Thu, Jun. 25th, 2009, 09:15 pm
I moved to a new LJ. This journal is just too full of crap I don't want to read anymore and communities that I've long fallen out of.onfeatheredwing
is my new account. ;x Consider this account abandonned after this post.
Tue, Jul. 1st, 2008, 05:26 pm
I feel like the past weeks or so I've been a bit unreachable and thus I need to make another update on here for those that do read this dusty old thing.
Socially detached and very habitual is the best way to describe me right now. Everyday it feels as though I'm falling behind in everyone's life and despite knowing this I don't try and grasp for it. Everyday routine has turned into a constant cycle of work and then leisure time with the computer and/or console gaming of some kind. No need to reach outside. No need to see what people are doing.
Ry says she's worried about my social ties and people skills in general.
Some days I do feel like I should be updating people, and I think it through to where it sounds like an awesome idea, but when it comes to acting out there is no follow-through. Even when I sit at the computer I only browse, lurk, and search.
...I'm starting to wonder if it's unhealthy now that I'm sitting here and reading what I just typed.
Anime Expo tomorrow. Honestly speaking, I can't wait for it. Not because of the events or the people there, but because it's an escape from reality. I could run around acting batshit crazy and I wouldn't get a second glance. There is no pre-set image of what I'm supposed to be, how I'm supposed to act. No one but a few would think on it, I would just be another crazy person in a sea of so many different people. It's as though I can start over for only a few days.
Not that I'd change that much of course but still, it's a refreshing environment.
Plus I look forward to dealer room madness but that's besides the point.
I've run out of things to say and therefore should just wrap this up. I'm not avoiding people, I'm merely not up to talking. I'm still here and I'm still me; going through another phase, another obsession. I cycle through my days until I grow tired of them and start over.
Oh, and Maria-sama ga Miteru owns my soul. Best anime ever.
So yeah, I haven't been on LJ or online really for the longest time now. Just posting to show the few people that do check up on it, or have been curious about me, that I'm still here.
Lately I've been sucked into anime and video games again and simply do not have time, nor the interest of wanting to interact online. Nothing personal, just a lack of motivation.
It doesn't help that I had been re-evaluating what my online life has been a few months ago. Sometimes I feel like the person I "play" is all just an elaborate lie, a childish example of what could've been should I have been more social and open growing up. Few people knew of who I really was, and they have long since fallen away from me or have evolved themselves. Truth be told, I hate the way I am when I talk to people. I hate the stupid part of me that is so unselfish and so timid that I cannot truly say what I want. How could I possibly bring myself to say "I hate you" or "I hate what good things are happening to you, why can't they happen to me?" even if those are what I feel.
It's not that I am unhappy with the way I am living now. It's just that I'm not happy with it either. I am merely in a gray space. Desperately wanting to reach for more, yet fighting inwardly to stay.
The future is in front of me, but I fear getting stuck. I think about what I want to do in life, but nothing comes to me. I need to finish school but what's the point if I don't know what I want to make with it? Days are turning into months, and I fear that the months will slowly progress into years as I grow older.
Ah, it seems I have rambled on longer than I had intended. Re-reading it makes it sound like I'm still the same small emo kid I always have been deep down. So whether or not people regard this entire post as a whiney piece of work is understandable. Then again I'm just being self-conscious again and should just suck it in and post instead of contemplate deletion.
Sun, Jan. 6th, 2008, 02:36 am
First off, Happy New Year everyone~
Ry and I went down to Bako for New Years and had fun... which is surprising for me since I rarely ever socialize with Ry's friends. So that's a good way to start off the year right? Though there's some bad news, but I think I'll save that for another post. x__X It mainly involves another one of those, "you need to find an apartment ASAP" kind've things. Bleh.
And on a side note, if you really love Yuri and comedy manga you should all go out and buy Iono-sama fanatics right now. <_< Seriously, it's probably one of the best yuri/shojo-ai manga I've ever read... mainly for the fact that nobody dies and it has a happy ending. Plus it's crazy, adorable, and amusing as hell. XD I'm currently obsessing over it and have no one to obsess with so it's really very sad.
Hope the new year is going okay for all of you out there. :3
Thu, Oct. 25th, 2007, 08:59 pm
Yaoicon starts tomorrow. <3
Thu, Aug. 9th, 2007, 07:16 pm
I changed all 133 of my mood icons into a MoMusu theme. There's no way in hell I made it, all credit goes to lavender_tea
Though it makes me want to make my own mood set if only to do something with all the random images I have. It's probably going to be based off of Hitomi and Ogawa (both singular shots and together). XD
It feels weird... here I am, in major obsession mode again and I have no one to obsess with. My last obsession lasted me 2 years and it was over Kohran from Sakura Taisen, it's so weird to be obsessed all over again... and this time it's over real people. x____X
It's really hard to obsess with Ry since she's not really into MoMusu. I also feel that I annoy her a lot with what I say. Most of the time I just try to keep it inwards, keeping my thoughts to myself... getting inspired to draw things that play in my mind. I guess I kind've miss the days when I could obsess freely, though I wonder now if all I did was annoy people.
I guess the best way I can talk about things is inside, or finding the few random people who actually are into what I like. It's hard, I think I just have a general distrust of people.
Maybe someday I will just suck it in and try to talk to people, bleh. Stupid human need for socializing.
Tue, Jul. 3rd, 2007, 11:02 pm
Just got back from Anime Expo. X3 A lot of shitty stuff from the convention center, location, and the staff, but the attendees were wonderful, as always.
Really looking forward to Yaoicon now, this year has sucked as far as conventions go. Though Ry and I got free passes (as in 100% free o.o;;) to go to Mikomicon in Sept, so maybe that'll be fun. X3 Yaoicon is always a major plus, I miss it so. Nothing like joining a mass of raving fangirls and just enjoying the atmosphere even if I am a lesbian. XD
Hojo Yuffie, we didn't see each other again. D; Maybe yaoicon? That way we can actually hold up signs and try to find you. XP
Thu, Jun. 21st, 2007, 09:59 am
I had a dream a week or so ago about Shu. I don't remember a majority of it but I remember she was crying and stuff, mostly because we hadn't seen each other in so long. The dream stuck with me even after I woke up... I can still clearly remember the tears in her eyes and vaguely feel the warmth of her hug.
It makes me wonder what everyone is doing now... am I doing what I want... am I happy with where I have ended up...
It's been damn near 3 years since I had gotten out of High School and I'm doing the same things I did back then. I watch anime, play video games, attend conventions, do a ton of different things online (as far as certain sites), be depressed. I've even been accepted into Ry's group of friends, all anime junkies and really nice people.
Even if my life can get hectic at times I think I'm happy with it. Though lately I've been on AIM but hidden, I'm not sure why... I just never feel like talking much anymore. I guess I feel a little socially isolated. I know I can always talk to Steven when he's on and the Cap'n is always IM'ing me for a good chat or so, but like I said I don't feel like talking all the time. Everyone's lives are so much different from mine, it's hard to connect nowadays. Makes me wonder if people are still watching anime or playing video games.
I look at Ry and how strong her ties to her friends are. She's been friends with Jojo for years and they're still talking about things that I never talked about with friends. She can tell them just about anything and they'd still accept her and be understanding. Even if they're going to universities... something about them make me think that they'll still be friends for a long time.
I don't know where I'm going with this. o.o; But I just needed to ramble a little.
Tue, Jun. 12th, 2007, 10:24 pm
Just posting to say that I'm still alive. I'm just hardly ever on LJ anymore. x_x
Nothing new for me really. Got back from Fanime weeks ago and am now gearing up for Anime Expo. Other than that it's nothing new. I'm addicted to Wajas now. XD; Me and my digital/breedable pet obsessions... go figure.
Other than that... nothing else. o.o;; I feel a rant about my life feeling the same since I got out of high school coming on, but I'll resist. X3; Anime and video games does that to me.
OH! Before I forget to mention I did cosplay. :3 I am quite shocked at myself for having actually cosplayed only in skirts. That's right people, I, of all people, wore skirts.
Actually... for my Blue cosplay I wore a long jacket and my boxers underneath. XD; I was primarily Natsumi (GetBackers) and Blue (Wolf's Rain) but I had my Yomiko (Read or Die) cosplay as a fallback in case I wanted to be different. Before the con Ry and I had went searching through Thrift Stores and had obtained a secksy "Russian" trenchcoat that I also brought with me. XD
I'm sad I didn't dress up in Phoenix Wright clothes when everyone else dressed in it. Maybe someday I'll get off my arse and put Maya's cosplay together. XD;; Ah well.
I wonder how Anime Expo is gonna be. X3 Eh... we'll see.
Sun, May. 13th, 2007, 09:26 pm
Does anyone remember who I lent my Rufus Wainwright CDs? D:
Er... so yeah. Quick update.
Near the end of school; stressed out.
Work; it's okay.
Fanime; O_O; it's at the end of THIS month? *dies at the lack of cosplay preparation*
So that's how I am at this point. On a random note, I think it's mainly me and Mikie who obsess over Morning Musume, but homg Yossie has graduated. ;___; So sad. They apparently recruited two new members from China. o.O Should be interesting since the last girl they introduced was from Korea?
At some point I'll probably type up my list of Morning Musume vids, in case anyone wants to request or something.
On the anime report, I think you should all go and watch Lucky Star. <.< It's so fucking cute, SO CUTE. It just got released in Japan so there is only like... 5 episodes? But nonetheless it's amazing.
Ry showed me Elfen Lied which is another anime you should all go see. It's so awesome, bloody, angsteh, yet sad all at the same time.
I'm playing Okami right now. And I love it so, it's just... prefect in a ton of aspects. Traditional Japanese art style + wolf main character + 13 Gods + action game aspects = epic win. <3
Only thing I have to complain about is that it's a little easy. XP;
I think that about covers what's going on minus the stress and depression. But then again, that's nothing new. o.O