?

Log in

No account? Create an account

[icon] If you must...
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Stephs Pics).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries

Security:
Time:11:56 am
I do believe that I am going on hiatus from the internet and aim for a while. I need to do some cleansing. And the internet is not a builder of spirit. It tears me away from God. Instead of doing what I should be doing, I go on the computer and talk to friends and go on friends websites and it just becomes a very time consuming thing.

"Stephanie, what have you done with your life?"
"Well, God, I sat at the computer and did absolutely nothing productive!"


Yeah, thats not going to be me.
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:10:36 pm
I visited my grandmothers grave today, and I remembered that things wont always go my way. So in the interest of saving time, I'll let what is righteous conclude my rhyme...


Its strange how emotions can make you physically ill
comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:01:19 am
Current Mood:restlessrestless
Please dont make my decisions for me. I only answer to one, and that one is not you. I must come to my own realizations and my own conclusions about this life. I cant be living through my dad.

!!! Its like a bad episode of some family show. Where everyone faces the same situation in different circumstance in one episode.
Lately, everyone around me had been thinking that they are the reason for everyone elses existance. I am tired of being dictated to. Tired of being told I shouldnt do this or that for whatever reason. Maybe you are right, but let me find out on my own. I dont want to be the sheltered little girl who has none of her own experiences. Who makes decisions based on what other people tell her. I want to become a better and well rounded person in the end because of the decisions she made that furthered her. And the ones, too, that left her with scars. I will be better for having lived and felt pain and sufferred consequences. I want to understand and experience things for myself.

Now, dont take this as me being unrational. I am more rational than many and most. And my morals? They are still alive and thriving.... and growing for that matter. I understand that you may love me... but for goodness sake, let me spread my own wings and take flight. I may fall, but at least I will be able to say that I tried, failed and got right back up.

I am nearly 18 and I am going away to college in 2 months exactly from today. And I know how you feel. Sometimes, I dont want to have it iterated because I already know. And I cant always explain myself perfectly, but I am not wrong in most cases. And you are not always right. I may not have acquired all of the wisdom you have, but I have acquired much of my own that you might not posess.

Let me live out my life with no hindrances. I make the right choices, and sometimes, if I make the wrong ones? It happens, we learn and we move on, and we are stronger and obtain more wisdom for, on occasion, doing stupid, thoughtless things.

It all sounds cliche, but its all so honest.
comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:02:45 pm
I give up.
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Subject:I love you baby, and if its quite alright, I need you baby, to warm the lonely night
Time:08:24 pm
Current Mood:gloomytears

 

So I had to put him to sleep tonight. I have never felt so much sadness and pain in my life. I dont know how to stop crying. He had extensive cancer in his small intestine. The vet would have had to remove 90% of his twisted intestine, and he wouldnt have survived.

 

He was there to comfort me through all my obstacles these past three years. And that has been so much. I have gone through A LOT in these past three years and my baby was always there to make me feel better and stick his tongue out and make me laugh. He would honest to God lick my tears from my face when I cried. He made me feel better and reminded me that I was loved. Even if by only a cat, still loved. But now that I am moving out of state for college, he is moving on too. Thats a way to see it. God see's that I know longer need an angel to get my through tough times bc tough times are over. Some other little girl needs an angel of her own to comfort her. I really think he was an angel. He is an angel. I honestly dont know what I would have done if not for that cat to make me happy. And he got me through this very last obstacle right before he passed. There was one last hard thing, and my kitty was there for it. When I step back to look at everything, it is so evident and so perfect his time span in my life. My angel, he was. Pulled me through those hard times. I no longer have him to cuddle with, but I know it wasnt goodbye, only a "see ya later, baby".

 

RIP

 

comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:11:18 am

I love optimism. It keeps me going. Through people that lead on that they are trustworthy, but in the end never are. Brings me through the fear of things coming to an end. What is there to fear? End's are a new beginning.
God is my optimism. And I am so freaking full of love that I cannot stand it any longer! Come here so I can love you :)

 

LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE I LOVE U

 

And I really really really really really love my mini-muffin (my cat) who is having an exploratory done tonight to remove the mass and fluid from his abdomen. My poor poor little baby, but maybe now, I wont have to put him to sleep! Pray Pray Pray for him!

comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:09:18 pm

While I dont like to be negative and I hate to touch on problems, sometimes, even the optimistic ones must let go. Sometimes, I just need to cry, and sometimes, I just need to think about whats going on.

My world is crashing in on me. Many things I have stood for, I have gone against in these past few months, and I find myself asking "Who have I become?" We must, at some point, ask ourselves this question. Am I where I want to be in this life? Where exactly is it that I want to be?

And in my discernment, I should evaluate each option and its opportunity cost. And is that opportunity cost worth taking? Or can I give it up and still continue my life. Sometimes I hate to know the truth. Simply because I cannot stand to be disappointed. But I realize, that life is all about those disappointments. And those times where we rejoice in the circumstance we find ourselves in.

And those things I stood for and so blatantly went against, those very things, were in the eternal plan? Werent they? I believe so. I believe in fate and I believe that everything was before it had ever been. And everything is purposeful. And everything under the sun is numbered and has its season.

Looking back on those things that I have done, I see that now I have something to stand on. And God called on me this morning. It was like an epiphany, if you will. Now I can say what I had before, but with something to vie for. I have something to offer up when I relay advice. Something substantial. Because, now, I have been there. I have made mistakes, and I have learned. And yes, consequences are necessary. Without these, repetition occurs of the same old sins. Can't you see the divine plan? Input and an output. With everything.

 

And I love that cat. He may just be an animal to you. But he has been my friend when I had no other. Honestly. Always by my side, sleeping on my pillow, licking away my tears when I have cried. Biting my butt ever so gently when he is hungry. He has loved me through and I have loved him too. Its amazing how those who can't speak and can't understand can comfort and console us the best. Because they just listen. They offer no grievances, they are just there to bear witness to our imperfections and our idiosyncrasies and to never judge based on these. What better friend can a person have than a cat? And my baby has Feline Leukemia. And a tumor because of that. And my heart hasnt felt so heavy since I cant remember when. The treatments we cannot afford. So my little angel who has been so perfect and treated me with the utmost love and respect as no one else has, must be put to rest. I will have a part of my heart reserved for him always and of this I am serious. I love my cat.

 

comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:10:24 pm

Ball was great! My pics are on the very last page if this site

The rest of the site was part of my senior legacy.

I am tired of typing in this thing

blah

comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:10:13 pm
You only give me about 10%. I need more to work with. You go 50, I'll go 50. But we cant have 90-10.


But I am not worried about what tomorrow will bring. Tomorrow was already written. It cannot be changed, so there is no use fretting about it. Believing in fate and future and destiny makes life easier. God gives us a future. Just in this, our lives should be without worry. How can you not have a positive out look, or a sunny dispostion? How do I ever get angry? It just seems so ridiculous to me. Comfort in knowing that I am His child. Forever and always. His. All of you could stop loving me, and I would still be loved more immensely than one can fathom. I have eternity, that is my destiny. I am not afraid.
comments: Leave a comment Share

Security:
Time:10:52 pm
So, we all just want someone to care about us? Yeah, thats it. We all want love.
So I guess I can understand all of your plights in this life. And maybe not judge so harshly. Unless you are just a plain old crappy person. Because, I just want to be loved too. I think I just might be loved. Not sure, but its quite possible that somebody out there really loves me:) I can be happy with that. Hey, I love me :)

Today was my legacy. I think it was thouroughly enjoyed by many. Two rounds of applause? Who rocks?
The definitely liked the slingshot and the distorted pictures. I shared a little bit of myself to, that is my art work and my family and some friends and the world trade center pics.
I cant get that black eyed peas song out of my head for the life of me. urgh.
So Ball is coming up reallll soon and I just CANNOT wait! Nick and I are going to have an awesome time :) This weekend is going to be one of the best ever. I know it. Fun Fun Fun!

Julie and I are attatched at the hip again. I missed this girl like crazy! I am so glad we're back:) My mom discovered the present Julie gave to me. I tried to explain to her what it was, but she didnt buy my lies! haha... She doesnt care either. Thats the funny part :) Gotta get the ball ticket tomorrow ... $30 not bad. Ew, a June bug flew into my hair today when I was walking to the house from the vehicle. I dropped the box I was carrying and proceeded to do a really strange looking dance in the driveway... I believe those are called the "heebie jeebies".

I cant wait until Baylor, but at the same time, I wish it were an eternity away : /

I am begining to despise summer. BUGS! AHHH! One just flew right down my tank top! GRGRRR! here goes the dance again!
comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment Share

[icon] If you must...
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Stephs Pics).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries