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Run away [10 Jul 2005|08:01pm]
I want to hide from everyone. Disappear so that people will realize that I no longer exist in this hell hole that feels like every day. I want to run away from you so that you can realize what lies ahead of you when I'm not around. I want to keep my thoughts to myself, cry by myself, &eventually hate myself... I don't know what I want, but I really just want to get away.

Hope you read this... [09 Jul 2005|12:27am]
So... today after I took a quick shower I forgot to put the bracelet back on. Do you really think that when it's off we argue more? Maybe it's just in our heads. Who knows, right? I asked for another break. I'm tired of always waiting for you, you know that. Tired of always coming in second when it comes to dance. Tired of always letting you know that I'm here taking care of you when you're sick, but sometimes you're too stubborn to listen &you get even more sick. Tired of waking you up in the morning because you can't wake yourself up for school. Tired of calling you TENminutes after that &finding out you went back to bed after I just woke you up. I'm tired of a lot of things &we've already discussed it.

I want our summer two years ago. I want us almost everyday. I want to feel people get jealous of us because we're just so darn cute together. I just want what we had in the beginning. I know I can't have any of it. I know we've gotten to a level of comfortablity &we understand each other. I don't even know if I really understand our relationship let alone you. I guess we need to take a step back. You do what you need to do &I'll do what I need to do. No paranoia... no asking each other who we were with... God, I hate the feeling of not knowing though...

I don't know what I want when it comes to us anymore. When I'm with you I'm so god damn happy. I'm smiling through &through. When I'm away from you I feel like I haven't seen you in months &I'm craving all of you. Then I take out the most simplest things on you. I don't know how you put up with it everyday...

I want you to know what's going on. I'm sorry it's in words &especially sorry it's on here. You know I'm better with words written than saying it out loud to you on the phone. I love you.

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