I finally realized that if i want something in life, IM the one that has to go out and get it. i have to do it, ALL BY MYSELF. For years i have been promised a car and college. The way things are going right now, those two things are not going to be given to me. and i need one, to have the other. By December i will have a car, that i have saved up for myself. It wont be like last time, when i spend all of my money on baby clothes and things for the apartment. Once i get a car, I will get a 2nd job, and for once in my life, Push myself to work a lot. Work so much to the point that im so tired, and cant even stand up straight, to the point where im just loopy from the lack of sleep. And with that second job, comes more money, that will be saved for me to go to school to become a nurse. I never think of my actions that can benefit my future. and being certified to be a nurse will benefit me in the future. I told this to this kid dallas the other night, and he was like "sounds like you have a plan." and right when he said that, i was like "WOW! i do have a plan!!" I havent had an actually plan, that is healthy, and good in sooo long.
I put so many people before myself. i put my relationship with that person before myself. and i realized that, no one is doing that for me. so why do i keep on doing that? I care so much for my friends, but they dont mind ditching me, or forgetting, so why should i care? I have to stop distracting myself, from..myself. While thinking this all over, i really could use someone ya know? but everyone has their own life. their boyfriends, their busy schedules. So i will make my own life, my own busy schedule.