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Subject:who even reads this shite anymore?
Time:01:47 am

regardless, i have things i'd like to type as i spend another unsleepy night watching roseanne reruns and trying to detect the differences of meows and prrrrrrreows of vincent. what is he trying to tell me?

ok so update time. i'm going to ubc september 2nd - aug 8 to get my  B ed in art. yes. i'm gonna be a teacher. bonus.

will got a job he's excited for, a job he can move up in and be happy with and make like.. you know, a career or something. which is wonderful. i couldn't be happier for him than if he did laundry once a week.  our plan to move in together after i get my degree is looking promising and keeps me happy and trucking forward, knowing i'm gonna have to work my ass off and be a nerd and focus and all that jazz. i just still feel ugh. bleh. meh. bah. i don't know how i'm gonna fix THAT. i'll figure it out, don't worry. i'll let you know how it all pans out.

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Time:11:01 pm
nothing's over till it's over.
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Subject:listening
Time:11:07 am
Current Mood:frustratedfrustrated
 reading old journals, lists, promises to myself, blog entries, facebook notes, my needs haven't changed but neither has attaining them. so frustrating. when will i get these things? is that when the world blows up or my life ends because i have everything i think i want and there's nothing else to work towards? because i don't believe that. not for a second. i think once i attain my goals i've wanted since grade 8, then i can start making NEW ones and trying to reach those. is the person god/goddess/faith/devil/monster listening to this? can you rethink your decision to hold me back from this no matter how many attempts i make to get there? huh?
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Subject:shhh be quiet...
Time:04:09 am
Current Mood:giddystraight on till mroning

i'm listening to reason. 

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Subject:ouch ouch ouch
Time:10:47 pm
Current Mood:sickouch

my tummy hurts. i want someone to squeeze me till the pain pops out. 
i hope i feel better tomorrow cuz it's a looooooooong day at work and then it's time to dress up like a pirate and say ARRRRRRRRRR a lot on the seabus.

i helped will with his job application/cover letter/resume tonight cuz he asked me so cutely.  he helps me out all the time i felt like finally put that stupid course for getting grants and writing cover letters and cv's really paid off. 

i have to stop caring so much about petty things. petty petty petty things


"the last thing i need is some diabetic freak prancing around on stage making my life a living HELL"- suzie from Wet Hot American Summer

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Subject:get this thing off my face
Time:09:30 pm
Current Mood:contemplativemoney on my mind...
so like i got this cold sore and will thinks it's from some dude and he's scared to kiss me and it hurts my feelings :(
i just want it to go away!
him and i are still going out to yuk yuk's tomorrow night and i got decently paid (woo!) so i'm gonna live it up this month.  starting tomorrow night.
and then shopping in the states next weekend. yay-yeah!
so i recently got pierced and i already want another one. 
i'm scared to apply to ubc for the art teaching program but i gotta do it. i am excited just scared for the workload.  eee. 
hope my social life doesn't suffer too too much. 12 months straight. hello, summer? :( i gotta make summer '08 count. really really count.
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Subject:i feel bad now
Time:06:10 pm
she got fired. 
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Time:09:52 pm
Current Mood:fullfull
i feel  better :)
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Subject:it's all so sugarless, hooker waitress, model actress, oh just go nameless
Time:06:39 pm
Current Mood:frustratedfrustrated
 grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr 

i love my job, but definitely NOT my coworkers.  i feel like i'm the only one who really thinks sometimes.  

 coworker: umm, meg, where do i put the paintbrushes?

me: in the little plastic droor labeled "paintbrushes"

coworker: k i didn't know where to put them so i  just left them here.

me: points to droor. "RIGHT. THERE."

other coworker disappears for half an hour comes back, says "i have a stomache ache, i'm going home. meg you stay till 6."

me: "i actually can't stay till 6"

yael: "well can you make it so you CAN?"

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

i came home had a hot shower screamed to relieve stress, sang Hole and

dinner with maggie will cheer me up. i'd like to go somewhere hot where the water is that perfect fake looking turquoise. all inclusive bar... anyone in on this with me?
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Subject:23
Time:05:34 am
Current Mood:happybirthday girl!

i can't sleep.
i'm still buzzed and happy from the night.
my birthday party with streamers and balloons and a bar and a house filled with friends from childhood friends  to present friends from every place i've been to help me celebrate. 

the gifts were so thoughtful and meganesque i cannot even explain how nice it feels to have people really know who i am. 

Will made the day so special, he cared more about the decor than i did and sarenaded me with meatloaf duets (with the accompanyment of a face drawn on his hand for the girl) after all the guests had left or passed out. 

i just feel wonderful. 
and my sister called me on the right day this year!

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Subject:maybe this year will be better than the last...
Time:12:36 am
Current Mood:sicksick
my throat is shot. all the singing video games and yelling and laughing seem to make my throat hurt very muchly.
I had a lovely time with my friends.  i really did. the best times are the before festivities and the hungover day after. its the getting ready, all dolled up, pre drinks and getting psyched with people that make me smile that i love, wherever we go is just geography.

"hey man, i'm going to kiss your girlfriend"
what the fuck is will supposed to say to that? what a weiiiiiiiiird situation. so sweet valley high stylez. they almost got in a fight but then the macho guy's friend started telling Will how cool his Aquabats shirt was.  " that's super rad!!!" so the anger dispursed and the scary moment dissipated.   resolution: learn how to spell dissipated.  i am also a boobie tassle bandit.  i deserved them. the coat check ladies frustrated me and the mob behind me.  i had to be compensated somehow.

i was a little wee worried about how the chemicals that are us would all react with  eachother but i was truly relieved and happy that the night went well and the day after, and the evening to follow after it. 
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Subject:resolutions
Time:05:12 am
Current Mood:contemplativeresolutionary
no i didn't go to the blarney stone. 
i don't even like the blarney stone, just the friends of mine who like the blarney stone. that's why i go. i should have said that.
my throat was killing me. i wasn't in the mood. 
that's all i should have said. i should learn to stop it there. even after a snarky comment that could have been left out. i should just ignore it.  i try really hard but things get to me.  why do i let things get to me?
but i take offence to name calling and can't just leave it a lone.
i'm just frustrated with trying to say the right thing instead of the true thing. 
why do i have to walk on tippy toes with a smile and my hand out around people who are going to blow at any second.  I get scared. am i not worth a kind treatment or the benefit of the doubt? even so, i said something i really really really really shouldn't of said. I just can't see how everyone gets me and gets along with me, and then one person doesn't understand what i'm about or my intentions and i just can't handle it.  

i need to learn not to care. i need to learn to shrug it off. Life is too short to dwell and worry and force things.  
i feel so lucky to be around the people that get me. without the petty fights and the unecessary comments, the relaxed sincere people that i never have to try to be something else. i just am and its good enough.  that's who i'm going to surround myself with. 

resolutions:
to remember what's important.
 
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Subject:last night
Time:10:52 pm

cleavage. 
compliments from the lovely chelso that made my year. 
limo.  
giggles.
free party plattas
 free drinks. 
more free drinks. 
drink tickets, 
and more free drinks. 
confidence boost from the popular "bad boy"  in highschool who wanted to join my pants party. (luckily i have well moralled friends to be all "she's TAKEN")
axl dancing, 
vanilla ice rapping. 
puking.

morning:
more puking.
piecing together previous night
happy with what i could remember
not happy with my killer headache and pukey throat feeling
i dunno how bullimics do it

will leaves tomorrow morning.  my phones going to be pretty quiet but i'm super excited for my time off!!! gonna catch up with friends i haven't seen in a few weeks, watch xmas specials and drink fancy coffees.
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Subject:on the first day of hannukah...
Time:09:53 am
*a gorgeous new long black fancy doufle coat with silvery faux fur lining
*a new mouse for my computer (much needed!)
*the most beautiful eye shadow compact the size of a purse with about 50 eyeshadow colours!!!!! it's too beautiful to use.
*one of the best phone conversations with will i ever had.  he gave me some of the best reassurance and advice and it meant more than i could explain even though i tried. 
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Subject:room service?
Time:10:56 pm
Current Mood:amusedamused
my worsened sore throat is totally worth it for the crazy happenings with william,  michelle and dr. tre in the hotel room turned bar (every surface had booze on it. broken wine glasses, and booze in the sink filled with ice.) and ofcourse the railway and ofcourse laughing till my lungs cried inside all weekend.  trevor almost fucked up his hernia again from all the excitement. that would of been worth it too.

i wish someone would invent a throat scratcher. like, for the inside of your throat. ya know? ehm... moving on.

in the hotel i dreamt of me and will totally in love, and then i woke up and he was snoring next to me. awwwww.
although in my dream his family lived on a boat without any place to go undercover, but no one could complain because it wasn't polite.
and the toilets were sinks you had to sit in and pee. weird.

i thought i had spent all my money but i found a $20 in my pocket! so i spent that too. haha
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Subject:so be it.
Time:02:21 am
burning bridges is a pretty dramatic way to avoid drama, don't ya think?
oh well.  friendships aren't supposed to be this hard.  i'm tired of doing all the chasing and explaining.  I shouldn't have to prove myself countless times that i'm a good person.  All my consideration and patience, advice and love i've given is easily forgotten and dismissed over some joke i made blown way out of proportion. 
 if you don't see my good intentions why should i keep trying? I shouldn't.  I'm tired of focusing on someone who doesn't give me the benefit of the doubt and any appreciation.  I have enough strong friendships in my life and i don't need to spend time being the only one fixing this one all by myself. 
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Subject:wish list for hannukah/xmas/festivus
Time:09:57 pm
Current Mood:sleepysleepy
pretty duffle coat from le chateau - black with silvery grey faux fur lining and a hood

an eyeshadow compact with 50 colours in it from some store i forget the name of

a starbucks card - i know i'm a yuppy. don't care.  it's on my route and i go in all the time and i'd like to drink their for free thank you very much and get my tall americano with sugarless caramel syrup shots.

a unicorn pegasus that can use the bathroom

Mermaids - the movie with winona ryder and cher

toned arms

diamonds

will power


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Subject:girls night out
Time:10:39 pm
Current Mood:chipperso this one time, in gas town
long line up.
cute norwegian chicks got justice by stealing the bouncer's stupid hat. "go on in love" he said as i hestitantly walked through the doors worrying chelso might get held back for another 2 hours in the line.  luckily, no.  
 danced at the blarney and made friends in the jumping sea of people. chelso and i belted out many a covers by the house band that's getting better with age, which is in their favour.
went to pub 340 to visit the keith, and was a classy lady getting drinks from some questionable gentlemen.  Last night there was a theme of guys professing their love of jewish women. go me.  keith gave me a bracelet that some chick had left and never came back to claim. it's really pretty and shiny and blue.  i'm wearing it right now.

i'm really craving grilled cheese. i'ma go make some.

and yes, chelso, it was worth it. tho the 20 dollar tips you gave out weren't something i'd suggest doing again.
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Subject:the princess and the pea
Time:02:46 am
Current Mood:awakeawake
i'm scared i'll never get a good night sleep again.
unless i pass out or hit my head really hard on something..
tonight i tried taking 3 extra strength sleepy time tylenol flu, and nothing. still completely awake. completely.
i have a comfy queen sized canopy bed, a cute kitty sleeping beside me, complete silence, no work until 1:30 pm tomorrow, and i just can't sleep.

will on the other hand sleeps all the time.  i wish he wouldn't so making plans would be easier. it's so frustrating.

maybe i should do things that tire me out. like run after work and exhaust myself. 
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Subject:i want
Time:06:07 pm
Current Mood:angryangry
i want to be someone else or i'll explode.
that or just a better me. how do i do that, thom yorke, how?
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[icon] jam me jack me push me pull me talk hard
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (myspace).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries