||[Apr. 28th, 2005|02:04 am]
They were dressed up Killingly. . .
|||||gilmore girls <3||]|
Spring semester is finally over and I couldn't be happier.
The last couple of days were incredibly stressful due to finals and the severe consequences of failing. I already know I passed Dance, Sociology, and Baroque Art (probably all with B's), but Finite Math has been the real kicker. Hopefully, though. Either way, not all is lost. The sun keeps rising and setting. I keep breathing and living.
I'm going to take summer classes, though i'm still torn between Yoga and Evolution of Jazz. Damn time scheduling. And i'll be working as well.. so I guess I won't be as free as I thought I would be. Still.. classes won't be too difficult to handle, and work will probably be pretty slack so if anything I can use that time to do some more efficient things (i'll have access to printers, scanners, and copy machines now I think!).
I need to start driving around my mom's car. My folks are leaving for Nicaragua in late May and it'll be up to me to provide my own transportation. This is going to prove to be a challenge, but I think i'm up for it. Guess I had to learn sooner or later.
The other day it finally hit me that i've already complete two full years of university. Two years. And i'm afraid I don't have very much to show for it. I've slacked off for the most part (though I believe i've managed decent grades), and let myself just kind of waste away at a standstill. I have all these ideas, all this energy, this vision to do so many things. I know I have all this potential lying around somewhere underneath the thick layer of apathy, but it's been so hard to struggle out of it. I'm going to be 21 in September. I know i'm not old, nowhere near it. And my time on this planet is, hopefully, only beginning. But I think that it's about time I start trying to live the life I always meant to live, rather than the life that i've been holding on to. The last two years have been a security blanket for me. I've relied heavily upon my relationship and hedonistic tendencies to keep me content and my drive and creativity at bay, but the time has come to try to figure out what else is out there. I have a lot of things to figure out and try to decide on this summer. I'm beginning to seriousely reconsider my majoring in art history, minoring in sociology/anthropology. Part of me is toying with the idea of photojournalism again, and the more I think about it, the more i'm intrigued. Photography drew me in my senior year of highschool, and it was about the only real friend and outlet I had that entire year. I've let it go the last year or so for a variety of reasons, but the love I felt for it never faded. It's the only thing that i've ever felt came somewhat naturally to me aside from writing. This is where the journalism part comes in to play. All my life, i've known that deep down my biggest passion is writing. It's never really mattered what I was writing; whether it be a poem, a story idea, a journal entry, a critical essay, or a grocery list, nothing makes me happier than writing. Words have always been my life. Freelancing has always seemed like a viable option, but now i'm thinking something steady might also be nice. I'm not entirely decided upon anything, but i'm going to try to have a more solid decision by the fall.
This summer is about self renovation and improvement. The need to "grow up" is beginning to press on me. Not in the "let me get a 9to5 office job conference meetings briefcase high heels no grass stains anti-wrinkle cream marry the man in the most expensive buisness suit get a 401k" kind of way.. but just figure out life and try to find direction kind of way. I want to start doing things that are good for me. I need to start learning more, wasting less time, staying sharp. I need some focus and some clarity and some piece of mind.
Things are good right now and I can't seriousely complain. The relationship is still great (albeit a tad strained from the severe lack of "alone" time). I still couldn't see myself with anyone else, I still miss him just seconds after he's gone. Friendships are still a bit shakey, but i'm working on it. These next few weeks will definitely be my make-up-for-lost-time-with-friends time. Some of you can expect phonecalls requesting your company quite soon. I also need to work on the family situation. They're good people, despite everything, and I owe them this much. Still, I think things will improve once i've moved out again. I need to find an apartment near campus for sale. The new plan in my head goes: do well in school, start taking more classes and get more scholarship money, work less, get folks involved to buy me an apartment (which I will pay off back to them monthly), and maybe start gaining a little sanity. This is just an idea though.
I'm tired and i've been writing a lot. I need to re-adjust my internal clock.. sleep earlier and wake earlier. This lack of sleep can't be good for me at all.
Random List of Things I Need To Do ASAP
-figure out volunteer work in nica
-figure out pseudo itinerary for trip
-buy plane ticket
-get digital camera in working order again
-get summer loan
I'm nervous/excited about the future.
Look out world.