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Oh yea, and all this stuff too. [Jan. 11th, 2008|06:20 pm]
[Current Location |Bushwick, Brooklyn]
[Current Music |LCD Soundsystem]

Yea, I'm probably going to make a new journal. I can't really stand to see the other journal entries. Not because I think it's gross or disgusting or whatever, I just really feel like I'm not her anymore. I still have my hangups, but for fuck's sake I'm happy. Unlike quodxmexnutrit, which I'm sure none of you knew I had, or maybe I told you all. Who knows. For the first time in my life, this past term, I wanted to not want to starve myself. I got stressed and occasionally did want to, but I actually kept myself in check and said 'no, I don't want to starve myself.' I'm not sure I can get much different. It's been a 21 year long battle. It's still going on, but I'm winning, dammit.

The point is that I'm not _Lotus_Blossom_ anymore. So I'm oging to create something new. Fuck, I'm no longer afraid to love someone. (it's been a good three years or four years). I'm actually fixing myself and moving forward. Which is why I get a little impatient with those that won't, by the way. If I can do it, why can't anyone else? Man it's kind of fun to write this shit down. It's been a while.

I'll edit this with a new name soon.

xxdoxorxdiexx sorry for all the x's someone had the one I wanted. it's cool. it's core. :P. add it or whatever.
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omg, I don't even look like any of my user pics anymore [Jan. 11th, 2008|05:45 pm]
[Current Location |Bushwick, Brooklyn, bitches]
[Current Music |LCD Soundsystem]

in fact, the most recent one was taken before I turned 21. quite a while before. I know I said that I was deleting this, and maybe most of you have already taken me off of your lists. I never got around to it. Occasionally I read some people's journals. I was just reading Shelby's and I'm bored, so I thought I'd update. I don't really know what to say.

Over the summer I was like "I'M A LESBIAN!" and then I got back to school and it didn't last. I don't consider myself bisexual at all anymore though. I'm not straight. I'm not gay. I'm calling myself sexual. I like sex. I like it with people I don't know very well, I like it with people I know kind of well, I like it with people I know very, very well. Actually, that last one is the best kind. I think it's a mixture of a few different kinds of trust, knowing each other's body really well, wanting it more than anything in the world. love is such a fucking cliche. i love it, i hate it, it's stupid, it makes me and other people all around the world do really stupid things and it hurts. even when it's good it hurts.

Was that vague enough for you?

Well, I'm living in Brooklyn right now. FWT, last one. Working at New Georges and in SERIOUS need of a paying job. Jesus, I am broke. $9 to my name. WOO! (How does one do this to one's self?) I <3 RICE! and PASTA! and oh my god, I need a fucking vegetable!

Alright, well, I think I'm going to create a new journal if I'm going to continue this whole lj thing. I got pretty sick of it, but it's kind of nice to be like, 'look! this is what is happening in my life! woo!' I'll let you know if I do. nice to see you all.
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the end of an era [Oct. 9th, 2007|12:46 pm]
[Current Mood |indifferentindifferent]

I think I'm going to delete this. I never check it anymore and I'm too old to bitch to the WWW in hopes that someone, somewhere will be all "oooh, I am soo sorry, Jes". (No offense to my friends that still have this.)

So this is goodbye.

Have a nice life, livejournal.
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I have a neeew cam-er-ahh. It is PINK [Aug. 23rd, 2007|04:29 pm]

Read more...Collapse )

P.S. this is what I look like now. ...happy, redheaded and in love (with my PINKCAM-ER-AH!).
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mmmmhm. [Aug. 20th, 2007|12:25 am]
So. uhm, pop-up add for porn. yea, the penis offically grosses me out. the stupid title/category/whatever that I am now going to associate myself with is lesbian. I'll let you know when the sight of a penis doesn't make me want to throw up.

Sorry, mens.
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cuddle buddy. do want. [Aug. 13th, 2007|11:15 am]
[Tags|, , , ]

uh yea...so I think I'm gay. I'm sticking to the category Bi, since I'm not sure yet and that's what I *have* been sure about in the past. I had a dream about kissing some beautiful girl my brain made up and I can't get it out of my head. Of course, the fact that I couldn't get girl kisses out of my head all night last night was probably *why* I had the dream in the first place. It just keeps perpetuating itself and all I want is to kiss a girl. and maybe be held for a minute. My body is used to more sex than I'm getting right now and I think I'm feeling the withdrawal. My gaydar is improving though! That or I'm just assuming a lot more people are gay than actually are and I'm creeping them out with my hey-yer-cute smiles. :) Whatever. yer cute. :)
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weeeeee! [Jul. 20th, 2007|03:20 am]
The Nurse
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSD)

Friendly and eager. Sexy in white. You are The Nurse.

Like your male counterpart, The Poolboy, you're a fun and goofy, but giving, friend. You believe that life and love should be taken with a grain of salt. We'll bet you smile a lot, which people find contagious.

Your exact female opposite:
The Battleaxe

Deliberate Brutal Love Master
If only they knew the reason...the fact is, you spend WAY more time fantasizing than the average girl. While your friends lean desperately towards love, you're chemically biased towards anti-love: sex. You'd never date someone you didn't find immediately kissable.

To maximize satisfaction, you should find someone carefree and sexual, just like you. Avoid Brutal types at all costs. A final bit of advice: experience doesn't matter. You didn't qualify as a Master, and your perfect match need not either. Consider both The Poolboy (RGSD) and The Playboy (RGSM).

BUT ALWAYS AVOID: The False Messiah (DBLM), The Mixed Messenger (DBLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.
My profile name: : raspberryhead

OkCupid - Free Online Dating
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You know what's fucking great? [Jul. 17th, 2007|01:24 pm]
[Current Mood |annoyedannoyed]

My mother drank "a lot of" (her measurement) vodka last night and was asleep before 9pm, when I got home. She woke up around 3:20am, was apparently still drunk and started crying to me about all sorts of shit. DO NOT DRINK WHEN YOU'RE SO DEPRESSED, WOMAN. She's fucking stupid. "oh, no, I'm not...I don't" what? you're not that kind of drunk? well first off...YES YOU ARE. obviously. Second? ALCOHOL IS A DEPRESSANT.
fbvjdndfksj frustrating woman.
I don't know if she even remembers all the fabulous advice I gave her last night. Probably not.
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newnewlayout! [Jul. 15th, 2007|07:04 am]
new layout!
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Drama in the Condyles Family. [Jul. 15th, 2007|01:24 am]
[Current Mood |cheerfulcheerful]

My dad called and we talked for a long time; probably the longest, deepest conversation we've ever had. I feel so much better.
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