Log in

Denied; no stairway. [entries|friends|calendar]
Babe-raham Lincoln

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

July 11th, 2005 @ 1:17pm]
i haven't updated in about...forever... but i've been real busy with my job so i have an excuse. plus i actually went on a mini vacation last weekend so i have something to write about. i had the BEST time. me and al rented a cabin in pigeon forge for 2 nights. i was great. it was soooo cute. i took some pictures but i dont have them developed yet. the cabin was called "sunflower place" and it had all these little sunflower things all in it. it had a hot tub, jacuzzi, fireplace, and a cute little loft where the bed and stuff was. it was adorable and surprisingly cheap. there was a special going on that if you stayed 2 nights in a 1-2 bedroom cabin then it was 70% off. so in all we only payed $157 for 2 nights when its usually $140 for one night. on saturday we went to dollywood. it was SOO hot. and it was packed. we were there for 5 hours and only rode 3 rides. we should have just saved the money and went out to eat somewhere nice. but it was fun nonetheless. me and aly really needed this time to ourselves. a lot of things have been going on lately and it was really scary there for a bit. i was so afraid of losing him. i'm so glad that we decided to work things out cause he's my everything. i dont know what i'd do without him. he told me that he couldn't help but be so protective of me cause he's made me his world. and thats the truth. we are pretty much all each other has. we both dont have many other people that we're with on a regular basis. he's my best friend. we might fight like crazy sometimes but who doesn't? its silly little fights that are over in 5 minutes anyways. aaaanywho, i gots to go to work at 5 so i'm prolly gonna go take a nap then start getting ready.

i love you chang

lol insiders are great

April 24th, 2005 @ 3:23pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

Those eyes. Oh those eyes.
They could make me fall in love with you and not think twice
But wait...I already am.
Those eyes know that too.
They know how to look at me
That way. Oh that way.
The way you know I'll be there
Be there to love and mend
Only when its convenient for you
How quickly those eyes wander
But always come back
I'm whats comfortable. I'm home.
Let me make you happy, I know I could. You do too
To see those eyes everyday...
It could be my everything
You are my everything
Those eyes change me. My mind goes blank
Those eyes make me forget, but not about them. Never about them
Be with me. Let me look into those eyes.
Those eyes. Oh those eyes.
They could make me fall in love with you and not think twice
But wait...

This is a poem i just found that i had written my senior year about a certain someone.
i know its a bit corny/stupid but i just wanted them to read it and know how i felt about them back then


April 13th, 2005 @ 2:58pm]
long day

no sense in trying to outrun the rain,
it'll get you everytime.
so..i walk slower. taking it all in.
the drops hit me right where i want them to.
each one filling me with life.

your smell is enough to save my soul.
i close my eyes hard for that kiss of death

March 31st, 2005 @ 9:21pm]
[ mood | amused ]

my lord are you ever gonna stop running your mouth??? we're not in grade school anymore. grow the fuck up. please. you may think your hot shit now but you really dont mean a thing to me and you haven't for a long time. things were never the way they seemed to be. we all just had to hide and pretend for your sake. so you wouldn't cry like the baby that you are. i wish i could tell you all the things that were hidden from your eyes. BUT i'm not the kind of person that tells COMPLETE STRANGERS my business like you do.

your not as hot are you think you are. i hope someone who is honest and blunt enough can tell you that someday. maybe it'll get you down the level you deserve to be on. if i hear or find out that you are continuing to run your fucking mouth about me, i'll quickly turn into that someone. bet on it


March 28th, 2005 @ 2:11am]
[ mood | happy ]

My Kitties and Valentines DayCollapse )


March 27th, 2005 @ 10:18pm]

i suppose i'll know my color when i hit update. hmmm i wonder

March 26th, 2005 @ 12:59am]
i've grown and have come to know a new found love for you.
your restless beating heart, so full. so full.
i need you so much closer. too close for comfort.
that bubble i burst on a daily basis has come to know me well.

will we be that fairy tale love? no i believe not. we are too far rare for such a cliche.

if you leave my heart will be an unrepairable mess. millions of pieces that could take a life time to sift through.

March 21st, 2005 @ 5:01am]
walking on eggshells

watching my words

crying on the inside

i do it everyday

feeling unpretty

feeling unloved

feeling used

i feel it everyday

constantly searching

always looking

having sneaking suspicions

i experience it everyday

why can't you?

i long for change...change of scenery. change of pace. change of structure.
i need something of substance. something real. some.type.of.love.

do you know what i long for? can you be this substance?

no signs yet
prove yourself
always known you, you've turned out to be a stranger


too much of not enough [Thursday
February 24th, 2005 @ 1:15am]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

so a while back i took a wrong turn to pick up my brother and on this road (yorkshire drive to be precise) i saw this sign for a house for sale. i always look for the little for sale signs out of curiosity and ya know...future references. anywho i looked up at this house and my mouth just dropped. it was absolutely gorgeous. i have never seen a house and fell in love with it like i did this one. i always wanna stop and look at it on the way to alexs. so tonight after i left his house i went to see it. it was dark but i still looked up at it as much as i could while i drove past. i would love to just go in a look at it. i even called about it to see how much it was. big mistake...it got me disappointed about it cause i know i'll never be able to have it. the "asking" price was -be prepared- if i remember correctly $264,000. is that not unbelievable? i mean it could be worse, the house is definitely worth it but i'll prolly never see that much money in my lifetime. i could always take out a loan yes but if i dont get a good job its not gonna happen. it would be wonderful to live there but i really dotn see it happening. i guess i dont need a house like that but i really love it. i guess its too much room for me and alex anyways. we would really just need something small i suppose. i'll be happy either way. i just hope a good family gets that house. not some prissy snobby ass family who thinks their better than everyone else. hell, if i had that house i'd prolly be the same way haha. its just that no one in my family has ever had a house as pretty as that one. i wanna be better than them in so many ways. i want them to know i'm better than them too. i need to concentrate on what i wanna do with my life. i have no idea what i wanna be anymore and thats scary. anyways yes random post i'm done now. damn when i DO post, its always so long!


random [Thursday
February 17th, 2005 @ 11:13am]
[ mood | refreshed ]

man i love how listerine freshens your breath and what not but it fucking stings like hell.

by "kills germs that cause bad breath", they're really saying...

"burns the first layer of skin out of your mouth so no germs or anything for that matter will ever be able to live there again"


February 15th, 2005 @ 11:39am]
[ mood | giddy ]

*sigh* what a wonderful valentines day. the first part of the day was a bit hectic since i had to study for a big math exam that i had to take later that day. AND i had to rush around and find a shirt to wear later that night. i also went to walmart and bought all kinds of stuff to make myself a bit more decent looking. after class was over and done with i rushed home to get ready. i never brag about myself but i have to say that i looked cute. i bought the cutest little brown shoes to go with my skirt. they already have marks and mud on them lol. anywho, i got to alexs about 6:30. he was already downstairs when i walked in the door and as soon as he saw me, he got a huge grin on his face. that made me feel good. so i walked up to him and there on the table was the prettiest pink roses i've ever seen. i've never gotten pink ones before and i absolutely love them. he also got me this cute little bear that we named bethany and a big box of really good chocolates. i got him a build a bear and some of his favorite candy. he LOVED his bear. he thought it was adorable. those bears there aren't cheap either lol. but i didn't mind. he deserves it. we left his house around 7 cause we had to make it to pf changs by 8:30. we got there right on time but still had to wait a bit for a table. so after 30 minutes of waiting (which didn't seem that long) we went to our table. see, i had requested a booth but didn't think we'd get one. well we did and it was soo adorable. it was kinda like a horseshoe shaped booth and at first we both sat facing each other but all too soon we had scooted next to each other lol. for an appetizer we had the steamed shrimp dumplings that were absolutely amazing. god they were so good. then i ordered the singapore street noodles and he ordered the crispy honey chicken. we both shared each others food tho. it was so sweet cause i made his plate for him cause i'm the less messier of the two but i thought it was cute cause i felt like we were married, like i was taking care of him. after we ate we got our fortune cookies. i read mine silently, waiting on him to say his. i looked over and read his and we had the exact same fortune. what are the odds?? i didn't really like what the fortune had to say ("you will be joined with an odd forgotten friend") but it was cool that we had gotten the same one. i told him "your old forgotten friend better not be a girl!" haha. on the way home we listened to oasis, and just talked and laughed together. his mom took pictures of us so when i get those developed i'll post asap. so all in all a wonderful valentines day. i dont think i could get much happier. i love you alex!


February 10th, 2005 @ 1:32pm]
[ mood | awake ]

gosh i haven't updated in forever it seems like. its snowing here and im really hoping that classes get cancelled for tonight. i have sociology tonight, and even tho its my favorite class i still dont wanna go. i'm soooo excited about valentines day. i'm going to knoxville tomorrow with ashley to get alexs and possibly jacks present. i really hope he likes it. its so hard to buy for guys on v-day cause you dont wanna get them stuff thats gonna make them feel like less of a man lol. i get my financial aid on the 18th so i'm gonna buy him some stuff with that money too so maybe if i mess up on this present, i'll make up for it with the other stuff. i just called and made reservations for us to go out and eat. i made them at p.f. changs at 8:30 :). that place is really really good. i kinda feel like i dont fit in there cause its sorta a fancy place. well fancier than what i'm used to. i tried to make reservations at the olive garden but they dont take them and i know if we go there we'll be waiting for like an hour cause i've done it before. i asked for a booth preferrably but i doubt i'll get one. what sucks is that even with reservations, you have to wait a little bit anyways. oh well...it'll give us time to talk i suppose. me and al have been so good lately. we have little bitty fights but nothing thats not over in 5 minutes. whats wonderful is that we've never had a huge big -not talk to each other for days- fight. i dont think we will either. we work things out really well. or its mostly i get mad at him and he sweet talks me a little bit and i'm right back to normal lol. for as long as i've known him i've never been able to stay mad at him for very long. anyways tho, i could go on and on about him but i know you girls would get bored so i wont.

i miss you all bunches and can't wait to see you all. anyone coming in for spring break?? we should do something maybe. ohs wells i love you guys!


January 14th, 2005 @ 11:30am]
Napoleon Dyanamite
(Please rate my quiz)

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*sssiiiiggghhhh* god i love that movie. now comes the quotes:
"how much you wanna make a bet i can throw a football over them mountains?"
"i caught you a delicious bass"
i felt hot, so i drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing"

that is all for now...

January 12th, 2005 @ 2:02am]

oops missed oneCollapse )

January 12th, 2005 @ 12:35am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

pics hereCollapse )


December 31st, 2004 @ 5:45am]
[ mood | tired ]

so i'm sitting here at 5:30 in the morning with a face mask on. its one of those ones you peel off. i found it going through some stuff and decided to do it. i really tried going to sleep but then i started thinking about all the things i wanna do tomorrow. if all goes as planned i'm gonna have a very very good and romantic new years. thats what got me thinking...i was laying there thinking "oh man i gotta look good, i need to bring this, i should go and buy something nice to wear" so i got up and decided to pack a few things to bring along with me. as of now i have: my aromatherapy relaxing tealight candles that amanda got me for christmas and my love spell spray and body lotion in the cute little tote that alice got me. i'm sure the bag will be full tomorrow. i need to go over there early and straighten up the place a bit. gosh i'm excited for some reason. i hope i'm not setting myself up for a letdown lol. we just need some good alone time and this opportunity couldn't have come at a better time. so anyways yeah i got up and gave myself a small pedicure and painted my nails. i haven't painted my toenails in so long. they really needed that pretty shade of sparkley pink that i wore back in the summer. yes its winter but who cares.

this mask is starting to tighten up. my face is freakin freezing in the places where its still wet. i'm liable to get damn frost bite haha.

anyways you all know how i've been writing lately how i've been letting myself get down over stupid things in my relationship. well, tonight fixed all that. i know little things are gonna pop up here and there but tonight definitely made me feel better. me and al went and got some chinese and went back to his place to watch napoleon dynamite. after we ate we opened our fortune cookies. i can't really remember what his said but i remember mine cause i kept it. i always keep the good ones and this was a good one. when i read it, for some reason it made me feel a lot better about things. i know that sounds stupid but it did. ok heres what it said: "keep in mind your most cherished dreams of the future". that really put a smile on my face when i read it. i remembered back when i would write about me and alexs future, how i knew he was the one. i've lost sight of that lately and i'm not exactly sure why. i need to stop worrying so much about every little thing said or done and really learn to appreciate the wonderful relationship i have with alex. so what if we bicker sometimes, we get over it very quickly and its usually over stupid crap. i love him more than anything and like my fortune said, i need to keep in mind all the amazing things that i know are gonna happen for me and him. the future is uncertain, yes, but as long as we work to keep things alive theres no telling what might happen.

i love you alex
i always have and always will..never forget that


December 30th, 2004 @ 12:07am]
[ mood | lazy ]

here recently i've been feeling kinda down about us. last night and today was just what i needed. i feel much better about everything. theres something romantic and touching about sharing a bed with another person that you really care for. and no i dont mean sharing a bed in just that way. i mean just laying there...talking, cuddling, looking at each other that way. its really special and its those times i look back on to make me smile. serious long-term relationships require work and commitment and thats what i plan on doing. just cause i get down about things sometimes is no reason to consider throwing this all away. not that i ever would but its just sometimes i feel like he just wants to be single to come and go as he pleases. i'm sure all girlfriends feel that way at one point or another. and its normal for things to get a bit rocky from time to time but its the fact that you can communicate and talk things through that really matters. i dunno why i'm writing about all of this. i just need to get things out that i'm thinking about once in awhile. me and al have always been so close and to finally have a relationship with him is a good feeling. i've worked so hard to get to this point and i want everything to work out. in the past whenever i whined or something i always got my way. i was spoiled. but alex doesn't take my whiney crap and i'm happy that he doesn't when i really think about it. i shouldn't act the way i do sometimes. i take things too seriously and i blow things out of proportion a lot. i'm not taking the blame for everything tho. we share the blame in all the bickering we do.ugh ok i'm gonna stop ranting. i can't get the things i'm thinking out like i want to. i know we'll work things out tho. we know how much we really love each other


December 26th, 2004 @ 9:10pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

about this time while i was in high school i'd be starting to look for -the- perfect prom dress. i know i'm gonna miss that whole process this year. i'd love to go to just one more. my senior prom wasn't everything that i wanted it to be, my hair wasn't just right and i didn't go with the person that i really truely wanted to go with. the whole routine for looking for a dress was soooo stressful but you girls know how it felt to find the one. that one dress that made you smile and happy just by looking at it. that one dress that (with a few alterations here and there) seemed to be made just for you. i miss getting all dolled up, getting my hair and makeup done, plotting against other girls to get a dress before they did and to get that last appointment at the best salon in town. haha its funny now that i think about it. the way we used to find out what dresses other girls we're getting in those friggin dress books that were floating around the entire school and talk about how ugly or revealing they were. gosh we looked through those books soooo many times. during the months of january-april (prom season lol) we must have looked through those books at least 30 or 40 times. thats not counting the number of times we looked online for dresses. we printed those dresses out and showed everyone so they would make sure to tell everyone else "thats beckys dress" "thats the one megans getting". no one wanted to have the same dress and we would have freaked out if they did. we also drived hours sometimes just to go to a big prom dress store cause god knows this town doesn't have much. all 3 proms i went to plus the snow ball i spent over $1650 on dresses, jewelry, hair and makeup and shoes. lordy thats a lot when you think about it. lol silly girl stuff. we're friggin expensive. i've always wanted a girl but if i have to shovel out that kinda moolah i'm starting to wish for a boy. holy crapola i just realized how long this was haha ok ok i'm going now, just thinking back on good times. i miss those times a lot


December 25th, 2004 @ 1:56am]
[ mood | enthralled ]

ok its official, i have the most awesomest boyfriend ever. he got me the BEST presents. ok this is what he got me: the secret life of bees-a book i've been wanting for like forever now, the prettiest little locket with a real 4 leaf clover on it (ash has seen it she knows how pretty it is), a new 2005 audrey hepburn calender cause he knows i love her and my 2004 one of her was, well...almost over lol, and this is the biggest one..he bought me a brand new DVD player. before he bought all this he didn't know what to get me so he was just gonna get me a dvd then he realized i didn't have a dvd player so he bought me one :). GOD i love him so much, he's so wonderful. he was gonna buy me napoleon dynamite but he wanted me to watch it first to see if i would like it. how thoughtful he is. these are the best presents that i have ever gotten from a boyfriend. (maybe even ever lol) they were all so thoughtful and they were things that i really wanted. amanda bought me some stuff from bath and body works that i've been needing and his mom and dad bought me a gift card for goodys and a really cute matching tote set that i could use. i really hate opening presents in front of people but i got through it and i did fine haha. i mean i really really hate it, like i wont even open up stuff in front of my own family. but i'm over it now no big deal. i gotta go to moms in the morning and then to the mamaw napiers later on. i was gonna go to mamaw parks with al but i dunno if i'll have time with me running every where but i'm gonna try to. but i'm gonna go back to als house tomorrow and give emily her stuff. anyways yes a very good christmas so far. i can't get over alexs presents. i mean it might not sound like a big deal to you but a dvd player is a pretty nice gift to get. i told him that it was a pretty serious gift and that we'll have it in our house someday and he said "yeah thats why i bought it, i figured we'd share it someday" or something like that. but really sweet none the less. ohs well i'm gonna go watch some tv and rest i've had a long day. a great long day tho. *sigh* gosh i'm happy.

i love you boyfriend!


christmas break is wonderful [Wednesday
December 22nd, 2004 @ 1:44am]
[ mood | mellow ]

so i got my grades back here recently and i'm pretty happy with them. no i dont go to a big hard college and i dont take any honors classes but i'm still proud of myself. i made 2 As a B and a C. that C pisses me off. it was in my computer class. god i hated that class. mostly everyone else failed so i guess i shouldn't be complaining. i had to pass it with a C because of some reason i cant think of so i'm just glad i passed. i had to have a 2.75 GPA to keep my scholarship and i have a 3.0 as of now. this semester was way easy tho and i know it'll get harder so i better work harder as well. anyways, yeah alex knows all of his friggin christmas presents which sucks. i just got him what he wanted so he already knew what i was getting him anyways. i bought it right there in front of him. god i'm retarded. i'm trying my best to get him something he doesn't know about and if i can pull off this present he will LOVE it. he wants this thing so bad and he wont be expecting me to get it for him cause its so expensive. i'm trying to save as much as i can but its hard. AND i feel awful because i haven't gotten my mom or dad anything yet and i've already gotten alice and mike something. i got emily something too. nothing big but i know she'll like it. me and her are always coloring up at alexs so i bought her a bunch of new crayons with a built in sharpener cause me and her are always complaining about the crayons being dull lol. and i bought her a few new coloring books as well. i dont remember those little bastards costing so much when i was the age. they were like $5 a piece. yes yes i know i'm cheap and $5 doesn't seem like much but it is when you dont have a job and your short on money. aaannnyways yes ok long entry, i'm gonna go now and possibly get in the bed. nitey nite!

*love you butter cup*


[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]