?

Log in

narbeleth [entries|friends|calendar]
a hurricane is spinnin through the a i r

posts    archives    friends    info    my scifi lullaby
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Aug 8th, 2005 (05:01PM)]
[ mood | energetic ]

the Bus Lesbian: hey
the Bus Lesbian: GUESS WHAT.
VestigeDotOrg: ?
the Bus Lesbian: I HAVE A CANADIAN DOLLAR
the Bus Lesbian: therefore
VestigeDotOrg: cool. i have 50 of them
the Bus Lesbian: due to the horrible economic status of your country, i WILL BUY YOU AS MY SLAVE WITH THIS DOLLAR.
the Bus Lesbian: AND THEN BUY THE CANADIAN PLAYBOY MANSION.
the Bus Lesbian: AND AN ISLAND.
VestigeDotOrg: really. you know, our economy is actually doing quite well, and we artificially deflate the value of our currency because you won't trade with us otherwise, and the amount of trade we have with you is greater than the amount of trade between any two nations on earth
VestigeDotOrg: but good try
the Bus Lesbian: dammnit.
the Bus Lesbian: that was so "stewie griffin" of me
VestigeDotOrg: it was
VestigeDotOrg: which is good
the Bus Lesbian: :-D
VestigeDotOrg: because stewie is cool
the Bus Lesbian: ::hug::
VestigeDotOrg: :-)
the Bus Lesbian: i hope my kids turn out like stewie./
the Bus Lesbian: if i marry a chick, CAN I HAVE SOME SPERM FOR BABIES.
the Bus Lesbian: ?
VestigeDotOrg: we'll see
VestigeDotOrg: depends how you want it delivered
the Bus Lesbian: paper cup will be FINE.
VestigeDotOrg: we'll see

3show me love.

my schedule. [Aug 4th, 2005 (06:43PM)]
[ mood | happy ]

1-french II
2-german II
3-american history Hon
4-english IV hon
5-zoology
6-senior priv.
7-AP psych

online:

-algebra II hon
-FLD (fitness lifestyle design)


if we have any classes together, feel free to comment.

show me love.

[Aug 2nd, 2005 (09:58PM)]
[ mood | cheerful ]

the Bus Lesbian: today a black guy called my cell
the Bus Lesbian: he was like "yo, you gots maryjane thurr? i'ma lookin fer hurr ass."
the Bus Lesbian: i was like uh i think you got the wrong number.
the Bus Lesbian: and hes like "uhhh.... you gots ashley?"
the Bus Lesbian: me: no.
fro just died: hah
the Bus Lesbian: him: "o-hoh, girl, you'd best ax your momma if ashley in da house."
the Bus Lesbian: me: THERE IS NO ASHLEY NOR MARYJANE. IM SORRY.
the Bus Lesbian: me: AND WHY WOULD I "AX" MY MOMMA? THIS IS MY PERSONAL CELL PHONE.
the Bus Lesbian: him: oh, dis yo say-lle phone? oh, my bad.
fro just died: haha wtf
fro just died: brb
the Bus Lesbian: him: i sorry gurrl.

9show me love.

[Jul 31st, 2005 (11:42PM)]
[ mood | cheerful ]

the Bus Lesbian: and im bored
Jesufication: well, don't play with yourself
Jesufication: you'll go blind
the Bus Lesbian: haha
the Bus Lesbian: thats RIGHT.
the Bus Lesbian: my pastor told me that/
the Bus Lesbian: he pulled me aside
the Bus Lesbian: and said
the Bus Lesbian: emilie i am concerned about you
Jesufication: did he really?
the Bus Lesbian: some of the girls have mentioned that you may have been experimenting with masturbation.
the Bus Lesbian: (this was like 3 yrs ago)
Jesufication: ROTFLMAO
Jesufication: ROFLCOPTER
the Bus Lesbian: and then hes like
Jesufication: LOLLERSKATES
the Bus Lesbian: is there anything you would like to talk about?
the Bus Lesbian: are you having any impure thoughts?
the Bus Lesbian: remember emilie, don't blame it on your body
the Bus Lesbian: blame it on your filthy mind.
the Bus Lesbian: and satan corrupting you.
Jesufication: you should have been like "LAtely...I've been wanting your cock in my ass."
the Bus Lesbian: hahaha

2show me love.

[Jul 25th, 2005 (10:47AM)]
[ mood | busy ]

i want you to know that.

things are going to change.

you'll see.

2show me love.

[Jul 23rd, 2005 (04:42AM)]
[ mood | at rest? ]

wow.

you know what?

wow.

things are coming together now. i feel more at peace with myself. i have some confidence. i've sorted things out. i've mapped out the problems. i've found the solutions. i've made a big decision. and it's time to be selfish once more.

i can fucking do this.

and it'll be the time of my life.

bring it on, bitches. HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAH.

show me love.

[Jun 29th, 2005 (03:14PM)]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

11show me love.

[my kitten!!!] [Jun 27th, 2005 (01:01PM)]
[ mood | awake ]

kitty update!!Collapse )

7show me love.

fotografieren. [Jun 27th, 2005 (03:26AM)]
[ mood | accomplished ]


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
2show me love.

[Jun 11th, 2005 (07:16PM)]
[ mood | bored ]

this is a busy weekend. i've been studying for my permit and forcing myself to read the rest of the Crucible (eghhh). today i packed for lauren's. yes, i'm going there for next week. every summer i'm supposed to spend two weeks with my dad. my mom refuses to let me stay home. she's so stupid: no, it's illegal. no, you'll burn the house down. no, your dad will find out. no, i don't trust you, you'll throw a party and have guys over and have sex. you'll use my BRAND NEW OVEN OMG ITS STAINLESS STEEL AND GLASS DONT YOU DARE SET YOUR DRINK OF WATER ON TOP OF IT GODDAMMNIT EMILIE YOU'LL SCRATCH IT! EMILIE I TOLD YOU TO ASK FOR PERMISSION BEFORE USING THE MICROWAVE. wtf. but lauren's awesome so im not complaining. and the last time i spent a week with her i had a blast. she said tonight her boss is giving me a call to hire me to work at chikfila- eeee!! this is awesome, i never thought i'd get to work with my best friend. also, this might mean i can stay the week after and not have to see my dad AT ALL. which would totally rock.

my back is killing me. i hate this chair. i wish i didn't confine myself to it for so many hours each day. i still have packing to do. i leave monday. i can't pack my toiletries and all my clothes, yet, because i'll need them this weekend. nor my phone charger or schoolbooks. sigh. i started writing chapter seven. it's lame but i will revise it, of course. i'm very hungry. but i want potatoes. i wonder if my mom will let me put some in even though we're having leftovers. since we got our oven shes been very anal about using it: she says only if there are three or more potatoes going in it. i TOLD her not to fucking toss the old shittay toaster oven.

hmm what else have i been up to? my room is inching closer to being done. tomorrow my mom is getting paint cards so i can pick the trim and wall colors. yay! i hung out with kevin this week. we ate ice cream, watched prisoner of azkaban and made funny little british and salad finger voices and made fun of every line and character in the movie, hahaha, and played video games. we were going to swim but it was fucking cold in the pool.

i'm very excited about my job. it's about fucking time. i mean i applied to numerous places two weeks ago. yeah. this would is gonna rock. hehe.

show me love.

[Apr 8th, 2005 (01:07PM)]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

2show me love.

[Mar 21st, 2005 (12:54AM)]
[ mood | creative ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

show me love.

[Mar 12th, 2005 (12:32AM)]
[ mood | bouncy ]

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (name of first pet + street you live on): Nikki Sugarcane

wow...............

comment and tell me your names....

ok, i dont live on sugarcane lane anymore.... but i DID and its cooler than fucking 140th Ave N... right??

1show me love.

[Feb 27th, 2005 (08:33PM)]
[ mood | touched ]

wanted, wanted: dolores haze
hair: brown. lips: scarlet
age: five thousand three hundred days
profession: none, or "starlet"

where are you hiding, dolores haze?
why are you hiding, darling?
(i talk in a maze, i walk in a maze,
i cannot get out, said the starling)

where are you riding, dolores haze?
what make is your magic capret?
is a cream cougar the present craze?
and where are you parked, my car pet?

who is your hero, dolores haze?
still one of those blue-caped star-men?
oh the balmy days and the palmy bays,
and the cars and the bars, my carmen!

oh dolores, that juke box hurts!
are you still dancin, darlin?
(both in worn levis, both in torn t-shirts,
and i, in my corner, a snarlin)

happy, happy, is gnarled mcfate
touring the states with a child wife,
plowing his molly in every state
among the protected wildlife

my dolly, my folly! her eyes were vair,
and never closed when i kissed her
know an old perfume called soliel vert?
are you from paris, mister?

l'autre soir un air froid d'opera m'alita:
Son fele bien fol est qui s'y fie!
il neige, le decor s'ecroule, lolita!
lolita, qu'ai-je fait de ta vie?


dying, dying, lolita haze,
of hate and remorse, i'm dying
and again my hairy fist i raise,
and again i hear you crying

officer, officer, there they go--
in the rain, where that lighted store is!
and her socks are white, and i love her so,
and her name is haze, dolores

officer, officer, there they are--
dolores haze and her lover!
whip out your gun and follow that car
now tumble out, and take cover

wanted, wanted: dolores haze
her dream-gray gaze never flinches
ninety pounds is all she weighs
with a height of sixty inches

my car is limping, dolores haze,
and the last lap is the hardest,
and i shall be dumped where the weed decays,
and the rest is rust and stardust.

1show me love.

[Feb 20th, 2005 (06:56PM)]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Well I was lost in conversation
When he called you were sick and blue
All that I could do
Is make your fears come true

You see I’m sick and tired of masturbation
Sick and tired of all this yucky blue
All that I can do is make your fears come true

Then multiply
Multiply
Tears will multiply

Well I was lost in contemplation
When he called you could not get through
And all that doll could do
Is make your fears come true

You see I’m sick and tired of our confrontations
Sick and tired, you stick to me like glue
All that I could do
Is make your fears come true

Then multiply
Multiply
Tears will multiply
Multiply

Your love for me will die

show me love.

helping out sarah again.... [Feb 15th, 2005 (11:16AM)]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Hey guys...

Pretty please - I would like 30 of you to go take this quiz and mention lj username girl_in_a_world... please. =) It only takes you a few minutes, and if i can get 30 of you to do it, then it looks like she could get an extra 10 bucks. Every penny counts for the unemployed girl.


talking_sock is doing a Survey about LJ usage, if you're interested in participating, there's a possibility of winning prizes.

You can take it here!!

1show me love.

HAHHAhaHAHAHAHAHhaHA. a late valentines day card for all of you.... [Feb 15th, 2005 (07:29AM)]
[ mood | ecstatic ]



hp_hardcore presents Hardcore Valentines! Click here to get your own!

i really should be doing schoolwork. . .

3show me love.

oh goodness, my journal is turning into a billboard... [Feb 9th, 2005 (03:21PM)]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Absolutely dirt cheap web hosting

Well, even if it's too good to be true, I'm not losing a whole lot of
money.

Two years of hosting at $4.36 a month. (Enter promotion code 777
or it'll be $7 a month.)
91-day money back guarantee
24 hr. e-mail
technical support
2400MB storage (holy shit!)
120GB monthly
bandwidth
600 POP/IMAP e-mail accounts
Unlimited mailing lists
ONE free
domain registration, free for as long as you host there
THREE full domains
hosted, 15 subdomains
PHP, MySQL, shell access, crontab, CGI

There's a lot more you get, and there's more info HERE and if you sign up via this link, girl_in_a_world gets money. She needs it because she's out of work.

1show me love.

[Jan 18th, 2005 (05:08PM)]
[ mood | bored ]


The Great LiveJournal
Outage of 2005


During the outage I searched for a lot of porn. A LOT of porn.


What did you do?


Brought to you by geek-foo


show me love.

just spreading chain mail cheer. ^.^ mwhehehehehehehehehe [Jan 17th, 2005 (07:05PM)]

That's right, this Thursday, we need everybody to scrape by without spending one single penny all day. This is a huge movement around the US to strike a huge blow to corporate America on the day of Bush's inauguration.
Do whatever you might the day before to prepare, but please don't spend a dime on January 20th. Imagine if the worst day for the American economy in decades happened on the same day that Bush spends $40 million to throw himself an inauguration party. It could send a huge message and grab headlines around the entire world. Band together to send the strongest message possible, the message of the almighty dollar!

If ya need something, buy it in advance.
1show me love.

[Jan 9th, 2005 (05:17PM)]
heeeey, czarina_x....


i sooo stole your icon picture by taking this of me. haha.




yeeeaaah. mmhmm.
2show me love.

whatever i feel like doing, GOD. [Jan 8th, 2005 (03:51PM)]
[ mood | bored ]

Napoleon
Napoleon Dyanamite
(Please rate my quiz)


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

yeheees.

i seriously fucking love that suit. i want a boyfriend who will wear one like it.

3show me love.

[Dec 29th, 2004 (03:41PM)]
i'm really bored and lazy right now.

this morning i woke up to lauren's cellphone alarm clock. then i lounged around and eventually made waffles for everyone =). kaili, lauren, and i went to the mall. i spent every cent of my cash and my burdines gift card. i bought awesome MAC makeup, a really incredible dark yellow tank top with brown lace on it, a funky belt, brown courdoroy jeans, and a david bowie dvd set! yay.

and i got my christmas present from lauren: a wooden statue of the angel that watches over bhudda. very cool. resembles the awesomley awesome egyptian love goddess statue i bought over the summer. in fact, both are on my beside table.

haha, whenever i use the words "bedside table" i think about that "just died in your arms tonight" song.


"i, i just died in your arms tonight
musta been something you said
i just died in your arms tonight
i keep looking for something i cant get
broken hearts are all around me
and i dont see an easy way to get out of this
your diary sits on the </b>bedside table</b>. . . . "
show me love.

[Dec 21st, 2004 (02:25PM)]
i flicked on the tv. there was a commercial. LONLEY? DEPRESSED? CHEER UP. PHONE ONE OF OUR BEAUTIFUL LADIES. THEY DESIRE TO SPEAK TO YOU. CHARGE IT TO YOUR MASTER OR VISA CARD. SPEAK TO KITTY OR FRANCI OR BIANCA. PHONE 800-435-8745.

they showed the girls. kitty looked the best. i took a hit of scotch and dialed the number.
"yeah?" it was a man's voice. sounded mean.
"kitty, please."
"you 21 or over?"
"over," i said.
"master or visa?"
"visa."
"gimme your number and expiration date. also, address, phone number, social security and your driver's license number."
"hey, how do i know you won't use this information for your own good? i mean, like, screwing me around? using this info for your own gain?"
"hey buddy, you want to talk to kitty?"
"i guess so. . . "
"we advertise on tv. we been in business for 2 years."
"all right, let me dig this stuff out of my wallet."
"buddy, if you don't want us, we don't want you."
"what's kitty going to talk to me about?"
"you'll like it."
"how do you know i'll like it?"
"hey, buddy. . ."
"all right, all right, wait a minute. . . "
i gave him the info. there was quite a pause while they cleared my credit. then i heard a voice.
"hi, baby, this is kitty!"
"hello, kitty, my name is nick."
"oooooh, your name is so sexy! i'm getting a little excited!!"
"nah, my name isn't sexy."
"oh, youre just being modest!"
"no, kitty, i'm not modest. . . "
"you know, i feel very close to you! i feel like i'm curled up in your lap, im looking up at you with my eyes. i have large blue eyes. you're leaning close, like you're about to kiss me!"
"that's crap, kitty. i'm sitting here alone sucking on a scotch and listening to the rain."
"listen, nick, you'll have to use your imagination just a little. let go and you'll be surprised what we can do together. dont you like my voice? dont you find it a little, ah, sexy?"
"yeah, a little but not too much. you sound like you got a cold. you got a cold?"
"nick, nick, my dear boy, im too hot to have a cold!!"
"what?"
"i said im too hot to have a cold!"
"well, you sound like you've got a cold. maybe you smoke too many cigarettes."
"i only smoke one thing, nick!"
"whats that, kitty?"
"can't you guess?"
"nah. . . "
"look down at yourself, nick."
"ok."
"what do you see?"
"drink. telephone. . . "
"what else, nicky?"
"my shoes. . . "
"nick, whats that big thing sticking out there as you talk to me?"
"oh, that! that's my gut!"
"keep talking to me, nick. keep listening to my voice, think of me there in your lap, my dress slipped up a bit, my knees and thighs showing. i have long blonde hair. it showers over me. think of all that, nick, think of it. . . "
"all right. . . "
"ok, so now what do you see?"
"same things: telephone, my shoes, my drink, my gut. . . "
"nick, you're bad! i've got a good mind to come over there and spank you! or maybe i'll let you spank me!"
"what?"
"spanky, spanky, nick!"
"kitty. . . "
"yes?"
"will you pardon me for a minute? i have to go to the bathroom."
"oh, nick, i know what you're going to do! but you don't have to go in the bathroom to do it, you can do it right over the phone while you're talking to me!"
"no, i cant, kitty. i gotta take a piss."
"nick," she said, "you can consider our conversation over!"
she hung up.
i went to the bathroom and urinated. as i did, i could still hear the rain going.
2show me love.

[Nov 6th, 2004 (05:34PM)]
i want tgi friday's BBQ bchicken wings.

i want everyone to comment and rap freestyle about mashed potatoes.

xnarbelethx: rap.
PeachLikePrince: Sucks.
xnarbelethx: no!
xnarbelethx: \im commanding you to rap.
xnarbelethx: about...
xnarbelethx: mashed potatoes.
xnarbelethx: do it now.
PeachLikePrince: Mashed potatoes are kinda yummy
You bulid castles in their mush
And put it in your tummy
If you like potatoes, don't go far
Because when they're mashed
They're a superstar
xnarbelethx: WOW/
xnarbelethx: that was Awersome.
xnarbelethx: thank you.
xnarbelethx: thank you!!
PeachLikePrince: No problem.
xnarbelethx: i must publish that via lj

see if it can be better than that.
2show me love.

[Oct 2nd, 2004 (08:09PM)]
[ mood | loved ]

GlennDanzigsSoul (7:54:58 PM): eat to your hearts content
xnarbelethx (7:55:10 PM): i shall when food is done cooking
xnarbelethx (7:55:14 PM): then i will begin the fooding
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:56:07 PM): *gothic chanting* and god said unto emilie "eat child...eat"
xnarbelethx (7:56:18 PM): hahahah
xnarbelethx (7:56:22 PM): i was formerly
xnarbelethx (7:56:23 PM): eve but i ate too many of the forbidden fruit
xnarbelethx (7:56:36 PM): and i was banished
xnarbelethx (7:56:38 PM): and changed my name
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:56:39 PM): heh
xnarbelethx (7:56:46 PM): and made clothes
xnarbelethx (7:56:48 PM): from leaves
xnarbelethx (7:56:55 PM): and wore this little sexy loincloth thong
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:57:15 PM): nice
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:57:21 PM): was it made from poison ivy?
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:57:26 PM): cuz if it was...ouch
xnarbelethx (7:57:27 PM): no,
xnarbelethx (7:57:29 PM): boston ivy
xnarbelethx (7:57:33 PM): or english ivy
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:57:36 PM): which reminds me
xnarbelethx (7:57:47 PM): and sometimes raccoon carcass
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:57:51 PM): im gonna put poison ivy in someone's underwear one of these days
xnarbelethx (7:58:21 PM): thats not nice
xnarbelethx (7:58:24 PM): make it my sister's/
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:58:50 PM): done deal
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:58:58 PM): BETTER IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!
xnarbelethx (7:59:01 PM): oh?
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:59:06 PM): idk how'd it work thou
xnarbelethx (7:59:08 PM): sean ridge's tight pants?
xnarbelethx (7:59:10 PM): lol
GlennDanzigsSoul (7:59:35 PM): but...rub poison ivy on a girl's pad, or some emo-guy's whitey tighteys
xnarbelethx (7:59:42 PM): haha
xnarbelethx (7:59:45 PM): or his tape
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:00:19 PM): lmfao
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:00:33 PM): oh how these thoughts of destruction torment my brain
xnarbelethx (8:00:38 PM): the tape he tapes his dick to his thigh with
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:00:55 PM): ouchies
xnarbelethx (8:01:09 PM): so he can fit in those pants
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:01:11 PM): wait...if it went to his thigh...wouldn't he rip off leg hair when he pulls it off
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:01:17 PM): ouchie ouchie
xnarbelethx (8:01:17 PM): he shaves a patch there
xnarbelethx (8:01:20 PM): well, they all do
xnarbelethx (8:01:24 PM): but the emo guy would
xnarbelethx (8:02:26 PM): soooo.
xnarbelethx (8:02:32 PM): enough thigh hair penis tape talking
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:02:49 PM): i wonder if they oil their legs to get into the tight pants
xnarbelethx (8:03:30 PM): hahaha
xnarbelethx (8:04:09 PM): i wonder if they have tight condoms too
xnarbelethx (8:04:11 PM): AHAHAH
xnarbelethx (8:04:17 PM): with emo lyrics and checkerboards printed on them
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:04:31 PM): LMFAO!!!
xnarbelethx (8:04:53 PM): little checkerboard stars
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:04:53 PM): dashboard confessional, extra tight, signature condoms
xnarbelethx (8:04:56 PM): hahaha
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:05:01 PM): that say
xnarbelethx (8:05:23 PM): emotional for her pleasure?
xnarbelethx (8:05:28 PM): depressed for her pleasure?
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:05:30 PM): "love is eternal when staring down the face of god" or some really cheesy emo lyric thats supposed to look deep
xnarbelethx (8:06:00 PM): NEW from TROJAN: THE TASTE OF A BLEEDING HEART FLAVORED CONDOM
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:06:15 PM): hahahaha
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:06:49 PM): from the makers of "the taste of a bleeding heart" comes "suicide notes in a pool of crimson eternity"
xnarbelethx (8:07:56 PM): BUT WAIT! order now and we'll include free, a THIRTY DOLLAR VALUE: self mutilation condom
xnarbelethx (8:08:14 PM): includes blood packet and calligraphy pen! draw your own scars
xnarbelethx (8:08:21 PM): carve her name into your dick!
GlennDanzigsSoul (8:10:25 PM): but wait...theres even more!!! with the calligraphy pen comes this amazing razor blade. now you can be emo to the bone.

4show me love.

sleepova [Jun 8th, 2004 (05:59PM)]
[ mood | creative ]


ew, i look like michael jackson here. nonetheless, i am showing my kitty how much i love her.

lauren tried to be gangsta with my sister's bandanna. this could make. . . for interesting blackmail.

i drew a little something i felt the guy in the manga "how to draw couples" book was missing. i think it made him happy :D
3show me love.

surprise! [May 11th, 2004 (06:58PM)]
shut up if you've already heard em. some of you havent, and that's why i'm posting these. oh, and comments would be nice. for a change.

evergreen-eyed, look at me
i'm no longer whispering
what i once would whimper in shame
i've tried screaming it, nothing works
listen with those evergreen eyes

evergreen-eyed, my words travel with the wind
don't you feel them, breathe them in?
i utter, choke them out for you alone
taste the air in front of you
it cut my heart with broken glass
so you could taste the wind

evergreen-eyed, i'm searching
fingers pry the space between for more
groping, blindly, for one thing only
i stagger towards your light alone

evergreen-eyed, i'm resting
in the shade of your evergreen branches
i've carved my name into your trunk
forever i'd rest in your arms

evergreen-eyed, turn around
trees aren't supposed to run
you can't deny my love for you
like you can't deny the sparkle
in your evergreen eyes
©2003 emilie n. muscarella

i trusted our friendship enough
to allow you to see the real me
in return i sought a closer bond
but it looks like i scared you

and behind my back you say
that i'm freakishly unusual
appalling, weird, and sensual
and most of all, different

you didn't finish the first page
before you said, "she's one of them"
funny, because i could easily call you one of "those"
being that you're in a wheelchair

to answer your question, yes
i am one of them and
i can't apologize if it horrifies you
you sheltered, protected, untouched, disgusted one

scratch that, please
i refuse to apologize for being different
and thought once, that you
being quite unusual, would accept me
©2003 emilie n. muscarella

i had a flight of fancy
on one of the more emotional nights
you stood in a greying white room
almost wondering where i was
i was a ghost-like figure
circling you, screaming in your face
my limbs moved like a blurred photo
like in a mushy music video
my throat burned with exhaustion
as i shrieked and sobbed every last pain
every square inch of hurt you've ignited
i was right in your face and you couldn't see me.

three balloons lay popped
just bits of colored rubber
tied to ribbons on the floor
in the six corners of the greying white room
if the room had a door
i think i would've left
if only i could show you
how the balloons, six times three
that's eighteen, represented my dreams
the beautiful things i sought in you, in us
murdered by a silver needle
popped and left to disintegrate on the floor
was it stupid of me to make balloons for you?
do you have any for me?
©2003 emilie n. muscarella

the wettest i've ever gotten a pillow
was when i hugged mine and sobbed
was when i called compulsively every two minutes
to keep you to keep me alive
the most paranoia i've ever experienced
was rocking back and forth in a ball
fighting over if you hated me or lost signal
if i was crazy, or crazy for you
the most desperate i've ever felt
was when i carved those lines of red--for you
permenantly scarred myself to show
how much you hurt me, from the inside out
the biggest amount i've ever vomited
was on the night i cried til i couldn't anymore
the night you took out your phone battery
the night, more than ever, when i needed to talk
the most tormented i've ever been
was in the weeks i couldn't let go
when i couldn't force myself to go on
and pretended you pulled your weight
©2003 emilie n. muscarella
5show me love.

[Mar 21st, 2004 (06:17PM)]
[ mood | blah ]

dear daddy,

congratulations. you found the one thing i pour my heart into. i praise you for the strenuous task of googling me, but you can't go past this point, see, the journal's friends-only, and you are not my friend. you are the exact opposite.

dear fellow palm beach central students,

if this is the only actual journal entry you see, there's good reason behind why that is. so sorry you no longer have access to my most personal thoughts and daily events. i'm proud of you guys, too, for googling me or whatever you did to get the address for this. if you confront me i'd be more than happy to make you a livejournal friend of mine, but since you choose to anonymously view me, i guess i can't.

dear everyone else,

give me an IM and i'll befriend you if you interest me.


.art. my pride and joy.

-narbeleth

2show me love.

[Mar 13th, 2004 (04:22PM)]
disregard the ugly layout and colors!! i am currently tweaking the html in this journal as an attempt to make it incredibly cool!! i swear it'll look decent tonight.
1show me love.

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]