It has been a long series of weeks working with Pansy to bring back the level of the business. She has been a tough task master who has decidedly kept my nose to the grindstone. I suppose I should not complain for the galleons have brought me closer to the 'ultimate goal' but in honesty, it makes me feel as though something is lacking from my life. Persuing wealth though is how I have defined my life at this point in time. I don't think there is a better way though I suppose my housemates, that which Pansy keep rubbing my nose in with her supposedly subtle snide remarks, would disagree.
But then I'm not a Gryffindor am I? I'm a Slytherin and I serve myself. I'm not about to shed all of my skin in an effort to 'be on their side'. Good. What a laugh. I have seen nothing 'good' in this life. Nothing more than a series of well placed lies from all sides. All in an effort to 'win'. And what did they really accomplish? They destroyed my name and my life and my Mother.
I have had some time to think of her lately. I cannot say that it depresses me or something overly emotional and melodramatic. I'm not a stupid Hufflepuff. I'm a Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. But thinking of Mother inevidatly leads to Father. That Man. He killed her. Struck her then and there without an ounce of feeling. That is who I was meant to be. Who he was grooming to be. Someone who could kill his wife in cold blood. Do I want to be that man? Well, I suppose not. I am sure that he would have some short pithy Malfoy motive about what I should want to do with my time and how I should be longing to follow in his footsteps. I refuse to spend my life living within the shadow that he has cast over me. I shall not always be simply Lucius Malfoy's son. I shall not. I refuse.
But will I do whatever was needed to get back the position and respect that I am owed. And I am owed. I am not going to be Potthead and sacrifice everything for nothing. I have sacrificed enough by living in that house with him and Weasel-face and ... fuck - why do I want to be polite about this? She's the Mudblood. It is what she is. Regardless of how entertaining speaking with her might be, she is still not an ideal companion for a Malfoy. Pansy is far more of my type.
That is not worth thinking of. Decidedly not.
What is worth thinking about then might you ask? Money. Wealth. Power. Prestige. Focus on what I do and how I shall take the world by storm. I am Draco Malfoy and I shall rise above all.
Now that I have dealt with the immediate crisises that Pansy had left for me, I discovered this buried on my desk. I decided that perhaps I should write something here. There is much work left to be done to regain my fortune. I have spent far too much time playing saviour to the Gryffindors - among other things.
I must remember what is most important. Money. Wealth. Returning my name to wear it belongs. Malfoy pride and honor shall be what it once was.
Reminders - Must talk to:
Pansy - re: have finished with the most urgent things and I continue to work my way through. Dinner on Friday. Name the place.
Patil - re: Meetings I need to have scheduled. Deal with it tomorrow morning.
Granger - re: somehow one of my books must have gotten mixed up in her things. Demand prompt return.