Yesterday I was waiting at the bus stop, enjoying some music I'd just put on my ipod, in a REALLY good mood. Then 2 gangbangers walked up to me. One asked me where I was from. I said I don't bang. He asked if my people bang, I said no. He asked where I lived, I said around the corner. He said "Around the corner where?". I just shrugged. He asked what I was listening to. I said rock music. He asked what I was listening to again, I repeated myself, he asked to see what was in my pocket. I said I didn't have anything... I had 45 bucks in my pocket though, that my mom gave me to go get my baby brother some new shoes, pair of pants, and a shirt. He kept asking me what was in my pocket and I kept saying nothing. He asked to see my ipod, and I kinda just showed it to him, and he was like nigga give it here, and I said no. He grabbed it, and I had my hand still on it. We had a little tug of war with my ipod. You don't understand, I love my ipod, that's all I do when I'm out of the house is listen to it. I wasn't going to give it up without a fight. The guy was like "You gonna make this hard." and one hand went down to his sweat pants. I was like "Do you have a weapon?" and he was like "WHAT NIGGA!" I still had my hand on my ipod though, and he said to his friend "He wants to make this hard." and the friend stepped toward me. Really fucking begrudgingly I let go of the ipod. They left. I felt helpless, and angry, and ashamed that I didn't fight. Eventhough he reached for his pants, I don't think he really had any kind of weapon, but I wasn't willing to risk it. Besides, there were two of them, and I was sitting, there's no way I could've gotten the upper hand in a fight. But still, I felt like I should've/could've done something. I take care of a 5 year old though, and it's made me a thousand times more cautious with my life and my choices. Getting killed is scary in and of itself, I love living, but the thought of my baby brother losing me is so much scarier. I know how much he depends on me, and loves me, and... it tears me up to try to think of what he'd be going through to lose me. So I don't really want to gamble with my life. I still feel like a coward though. I don't know if a woman can understand what it feels like a man to feel like a coward.
After it happened I didn't know what to do. I had been on my way to my friend's house, and I didn't know if I should still go, or if I should call the police, or go home, or what. I texted my brother who was still home and told him what happened. My initial thinking was that me and my brothers could find the two guys, kick their asses, get my ipod back, and feel victorious. But then I decided against that plan, not wanting to put myself and my brother in danger just over an ipod and broken pride. I decided to just get on the bus and go to my friend's house as planned, enjoy the rest of my weekend instead stewing over what happened. When I was on the bus my brother called, he asked where I was, if I was ok, told me to come back home, asked what they looked like. He said he was outside with a baseball bat and was going to crack their skulls open. I told him to go back home and forget about it, don't worry about it. He said ok, but it didn't sound convincing. Again, I didn't know what to do. Should I get off the bus go home and make sure my brother didn't do anything stupid... or go on the search with him. Should I just stay on the bus and not worry about it. I called again, pleaded with him to stay home because I didn't want anything happening to him, I think he could hear it in my voice how much I was worried about him, so he said ok and I believed him. I asked him to not tell our mom.
So, I went to my friend's house. Had a good time. Didn't think at all about what had happened.
Now that I'm back home though, I'm still pissed about it. I want revenge. I want to beat their heads against the pavement. I fucking hate people like that. It's not even about the ipod, it's just... I can't fucking stand people who can't be DECENT human beings. I could never in a million years justify threatening and stealing from some stranger, I don't understand how someone could feel that's okay to do. I feel like I want to be fucking Batman or something, but I don't have the money and skills to do anything like that.
I used to feel safe in this neighborhood, nobody's ever messed with me around here before, or even looked at me the wrong way. But now I feel like I've just been lucky all this time. When I go to work tomorrow I know I'm probably going to be a little on edge. And I won't be able to listen to music either, that's going to feel bad. I'm so used to it. Even after they'd stolen my ipod, I kept reaching down for it on reflex. I can get a new one though. Might be a couple weeks til I can save up for one, but whatever.
I can't wait to make some real money and get the fuck out of Inglewood. Far away from piece of shit people like those guys.