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[18 May 2006|09:41am]
friends only.
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[04 Dec 2005|10:33pm]
Its nights like this i absolutely love my friends.

All I have to do is say im bored. And they drive to mine and pick me up.
I just spent the last hr out in the warm night air smoking ciggarettes and swinging on the play equipment in the park.

Then meeting random 20 yr old night fishers and dancing to Maria Maria with them on the pier.

Boredome = cured.

On another note, tomorrow is my last day at 2evolve, until february possibly. I absolutely fucking love everyone I work with, and to up and leave seems strange. But hopefully I'll be coming back.

And I got some of my results. High distinctions all round. Suprisingly.

Lastly, john came back.
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[12 Nov 2005|03:56pm]
so if someone asked me hows life?

i would answer comepletely royally fucked up.
pretty much everythings overwhelming. im leaving here pretty soon going to lizzies work and then we're going to marcs where ill crash the night. so i probably wont be home till sunday night again.

after that, im meeting caitie after friday to talk about moving out by december.
ill need to get another job as well.

but theres so much to fuckin think about. i guess i should just admit how upset i kinda am right now.

maybe i need things to change.

whats more they know about john as well. and managed to shout it as loudly as possible. yay.
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[05 Nov 2005|03:43pm]
i regret it.
see, ive said it.
i regret everything about it.
i regret meeting him, i regret the time we were seeing each other.
why?
because its so fucking hard to forget and get over it when all i have to do is walk out of hte front door, or out the back to see or hear him.
and its irritating. because i need to forget this.

im so frustrated and annoyed and i wish to god i never even got involved.
but please note- i am not going to cry over this.

[03 Nov 2005|12:05pm]
It’s the smoke, and the drinks, and the smiles, that it brings,
It’s the pain, and the sex, disguised as innocence,
The songs, they sing, are in, the key, of the illusion of pain and its irony, in the mist of lust, and dropping names. The drugs, they numb, and they keep us sane,

Slow suicide.
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[25 Oct 2005|09:04pm]
yeah, so right now, and possibly for hte next two weeks it feels like ive taken on wayy too much. The combination of work 5days a week, uni end of sem assignments and going out is getting to me pretty badly.
On the other hand, ive decided to dye my hair blue black after the semester.

Furthermore i need some more chemicals.
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[22 Oct 2005|05:28pm]
nervous anticipation.
hmm
please dont let it rain.

[20 Oct 2005|09:39pm]
it was my mothers 50th today.
i forgot.
im a great daughter.
but it makes sense now as to why she was all about making friends with me again.


you know how i said i was over it.
i lied.
im not.
today it just got a whole lot worse.
and fuck, hes just opposite the damn street.
i need a ciggarette.
mayas solution for all lifes problems = a nice long drag.
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[17 Oct 2005|08:59pm]
So I'm drowning myself in music in order to make myself cry.
Its not working.
Fuck.

[16 Oct 2005|12:08pm]
I hate my parents. They always know how to make me feel like shit.
Wonderful.

[09 Oct 2005|01:06pm]

SOMETIMES I REALLY FUCKIN HATE ABSINTHE

 

Otherwise I had a good weekend. actually no not really, friday night sucked royally, but saturday night was great up until i took a second shot of absinthe and my world got fucked over. AND IM STILL PUKING MY GUTS OUT.

fuck that.

{POST READ 8 } {ADD or EDIT}

ten different ways to enjoy this night [05 Oct 2005|10:15pm]
i love nights like this.
its so warm outside.
and you can feel content sitting outside with a ciggarette watching the lights reflect off the water.

well almost content.
its slightly lonely without someone there to hold. or be near.
times like this i miss ben.

moving on though.

"This may never start.
We could fall apart.
And I'd be your memory.
Lost your sense of fear.
Feelings insincere.
Can I be your memory?"
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[04 Oct 2005|09:41pm]
so im over him.
just like that.
snap your fingers.
i saw him today too. and i just randomly realized.
and its like a loads been taken off.
we'll see what happens in the future.
till then, im happy.

although theres always a certain sense of security in falling for someone. And now i feel a certain sense of uncomfortable exposure.

But life is grand.
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[03 Oct 2005|09:22pm]
im so frickin confused.
i love cauterize.
totally love cauterize.
i started speaking to bianca again.
i hung out at johns house for a couple of hours on sat night.
we didnt do anything.
it gave me reasons to hate him.
i dont know.
i like it but i dont know.
i just spoke to him.
and i already miss him.
im going nuts.

i.i.i.i.i.i.
cap-e-tan.
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[01 Oct 2005|03:20pm]
fuck. just fuck. in so many ways.
way to make a dickhead of myself. AGAIN.
sidhgsoidhf.

oh and i love marc now, and my complainin over lizzie is over as a result.
and woolwich public transport sux.
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[28 Sep 2005|12:29pm]
I don't think its possible to be more bored.
I a. need a car
b. need more than $44
c. need a best friend that doesnt consider a quiet weekend an excuse to spend every waking second with her bf, which suprise suprise doesnt differ from how shes spent the previous two weeks.
d. need to stop complaining of all of the above.

note to self- must mention this to her.

oh and i think ill go out with brad after work on thurs.
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[26 Sep 2005|10:05pm]
i need a ciggarette.
i hate nights like this. they last too long.
{POST READ 5 } {ADD or EDIT}

[22 Sep 2005|10:30pm]
okay new motion.

i made a stupid dick of myself in front of a huger dick than me.
this particular dick who im moving on from.
never going near again.
calm. aloof.
so i bid thee goodbye.

[19 Sep 2005|09:13pm]
why is it so hard to stay optimistic?
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[17 Sep 2005|05:18pm]
So, is it just me or is everyone coupling up.
Its painful to go out and see every second person with another half.
And now its gotten that bit worse. Lizzie my best friend has now got a boyfriend. I don't begrudge the fact that shes with someone. Not at all. Marc's an awesome guy and he looks after her. Its just aggravating that now theres no one that I know who'll constantly be up for going out, as now she has to split her time. No one to go walking for ages with at 1am to look for an open pub or one thats slightly more exciting only to settle at Hunters Hill overpass in the freezing cold. So now it sux, cause her boyfriend doesnt do the stuff that the rest of us do. So fuck that. I dont know why I'm particularly bitter tonight, its not that i want a boyfriend, id probably be pretty unhappy were that to happen and i dont like being tied down. But at the same time, sometimes when your best friends off you kinda want that other person there for you. And when you find that theres no one, you realize you're fucked.
Why did this have to happen.
{POST READ 4 } {ADD or EDIT}

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