i can hear the sounds of a bed shaking against the wall to my right. i think my neighbors are doing something naughty.
one year of college is already over.
what am i going to do after?
how am i going to be living?
reality hits me everyday and i don't do a damn thing about it. i just let it pass by.
i think nothing of it but one day i'm going to be looking around and wondering... where did all the time go?
i've been reading my earlier posts.
it blows my mind.
i use to be so angry at the world and everyone.
i even looked over the one post i have on xanga. it went a little like this:
"Thursday, June 17, 2004
My self-confidence lowers each day. I can never hold my head high without weakening back to a slouch.
People try to reassure me and yet I still don't hear them. Those words do nothing for me. It is only words triggered by the self-consciousness portrayed through my composure.
If only I had more substance, I would not give into a world achieved by appearance. But I lack depth and profundity. I lack every sociable skill possible.
I look at myself everyday in the mirror sick of what I have to observe, seeing the same goddamn face. I want to be a shape-shifter, transforming into something different and unique everyday.
I look to the crowd and want to be everyone else except me. I want her style, her hair, her body, her legs, her face, her skin color-things that are just not a reality in me. I tell myself I've come to accept what I am, who I am, and what I look like but subconsciously I am feening to be someone else, not wanting my own skin and bones.
Sadly I even reject my own culture, ashamed of those who are meaninglessly unappreciative bastards. I should be able to be proud of my heritage, of what I've become. But the appreciation is obstructed by the majority. The majority who allow for the vulgar stereotypes to be prevalent, who are the reason for discrimination."
all the feelings and emotions put into these post. how fleeting they are.
i feel that i have matured after reading my earlier post.
wow GO ME! :D
let's goo olympics!!!