||[Feb. 27th, 2005|11:44 pm]
It's still so overwhelming!|
After the party I haven't see Emma or Dan. But I did meet Dill, a girl who looked so much like Jaye. She sounded like Jaye and I was sure she was his sister. She was really mysterious and bold, just like Jaye.
The longer I spent time with her the more confused I got. I'm beginning to be more sure that I like boys more than girls. Well more than like actually. I'm really attracted to guys, I get these feelings and urges when I see a gorgeous guy.
I've had dreams about guys, no faces, but touches and voices, things done to me, things I do to them and then in the morning I wake up with...a huge erection. Luckily this hasn't happen at Camp, at least not yet.
I had a really nice time with Dill, just like I had with Jaye. I think I hurt her feelings though when I kind of mentioned that I like her as a friend. She rushed out, hit her head and then I realized it. I figured it finally that Dill and Jaye are the one and the same. I felt like an idiot not knowing and noticing that! Well, I've lived like a hermit, sheltered from everything.
I'm so glad I'm here, in a real world with interesting and beautiful people. Who knows I might even meet the man of my dreams, if I'm brave enough to let myself do that.