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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Thursday, March 6th, 2008|
Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on something. Then I realise I'm not.
|Friday, February 15th, 2008|
|A portrait of an idiot as a young man.
Thats right I have been studying a lot. I've went to pretty much all my classes and even accidently went to a class that I wasn't even suppose to be in. I've managed to keep myself deeply distracted so I've managed to put on a happy face. I'm glad Chris drags me out to obscure gigs sometimes. I seen the Vars of Litchi and Wounded Knee last night and it was incredible. Think I will actually end up going to this Install festival over the weekend which is supposedly a collection of all the best experimental artists. People who record ice melting and loop it into some kind of coherent beat; or inchoherent whatever its purpose. James Joyce is a fantastic writer regardless of being hard to understand. P.s I think I'm losing my job. Thank fuck.
|Saturday, January 12th, 2008|
For once I am glad to say I am. Chris is offically moving in, with him he is bringing mixers, distortion pedals, drum machines, guitar hero and oddly enough a violin. Who wants a moving in party?
|Thursday, January 10th, 2008|
I've sacrificed an active social life to study more and think more. Instead I don't study much and my mind is inactive due to mind numbing computer games. I feel like I'm 16 again with no responsiblities, little to no academic work; thought I should be doing some, and housebound. Completing this that and the next thing in video games. Thats all I used to do, simply because I want to avoid doing anything. Its proving to be a difficult habit to break. Its the only thing I'm certain to accomplish since everthing can be calculated with a press of a button, everything I need to know is sandboxed into a virtual world. A world where, with todays trends of computer games, you can do so much and have much to do. Its a great escape along with the occasional recreational drug experience. I am a sad bastard. I have 2 choices at this point, move home forget about a part time job be even more housebound but concerntrate fully on my studies. Or stay at the 405 and try to get it together, financially its proving stressful; plus I know how to seek new accomodation when I need it; so I could just get another flat sometime soon. With the certainty that Chris will be frugal for once and we can share. Whatever the choice I think I won't be in the 405 for much longer. It has lost its superfical charm with the absence of a large group of friends; some whom share an emotionally attachment but after sometime its safe to say, for myself, I no longer share that. If thats what I had in the first place. No offense to anyone who can consider that to be themselves, time shared was great I hold a place for you somewhere it just isn't the same. Things aren't the same, the times are not productive. I've seemingly reverted to my old ways. I doubt anyone is going to read all this.
|Monday, December 31st, 2007|
Better be a new one. Not a lot happened. I got a flat I grew up. I still didn't get what I wanted out of it. I have the support of a friend I was missing at least, thats not really a "least" its more, something I didn't expect and appreciate. I have to make something more of myself, time to be a bit more energetic and persistent.
|Monday, December 3rd, 2007|
no replies to messages. No call backs. No friends?
|Sunday, November 25th, 2007|
So I met a lovely girl helping out at American Apparel. We hit it off pretty well and found a lot to talk about and to laugh about. We constantly mixed up the leggings thinking they were for girls, quite obviously, then we realised they were uni-sex leggings. As a running joke I purchased a pair and well they are so dam comfortable, but thats a different story.
After been let off work early, and I since I was in a festive mood; having a whole week off work (coincidently I have another week off work this week)we went for a few drinks. A few drinks later and a badly played game of pool we made a very impulsive decision to go to London.
Fabric, Acid, Eggnogg, Camden, Nose Piercing, Bone Plug, American Apparel, Planet Terror, Shiraz, Ghostbusters, Chinese Buffets, Underground, All Goodge. ( AshleyJadeMacCollapse )
|Friday, November 2nd, 2007|
|It feels like the end.
Everything was going well till two days ago. Went to a Halloween party and mentioned something like it would be nice to take acid and well there was a 40 year old something dodgey looking man who had just the thing.
I took a tab and thought after a hour that we just been had, even though the man looked like your typical tripper. So I decided to take another not long after the first. Double dosed at this point it wasn't long before I feel into my almost epic 17 hour trip. So long in fact that It continued right into the next day which clashed with work.
Unfortunately I don't have the number to phone in sick so I didn't show up, which means I will most likely get fired. In addition to this, I missed university twice and I feel void so I'm missing it again today. Which means I'm behind in my studies.
I spent a lot of money, So I can't afford to go out for a while as well.
Plus my room is a bomb site.
Didn't get the American Apparel job.
So really everything is feel down the shitter, all thanks to a little piece of paper with a tricky little invisible liquid on it.
After being on such a high all life really loses perspective and all your wants and ambitions really do seem to become void. Its all really down to the fact that when your on acid you concentrate on what you want at that particular time, so that leads in to the thought of what you want after that and after that and so on. And what does that really mean? It just becomes incomprehensible, like wants and needs don't really accomplish anything really in the end. I've been happy for so long and its simply because I had things going well and things were in place. But I don't know what I what from the future. I feel like I've lost it and I don't know why.
|Friday, October 26th, 2007|
Didn't go as well as I hoped. I think I will be pretty lucky to get the job.
First off, she asked for a CV; which I didn't have because I presumed they would have a copy of it since I had emailed it to them.
Secondly, she asked me why I would want to work for American Apparel. I was caught off guard so I stuttered and hesitated for a few seconds till I began a rant.
I told her I liked the advertisement, the image, the fact that the company was eco friendly, that their clothes were well endorsed by companies, I told her I liked the fact that they encourage amateur photography.
I then told her that I would like to move away from my job in a dept collection agency because it would be nice to have a job that people would be interested in hearing about.
Big mistake because she looked at me funny and asked me why I worked there. I responded by saying that I just managed to fall into call centre work.
That prompted her to ask that question I dreaded from the beginning, which I suppose was inevitable, "do you have any retail experience."
Which clearly I don't. Till! I remember I worked in a clothes shop for work experience so I spoke about that in detail. It seemed like she bought it. I also explained that I am adaptable and would pick up retail techniques quickly. (Like there is much to know.)
She also said that it would be difficult to fit me into their schedule because I'm at university. I managed to counteract that by explaining I'm only in a few hours a week.
If I were to get it by some small chance of fortune I would be most likely looking at a job in stock. Seeing as I explained to her I'm well organised, which until only recently such a comment constitutes as the truth.
Then at the end of all the nervous embarrassment she took a picture of me...
Although! On the plus side I was once again good at selling myself at an Interview, marginally. I told her I was organised that I could attract people to the store, that I was fit and able to do stock, and that I was enthusiastic and very active. This seemed to go down well with her.
I'm very pessimistic about getting the job, and it looks like its stock anyway. So I don't know what’s going to happen. I will find out in a week. I hope to fuck I get it anyway. My current job is boring the fuck out of me.
To be honest. I don't think I have it but I will remain hopefully, marginally.
|Thursday, October 25th, 2007|
|Friday, October 19th, 2007|
|Stop the War
Since I started university I've had a new lease of life. I feel like a lot of opportunities have opened up, as well as a lot of feelings. I honestly feel like that I am following a path that will lead to accomplishment. Not anything important just to do something for myself. I would just like to feel self gratification and I guess I'm working towards that just now. Just like with the way that I finally started my collage.
Everything that caused me stress and disappointment has now ceased. No more awkward living arrangements and no more dept and money problems.
I guess the reason I kept good spirits during those times of uncertainty is simply because I knew that at some point I would end up in this kind of situation. A situation involving a good disposition that coincides with a stable social, academic and domestic life style. That is why I always remain optimistic and always remain happy no matter what happens. Simply because the only thing that matters is simply self, self belief and self interpretation. I can only ever really relate to what is around me so I don't have to care about much else or what anyone else says or whatever they may do.
What better way to find this than through a rather typical student activity of taking part in a protest. Not the primary reason as to why I feel in such a good way but an experience that has directly my feelings, in such a positive way.
So almost immediately after starting back at University I took a megabus down to London to join the anti-War protest. It was somewhat off putting at first because the people we were with were as you would imagine them to be. Vegan, zealous and politically motivated. As someone who has recently grown to be more judgmental and more cynical I wanted to escape these people and rewind to a few hours ago when I was on home soil and not in the mega city of London. But by the end of the weekend after talking to these people I realised that they had an energy and optimism that seems to be missing in a lot of people that I associate with. I certainly don't mean that in a derogatory way. But in the very common expression used by Jade Mcmillian "lets face it"... Lets face it most of my friends are cynical which would explain why I was very much like that at the beginning of the trip.
We discussed the days events over a vegetarian buffet. We discussed the anti-war campaign, we talked about how some of the people that were associated with our group got arrested and how stupid they were to provoke such action. We discussed the types of people involved in the election, which compelled me. Like the stories of the anarchists. Their attire and their beliefs and their militant behavior which like me most people seem to think as pointless. I also heard about other protests like the G8 summit(i think thats the name), and the one in Glasgow that shut off the whole city for days. It was a whole new world to me, as was London. Simply the size stuck me down in awe.
The experience has left me with much more of a desire to travel. I will soon get a Passport and will soon start visiting some European cities for some weekends over the year or so.( George Bush we know you just like daddy a killer tooCollapse )
|Saturday, October 6th, 2007|
|78 Vincent Street
Quite a few of you have not met one of my best friends of the moment Bryan. He is one of those types you can categorise as a student. That would be because of the indie style of clothes he wears, his interest in politics, his recreational drug use and his liberal and socialist ideas. These are the qualities that make him an endearing character. What makes him an even better person is his loyalty, love and generosity for his friends, which he demostrated last night. He hosted a dinner at 78 Vincent Street, which cost him a not so modest six hundred pounds. He invited several of his long time friends and then the little old newbie me. We were treated to Champagne, quail and french wine. The food was delictable and the alcohol did what it does best. MostDuring the dinner we pretty much forced Brian to get up and say a few words. These few words predicably turned into a heart felt speech about his friends individually, complete with tears.
It was nice to be in that moment where someone truely appreciates all their best friends and they come together for a special occasion and get to spend time together as a group. It is difficult to get your closest friends together as a large group with everyone having increasingly more responsibilities. Change may be a good thing, but it does draw us away from one another. It's good when you can put everything on hold, push responsiblities aside and all get together for a nice meal and expensive drink. Where we can compliment each other show mutual appreciation and shead a few tears. As well as get very drunk and steal the plants from the room, blag a extra bottle of eighty quid Champagne and insult random people in bars.
For my 21st, which is a long time away, I'm going to do the same.
Then I will get you all together and tell you why I love you. If you ask nicely now I will got ahead and tell you. Or write you a letter. x
|Wednesday, September 19th, 2007|
In work we are all playing this civ builder game. www.travian.co.uk
Looks like I'm getting a bonus this month. Possibly around £180.00 I'm top third out of the full time workers on payments.
I fucking love my job.
|Tuesday, September 18th, 2007|
Iim off work Mon, Wed and Sun. Anybody here free these days?
|Friday, September 14th, 2007|
|Friday, August 31st, 2007|
Development of the decades.
Descend the teachings of tradition.
From generation to inclination.
I never imagined myself to be like this.
Euthasiast of education.
Dispensation of discipline.
Spare her support and safety.
I never imagined her to be like this.
Enlightenment of emotion.
Her need to nurture.
Attention to the ardent audience.
I never imagined her to be like this.
Homage to my heir.
Our parents, aunts and uncles were once there.
I can only ever imagine us to be like this.
Cuts to prove no point.
Only point to prove is just to move.
to feel to see to be
Glass shudder slit to shed the skin
Blood flow for feel not done before
Just once and never more.
|Thursday, August 30th, 2007|
|Some feeling coming on?
Last few weeks have went unchanged which is a bit of a bore. The last major change being Stuart and Jonny moving into 405 has became a normality. Everything is adjusted and I'm very comfortable. I'm perfectly content. However, I have a feeling that I'm missing something. Just nothing seems to captivate me deeply. It's great being comfortable and perfectly fine but fine doesn't cut it, where is the excitement and drama? I feel like I should be more open about certain circumstances, take more risks and make the most of passing opportunities. Unfortunately in these circumstances, I cryptically speak off, I get shy and close up. I act dismissive and wait patiently for the next opportunity to show its self only for me to coware away once again. I guess I hate things to be typical, I guess in these situations I feel that being forward and somewhat arrogant is expected. Evidently, It seems I hate to make certain expectations. So I guess I don't know how to approach these situations. I'm glad I spoke to David about it last night he said that he is much the same and I can't imagine him to be so. He carries himself so well; he has an admirable dispostion and amicable taste. My feelings for David are of complete and utter adulation.
Recently I've been planning a few artistic projects as well as taking opportunist photos. My recent theme is serial killers I plan to make macaroni pictures with serial killers and their victims faces put on them. Much like the "come play" picture its just a simple juxtapostion to create horror and even a little bit of tasteless homour. Once again I would like to thank David for his concern in my latest artistic expression but I've not actually lost it. I have always enjoyed horror and tasteless humour. As everyone knows I am well acclaimed for quoting South Park prolifically. In relation to the matter has anyone seen that part in south park with Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and someother serial killer that escapes me? They are sent to fetch a cake for satan. Well I guess its on the same level as that.
Would also like to add that the group dynamic at the Box last night was comendable. Everyone was getting along really well, it was good to see so many good friends in one place enjoying "music" and some drinks. I guess it really isn't that impressive but there was a good vib last night. I'm glad that a lot of people are going to colleage and are enjoying it. Especially Jade. I was scared incase she got stuck working full-time for yet another year. Aunty Maeve gets it sorted once again.
As for me I have to wait yet another month before I'm back. I can't wait, I guess this will be the next Major change for me. So I guess this would conclude this entry very well then. Guess so.
|Monday, August 27th, 2007|
|Friday, August 17th, 2007|
Best discovery ever! If you lick your tash hair when its sweaty it tastes mildly like vagina. It must be the mixture of sweat and hair that creates that slighty salted neutral flavour.
On a lighter note. I was reading a entry I made in my journal a while back in June, that being my notebook and not my LJ account. The prose was fluent and humorous. It has encouraged me to stop being so lethargic and to stop playing World of Warcraft so much but instead be more creative. Especially with my writing. My photography has been pretty good, some amusing and interesting photos have been taken. I want to try and get people to model for me, I have a few interesting themes and ideas.
Today, I seen a girl with tight blue jeans, a black leather jacket over a grey hoody carrying a brown bag. She looked the exact same way I used to dress, about a year ago. She also had similar facial features to me, her nose and eyes in particular. I stalkered her up the street for a bit. I pure love myself I do.
Reading back on this entry I do seem a little pretentious and far from modest. I'm just incredibly comfortable and happy at the moment. Regardless of been dull and overworked. When all you have is your full time job you have little else but homelife and worklife. Roll on this weekend. I have carnage in my blood.