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Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

Time:8:33 pm.
Somebody just kill me.
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Monday, November 28th, 2011

Time:9:33 am.
Disappearing from the world a little bit at a time.
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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

Subject:Round and round.
Time:10:52 am.
Happiness is only a temporary feeling.
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Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

Subject:Dwelling.
Time:12:11 pm.
They don't talk about me anymore.
Why can't I do the same?
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Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Subject:FB
Time:11:33 pm.
I just can't shake off this feeling. This stupid urge. Pictures remind me of better forgotten memories. I can't help it, they're there. I just want to be able to forget and move on.
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Friday, June 11th, 2010

Time:9:31 am.
Crying a little bit on the inside.
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Tuesday, May 25th, 2010

Time:3:52 pm.
What's the point anymore?
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Friday, May 7th, 2010

Subject:Fireflies and unicorns.
Time:10:34 pm.
You've got, the most unbelievable
blue eyes I've ever seen
You've got, me almost melted away
As we lay there, under a blue sky
with pure white stars
Exotic sweetness, a magical time
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Monday, May 3rd, 2010

Time:9:52 am.
Desparately pretending like nothing is wrong.
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Sunday, May 2nd, 2010

Time:1:30 pm.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

Time:7:49 am.
I wish I could just disappear...
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Friday, April 9th, 2010

Subject:Thought Process.
Time:3:06 pm.
Suicidal? No.
Contemplative? Yes.
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Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

Subject:Fleeting memories.
Time:3:41 pm.
Always wishing for a better year.
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Monday, November 23rd, 2009

Subject:Taking on the world one curve ball at a time.
Time:4:12 pm.

Jack and SallyCollapse )
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Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Subject:Baby Flowers
Time:4:03 pm.
I think it's finally safe to say I'm a better person.
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Monday, September 26th, 2005

Subject:The first 'real' time
Time:2:49 am.
Sometime last week I came to a point where I just couldn't take it anymore. With all the changes in my life happening all at once I suddenly couldn't handle the pressure. After school when I came home, the first thing I would think about were the best ways to commit suicide. I've thought about them before but for some reason this time it held more meaning.

I mentally broke down yesterday and was in a panicked frenzy for several hours. Sleep didn’t come easy. I kept waking up this morning only thinking about the quickest ways to lose weight and what a failure I am at everything. Then I remembered about the razor I hid in my jewelry box. I've never been able to actually cut myself but the longing within me that moment was begging too loud. Many times before I had admired the blade, let it gently graze across my wrist, even attempted to break the skin but the will was never strong enough.

My room was dark... and I wanted to keep it that way. I wouldn’t be able to follow through if I actually saw what I was doing. I slowly got out of bed and took out the razor. The familiar touch of it in my hand made me tremble. A friend of old memories, like the ones you wish you had never met.

Then ready for anything, I took the blade and ran it across my wrist. My hand slipped; my mind full of dismay. I recollected my thoughts and held the blade firm trying twice more. This time I had felt the razor’s caress and then scurried to the bathroom to check out my destruction. To my disappointment nothing more than two tiny slits had been created. Hardly big or deep enough to draw blood. I decided one more try, this time in the light. As I got ready to do my worst, I suddenly became lightheaded and collapsed to the floor. Why had this happened? Why couldn’t I pull through with that simple task?

I had even failed in hurting myself.
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Thursday, February 17th, 2005

Subject:Waiting for "Prince Charming"
Time:8:22 pm.
Mood: pessimistic.
The pain grows worse, I wish it would go away. And the thought of using another to try to fill the void doesn't help the fact, just makes it worse. Do I really love him? No. LOVE is not the word for how I feel. Do I even like him? Maybe. But is it for him or for the person others see in him? Maybe he's the closest I’ll ever get to my past memories. He doesn't know, it's not fair to him. I don't know... I’m drowning in my confusion and frustration. If I’m right, the reality of it cannot be, can never be. Only friends at the most. But maybe they're all lies. Just a game to lure me in and mess with my heart. After all, I am not the first, not even the second. How do I know it's the truth, and even if, how do I know it will last? It won't, they never do. Should I tell him now or continue to play along and see what happens? My heart is young, it can endure the pain if worst comes to worst but I don’t want it to. I want the first to last forever, not end like a firecracker; beautiful yet short. I am too naive, I need to grow. This is not a game to be messed with yet I feel as if I am one of those unfair players. Maybe it is not for me. Maybe I am different. Meant to be alone and just watch, not to experience. I don't want my emotions to consume me. When will I grow out of this stage and become wise? Only time will tell...
Comments: Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for _juichi_.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (Nothing more than lies).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 17 entries.