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haha [Jun. 10th, 2010|07:28 pm]
`so i havent been on my computer in foreverr5r now that i have an iphone. well i just read all my lj entries about brandon and they just make me laugh. i mean i do get sad because all of my life i wasted with that asshole but honestly i just LAUGH now because i know that that part of my life is over and i dont have to deal with him anymore!

i was cleaning my room today and i found this poem he had wrote me that i had ripped up and put in my nightstand drawer. i remember reading that stupid thing over and over. i just threw it away and laughed lol. its all bullshit and fake .

so yeah....brandon moved out of rachels house into the girl hes datings house. he has been texting me/calling me for months now. i used to respond with stuff like "leave me alone" or if i was drunk id be like "R u with ur gf? are u gunna cheat on her like u did with me?" but now i have no desire to talk to him ever again. but yeah i remember months ago he texted me "im housesitting my friends house in the city wanna come over?" LOL WELL it was his "gfs" house ewwww HAHA he is playing her just like he did with me! SO FOUL lol.

the last time i sawh im she was with him and they werent even together yet.....sooooo brandons best friends name is adam and me and b used to go see adam play in a band allllllll the time so i knew adam really well and he knew me and he was cool or whatever. well the last night i saw b i saw brandon adam and that stripper girl joey and i was wasssted so i was like "HEY JOEY HOWS THE POLE WORKING OUT RFOR U AT SCORES" or something obnoxious like that and she got all pissed and she was like "ghood thing adam is my ex bf and he already knew i was a dancer" and i was like OK WHATEVER and i was like "youre probably banging brandon now hahaha" and i totally meant it as a joke and adam like flippppppped out he was like "OMG MICHELLE YOURE TOTALLY RIGHT HOW DID I NOW SEE THAT?" lolllllll and at that point i just left because honestly adam was like b"s best rfriendd UHHH duh of COURSE he fucked her hahahaha. so yeah and now apparently b and that stripper bitch are dating and b moved out of rachels house to live with her ahahahahahaah

he still texts/calls me from time to time. last week he left me this lame ass voicemail like "hello michelle how are you? i miss you...i would like to get together with you friday night for diiner okay? i miss you bye " like lmaooooo WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU THINK I WOULD WANT TO GO OUT TO DINNER WITH YOU? Hes sooooo fucking cocky he gets on my nervous. it makes me want to vomit. like he totally thinks i would just be like OMG YEAH WE HAVE TO GO OUT FOR DINNER. lol NO THANKS BUDDY!!!

ever since me and martin have been hanging out ive been so much more content with my life. i mean me and martin arent perfect....but we havent been in one fight since we started hanging out. i mean like..i dont feel like i love him but i do really really like him and i love spending time with him. we have a pretty good routine going on. like if we both work nights i will come o9ver and spend the night and then we will hang out that next day until we have to go to work the next night. we go out to eat sometimes. he cooks for me alot. i take care of his puppy. i have my own toothbrush and shampoo and stuff at his house. he has this hugeeee jacuzzi tub so we take baths all the time its so nice haha. i really like what we have going on. and when everyone at work found out about us they were like "Hes no brnaond" meaning like brandon is way hott and has a 6pack and a hot body or whatever but honestly brandon was the biggest asshole and treated me soooo bad. martin makes me happy and he makes me laugh and i am always thinking about him when hes not around. i do get scared of the future sometimes because we cant be together since hes a manager so its like on the downlow. and i wonder like is he just having fun with me and not taking anything serious? i mean in a way thats what i am doing but i do think about our future alot. i have met his mom and i have met his son. ughh who knows. i definetley try not to think about it and just have fun! he was in the hospital a few weeks ago and i spent 2 out of the 3days he was in there with him. i brought him sushi haha. i just like spending time with him and he makes me happy sooo who knows where it will go from here but theres no use stressing about anything if im happy right now!

i think he just called sooo ttyl!!
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its over [Aug. 13th, 2009|03:30 pm]
im really sad today. i found out b was cheating on me with 7 different girls. i talked to him on the phone last night. i shouldnt have answered when he called but i did. i started crying because i was like....you know i have never felt the way i feel about you for anyone else. i know him so well. i know everything about him. i can be myself around him. i can be naked around him and be 100% comfortable! we even fart earound each other (lol ew but lolllll) i can literally do anything i want around him and hell still love me. and i just got sad bc i dont understand how i could ever feel the way i feel about him towards anyone else :(. and i dont want to! i wish he had his shit together and he never cheated :(((((((((( i dont understand why he would ruin such a perfectly good thing. and hes on the phone telling me how he wished he never did it and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but he just had to tell me the truth bc it was eating him up inside. and then he started singing songs for me about me. they were all really sad :(( and he started reading thru his journal about me....and all this stuff about how he was cheating on me and why does he do that to me and it was sooooooo depressing. its like he knows he shouldnt have done it and he knows that he is in love with me but hes fucked up in the head so he does it anyway! UGHHHH i am gunna be late for work so i gtg. ill write more laterrrrr

today sucks :( its day two and im feeling horrible :(
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HATRED. [Aug. 10th, 2009|11:05 pm]
So I NOW believe that Brandon was probably cheating on me throughout our entire rleationship. The signs were EVERYWHERE from the begininning im just little miss fucking naive. It started when his dumb ass left his myspace open on my laptop. It was the 2nd week we were together and I had caught him messaging some skank from a bar he was at saying "dont kiss me like that again" I confronted him and we got over it. Then........to Rachels fucking crazy psychotic ass. He didnt admit to sleeping with her until 2 months into our relationship! And to this day he still tries to tell me it was only one time. I know it was multiple times. Ew. God Ew. She gives him money constantly, buys him alcohol all the time! EVEN AT 12 IN THE AFTERNOON!!! UMM NO. She does ANYTHING and everything for him. UGH I HATE HIM. Im not even that mad at her anymore because I understand how he has this fucking power over women who are in love with him. I know because I feel the same way. Hmm what else...oh how whenver I look thru his phone I find some shady messages from girls on there. And he started erasing all his text messages so I wouldnt find anything. He has TONSSSSSSSSSSSS of girl friends. He goes out EVERY NIGHT and meets girls. I work everynight so I cant go out every night. But MANY times ive been out, met all his friends countless times. They all know me and they all know Im his gf. I guess he doesnt get with girls in front of them bc none of them told me anything. Unless they are just like him and dont give a fuck. Like honestly WHY WOULD HE DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not perfect either by no means but this is fucking ridiculous. I stood by him, helped him get a job a car EVERYTHING. I almost let him move in with me. Thank god i never allowed that! What elseeeeee........oh like I was saying...he met some random skank at the bar and within like 2 weeks she almost lended him 1200$!!!! LIKE WTF!!!!!!!!! I hate him so much. Soo we got thru all that but we were CONSTANTLY fighting. I didnt trust him, he would do dumb shit, it was just horrible. So we would go like 5 days without seeing each other. And I would be doing SO GREAT on my own. Until I would miss him so much or Id be drunk and just call him and wed go back right where we were. NO MORE. He has just recently gotten to meet his 2 year old twin girls for the first time. Hes been seeing them 3times a week. Now I have met his ex gf the one who he has kids with and shes nasty and shes a bitch. HE told me he had NO intention of working things out with her. Well today I log on to his myspace (because yet again he leaves his pw on my computer lol DUMBASS IDIOT!) and I see these emails ...one where she wants to know if someone asks her out what should she say....and then one from him to her saying how he wants to make love to her. OMG Holy fuck I AM SOOOOOO PISSED right now. HOnestly before I was hurt by his actions now Im just pissed. IDK why it took me so long to realize how shady he was sadkljdsklsdfkl;jdfjfdkld there is nothing but pure hate going thru me right now. I CANNOT talk to him again. Ever.
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(no subject) [Jul. 26th, 2009|11:56 am]
[mood |boredbored]

I'm at work right now and its really slow and I am bored sooo I'm gunna write in here lol. I am so confused right now with the whole brandon situation . I love him with all my heart but things are so stressful right now for us. I really have no idea where we will go from here. I am happy for him that he is finally able to be part of his childrens life. his ex is so controlling tho..its annoying. I would love it if he were to just find a stable job...get a vehicle and get his own place. but that will take him forever at the rate he's going! plus I'm still uncomfortable with the whole talking to girls onthe internet bs. ughhh I'm so confused and lost right now!!
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last night craziness [Dec. 20th, 2008|07:45 pm]
okay so i havent written err i guess typed in here in a while. ive just been busy doing a whole lot of nothing lol...i only work 2-3 nights at the club.

i made 1300$ two sundays ago and ive basically just been living off that haha.

uhh lets see so i worked last night and made 200..wish i would have made more but whatever.

afterwards my friend steve invited me to an after hours hookah bar his friend owns...i went to park in front of it and i started randomly talking to this guy and he invited me to a party his friends were having at a house right next to the hookah bar. i ended up knowing some people there so it wasnt sketch or anything. i got drunk and told him my entire life story and im pretty sure he is in love with me lol. we kissed but idk hes not the hottest guy ever but i have a feeling he would treat me nice. after i left i texted him "will you remember me in the morning?" bc he was really drunk haha and he goes "yes i wish you would come back right now..will u remember me?" and i was like yes and he asked to take me out but i never responded..oops. he seems like a total sweetie though. i never made it to that hookah bar.

OH and while i was there i got a text from this random number that looked familiar. i called it and it was this guy shane. i met shane months ago when i went out with my friend brittany. hes GORGEOUS seriously the hottest guy i have ever met in my entire life. well i only went out on one date with him because he used to travel around the world playing soccer but he messed up his knee and he got addicted to pain pills :(((((((( hes sooooo gorgeous and he was showing me all these pictures of him around the world and he just seems to have so much potential and he was throwing it all away for drugs :( I REALLLLLLLLY liked him but i chose to stop talking to him because i didnt want to get hurt. why do i always fall for guys with drug problems? lol. shortly after i stopped talking to him brit told me he stole a bunch of stuff and he was in jail for a while.

anyways i called him and i talked to him for a while and i really wish i wasnt so drunk bc i barely remember the conversation :( he told me he just got out of jail and he is doing alot better now and he has a job and hes trying to start over. i ended up being a dumb drunk ass and i think i was mad at him because i was like just telling him how much i liked him and bla bla bla and idk i was mad at him for some unknown reason. so after i hung up the phone with him i deleted his fucking number out of my phone. welll i really regret doing that because today i just cant stop thinking about him.

soo u would think my night ended there...ahahah no. i called tony and told him i was too drunk to drive home and i met him at his bar down the street. it was like 4am and he was just clowing up the bar. i think i talked about tony in here...i met him last january when i first started working at scores. i met him the day after his dad died. he was working at his dads bar as a bartender but his dad died of a heart attack so he became the owner of his dads bar. well i met him the day after because tonys friends dragged him to scores thinking stupid strippers would cheer him up (he has horrible friends) well i just remember seeing him and being like ohhhh man i have fallen for that guy. its like when u see someone and u just know, you know? anyways..that same night he took me to the nicest hotel in the city and we slept together and it was ammmmmmazzzzzzzzzing. the next day we ordered room servce and talked for hours. then his friends came and we went swimming in the hotel pool. well to make a long story short weve been on and off talking since because ever since his dad died he has been doing more and more cocaine and i think that it the worse drug EVER. we get into fights about it constantly....he always tells me i mean more to him than anyone in his life because i was the only person there for him that night at the hotel and bla ba blablalba we will spend the night together and he will say all this CRAP and then i wont hear from him for months.

so i went to tonys bar and he came over to my friend jens house cause i am catsitting while shes in cancun..lucky bitch. uhhhh we had amazing sex and i was arguing with him that i hate how he does coke and i wish he would make me his gf idk i was wasted lol but he told me he wants me to be his gf but its not fair to me because he owns a bar and that bar is his life. i like him so much that i continue to deal with his huge coke habit (he did a line in front of me last night i flipped out) and i know its just going to hurt me in the long run.

i always fall for guys with drug habits and i fucking hate it.

uhhhhh so yeah he left a little while ago and i cant stop thinking about him or shane! UGH GUYS SUCK

i prob should text that guy i met last night...his name is mike. he would make a great boyfriend. but i just dont have that attraction to him like i do to shane and tony.

tony gave me roses last night. pretty sure they were someones that they left at the bar but whatever hahah

i cant sleep and i cant stop thinking about tony or shane and its freaking me out.

i think im going to take a bubble bath.

oh and i got my school paperwork for grants and scholarships. gotta write a narrative.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok im gunna go now

ps- at work last night me and my friend samantha the bartender were putting water all over the sink bc there was cokeheads in there last night hahaha were so mean. I HATE DRUGS
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blah [Sep. 4th, 2008|11:08 am]
[mood |blahblah]

today i woke up feeling fat and lazy and disgusted with myself! im going to lay out..then im going to go running then im off to work!

i want to start doing that everyday. tanning/working out makes me feel better about myself.

i just got back from florida im sooooo broke! :( ill be caught up in like 2 weeks or so though.

blahhhhhhhhh better go get off my lazy ass!
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my tummy hurts :( [Jul. 3rd, 2008|09:50 pm]
Okay so lets see...I havent at all heard from tony so lets just forget i even met him? lol okay thats over and done with....

My stomach hurtssssss!!!!! today i only had one meal and I am NOT hungry at all. I keep feeling like I want to vomit all over the place. Ughhhhhhh.

Ummm I dyed my hair black. I didnt think it was going to turn out as black as it did but whatever. ITs alot better than those nasty roots I had going on!!!

Tomorrow I have to be up at 5am to go to my friends house at 6am to be on the 4th of July parade. My boss bought a huge ass monster truck and apparently me and some other girls (no strippers thank god lol) are going to be in the parade with it. I dont know if we are just going to be sitting like on the windows or if theres gunna be like a thing connected to the back of it? I honestly know nothing about it. All i know is to show up at 6am wearing a white shirt and a skirt lol thats all I know! I am wearing flip flops too fuck the high heel shit...what if we have to walk? Hahaha.

So its 1am now...Im debating on whether to sleep for a little or to stay up. My tummy hurts so Ill probably lie down until then.

ciaoooooooo happy fourth of july! 

Im working tomorrow night which sucks but whatever. At least I wont be at the slave factory this fourth of july hahahaha...

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lol [Jun. 28th, 2008|01:28 pm]
[mood |productiveproductive]

yesterday at work i was putting my uniform on and my corset zipper broke...its the first corset i bought like 7 months ago, its old, and crappy, and ive washed it too many times...anyways i told my manager and he said i needed to lose weight and that i should only eat salads. GEE THANKS thats so nice of you to say!! i mean i understand where he is coming from, i do work in a strip club, but ummmmm theres tons of strippers that are much bigger than me so what the fuck? but whatever thats fine...he just gives me even more motivation to eat healthier and work out moree!!

yeah sooo that was my day yesterday.,..lol. i am on call tonight so im pretty much waiting around now to see if they need me at 7.im sure they will because they always do. i didnt make plans because im pretty sure i am going to work tonight. 

so im off to clean my room and do some laundry and i might even go grocery shopping and buy ALL healthy foods...lol..seriously!!
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yayyyyyyyyyyyy [Jun. 6th, 2008|12:09 pm]
[mood |ecstaticecstatic]

Okay so things have been going well with me. I moved back home last weekend and I am honestly 100% happier! I missed my mom and my puppy and my kitty sooooo much! I am glad to be back home!

I am getting all caught up on my bills which is a great feeling also.

Me and my friend Victoria are going to go back packing thru Europe at the end of July. So I have to save up 2,000 in order to go. 1100 for the plane ticket and like 900 for spending money. Shes going to plan it all out. She pretty much has everything planned already. She was going to go by herself but I just cant pass an oppurtunity like that up! Soooo yeah HOPEFULLY I will get to go. It just depends on how much money I can save up until then. Ive been doing good at work so it shouldnt be a problem! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy........................soooooooo excited!

I have to get a passport...

Today I got up at 830 and I unpacked, cleaned my room, and did all my laundry.  Now I am going shopping and then WORK....

I am off to the store, they just opened up a new ULTA (ive heard of it but never been im so excited lol) and I wanna check it out! I deserve a little treat for myself :) BUT after this NOOOOO More spending or going out for a while so I can goooo tooooo europeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :))))))))))))
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(no subject) [Nov. 5th, 2007|09:07 am]
 I have already picked out my New Years Dress. It's 78$ from venus.com

Im going to buy it and then when it gets here try it on. If not I also like this one...

That one is 148$. I kinda like this one better because I hate my tummy and I think it might hide it, haha. Plus it looks like it might make my butt look super hott!

Decisions Decisions...haha...

I also really want some more makeup items....Im soooooo addicted!!!

It's 48$ from MAC. I love it I think it's really cute. I also have a mini brush from a holiday palette I bought and I use it all the time I think it's soo cute.

Oh I also made my own brush holder haha. I saw this idea on a webpage...I went to Micheals and bought a glass rectangular vase. I filled it with these clear beads and I even put pretty heart beads in it. And I put my brushes in it, they stand up so nice. Sooo cute!! 

I also want tons of stuff from sephora. They are even doing a 20% off code right now. I might have to take advantage of that haha..

I really want Benefits Under EYe Concealer called "Boi-ng" its 18$

I also want to try some Make Up Forever Colors.

OOhhh and some more Urban Decay since my mom took over my one palette I own from them, haha.

Ill edit this entry later with more stuff that I want haha.
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