|My Life As Of 8/19/06
||[Aug. 19th, 2006|08:06 am]
|[||Tags|||||april, denise, destiny, dreams, drew, drugs, family, food, friends, jason, life, love, men, patrick, plans, sammy, shunda||]|
|||||"Untitled" by D'angelo||]|
Well, since I'm actually up early for once, I guess now would be as good a time as any to update.
Shunda's birthday was last week. She had this birthday dinner thing. Me, Miss Darlene, Destiny and Shunda's friend Ashley all went over to Little Mexico. OH MY GOD! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD FUCKING FOOD!!! But, I was kinda ignored the whole time. Not consciously, I don't think, but nonetheless. She has an entire life now and most of it doesn't include me. So, I'm just gonna let it be. We aren't as good as friends as we used to be, and it seems that that's how it's gonna stay. It's sad, but she doesn't seem to want to change it. So, screw it. I have a good life, I have friends that light up when I walk into the room, who ask my advice, who value me and my opinions. I have a family who needs me, a brother who emulates me, a boyfriend who adores me. I want Shunda to be a big part of my life again, but I'm not gonna put myself out there and keep getting hurt and disappointed if she's not gonna meet me halfway. I have standards for how I expect to be treated, and right now she ain't meeting them. So, I have no time for that...I'm done accomodating. If she wants to see me, she can see me.
JASON'S BACK!!!!!!!! It's been really fun hanging out with him again. I hadn't realized how much I missed him. I haven't ever posted a picture of Jason here. I probably should.
HERE'S ONE! It's he and I back in our Freshmen Year. Yep, that's when I was skinny. He looks basically the same, except more muscular now and less bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Mama saw this picture and commented on how much we look alike, and then said something about with how my Dad is, she wouldn't be surprised if we were related. LOL, that would be awesome. That's my big brother!!
Anyway, he's living with his new girlfriend, Denise. Now, usually I can't stand the chicks he dates. They may not hot and fun, but they have no future, not interesting, no soul. But this new chick...
Aw, I love her!!! Her name is Denise, she's a nursing home care manager, she wants to be a x-ray technican, she's sweet, funny, interesting, captivating, hot, amazing. Just like....a goddess. Plus, according to Jason, great in bed. Which is a definte plus for him....not a factor for me because I'm not sleeping with her, but ya know. But, I'm spent some time with her, and I can't wait to spend more. She's great, and she's my new clubbing buddy. So yeah, YAY FOR NEW FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sissy (April) left for college. She's off studying religious education at Baylor University in Waco, TX. It was a little hard to see her go. I've known her since she was 5, that's my girl, man. It's really like my own sister going off to college. But, she's gonna do wonderful things. Like I've said before, she's an amazing person. I am so lucky to have her in my life. She wrote me a long email the night before she left telling me how much she was gonna miss me, and said "In my heart, you're more of a sister than mary is. You actually care about what's the best for ME, and that's something I love about you!!" Awww...so sweet.
I really realized then that I feel the same way about her, and about Jason. They really are like siblings to me. Jason is always there for me if I need him, ride or die, ya know? Both he and April come to me when they don't want to be bullshitted, when they want the absolute truth. The three of us have a very Brother/sister relationship. It hasn't always been that way, but that's what it's evolved into. It's really cool to know kinda what it feels like to have a "normal" brother, I guess. I love Patrick with all my heart, and I would die for him in a second, but I wish sometimes I had someone to talk about life with....to give advice about girls, sex, school. But, that's just not how Patrick turned out, and that's ok. Sometimes, I need that though.
A friend of mine started doing drugs again. Not weed...like, real drugs. It's so sad. It's April's real sister. We realized that something was up when the chick is making $1600/month, has a $464 apartment, no cable-no internet....and still isn't able to make the rent. "Where is all the money going?", we asked. Well, Redwood and Murphy came by yesterday and asked us if "[Friend's name] is still doing very drug imaginable, because the last time I seen her she looked strung out." Son of a bitch. We figured this, but being as she celebrated her 1 year soberity about a month ago, it's really sad. And, I mean, she could have been lying about it all along, but ya know...whatever. I say, well, fine, she wants to do that shit. Then she can keep her ass right over there at that apartment. Jason, Drew, April and I decided that we aren't gonna hang with her as much, and we're not gonna enable her. Give her money. I don't chill with druggies. Hell the fuck naw. I love her, but I can't fuck with that. That's where I draw the fucking line.
Sammy's getting on my damn nerves, too. She's a friend who's said she's addicted to weed. Some people just have the addictive personality, I guess. Anytime she goes anywhere, she's got to fucking smoke. Jason and Denise smoke sometimes, so Sammy always brings that shit over to their place. That's fine, except for when Denise wants to spend time with me and then Sammy comes over and wants to start that shit, knowing I can't stand the smell of it. Of course, I have to leave. Like, physically leave the apartment, thereby making the point of me coming to spend time with Denise null and void. Denise didn't want to smoke the night, but I had to fucking leave anyway because fuckers HAD to get high. Pissed me off. I don't think people who do that shit realize how fucking boring they are when they're high. It's such bullshit. That stuff makes you a boring ass, unmotivated person. BORING!! Ugh...it's disgusting. You're got damn 18, grow the fuck up and try growing as a person, becoming a better one, instead of screwing up your shit and other people's shit because you have to get damn high all the time. It's stupid as hell.
Oh man, I have got such nice school clothes this year. All from fucking Wal-Mart too. IT'S GREAT!! They have some good, cheap ass clothes. I have skirts, and dress shirts....gonna go get some new jeans and shoes in a few days. Lots of jewel colors, rich red and purples. I look so hot. Drew practically bent me over the bed when I modeled my skirts for him yesterday, talking about he wanted to play "Boss and Secretary. Hehehe, and they produce the desired effect. Hell yeah!!!!!
Drew and I are doing wonderfully. I finally told him that I think he's THE ONE. He told me he'd been feeling that about me for a while now. LOL, then I went on this schpiel about how he should have told me, and I was tired of being the first one to say all the big things in our relationship, and that I wasn't fucking proposing to him when/if the time comes! He was like "Oh no baby, that's all me." and shit. Hehehe, anyway, so yeah. We're talking about getting a place together. We've already got most of the stuff planned out and even some of the rooms decorated in our minds. LOL, it's really sad! But, in a good way. It's nice to be able to dream with someone else. We are so in love with each other. I'm amazed by it everyday.