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Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

[ Take Off ]

Subject:co co puff confusion
Time:8:38 am.
I want to put 2009 into pictures. I have enough of them. I really don`t know how I feel about the year though, it has been so confusing. I`ve felt so many new emotions. I created a new life for myself, I watched a new life be born, a life end and I myself, I have diminished my optimism. It`s amazing how you can change yourself and then realize who you have become months later, like you`re watching someone else transform but it´s really just yourself.
Any way, I adopted a kitten and I am moving to South Park on December 10th with Marlene and Hecky.

Things aren´t so bad. Jeez.

Friday, November 13th, 2009

[ 1 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:10:32 pm.
At times in my mind, I eliminate one by one each piece of what humanity holds as proof and reason for its existence. The possibility of God, God never even existing as an idea, humanity never having a face, our planet never being and then all I see is black.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

[ Take Off ]

Subject:I need a time machine
Time:7:58 am.
Sometimes I wish I would wake up back in 2006. Reality can be too real.
BUT
Life is life, it is what it is and things are as they should be.

Good Morning?

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

[ 1 Landing = Take Off ]

Subject:Blue and Grey
Time:12:13 pm.
I've never felt this way before. Friends have always been so true to me, full of love and long lasting friendship. I can't even describe it. I am a lover, I love everyone. I guess it's just a big shocker when somebody turns their back to me or is confused as to why I care about them so much.
Maybe my energy is working against all others right now?
Everything that comes out of my mouth send my arms forward in effort to scoop the words back in. Too forward? Not thinking before speaking?
I don't understand how people work.
Let me love you and don't question it!

I know that I am supposed to be where I am right now though. Everything feels pretty much RIGHT!

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

[ 3 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:9:37 am.
What do you say to someone you've known for two hours when they tell you " I don't know who I am living for, it definitely isn't for myself."
Thank me for creating awkward situations like this.

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

[ Take Off ]

Time:10:20 am.
At this point in my life there is nothing that I want more than to travel. It has been my greatest desire to backpack through Mexico. I think this was inspired by Y Tu Mama Tambien but inspired even more by Ofus' sister who climbs mountains and walks through the jungles of Chiapas. I want to find beautiful beaches, volcano's, waterfalls, jump into simple lives, learn their ways, take in their culture.
I have been in this city for exactly one month and I think I am done here. It's a great city, wonderful people, things to do, free free free; food, museums.. But I just feel like I am a slave to this this lame so called "studio" with poor natural lighting and paper thin walls. Maybe things would be different if I had a bigger place or if I had a real job.
I couldn't go to school yesterday because I had to choose between paying for parking or taking the bus to work..3 dollars, that is all that I have. My bank account is completely empty as is Hecky's.
The city is so attractive, but I don't think it is for me. All I can think about is how lovely and simple life is in Mexico(well with family.) I miss learning, making music with my classmates, seeing my classmates faces every morning, working a solid job and most of all Hecky's family.

On a lighter note, I began tutoring yesterday and it was pretty cool. I don't think I have ever felt so useful. The kids were stinky with puppy breath and the residue of a full day sticking to their clothes, hands and faces. There were a few obnoxious ones but I'll get them under control. A few weeks ago one of them swore to the heavens that one of the tutors was a "white bitch" I can't wait to see what name I'll get.
My Favorite is Tommy Wuang, I'm helping him one on one which is awesome. It was really hard when the second group came in and I had to tend to 4 kids at once all working on different assignments.


I should actually be looking for a second job right now.
Peace

Monday, January 26th, 2009

[ Take Off ]

Time:12:44 pm.
Odd jobs are the way to go.
I haven't had any luck with a "real job" I have responded to ads on craigslist, and put up ads for housecleaning and babysitting. I am an after school tutor, I start after the 30th, and yesterday I set up a date to meet a woman that I am most likely going to start babysitting for. She is an artist who lives at the top of Ashbury with a 13 month old baby girl Evei.
So....it's all I've been able to find. But its something great...:]

[live announcement]
I have the best boyfriend ever!
What other boyfriend runs out of the bathroom naked with the shower running just to jump in front of me and twirl like a ballerina in the nutcracker? Then runs back without making eye contact or saying a word! hahaha

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

[ 4 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:7:24 pm.
The best part about this move is that I get to hang out in my underwear.
I must tell you that I have been pretty depressed, kind of regretting this. I established a great community in San Diego with all of the women in the office that I was working at, my two great professors, classmates and hectors family.

It's ironic that I left those who I love. I left love for love.

Everything is coming together though, I am much happier. Today Hecky and I went to the Academy of Science, it was free and AWESOME. We also went to the de Young museum just to the tower, it had the best view that I have experienced since I've been here. It has been sunny and hot and finally today San Francisco has gone back to being normal. It actually feels a tad bit like January. The sun was hiding out today and the rain was very light. On the way home, a blind woman boarded the 28 and I couldn't stop thinking about her. The man across from her looked at her freely, it is easy to look at those who don't know they are being watched. She stumbled into her seat with direction from the driver. I couldn't help but wonder what she was going to do when she got off of the bus. The 28 ends at the Daly City Bart station and it is an overwhelming place. She was 2nd off of the bus and everyone just passed her by as she stood in the middle of the rushing river of passengers. I approached her and asked if she needed help getting to where she was going. " ooh yess, I need to get to the bart " so I took her hand and walked her to the gate, got her through and she thanked me but It didn't occur to me that she needed to get even further. A man on the other side of the gate that saw me and I asked and pointed if he could help her and he did the same thing, took her buy the hand and guided her. She had the softest hand that I have ever felt.

So here I sit, another day that is complete.







Monday, January 12th, 2009

[ 5 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:5:59 pm.
I woke this morning to another episode of coffee and craigslist. When I stepped out of the shower I had a voicemail from my mom. "I started Chemotherapy today, there is a flute player here and I just remember how beautiful you play honey." Each of my eyes turned into a sea of guilt and sympathy. I continued with my morning routine, dry and quiet.I became disconnected in the thought of my mother loosing every hair on her body and shrinking away into an even smaller portion of a woman than she already is I was lost in the silence of my hairdryer, He couldn't hear me over its roar but the next thing I knew I was on the floor in his arms. Every 10 minutes I would choke and begin to already miss her life. I had to continue, school began today, it was exactly what my heart and my minds doctor ordered.
Standing on Geneva, waiting for the 54 many people passed leaving a trail of smoke to encapsulate me. I wanted to shout out to them "my mom has lung cancer" to drop a hint, or maybe wear a shirt that says my desired expression. But I stood and waited, quietly, lively listening in my tiny rain drop of musical privacy.

We tell stories for what? To end up where we are.
My story ends where I begin.

Sunday, January 11th, 2009

[ 4 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:2:13 am.
Moving to San Franciso, I must say, is the best thing that I have ever done for myself.
I feel welcome here, I have friends that want to see me and appreciate me. I have not been this excited for life since I was sixteen. Living in San Diego had turned into such a bummer, everything/everyone turned into a let down. I really don't know who all of my friends have become, I really don't know any of my friends any more.
Tonite has been the best night that I have had in SUCH a long time, it was well deserved and desired. Any way, no harm meant, only pure truth.
Good night.

Saturday, January 10th, 2009

[ Take Off ]

Time:9:40 am.
You were once worth $800-$1,200. Now you are old and stand no chance of fathering children.
Your ability to work will soon cease to exist. You may buy your freedom. Give me $600 and you may live as you may live as you please.
Done.


It is not ignorance or weakness, some just play the cards that they are dealt without a choice.

If you can't find strangers that love you and cherish your life, build a family.

Friday, January 9th, 2009

[ Take Off ]

Time:8:35 pm.
If only my brain were more appreciated.
I wish my job consisted of just thought. Pay me to think. Please.

Monday, December 8th, 2008

[ Take Off ]

Time:8:11 pm.
I ask myself, why am I not as happy as them?
Then I realize that my life is not completely my own.
I allow this.
I wish I understood my development more, I might possibly be able to understand myself.
Happiness is whatever you want it to be.

Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008

[ 1 Landing = Take Off ]

Subject:wishes
Time:1:58 pm.
Hello. I have left live journal alone once again. I always do. But I always come back.
The semester is over, this has been by far my most succesful semester. I have decided to Major in music. I made it in the latest issue of SWC's news paper in an article about one of the classes that I am taking. It is a performance class required for music majors. It helps overcome performance anxiety, develops performance skills and just improves performance...My picture is in the paper, it's pretty exciting. I also got my license FINALLY. I do a lot of driving now. I don't spend too much time at home. I am working at 711 again, I became really broke and I couldnt support myself so i really took the last option and asked for my job back. I have been working a lot hours since the semester ended. I have been spending a lot of time with Dustin, he is going back to work now though. Marlene is in town, Greg is in town. The christmas holiday is a such a beautiful time, everyone is home.I had a small gathering at my house for new years eve and it was a wonderful time. Now today i wish to apply for a new job, i wish to work at borders. I need to find a new journal and a calendar. There is a lot to say but i could never say it.
Happy New Year
2008

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

[ 5 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:7:42 pm.
I left South Western today at 4 pm positive that I was going to pass out as soon as i stepped foot in my house. Instead, I ate a bowl of cereal (life) and then decided to ride my bike to Imperial Beach. I packed my bag [digital camera, cannon, water, wallet, cancer sticks.] and I took off. My desination was the border that proceeds into the Pacific. Where families meet on both sides and have picnics through the fence together while one is in Mexico and the other is in the USA. My step mom told me a story about her friend walking down this beach towards the fence one day. I guess she got too close to the fence and a hellocopter landed near her blowing sand everywhere just to tell her to step away from the fence. SO! I locked my bike and my shoes to a wooden dock overlooking the Tijuana Estuary and i started walking. I was a bit worried at first about my bike but realized the if my bike gets stolen, it gets stolen, ill just take the bus home shoeless. It was hard to relax and be at peace walking down the beach because at least every 30 seconds a hellocopter flew over your head patrolling the fence and i guess the estuarty. I had a little trip while locking my bike to the dock overlooking the estuary. I imagined that there were humans hiding in the tall tall grass, waiting for the sun to set so they can run free. I got over the flying assholes over my head and let my mind run. I couldnt determine if i were in mexico or america, I dont think that anybody could tell you that it is either Meixco or America, its just a strip of land touching the ocean where two roads meet. I was becoming paranoid the closer I got, I was a bit glad that I had brought my wallet with my ID in it. I felt like i was going to be stopped and questioned by the border patrol. I was getting really excited to finally meet the fence ...but as i got closer and closer to the bull ring I bumped into an obstacle. There is a river-like current that flows from the Pacific into the Estuary. It just divides and ruins your path. I couldnt tell how deep it was, or how long it would be as low as it was. So i stood there for a while, very disapointed then turned around and took my walk back. If I had crossed the water I might not have gotten back across it by the time i would have made it to the fence and back. By the time i arrived back to where i had started the sun had set. My bike was there waiting for me. I plan on doing this again, and that little river wont be there to stop me.
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Monday, October 8th, 2007

[ 9 Landing = Take Off ]

Subject:The Current Kristin
Time:10:33 pm.
[[ I ]]
-am still unemployed for the time being
-have been putting almost all of myself into the house and caring for mom; cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping..etc
-am still enjoying school
-have a mid-term for Music 111 tomorrow
-have been driving to school
-am still without a license
-am happy most of the time
Here are pictures i jacked from the photographers of tony and melissas wedding. They had a really great photographer. I feel sorta bad for copying these instead of paying for them :( haha man it would suck if i were the photographer..shiza We had to take so many pictures, I couldnt wait to take my shoes off. My legs were sore for 4 days after the wedding, I had never worn heels in my life! but it was fun to actually dress up like a girl. The wedding was beautiful. Enjoy the photos.
weddingCollapse )

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007

[ 3 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:6:46 am.
Working at 711 has become such a drag. I have contemplated quitting. I tried to quit before and my boss pursuaded me to work weekends and that worked out well. I work 30 hours a week now and I am taking 16 units, after school work is the LAST place i want to go or idea that i want to think about. For the last two days I have REALLY been thinking about quitting. I am off today, I go back in tomorrow and the thought makes me want to not show up. I had a nightmare last night about 711. We were continuously getting robbed, but it wasn't anything dangerous or major it was just some young adults stealing petty items. One evening I was left alone with a younger worker, I cannot remember who but we were held at gun point, asked to empty out our registers and just back away from everything and let them take over. The store was full of customers, we were all afraid for our lives. The crimnal was a young girl, a very brave girl the kind no one would ever want to mess with. When they got what they wanted they drove away in a car without a license plate....carefree, they weren't scared they were ruthless. A few days later when my managers and boss retruned I saw the girl out side. I ran to Jr. ( my favorite manager next to Roger) To tell him that the girl was out side and we should finally call the police. He walked outside with his phone to his ear telling her that it was the police but I was really on the other line listening to what she was saying so i could tell him if she was telling the truth or not. Suddenly I have an incoming call on the other line and i dont want to answer, then from Jr.'s phone I hear "Hey stupid bitch, why dont you answer your phone??" I looked over the fence, she was missing and Jr was on the floor sliced, diced, and bleeding. I began to cry, I ran inside to tell my boss and they looked out the window to see Jr on the floor now being nibbled on by a wolf. Jr and my boss have known eachother for 30 years I had never seen so much emotion in my boss' face. I didn't have the heart to tell any of my other co-workers...My boss ran out there to him...she got my boss too. I was next. The rest of my dream is quite foggy, but some how i ended up alive. I tossed and turned all night. Restlessness from cramps and nightmares....ay...I NEED TO QUIT before this really happens to me.

Monday, August 20th, 2007

[ 3 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:8:29 pm.
Fall semester began today.It felt good waking up early to sit in a desk and be a student. I began at 8 (Foundation of Music Theory) I have a gappy schedule this semester. MWF I have a 2 hour break between 9-11, ONE 10 o'clock class on Tuesday so i'll be there 10-10:50 and Thursdays I'll be in class from 10-12. So today being Monday, i walked across the street to Otay books and bought the book for Theory. At 10 I met Dustin for breakfast and a chat. As 11 rolled around I attempted to crash an English course, It doesn't look too promising but I will keep showing up. Over summer I had to drop my Cardio Swim class so I am taking it again. I got myself a locker, and I was done with the swimming sign up by 12:20 and my next class isnt until 1:30 so I met Dustin in the library. Math 65 is also a course that i dropped over summer. In the catalog it read that the class is MW from 1:30-2:55...WELL! it is actually 1:30-3:45.....the BRAIN SIZZLER. I was done at 3:40 and I thought that I would have to stick around until 7pm for the Jazz Ensemble..luckily I had to go pee and i passed by the music room and saw a bulliten on the door informing the students that the Jazz Ensemble will not be meeting until the 27th. I saw this note around 4:30 THANKFULLY! I would have been hanging around school with my thumb up my butt for no reason. I also found a cell phone in the bathroom. I called a one of the contacts numbers to let them know that i found the phone. I reached the womans Husband! first try..She will be meeting me at 10 tomorrow morning. He was really happy that I called. I didnt want to leave the phone there becuase i know that someone would have taken it and kept it for themselves, it is a brand new phone. I know how it feels to loose a phone and not get it back..and i also know how it feels to loose a phone and get it BACK. So since the 7-10:55pm class was postponed Dustin gave me a ride home. Here I am now. I got a phone call from my music instructor....and I am very sad. There is no need for any Flute in the Jazz Enemble. There IS for the bossanova whatever ensemble..but they meet at 1-2:30 MW and I have that damn math class that i dropped at that time. So now I am considering joining the Afro-Cuban Ensemble...WHO KNOWS...this schedule is NUTS and I still have to fit work in here somehow. Besides just working weekends. I Need a bigger cash flow then just 12-16 hours a week. Any WHOOO. I need to do a summer wrap up of photos....I'll work on that now! get ready it's not going to blow your socks off!

Saturday, August 11th, 2007

[ 6 Landing = Take Off ]

Subject:Music brings us together
Time:10:58 pm.
Yesterday was such a beautiful day. It did not end as i thought it would. Dustin and I made plans to go see pinback at the del mar horse races. I didnt plan on staying up late because i had to be at work today at 5 am. Around 9 I called my co-worker to see if shed work in the morning for me....and she said YES so my night was full of possibility! I wished nothing and it was still a very pleasing night. Pinback played well. It was crowded and I didnt really even get to see them play, i just got to hear them. They played penelope! I saw sarah bear and rachie pooper, kyle and giselle. any who. I ended up staying awake until 6 am then i woke at 10 am to loud farts. I went to work at 2. I just got off and im too happy. All good things must end. I've accepted that. My life is just unraveling and its like a big cherry pie. I am so damn happy right now.im a spider in the snow
happiness</Collapse )

Wednesday, May 30th, 2007

[ 5 Landing = Take Off ]

Time:1:43 pm.
We are being forced to move out of the appartment because our landlord is in debt and he can no longer pay the mortgage...So there will be no more of this here. :(
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LiveJournal for 21st century eyes.

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