I'm growing to hate the word "love."
Does anyone know what that means?
I think we all know what we want it to mean,
but when it comes down to it,
love is something that even when you think you feel it,
there's no way to be sure.
How do you know you love someone?
Is it because, the person is funny?
Is it because you've known the person longer than you can remember?
Is it because, the person is nice to you?
Or maybe it's because, the person allows you to have a relationship with them
without ever making you face who you are,
without ever criticizing you,
without ever taking a moment to let the relationship for any point in time be about them.
Does that constitute love?
Is that "letting you be yourself"?
So many times I've heard that "I can be myself with them," as a reason for loving someone.
But what if yourself is slimy and dirty?
Shouldn't you want to be with someone who's going to ask you to clean yourself up?
Encourage you to shine?
Do you have to know things about a person to love them?
Are things like, favorite color and birthdays important?
They seem kind of insignificant to me,
but "if they care" they should remember, right?
At least, that's what I keep hearring.
I would rather have the person know my secrets,
and remember them,
and consider them when they speak to me,
when they do things for me,
when they evaluate how they feel about me.
Can you feel things for someone who has never told you how they feel?
Is it possible to love someone who does not allow you see their emotions?
I guess it's possible.
People love inanimate objects all the time.
Cars, jewelry, tv, moeny.
But those are possesions.
If you love someone who doesn't let you see their emotions,
how do you love them?
Do you love them as your possession?
As YOUR friend?
As YOUR significant other?
And what is the feeling they have for you?
Do you know?
Do you ask?
If they call it love,
what kind of love is it?
Possessions do not have emotions,
but if you love someone as a possession,
and they express love back to you,
do you see how much more significant that love is?
They don't love you as THEIR friend,
they love you as YOUR friend.
Can you imagine how deep rooted that feeling is?
They don't love you for what you do for them,
they love you, because of what they do for you.
That's something that cannot be changed,
or taken away,
If everyone loved other,
as though they were that person's possesion,
How could love die?
How could it break?
How could people fall out of it?
Would it have a choice but to survive?
But that's not the kind of love we have in the world today.
Everyone loves each other because,
"he respects me,"
"she listens to me,"
"he takes care of me,"
"she would do anything for me."
Can we stop?
Can we put an end to it?
I'm not saying that people should belong to one another.
Not at all,
The only person you should belong to is yourself.
But think of the way you love yourself.
Can't we choose to love other's that same way?
Why do we continuously put ourselves in a form of love that is subject to change?
Put ourselves in danger of being hurt?
Love isn't something that captures you and ties you up and won't let you go.
You let yourself love.
If you feel like it's something thats sucking you in,
then you're letting it suck you in.
If you dont want it,
Don't let yourself fall into a love you don't want,
that is unworthy of effort that you're going to put into it.
There's something more.
And until more people realize that,
more people will hurt,
more people will lose faith,
and more people will fail at love.
And I hate the word.
Two things so different shouldn't be pronounced the same.
I don't want my love to be tied to the same love you give a stereo.
I don't want my love to have the same name as something you use to describe a dress.
I want it to be more.
It should be more.
I'm making my journal friends only.
I won't be deleting anyone,
but I no longer like the idea of not knowing who is reading my journal.
So this will be my last public post.
If you happen to stumble across this and you aren't added,
leave me a comment and add me.
I'll be happy to add you back.
Thank you for your time.
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