||[May. 10th, 2004|03:06 pm]
So, after staying up until nearly 3 a.m., I have finished most of my essays for my classes and caught up on reading assignments for my classes so I'm no longer behind. I can't believe I fell behind! I'm never behind! I am blaming my other duties, which is not an excuse. Academics come before Prefect duties and tutoring. Come to your senses, Lily Evans. I, of all people, should know this.
But, I suppose much like Marlene, my mind is always wandering; going back to that evening in France. I keep pressing work on myself, trying so hard to get work done and work hard to keep my mind focused away, but it wanders. When I sleep at night, I hear the screaming and the crying for help and the look on Marlene's face. My wrists still hurt occassionally when I write. I've seen Madame Pomfrey about it and she says the tendons are still strengthening as are the muscles and bones. My back burns every now and then. Again, it's just the healing process despite the medicated potions and creams Madame Pomfrey used. It's slow and painful and working hard is not helping as much as I thought it would.
I feel awful for Ludo. Professor Flitwick has shut down the club he worked so hard to plan and organize. I've thought of addressing Professor Flitwick myself, but when I try, he just shakes his head and shoos me out of the classroom. I feel responsible despite how many times I've had it pounded into my head that I shouldn't feel that way. How else am I suppose to feel. Now the Ministry is getting involved and I'm so tired of it. Why can't I just swallow a potion down and forget everything? Alter my memory with a quick Obliviate spell? Wouldn't it be better? Things would be better; it would be easier.
My parents finally found out and are in a tizzy. They were extremely displeased that I didn't tell them right away, but how can you tell your parents something like that? You can't. There's no easy way around it and there never will be. I ignored it and asked when Petunia's wedding was. They said they would tell me in person for fear that someone would find out and ruin the wedding. I fear they're beginning to lose trust in the wizarding world. I don't know what I'm going to do if they decide it's not safe and keep from returning to Hogwarts. I won't have a choice as I'm not of age yet.
Things are getting a bit odd as the year comes to an end...just a bit odd.