyone fucking know whats going on.
i am not okay. im not. that hospital still haunts me every time i pass it on the way to the mall and such. i still want to use drugs i am not hapy with myself. i am fat and worthless. i am still not over her STILL after all she put me trough still. then i find someone who measures up someone i like well that didnt work once again i was fucked over. everything seems to go wrong latley i fail everything from entire grade levels to drivers tests. i fail everything. i have no clue if i will live past the age of twenty i dont know if i want to. i still wish i didnt tell my dad that night. i still cry particlly everyday because i have no other outlet. i have about one person i can even talk to and i dont like bothering her. i have no life. i dont. oh and when i say im fine im normally lying. i ahve no clue why i am writing this all down and it wont be friends only because what good will that do.
i miss old friends. i still hate nicole for everything. i never let go of things that should be forgotten. i still feel guilty about the week before may 15th. i still feel horrible everytime i think about it. my good intentions never do anything. i have no clue what to do with myself and why i even bother.
i want to run away. to weehawken and stay with rita. but i cant.
so ill settle for anywhere right about now.
im done for the now the pointn of this is
im hurting. and i have no clue what to do or where to go or who to talk to anymore.