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Opu   
02:48pm 02/09/2005
 
mood: calm
Such a beautiful little village. I would compare it to my own dear Nashira, if they weren't so strikingly different. The waterfall that cascadest through the middle of the village is both scenic and peaceful somehow, and the people are merry and do their level best to live honest, friendly lives. The Celestial Tree is not a long walk away from here either, and it makes a pleasant change from the loud noises of Komo Mai.

While Sheliak is refined and wealthy, Komo Mai is carefree and loving. Perhaps when this is over, I will come for many a frequent visit to Anuenue's beautiful settlements. I greatly prefer Opu to Komo Mai, but I can imagine visiting both in the future.

The warrior should arrive soon; it is her we have come to Opu to visit. Perhaps I shall question as to where I may recognise her from, perhaps I shall merely observe. I find myself hoping we could settle down in Opu for a day or two, even though I know our time is scarce. It may do Kalas a little good to relax.

My wounds are almost completely healed now. I can only hope I do not make the same mistakes again.
 
     2 taunts endured - taunt me?
 
Why Ancient Libraries are Bad.   
11:03am 28/08/2005
 
mood: crushed
It's astounding, the things that run through your head when you think you might be dying. Certainly, I was regretful that I might never see my home in Diadem again, nor my family in Alfard, nor say goodbye to my loved ones. In fact, it might well be a miracle that I'm still alive, all thanks to the mysterious hunter that stepped in and saved us. It's strange, but her battle style seems very familiar.

It's my fault I fell. I was foolish, and squandered my magnus wastefully; I had let Folon's taunts get to me, and lost my temper. Usually I can keep a pretty good hold on my temper, but for some reason I just snapped. Perhaps because his taunts rung on the same level that Kalas' do - I could not take any more. I hate to be a burden on the teammates who have only just agreed to accept me as a companion, and I give them my most heartfelt apologies.

I stupidly neglected to block the clawing attacks and terribly strong finishers that Folon threw at me, and I couldn't take it. I fell to my knees, thinking the end, yet Kalas was at least kind enough to help me with some healing magnus. That was when Folon's dishonour truly riled me; he attacked me while I was down and defenceless. It was so painful! I was vaguely aware that I was screaming, yet I couldn't hear myself that well. In all honesty, I was convinced that I was dying. I could feel my blood spattering everywhere, running over my eyes and obscuring my vision. It was most... disturbing, I suppose is the word.

I can only thank the skies that this hunter woman came when she did.
 
     14 taunts endured - taunt me?
 
One hectic brawl after another...   
10:32am 23/08/2005
 
mood: distressed
Good grief! I'm beginning to feel that I would have overcome my depression after being used by the Empire a second time quicker if I'd stayed at home in Diadem, with King Ladekahn. The sheer number of unexpected events is truly asphyxiating, I fear it is doing nothing good for my health. Including this; causing me to worry about my health when I am merely eighteen. Rather unnerving.

Anuenue is every bit as spectacular as I had imagined it to be, though, in my own opinion, nothing could be as astounding as the view of Diadem from the topmost floor of Castle Elnath. Truly breathtaking.

Arriving in the middle of the Thirty Year Festival was a coincidental bonus for us, though unfortunately Kalas turned down the kind old gentleman who offered us some Komo Mai cookies. It's a shame; I would rather have liked to try them, I have heard they are astoundingly good. All of the civillians are celebrating the festival, cheerily unaware of what my people are up to against them.

It seemed no surprise that Corellia would not think us entirely serious in our allegations, but none of us could have expected his Lordship Geldoblame to be present in the palace! His appearance only added to our non-credibility; for he pointed out that Xelha was a thief and that I was a traitor, and even provoked Gibari into almost attacking him, which cannot have made a good impression on her Highness.

We have no choice but to search out the End Magnus ourselves, though I refuse to let myself anywhere near it. I don't want a repeat of what happened in the Shrine of the Winds; it was far too embarrassing, not to mention degrading and completely against my will. I am determined to prove to my travelling companions that I can be trusted.

Our search has led us to the Ancient Library, a foul and desecrated place that looks as though no mortal has set foot inside for aeons. To be honest, and at the risk of sounding like a coward, I wish I was not setting foot in this place. Crawling with skeletons and cursed spellbooks that leap out and try to strangle you with bookmarks... it's not really a pleasant excursion.

My only consolation is that it should soon all be over; charged with the task of finding books written by the Head Librarian, so that we might gain access into the room where the witch is believed to dwell, we have located and taken into our possession all four. I hope that the discussion with the witch runs smoothly; I want out of this awful, Skiesforsaken place.
 
     taunt me?
 
Anuenue... I wonder what is waiting for us?   
01:09pm 09/08/2005
 
mood: thoughtful
The view of Anuenue from the Mindeer is truly breathtaking. Even from here, however many hundreds of miles away we are, you can still make out the Celestial Tree, just below that rainbow that encircles the top right pinnacle of the island.

I always get oddly philosophical when I see views like this. At the moment I'm wondering whether the residents of this peaceful, unblemished continent realise the impending danger that Xelha is trying to prevent? Will it even affect them? After all, they have the strong shield protecting them from war and harm...

Already I miss Diadem. I was like this when I left Alfard after my trial. I thought about what I might miss, but Diadem was always more of a home to me than Alfard, so parting is that much harder. Not only that, but I find myself missing King Ladekahn. He was always so kind to me. I do hope he's healing; those wounds were quite serious.

I can feel my wings healing already, even after the harsh names Kalas has been branding me with. I'm not a spy for Alfard, if I'm at all a traitor, then that country is the very one I'm a traitor against. I'm fighting against his Lordship Geldoblame now. I can't make Kalas see that, but still, his insistance hurts me somehow.

And I'm still feeling guilty. It was me who handed the Le End Magnus to Ayme. I swear, I don't remember anything from that period of time. I saw the magnus and everything is blank from then until I opened my eyes and saw the Royal Doctor. I do recall faint voices calling my name, but I can't work out if that was a dream or if it was real. It makes me wonder why Ayme picked me to use as her toy - perhaps because I am least able to resist her magic, or perhaps as more of a taunt about my exile.

I should stop worrying about things like this; it'll only get me depressed. That's the past, what's interesting is the future and what it has to hold. I've heard it's about time for the Thirty Year Festival in Anuenue. I hope the Celestial Tree blooms this year; it would be a great honour and experience for me to see it.
 
     4 taunts endured - taunt me?
 
Why must I be so weak?   
12:04pm 07/08/2005
 
mood: depressed
Recently, I've been plagued by those feelings of self-doubt again. Perhaps if I was stronger, I think, and the endless possibilities come rushing through my thought pattern.

Perhaps if I was stronger, Skeed and Vallye would love me.

Perhaps if I was stronger, I would never have been exiled.

But it's all for nothing. In the end, I'm still wimpy little Lyude, exiled and shunned because he's scared of the sight of blood. I hate it when I get like this, it makes me feel so worthless and... despicable. Of course, that is what I am, but no one likes to think that about themselves.

I was never strong, like my brother or sister. I tried, I tried my hardest, but the sight of blood has always disgusted me, and the thought that I have killed a living, sentient being makes me feel sick. I can just about cope with shooting monsters, if I tell myself that they will rampage and kill innocent people, but I am far too weak to take the life of another man.

This feeling of uselessness, it overwhelms me sometimes. If I had one wish when I was younger, well, that one wish used to be that my wings were not so embarrassingly pitiful. Now I suppose it would be for the strength to protect those around me.

I'm thankful that the Diadem war is over. I'm bound by duty still to serve the Empire, even though I feel more at home here than I ever did there. I think I would probably rather serve King Ladekahn than Lord Geldoblame, but if Skeed or Vallye heard me say that, they'd murder me.
 
     12 taunts endured - taunt me?