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12 March 2009 @ 03:54 pm
21 January 2009 @ 10:12 pm

So I've made my journal friends-only these days. I'm using it for my writing, but there's plenty of other moments from my life in here, which is why you need to comment to be added. Just say hi and tell me about yourself (or how I know you) and it's that simple.

Also, the wonderful friends-only banner above was made by honeyelle 
31 December 2008 @ 05:00 pm

Christmas went by too fast; an event I was truly hoping to savour and experience entirely this year, and it just passed by in a heartbeat. Maybe a lesson in appreciating the things you have a little earlier?

So 2008, what do I have to say about you? You were eventful, to say the very least. I didn't think this would be a good year. It started out with me in a pretty bad place and I just thought that luck would seep into every moment, but I was pleasantly surprised with how life seems to pull through and shock you. Starting uni was strange, but ended up to be enjoyable due to both old and new friends. Though I'm still sure that I want to be a writer more than I want to be a teacher. I'm just trying to get myself there.

Mostly I remember my friends being the most amazing humans I know. Dancing everywhere. Driving various places within various degrees of the law. Devastation too early. Laughing obnoxiously. Playing pool. Cocktails. Shopping. Buying books of amazon religiously. Making new friends. Not being a teenager anymore. Finding myself addicted to facebook. Losing a friend. Moving to America for '09/'10. Planning out the last moments I will get with my friends.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
started uni. new job. survived without a Harry Potter book/movie. Beedle the Bard not included.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t ever make any, but I am going to promise myself to save my money and make next year worthwhile

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
that's a loaded question.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

5. What countries did you visit?
none this year. bring on America 2009 

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
more money, more self confidence, more independence, more strength.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
the day I found out I was leaving 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
finishing my first year of uni, being accepted to study overseas, becoming somewhat less dependent on someone I needed to separate myself from. Seeing Twilight 4 times in the first 8 days it was released. 
9. What was your biggest failure?
not looking after myself properly and not being strong enough to say what I'm thinking&feeling.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
a  little

11. What was the best thing you bought?
oh, so many things. Possibly all my books.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
my own.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
who else?.

14. Where did most of your money go?
books, clothes, uni.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
America! Birthdays!.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
A few, but I have to say Decode, Paramore obvs. Cause I love Twilight .

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I. happier or sadder? Happier, actually
II. thinner or fatter? fatter
III. richer or poorer? So much poorer I may cry.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
saved money. let myself be open to new things/people.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How did you spend Christmas?

21. How will you be spending New Years?
Pretty dresses, cocktails in teapots and dancing with my lovers. Missing the people I don't get to spend the night with 

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I tried to fall out of it.

23. How many one night stands?
trying to get out of that habit/not enough.

24. What were your favourite TV programmes?
oh, so so many. NCIS wins most things in life. Plus all my boxsets.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think so. It's pretty much the same hate list. Maybe I hate someone a bit more though.

26. What was the best book you read?
oh, so many. City of Ashes was amazing. Then to fill that void and the wait til Breaking Dawn I had the Morganville series, & Weather Wardens which I adore. The Host was fantastic, and I did enjoy BD. Also Shadow Kiss, which made me cry just as much as any death in HP. Next year is also going to be a fantastic year in books.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
they weren't so much discoveries as just favourites for the year. paramore, kings of leon, mutemath, trial kennedy, seabellies, muse, the wombats, story of the year, after the fall, coldplay, TV on the Radio, editors, Jack's Mannequin.

28. What did you want and get?
a chance to start over.

29. What did you want and not get?

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Cocktails with the friends for mine and Christine's birthdays.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more desirable boys.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
flirty fun times and pretty dresses.

34. What kept you sane?
my friends and the endless amusement they provided and the internet.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Rob Pattinson.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

37. Who did you miss?
Bianca Ross

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Nicole and Jess are amazing.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
there is always a chance, a possibility, an option.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year
Even if your voice comes back again, maybe there'll be no one listening,
and even if you find the strength to stand, doesn't mean you won't go missing


Current Music: born for this, paramore
why are my friends the best people i know? for serious, we are the best people going 'round. we are a million times better than you.
today was so good [except for the failing cafs, that - not so good] but was really really lovely and enjoyable and all around nice and fun.

why are my friends the funniest people ever? and why am i so clever and witty? when did i become this funny? because my complete lack-of-humour has been a problem for a good many years of my life.
oh dear. i love my friends.

this afternoon i had to catch the bus home & it was horrible because my discman is broke and i had zero music. which meant i had nothing to distract me from thinking about this person i may or may not like which is bad. i shouldnt be thinking about you like this. you are my friend and i love you completely. which is why i should not like you or want to mack you or think about how much i really want to mack you
eurgh. why is this so complicated? no really, why is this sooo incredibly bad. you dont like me. not like that. you love me [this i know completely] but i am your friend. you tell me things, i tell you things. we dont mack.
but why do i want to? why now?

[i know the answer to this question, but im not willing to think there is a chance your revelation leaves open a window for me & you]

& this sucks because it has to remain one of my plethora of secrets [just not one i can whip out at random intervals when conversation dies]
because i love you too much.

p.s. helen, do not leave me! do not go away on holidays! you can come holiday here with me in wangi for a month, yeah, how about that? wangi = a million times better than europe.... [yeah, in what lifetime guys?]
p.p.s. neda is not bulgarian for sami, therefore neda does not get to know my secret. sami is also not alexis' middle name, so she therefore also does not get to know. i happen to know what your middle name is, so do not try to fool me. i am so clever[&witty]



a many number of songsCollapse )

Current Mood: love!
Current Music: switch! will smith
longest nine hours of my life... i was about to pass out from dehydration... there is not enough water in the universe to accomodate me now... or sugary things to boost my energy... or caffeine to caffeinate me... whatever, okay. i dont even know.

on a totally separate note...

i fucking love you, you know

may even be crushing slightly. but who even knows, really? not me, that's for sure.

i would totally mack you though

i mean, uh, what?

p.s. me + neda + alexis = best people ever. we are eighty million thousand times better than you, and dont you forget it.
Current Music: rolling stones
27 May 2005 @ 05:34 pm
aww lecky, you're so gorgeous. [neda is so silly]
what love, incredible love i have for the both of you.
Current Mood: head hurts
25 May 2005 @ 06:35 pm
so, there was a freak out about extension english this morning... it did not help when lec ate my biscuit. yeah, thats right, i wanted that biscuit.
but you know, did okay actually, wrote five pages so that was good. i left so much out though. then i had to study for cafs. ergh. lec and ashleigh, you guys suck. i was trying to study, obviously. absolutely failed that one. there go fifty marks, watch em go, you just watch em. longest hour and a half of my life because i had no idea what i was talking about
but then we went to the park. and got food. and mango in a cup. and sat, and played and layed and laughed at neda in all her bulgarian-ness and sang and laughed and it was nice. because it was an autumn day and we were all laughing and smiling and happy.
and i listened to music the whole way home and walked home in the sun while the sky was blue and pink and purple and yellow and it was really pretty so i layed on the rocks with my feet in the water and watched the sun set before i came home.

and i still havent started studying for society and culture tomorrow. i am soo tired. i could sleep for a week. one whole week. maybe even two.
spreading myself too thin, i am, i am.

but that doesnt really matter because today was just a lot of fun and laughter and niceness with kids that i love very much
24 May 2005 @ 07:39 pm
so my day consisted of many things. like freak out over religion. who knew that exam meant so much to me? no really? and then catching a train while thinking about extension. eating food while thinking about extension. then tiring of thinking about extension so procrastinated instead. bought books and got some music. then decided i needed a new bra because i enjoy bra shopping and ive totally gone up a bra size! yes! go team, go. then came home on a particularly interesting bus ride which included such quotes [both funny and meaningful] "you're completely in your own world when you listen to your music" "your eyes are a shade of marvelous blue" and my personal favourite "aren't you having a baby?" WTF?!? KIERAN! what the hell do you tell your friends?! seriously. i almost died laughing. then came home and the neda called me.... at four fifteen there abouts... just got off the phone to her about ten minutes ago... spent the whole time going over FRANKENSTEIN! yes! we will beat you allllll in the extension exam! we are the best people i know. for serious. we are so funny and lame and awesome.

i am now going to go do some more extension study before the oc. neda and i are having a studying party in the morning before school [like, early] if anyone wants to join us in our lame factor of about ten.

yes, go team.

p.s. listening to nobody someday makes me the single happiest person alive. i adore this song times infinity million eighty thousand. yeah, 'cause that's a number.
Current Mood: extension, yeah!
Current Music: nobody someday, robbie
all i want is to be the very best for you
[oh this time there'll be no life of crime]
don't rain on me tonight
circle around me now baby it'll be ok
cause we all go downtown sometimes
somehow baby we'll beat this mess
it's the time fuck the surface to meet the specialist

[time away from me will get you down...]
and you're spelling out your love
you shouldn't be alone in there
you could be above ground

i enjoy this song right now. i enjoy these words because i think they are more me than i've been lately. i wanted to call you, but i realised i probably couldnt and everyone else was doing things like sleeping [alex] or out [piccolo] and who else did i call? there were people, but i cant remember. i just like talking. so now im writing letters because im not going to be too scared to give them to you. not anymore.

i'm tried of being afraid.
dean asked me out today. not in the sense of 'we are dating', but just going out and macking whenever. its funny because thats something i really wanted before all this mess happened, before everything changed so drastically.

after i finished work he met me outside with a bottle of jim beam in hand. he is such a lovely boy. he calls me darling and apparantly i can only be his sami [this is only true in wangi - everyone else calls me sam here]

and we kissed under these nice shady trees and he never pushes me, because im me. he's known me since i was eight, he would never hurt me.

too bad i dont really like him as much as i used to. im torn between him and someone else, but even both of these people are only in the very back of my mind [not very important] because there is an odd calm facade infront of all the chaos.

i think at the moment i am just too tired to deal with certain people right now, and you were right in everything you said [it didnt hurt me or make me hate you, i like that we can be open about all of these things and have it not hurt] we do need space.

but really, [eww] midcourse.
Current Mood: not midcourse like