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perfect in that fucked up way

Pain baby , that's all you've got
Panda eyed, dope smile
have another shot
You drink to numb
But that smoke means no sleep
When are you gonna
rescue me?
Nothing and no one
You can't even sing
Thats all you wanna do
But it's not your thing
Wasted baby
But still open eyes
What else to do
But romanticize
Death is ugly, but you wear it proud
What she would give
For a roar from the crowd
Insecurities;
That fake diamond ring
Do it now,  you won't feel a thing
Hush little lady
Don't cry one word
Nothing but sleep now,
little hummingbird.
Death is easy, life is a whim
Rewind to peanut
You were only a dream.

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been following that smoke trail for days now. I knew it was a bad idea to "stockpile". that only works when you have self-restraint.

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Ever want to feel like this again. Ever.

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It's so strange, I go for instinct usually and tonight I felt out of turn.
I am the stupid blonde in the corner.  I am a lark. I forgive too easily and I dont want to upset anyone.
so I don't.  don't cause a scene. whatever you want baby, i'll be that for you.
I can't even deal, even my psuedo relationships are fucked up. oh tonight I could've had you.
but you left me by the roadside. I instantly regretted not going painting you. but I didnt want to impede the process. 3 pros and one beginner. paranoid learner.
I bid you good day though. I wish I could see into your mind. 

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down down down we go. where it stops, nobody knows.

 

there's got to be a bottom somewhere, right?

 


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whenever I chase the white dragon, I just want more. I want to drift between asleep and awake. I want to feel the hot flushes and goosebumps. I should of taken more from the bag but I dont trust myself.
Today went far too quickly. I want to disappear in a sweet puff of white chemical smoke. Here it is, 2.30am, and I just want more. But I am alone in my room, havent touched the pipe for almost 9hrs...& for the last 8 hrs I have wanted more.
This is how it starts... I am supposed to be treating myself as an athlete and now this.
let me sleep, so I can get closer to awake and more sweet cloud.

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Seeing so many photos of cliche weddings I have to wonder how many will turn black over time.

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feeling nervous and excited all at once. meeting someone you have been chatting to for the first time is scary. I am trying not to make something out of nothing but I can't help it.
I feel butterflies and I dont even know this person in 'real life'.
Trying not to pin all my hopes on this guy, but its hard when it feels like something.

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i hate nights like tonight. when its like the ghosts of my past are all whispering and taunting me. when everytime i close my eyes i see replays of the stupid shit ive done. it makes it hard to sleep when you don't want to close your eyes.

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don't fall in too deep too fast
don't fall in too deep too fast
don't fall in too deep too fast
don't fall in...

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