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moving on...

Dec. 28th, 2005 | 03:49 pm
mood: peacefulpeaceful
music: Where I End and You Begin - Radiohead

I wish so badly that there was a way to merge livejournals. I created this journal as a recovery tool when I found ed_recovery and didn't want to join on my main journal that friends read. That journal has always been relatively private, I only post friends-only, and I have a few non-real life friends that I have a filter for that I talk about things I keep separate from my real life. I've not been very good at juggling both journals though (this one and that one) and since creating this one I have used it heavily with basically nothing substantial in the other one, just pictures and occasional silliness.

But now I feel kind of ready to pick up the pieces of my "old life", my pre-eating disorder life that I nearly wrecked with all this. I feel like reconnecting with the things I abandoned in the downward slide of anorexia and then the painful struggle of recovery. I know livejournal is just some internet community and not a substitute for the real world, but it's an internet community I've been a part of for over 3 years. I feel like revamping my old journal (which I've already done) and making it more like this one, with more of an emphasis on personal exploration and who I'm becoming and have become is something I need to do, at least to symbolically represent the changes that are occurring or should be occurring in my real life.

The thing is, is that I don't at all want to leave all of this behind. All of you are so important to me and all of the communities I've become a part of and all of the things I've written are equally important and valuable to me. I would still like to be able to be friends and send mail and read what is going on in all of your lives. I feel like if I were to delete this journal and just bid adieu to all of the friends I've made here it would be a mistake. I can't just forget or ignore that all of this happened to me in "moving on", so I'd like to invite anyone who would like to to friend me on my new old journal 1800savetheday.

I'll probably put in a filter for friends from here that I will use if my recovery (which seems to be...complete?) is slipping and I need help. I think I still need the advice and comfort I can get from the kind and insightful words of so many of you, but I'd like to revert to a more inclusive format.

I'm not good at "coming out" type things to my friends or family, but this would be my quiet way of doing it. I'll join most of the communities I'm in here on that other journal and that will be my quiet way of admitting that I have/had problems. If anyone from my real life ever cares to discuss it, I finally feel pretty comfortable talking about it, I think.

So this is kind of my big internet rebirth I suppose. If it fails miserably I know I can always just come back and use this journal, but for now, goodbye _million_suns

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Aug. 27th, 2005 | 08:43 am

I made this friends-only. I would, however, really like some friends and support and whatnot so feel free to add me. :)

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