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katie

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[14 Jul 2009|06:39am]
Boy, have I changed since the last entry....
I think I'll always have that little piece there though.
Maybe not always ignited but still there.

College is soon.
I'm slightly scared but soo excited.
Bah.
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[29 Mar 2009|08:19am]
I don't even know where to begin on updating this...
so much has gone on in these last few months.
Yet one thing still remains true.
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[29 Jan 2009|07:34pm]

So I'm leaving for the Dare to Share conference in Ohio tomorrow morning with a bunch of people from church. I'm really hoping this will turn me around. I've been so far away from Him and it's awful-- I've revisted things of the past--despair, jealousy, lonliness, regret. I want to get back to a place with Him where none of that crap exists.  I'm so sorry, forgive me, Help me please.

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[19 Jan 2009|01:04pm]
I have a feeling even though this is a new aspect to my life, things will never change.
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[04 Jan 2009|03:07pm]

I'll prove them all wrong; I know I'll never stop.
It's seriously IMPOSSIBLE, but I'm not complaining.

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why not.. i'll do rachel's later. [04 Jan 2009|03:02pm]
confess that in 2008 Ive...

( ) stayed single for the whole year
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
( ) made-out for the first time
(x) made-out in/on a car
(x) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
(x) kissed in the rain
( ) fell in, and out love
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker
( ) mooned someone
( ) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
(x) suffered through teenage heartbreak
( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet
( ) gotten pregnant
( )gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
(x) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love
( ) lost faith in love
( )kissed under mistletoe

WORK/SCHOOL
( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) changed jobs
(x) waited until one day before to begin a project
( ) lost your job
(x) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
(x) took an honors/advanced class
( ) broke the dress code
( ) fingered some one in class
( ) sent to the principles office for misbehavior
(x) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
( ) met one/a few teacher(s) you really hated
( ) failed a class
( ) cut class
(x nut-tapped) kicked someone in the testes
( ) skipped school
( ) got into a fight with a classmate
(x) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) intentionally tripped someone at school
( ) got lead in the school play
(x) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER
( ) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) seen a live concert
(x) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
( ) posted a blog on MySpace
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) double-dipped
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
(x er. went to one haaa) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
( ) didn't wash your hands after using bathroom
(x canada!) visited a foreign country
( ) broke in a line of waiting people
(x) volunteered to help out others
(x) visted a new state
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
( )cooked a disastrous meal
( ) driven the car drunk
(x) lost something important to you
( )smoked a cigarette
( ) lied about how old you were
(x) got a gift you adore
( ) got drunk
( ) took a nude picture of yourself
( ) almost got arrested
( ) prank called someone
( ) saw a college football game in person
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[08 Nov 2008|08:13pm]



 


ahahah this makes me smile.

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[27 Oct 2008|10:28pm]
I'm glad I found some closure tonight in one of my best friends.  Now I know I'm not crazy for thinking this all along. Some day, it will happen. I just know it.
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[10 Oct 2008|10:20pm]
I get to go back home tomorrow.
er. my second home.
I am sooo excited:]
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[21 Sep 2008|05:37pm]
I met my inspiration today. She's a 5 year old with practically no arms (missing elbow down). She lives her life  and relies on God like it's her job. She never lets the other little kid's questions get her down and she can color in the lines better than I can.  She doesn't complain; she doesn't get frustrated. She made me realize that I have no reason to complain. Even though she has virtually no arms and has a mother who is not yet saved, but is looking for answers through Jesus, she's incredibly blessed.
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[18 Sep 2008|06:55am]
It's offical. I'm done with him. After all the things I have heard, which turned out to all be true, I am done. If you want that type of girl, you are not worth a minute of my time or consideration as being a boyfriend of mine. Now all I'm concerned about is why are you doing this to yourself. I'm almost 100% sure you know both of these girls don't hold half of what you want and yet you still go for it. I really hope you aren't this shallow. and I really hope this doesn't come back to haunt you.

It feels so good to let go.
Thanks God for the strength:]
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[15 Sep 2008|08:50pm]

This is all WAYY easier said than done. I can't stand this. It's so hard seeing you every day at school and talking to you like nothing ever happened(see, "teardrops on my guitar, by taylor swift--story of my life). I really wish it could have worked out but honestly, if you're into girls like her then you're not worth a minute of my time as far as relationships go. As I look at her and I look at myself I see two distinct differences. Both of them are incredibly shallow. I really hope my instinct is off.

Good news is that I met this really cute boy that works at my youth group every wednesday. I'm getting a really good vibe from him too:]
I'm hoping something will start from here. (haaa. im taking a kristin neese look on this one--just find a new one)

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[10 Sep 2008|10:35pm]
All signs point away from you. I shouldn't be waiting around; I shouldn't be suffering like this. I'm done. I'm done waiting around, really. I don't deserve this at all. I'll eventually find some nice boy who will see me for all that I am and want me the first time around.

I love how I figure out that You don't want me with him tonight in church after seeing multiple divine signs within the previous weeks.
I love how I finally put a foot down and see what You're saying.
and I love how he called twenty mintues later.
I refuse to give into this temptation.
I'm done.
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[08 Sep 2008|09:28pm]

For now, i'm pretty sure it's over. I hate how this was left open-ended. All I have is my hopes for the future, but those can only hold me up for so long. Today they began to crumble. I hate watching you talk to girl after girl like it's your job.  I don't know how much longer I can pretend not to like you.  I haven't felt this way in a long time and I've begun to realize why I always jumped around from boy to boy. I don't like feeling this rejection so I would just head off to someone who wants me. Well now it's time to face the music: the one boy I really want, wants to be "just friends, for now." I'll get over you eventually; I know it. But for now, it sucks ass.

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[22 Aug 2008|11:03pm]

I'm such a sucker for his smile. I've fallen hard, made myself 100% vulnerable and I may get hurt, but it's worth it.  It's not over yet; I just know it. Even my mom said so! haaaaaaaa. My hopes are up so high because my mother is fantastic at calling such things-- I really hope this isn't the one time she's wrong. 

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[17 Aug 2008|12:14pm]

Though things may never go as I expected, and the uncertainty around me sometimes gets to me far too much, I wouldn't have it any other way. God really works in the most myseterious ways. I've seen that you can't force faith onto a person and that they have to be 100% open to it otherwise it never works. There can't be a single shred of doubt in their mind. It's amazing on how this all works. It's amazing on how He works. It's breath-taking. I have never smiled this much. It's so hard to describe stepping back and letting God take matters into His hands. It's absolutely amazing watching Him work in other's lives. In this past week I've seen three children accept Jesus into their heart and a male teenager consider giving God a fair shot(considering He's given him so many chances). There's no better feeling in the world than to experience that.

Anyway. Life has had its up and downs lately. I got to see some old friends and hang around them which was fun. I've been volunteering a lot between teaching at the chapel and vacation bible school. School's coming up and I haven't accomplished nearly as much AP work as I should've. I'm excited for this year. It's going to be so sad when everything's done and over with. Soccer tryouts start tomorrow; I'm fairly excited. Though I'm very worried about my ankles. I haven't been able to run all summer so tryouts aren't going to be all that great. :/ I've decided to yet again, turn over a new leaf but this time I'm going to try to stick to it. I'm going to get my AP work done by school, keep the personal promises I make for myself, and I'm going to try and keep my eyes focused on God. I'm not going to let myself fall back into where I was--what a horrible place to be in. I think I may go shower. Peace outtt.

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[09 Aug 2008|11:03pm]
 I call you up on the phone, ready to cry. The only thing holding me back is my hopes that  you weren't as selfish as I thought. You are. You know, I really thought our friendship meant more than this. What sucks is that I'm on the low end of this now. It seems like you wouldn't care if I died tomorrow and it really hurts.  So I end up crying on the phone, hearing what I expected but certainly did not want to hear. You apologize and say you'll try. A week has gone by and nothing. Nothing at all. Honestly I don't know why this is happening. Why you dropped me out of your life immediately. What's going on inside your head? I don't understand you anymore. You're not who I thought you were. Yet, you're so much more than I remember. It seems this time apart has made me realize how much I cherish being with you, even if it's only as friends. I miss your presence in my life. I miss my best friend. Come back.  This is going to be so hard to get over. No, I don't like him anymore, I promise. But it breaks my heart to see him drop me and not give a shit after seeing him day after day for two years straight. It seems like the closest person to me has betrayed me and it's the worst feeling in the world. Sad thing is, is that I cry every time I think about this still. And I always will.
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[22 Jul 2008|10:54pm]
 Thinking back, I really hope you still mean the things you said. I really really do. I don't know whether or not to have blind faith in those words just to keep myself stable or not. I'm afraid if I don't assume the worse I'll just set myself up for a downfall. You know I never really think about these types of things all that often, though it seems like they dwell in my head and cross my mind repeatedly.

Gah. I don't know.
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[17 Jun 2008|07:25pm]
 I really do not know how I would be able to make it in this world without any sort of faith in God.  I know I will always have a select few I can lean on for help, but sometimes that isn't enough, not to mention everyone in this world will let you down one way or another, even if they don't try to.  It just feels so amazing and reassuring to know that there's always One that will never let you down or leave your side, even if you ignore them.  He's always there with open arms.  I don't know how many times I've screwed up this year, that some don't even know about, but I've been forgiven every time.  I just love how things can be turned around within one day.  I know that I can get through this with Your help.

I know that I can make it
I know that I can stand
No matter what may come my way
My life is in Your hands.
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[16 Jun 2008|05:28pm]

I think guys are programed to not give a shit about anything.

mmmhm

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